Get it Together

I found this and liked it and since it's my blog...here it is.

Let me know what you think.


What's it gonna take...

For you to get into the game; rise with purpose and with aim; be proud of yourself again.

For you to figure out the way; start fresh every day; see there's not just black & white, but gray.

For you to look past what you see; imagine greater things; because it's not just you it's we.

For your to realize you're okay; be thankful for every day; and stop being so afraid.

For you to take on something more; consider settling a score; stop sitting by the shore.

For you to rectify your wrong; admit what's going on; stop acting oh-so strong.

For you to start to walk-the-walk; hear your talk is squalk; instead you should take stock.

For you to quit living in the past; discover what can last; then say, "Today I will start that task."

Think THEN Speak, Think THEN Speak...repeat

Aside from my "real" job...I often substitute at the kid's school in PE. I love it. I have so, so many stories I could tell you about things the kids do in there, but simply won't. I won't because I really love working there and would never want to disrespect the privacy of these kids. I also have friends who read this and whom I'm sure would pick up the phone and call me asking, "That wasn't my kid, was it?!"

But today...it was I who something happened to and no one heard it but the adults. So I'm sharing.

We've been playing basketball in PE since last week. Needless to say, in a large gym voices echo. So we are constantly telling them not to bounce the basketballs so they can hear the instructions. Note the entire word is used. Basketball. Otherwise, we are telling them to stop bouncing the balls. Or their balls. Or hold onto your balls. You see where this is going.

For the younger classes we generally use the smaller sized basketballs. Since I wasn't sure what game the older classes would be playing, I questioned what size basketballs we would need next class. Only that's not what I asked.

I asked the coach, "Hey...do you need bigger balls?"

As soon as the words starting coming out, I tried to reel 'em back in. But it was too late.

His reply (and thankfully he has a sense of humor): "Wellllll.....! That's just harrassment."

Then (:::again, thankfully:::) I was one-upped by another teacher who came it.

Her comment?

"If you don't hang onto your balls and keep them off the ceiling, they're gonna become MY balls! I mean it! I have a whole locker full of balls!"

Thank you so much for taking the pressure of me. Cuz THAT certainly did.

The Good, The Bad and The Forcefield

Right off the bat, I will admit I'm not at all good at being still. So, the fact I'm even the slightest bit interested in meditating is enough to even make me grab my stomach in laughter. However, I'm not interested in it for the challenge of being still. At least not my body. I am interested in it to spend a little time alone. With me. With my thoughts. Focusing on positive energy. Focusing on the good. Talking with God. It's my own kind of "T-time".

I have no mantra to recite. No guru. No ashram. Just my room here in the house. My dogs. Who are both snoring. Some light music in the background. The smell of roast cooking in the kitchen. And most importantly...my interest. And today...a goal for which I will focus all my positive thoughts and prayer. Tomorrow I may have more than one place to dissiminate them, but for today they are going to be sent to a single, solitary destination.

Leave it to me to pick today to start doing this. The same exact day I decided I needed to increase my water intake to be healthier. Need I say more? I digress...

I sincerely do have a peaked interest level in this and who am I not to inquire further given the possibility of it giving me more positive energy in my life? Not to mention how my chosen mood affects those who are forced to share my inner-most world! So instead of my usual 'why? why? why?' I'm asking myself why not? Why shouldn't I try this?

And it's not that I'm totally surrounded by negative thoughts and things. I just firmly believe there is more good than bad out there and I want to harness as much of the good vibes as possible. And I need a doorway opened up in my consciousness to let this flow in. I have faith it can and will happen. Is this the way for it to happen? Who knows... .

I read a definition of faith the other day that I completely adored. "Faith is a way of saying, 'Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding.' " I can't exactly pin-point what appealed to me so much about this definition, but something did. Of course, I love Martin Luther King Jr.'s definition also: "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Both sum it up pretty well, which is ultimately...we are not in control of this boat. There's not a lot of reasoning in faith. Or else it wouldn't be - faith.

I know a lot of people focusing on various parts of their life right now. Seems everyone is stressed about a conundrum of circumstances. Education. Relationships. Finances. Housing. Health. Religion. Family.

The way I see it, my choice is to jump right in there with them, because there are things in my life that would definitely cause stress (and really, who doesn't have some?! This fact isn't lost on me.). OR I could choose what's important. What can't be replaced. And focus all the good I can imagine on those things. I'm not ignoring the 'stressful' things. I'm just not going to allow them to control my thoughts, actions, words...life. The one thing I am in contol of in this world is how I react to things. And while I haven't done a great job of that in my life, I am dedicated to changing that now. I'm a willing participant in my pursuit of having a good, well-balanced life.

