212 Degrees

I was talking to KH last night who has gone through a time in her life I am going through now. She and her little girl are now in an apartment vs. the house they used to live in. Me, my two kiddos and the Scout dog are most likely getting ready to do the same thing.

An apartment.

After working so hard to have the "American Dream" of owning a house. After working. And working. And I'm back at square one.

I told her strangely enough, though maybe I should feel like somewhat of a failure (truth be told, I certainly have my moments) I'm not feeling too bad about this downsize. God never said it would be easy...He only said it would be worth it. In other words, I don't feel like I worked for nothing. There's a reason I was brought back to my knees and the starting gate.

With it come some positives. And while I know Ben and Shelby aren't old enough to understand every thing going on now...what brought us here... I hope to use this new adventure as a learning experience for them. When we are able to get a house of our own, they will no doubt appreciate it more.

Until then, we cut back. I work harder. Maybe even a second job has been mentioned. I know this is temporary. I know it doesn't define my life or my kid's life. My love for them and them for me is all that matters.

When I brought up to them the option of leasing a house (and moving schools) or leasing an apartment (and staying in the same school) their answer was immediate. Stay put. "Please don't make us leave our friends." While they obviously won't get many votes in things of this nature (and never have before!), I'm doing my best to keep their boat from rocking too much. Yes, kids are somewhat resilient, but even kids have their limit. It's my job to make sure they don't reach that limit.

If it means I put in more hours working when I'm not with them, then that's what I do. It's a requirement as a parent to be the 'grown-up'. And really, what's wrong with that?! This over-time on my part will be temporary. Them knowing they are loved and that I am being responsible for doing whatever it takes to help them through this adjustment is paramount and could stick with them forever. They will see what it takes when you believe in something and someone. When you love your kids enough to go the extra mile. Or two. Or three. Selfishly, I could move them to even another town where the rent doesn't run so high and I could go out to eat every weekend, get my hair done whenever, purchase a new wardrobe...it's endless. Ultimately those things aren't what will make me happy. THEY make me happy. Knowing I'm doing right by them makes me happy.

I completely recognize everyone's choices are different and I'm sure some people would think leasing a cheap house and moving them to a different school is exactly what I should be doing. But I know my kids. I know how much they can take emotionally. No one on this planet knows that better than I do. So I make this decision with a great deal of thought and love for them.

In my conversation last night, Bimbolina tells me of a video she saw at work that day and quickly referred me to it. It is absolutely perfect in regards to my situation. "You have got to go watch it now!" she said.

Just the extra degree of effort is sometimes all it takes. Just that little bit you thought you couldn't do or were maybe even unwilling to do. It all depends on if the situation/people are worth it and if you really want the particular results. As for me... my two little situations definitely are worth any amount of extra effort I can muster up. Back in April 2000, my world shifted and it was no longer just about me. They bring me happiness I could never find anywhere else. So for both them and myself, I will always go the extra degree.

I hope I instill that in them throughout this time in our lives.