It's okay. Laugh if you want. I appreciate this isn't for everyone. I realize some people are close-minded about such things. About lots of things. They aren't open to new ideas. And that's okay. You aren't my judge and jury. You are actually the type of people I'm trying to block out with my positive energy forcefield I'm creating. :::hahaha:::: Seriously though. Be gone.

With any luck, I'll be the one walking around unaffected by the fools and unimportant scenarios in this world that keep driving YOU crazy. Oops...sorry. That's not good chi, is it?! I need to work on this.

Ohmmmmmmmmm...

Loving and Literal Bunny

As I'm waiting for Ben outside his class yesterday to let him know I have a meeting after school, I spot this on the wall outside his classroom. Even from a distance, I know it's Ben's. The camo background gave it away. After getting close enough to read it, I know instantly I have to take a picture of it.

To know Ben is to love him. He's such a pure soul and has a great heart.

This assignment was to get to know Ben. What type of person he is.

Right off the bat, I must say the fact he says "violent" cracks me up. He's referring to the video games he plays and yes...they can be and no...I don't like them. But, considering it's Ben and his main interest in them is engineering the maps they play on and socializing with his friends around the world (literally), I tolerate it.

He's also very literal and I have to add...very confident. I love that the first thing he notes is that he's caring. He is. Extremely and maybe even too much sometimes, if that's possible. Like I said...he's all heart, but not in a "softy" kind of way. He's just extremely considerate of others and at such a young age, gets that his actions have consequences and is always amazed when others aren't the same way.

The fact that he next claims to be Shelby's big brother speaks volumes. Like most brothers and sisters, they argue. A lot. But he is always (*always*) the first to come to her defense against others.

I can't express my heart's contentment that he feels loved and that he thinks he's fun and cool. Because he is!

And here comes the literal part of Ben. What he "needs". Water, home, parents. You know...the basics. Just what's expected, thank you very much. Frankly, I was surprised 'air' wasn't on the list, but I know his reasoning would be something like, "Mom...if there's water, there's air.." so I stand corrected in even questioning the 'needs' list.

He sees himself as someone who gives fun, toys and stuff - and I'm thinking he means in the literal sense, once again. To his friends. He's a people pleaser.

His fears are true and *one is no doubt attributed to me: spiders, *snakes and the dark. At our previous house we had both black widow spiders and brown recluse spiders, so I understand that too. And what kid is a fan of the dark? Don't get me started on snakes....ughhh....gross. I mean that's just pure logic, people. No legs. No fur. No thanks.

Finally he says he wants to buy stuff (who doesn't?) and be rich and famous. Now THAT surprised me. Not the rich part. Just the famous part. Of course, this IS the kid who performs dances for our friends at the drop of a hat just to make them laugh. And I mean silly dances that could be a part of a future Chippendales review. Have NO idea where it comes from. Wait.Yes I do. He did it once - we laughed - he likes making people laugh - he continues to do it.

I absolutely love my Ben the Bunny, as we've affectionately called him since birth. The nickname kind of just stuck. He is a bright part in every one of my days on this earth and I'm so, so thankful for the gift that he truly is. He can't help but make me smile, feel good about myself and feel unconditionally loved.

He is the muh to my shuginuh. The shizz to my fizzle.

Thank you, my Ben, for always being a bright spot in my life simply by being you.

XOXOXO, Mom

Hobby Lobby = Peace. They should advertise that...

Events over the past few days have left me questioning, "Why?". Not any one event in particular. Well, that's not entirely true. One has certainly been on my mind more than others. And as I walked through Hobby Lobby today, I became at peace with it all.

You can't walk through this store without seeing beautiful, wonderful quotes and scripture everywhere. I saw several that spoke to me and that kept reminding me to go with the flow and not question everything I do not understand. Decisions, comments, events, etc...are all done and made with information I am not privy to and are just plain none of my business. I mean seriously. These people who have been on my mind are adults and make decisions based on their life and their priorities. Because I care about them...I'm just going to trust and be supportive - not question. Don't want to give off even the tiniest bit of bad energy! Even if it means not doing a single thing but being here, listening when called on to do so and praying for them when needed. Sometimes that's the best way.

So many times I've wanted to approach them just to say I'm here, even though they know I'm here...I just wanted to emphasize it. Something always stopped me from doing it and I'm so thankful it did. Maybe they weren't in the place or frame of mind to talk about it. Turns out when they were, they approached me. And I was there. And will continue to be. And I was enlightened with the fact there was a lot I didn't know and shouldn't assume and I'm sure that is the case now. And I'm beyond peaceful in the reality these people know I'm just a phone call away and can be trusted as a confidant.

It is well with my soul.

We Believe, Carson

Just a reminder we all need every now and then...be thankful for the healthy ones in your life. Hug, love, support, lift high, encourage, pray for and most of all never give up on them. Please pray for this sweet, sweet boy who WILL be cured of this cancer he's been fighting most of his life. He's leaving for Guatemala tomorrow to hopefully rid his body of this horrible disease. WE BELIEVE, CARSON and we love you Richardson family!

I totally believe in prayer and know this is a worthwhile one to request. No doubt.

(When you get back, Carson...I'm getting you out in dodgeball in PE!).

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/richardson/mystory

Worry, Love, Worry, Love, Repeat...

With my Belle sitting beside me on the couch, fireplace roaring, TV on (unfortunately), washing machine rumbling, dishwasher churning and Ben yelling at me from the other room...I'm wiped.

I've finished working for the day and honestly have no reason to be as tired as I am. So, as my sweet little girl puts her head on my shoulder and tries to simultaneously read what I'm typing (Hi Belle!) and watch TV, I recap my day in my head and wonder why...why am I pooped.

And the answer comes to me from the other room. Ben.

Ben got sick this week for the first time since he was in 1st grade. He somehow came down with walking pneumonia and on top of that, has a hurt foot. He fell down the stairs over a week ago and is still limping on it. After calling the diagnostic center his doctor recommended I take him to get an xray (he thinks he may have a stress fracture or avulsion fracture...thanks for explaining that one, Leigh) and find out they don't take appointments...I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow.

And let me clarify that Ben has in no way worn me out. I have worn myself out worrying about him and his high fever and my inability to make it magically disappear. He's so much better today, but the past two days he was a different and very sick little boy and I just wanted him to feel better.

And I know I'll worry about both of them forever. Just as my dad still worries about me. I know I'll want to help them forever. I've already made them promise they will live with me forever (I know...that desire will probably change one day!).

So for now, I'll enjoy them being around every day for me to love on and tell them over and over again how amazing they are. The only thing positive about when they are sick is they want to snuggle. My normally can't-sit-still kids want me right beside them, holding them and stroking their heads or scratching their backs. They fall asleep on me, while burning up with fever, moaning and I'm reminded how lucky I am to have these amazing little creatures as part of my life.

That is until the fevers disappear and they start fighting and tattling again. Nahhh...still lucky!

Creativity + ADD = Ever-Changing Background on My Blog

I have an announcement to make. In CASE you didn't know...I like to design and create. In addition to that, I'm ADD. Hence my ever-changing background of my blog.

Seems I've settled on a banner and I just change out the photo, dateline and quote at the bottom each month. Know why? Because I was able to design it.

Know why I keep switching my background?

Because I lack the necessary skills to design a website.

If I could design my background, it wouldn't change. Do to the "creative genius" (ha) in me, I have a propensity to put my thumbprint on my blog, especially since it's mine. And of a personal (being that it's about my life!) nature. That doesn't seem too off-base, now does it?

And it seems the more I can't do it, the more I want to. I want something simple. Classic. Nothing too floofy or over-the-top or cutesy. I'm not cutesy type of girl. Something that says "me". (Sidenote: Does Ralph Lauren design blog backgrounds? Hmmmmm...). And I just can't find it. I don't want flowers or butterflies or a scrapbook look (3 dimensional). So I'm left to search, change and repeat.

Therefore, if you check back from time-to-time, please pardon the difference in the landscape here at Out of the Clouds. It's just me being me...

My Son the Bada$$

Reason #14,094,259 why my son is a badass...

If he doesn't have the Lego pieces he needs...he improvises. Example: he didn't have an army Lego guy and Ben is WAY into the military. So what does he do? Gets out paint pens, paints them the way he wants them and even adds (glues) cloth on them so they are now in camo fatigues. Then he strategically places them throughout the house, leaning over their Lego weapons, as if they are hiding out in an attempt to attack the enemy. I find them throughout the day and LOVE it. The mantle. The island in the kitchen. The dining room table. The bathroom (pointed at the shower...hmmmm?). The bookshelf.

Thank you, Ben for brightening my day even when you aren't here to do it. I love you. xoxoxo

24-Hours of "Seriously?"

I set off this afternoon on a trip to Austin to be with my dad during his heart surgery. Since the pod racer (as we’ve affectionately named my 2002 Explorer, due to – you guessed it – the way it now sounds when you start it) wouldn’t successfully make the trip down south I had to rent a car. I get to the rental agency, housed in the dealership where I’m sure the pod racer yearned to take a brief spa treatment while I was out of town, and they tell me I’ll be driving a 2010 Ford Escape. Cool! Seriously...it was (as Ben put it) 'pimped-out'. (Yes...I did tell him a better phrase to use is 'tricked out'.)

Anyway...D asks the guy if it has Sync. The rep answers…and I kid you not, “Ummm…noooooo. No place to wash your hands.” :::seriously?::: Even I knew D wasn’t asking about a SINK. “Oh! You mean that system ‘Sync’…ummmm…I don’t know…” asks the guy next to him. He answers it does and that it is actually a pretty nice little car. Sync system, leather, Sirius Radio, heated seats (thank you very much ‘cuz it’s plumb freezing out there). D gets in, syncs my iPhone to the car, calls me to make sure it works (it does, though not loud enough for either of us and I couldn’t find the speaker to talk into), shows me how to tune Sirius satellite radio, look for CoffeeHouse, can’t find it, so I’m off… .

About an hour down the road, I finally find CoffeeHouse (yea!) and start looking around at all the little bells and whistles in this ride. For instance, did you know if you repeatedly push the little button on the gear shift because you stem like a bored monkey when driving alone with no one to talk to, it changes some gears on the car? Then tells you to stop it? Sorry Escape. Pod racer doesn’t have that little button.

Also, if you feel like you are sitting up too high and change it…it changes it abruptly and you recline into the back seat leaving the view of the highway now nonexistent? And, did you further know your right arm goes numb as you lean forward to reach for the dial that changes the Sirius Radio because the person who rented the car before you has programmed the memory buttons on the steering wheel to all Spanish stations on Sirius? No…didn’t think you did. It sounds like I’m griping about this car, but I don’t mean to. It was actually an awesome ride. For instance, at night…the lights are this cool lavender color (which I later found out you can change the colors). Even around the cup holders. So my water bottle glowed, as did many other instruments on the dashboard, as if I were on the space shuttle. All-in-all…loved it and it zoomed down the highway. Had to put it on cruise as I repeatedly looked down and was going 80+ mph. Oops.

Of course, these aren’t the only things I’ve found out in the last six or so hours. Since my dad is having surgery tomorrow, he got to pick the place we ate tonight. Which happened to be the same place he ate lunch today and possibly even yesterday. Because when he’s in Austin, he is *going* to eat at Matt’s El Rancho. When I was a kid and we went to visit my grandmother in San Antonio, we would always stop at Matt’s either on the way there or on the way back and sometimes both. I walked in and was like, “Wait…is this the same place we used to come on the way to San Antonio?” and he excitedly replies, “Yep! Same one! Been here since ’52.” Hmmmm… I must add: It really IS good. Though don't plan on the salsa taste leaving your mouth for at least 40 hours or so.

Regardless, my dad orders the green chili enchiladas and frankly, I don’t think I remember my dad ever having ordered green chili enchiladas before and I’ve eaten Mexican food with this man hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Regardless…he wanted it and he ordered it. He takes one bite and says, “Well…they’re okay, but not as good as they make in New Mexico.” And I think to myself, ‘When has he been to New Mexico lately?’ and the meal continues and later Sue asks me how my tortilla soup is and I say great. She then turns to dad’s nearly perfectly clean plate and asks him how his was. His reply…again, “Okay. But not near as good as they make in New Mexico.” So I ask, “Dad…when did you go to New Mexico?” and he says, “Oh….it had to be…let’s see…19……1959.” Seriously? “You’re comparing them to enchiladas you had over 50 years ago?” and he says, “Yes! You don’t know! They’re that good! They layer them. They don’t roll them.”

Okay, Okay…

On a two final notes tonight from my trip South…thanks to the hotel and medical center who offer a nice little place to stay for the patients and their families having surgery. One tiny comment…the Barbie-sized Styrofoam cups don’t hold the King Kong-sized ice cubes at the refreshment station. Otherwise…it was all good.

And to the guest staying at the hotel with unauthorized wireless network named “penisface”…thanks for the laugh. I’m now going to push a table and wheel chair conveniently stored in my room in front of my door now and double-lock it. ‘Cuz…:::ewwwwwwwww:::

SERIOUSLY...

It's All in the Ingredients...And Mine Are the Best

A new year. New hope. New expectations. New attitude.

As I've mentioned, I'm ready to say, "C'est la vie!" to 2009 and "Bienvenue!" to 2010.

I have NO idea what lies ahead (who does?!), but I do know I have the ingredients for a great year. They're the perfect ingredients, matter of fact.

Which makes me think...life is kind of like a recipe, isn't it? For example, I make a GREAT jambalaya. I mean **tops**. However, if I gave you all the ingredients - laid 'em out right in front of you - you might not either know how to make it or care how to. Therefore, it's not going to turn out as well as someone who does know or is interested in learning how.

We all have ingredients in our life. What we choose to make out of them is our choice. They're lying right in front of us just waiting to be put together.

2010 is really nothing more than another year. It doesn't mean "time to change", yet we all make resolutions to do so. What would I change about the last year of my life? What would I do different? Really, we can ask those questions any day of the year. But the new year brings about the push to do it now.

For me, 2009 was definitely a time of change and it did NOT happen on January 1st. And, I'm still changing. It hasn't stopped just because the year did. I'm ready to let go most of the events in 2009.

Then just a few weeks ago, with the help of a very wise and wonderful friend, I had a couple "ah-ha!" moments and found a way to do just that. She told me, "C'mon now...you're smarter than this. If you really...and I mean really...want to let go of the past, then you've got to make the choice to do it. It doesn't mean it will be easy. It may mean you make that choice daily. At least for awhile. Then before you know it...it won't require as much effort. Then none. Quit revisiting it. Quit trying to make sense of it. That all keeps bringing it back into your head. LET. IT. GO. No cop-outs either. Be the kind of person you want your kids to be. And by the way, you're normal. No one skates through life. If they say they do, they're lying." And because she's a great friend, she went on to tell me some of the 'crazy' things she's done...you know...just to make me feel better. And it did. Thanks, LSK. Sometimes we need someone to put it plain and simple for us. Logic can do that.

And I'm committed to doing it. For me and for my family. I may not be in control of lots of things in my life, but I am in control of how I react to them. And how I don't react, for that matter. I've come to realize I don't need to know everything about my life in order for it to be great. In fact, some things actually are better if I DON'T know them...come to find out. Taking a leap of faith makes life worthwhile. I'm completely read for this leap, but realize we all make the choice to be ready at different speeds, and due to different circumstances. Just because you're ready, doesn't mean the person next to you is. Pulling them along would lead to regrets.

So for 2010...These people in my life whom I love are the world to me and are my focus. These two little ones who I brought into this world are a very serious commitment of mine. They remind me of what is really important in life. I know refer to them a lot when talking about life and it's because when I look at them, I see two very bright futures. I see my role in those futures as teaching them how to handle life. The good and the bad. The fun and the not so fun. They will inevitably have difficulties along the way and I believe some of the challenges I've experienced in ole 2009 have given me some knowledge to one day say, "I've been there. I know it seems bad now. And guess what...rebounding from it may not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Fight with your heart. Remember that sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can really reach the top. And...I love you, am here for you no matter what and always will be." Unconditional love is a true blessing. A blessing my kids will never be without.

They deserve the best life possible. They are worth the effort. And I believe I'm worth it as well. I can finally say that. I want them to always believe they are worth it. The best things in life always are.

I'm feeling good about 2010. Out of some horrible situations this past year came a lot of enlightenment and self-awareness (hence hitting bottom and reach for the top...I'm still swimming and kicking and reaching my arms toward the surface). I know I'll never be without said self-awareness again. I'm not saying I'll be perfect. I'm saying I'm grounded now and get my actions affect others. I absolutely hate the way it came about, but I can say I'm a better version of ME now. And I'm still growing. Hopefully I always will. I know (**know**) I will mess up. I also know I will make it right when I do.

I'm eager to move forward in 2010. I'm eager to have fun. To work hard and dig my way out of some things...I've always liked a challenge and have no problem being the underdog. To not get so bogged down with the 'work', but instead be thankful I've been given a shovel to dig with. To love and be loved. To have faith and trust...completely. No matter what. To enjoy life and show my kids what happens when you never quit, work hard and always love, love, love. It's a choice. And I'm making one. A positive one. It feels good. I'm letting go of 2009. C-ya! See? Blogging can be like therapy... And I know...as 'challenging' as my 2009 was, I know others would trade with me in a second. I thoroughly get that.

This time next year I hope to look back on 2010 and think I did things right. I didn't sweat the small stuff. I put loved ones first on my list. I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty. I treated people right, including myself. I was vulnerable enough to grow. I never lost faith. I was smart enough to use the ingredients right in front of me. After all...I've been given the best ingredients life has to offer and I'd be a fool to think I could do any better.