Zen Me

I've reached a point in my life with my attitude, that I'm sure 20 years ago I would have looked at as the viewpoint of an "old" person.

Why?

Because I long for boring.

I told someone yesterday I long for the day when someone calls me and asks what I've been up to or what's gong on and I get to say, "Nothing. Nothing at all. What about you?"

That day will be tranquility.

I have learned not to ask specifics about other's lives because if they want me to know...they will tell me. I won't have to ask. I've become sensitive to the term "nosy" and desperately do not want to be an intrusive person on people's lives since I've had so much intrusion in mine. Until you've been there, you don't really appreciate just how incredibly meddlesome people can be and how it affects the person or people being constantly under the microscope.

I have plenty of things I could be bitter about. I could harbor hatred for. I could walk around with a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas and I really don't know if anyone would blame me (for awhile, at least!). For some reason I have peace. I choose to move forward and stop looking back wondering "what if...". It doesn't matter. Yesterday is the past and tomorrow...a present. It's simply a choice to smile, have a sense that I've done absolutely all I can to make my life and the life of my kids the best it can be then keep moving and making positive choices for us.

My kids are priority numero uno in my life. Making them happy. Finding a safe and reasonable place for us to live. Trying to be a good mommy and role model. Showing them how to handle the disappointments in life with class and celebrate the victories with grace.

I know I've been blessed with more prayers than I'll ever know so, in essence, I guess I do know where the peace comes from. Things may not have been easy in my life for awhile now...but I'm ready to put it behind me. I'll never forget this time and am scarred inside, no doubt, but wallowing won't get me where I need and want to be.

So yes, I long to be boring - so to speak. I long to be there for my friends who have been there for me.

I don't feel like life has passed me by. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. How could I while I'm living with a 10 and 7 year old?! I get to be their age all over again by playing with them!

I'm finally getting to a place where I'm...dare I say...exhaling.

Always remember and never forget: Sometimes the most important thing about breathing is taking time to rest between breaths.

I'm Feelin' the WT

Being that I have a black-eye right now (don't ask...totally my fault) and feeling quite "WT" when I look in the mirror, I totally identified with this song with my awesome Pandora played it for me just a few minutes ago.

Of course, after watching the video...it totally cracked me up. Great start so far Monday.

You'll see...

XY Comes Through

Permit me to introduce my new running buddy. Duke's former partner-in-crime.

SCOUT

Since Duke was unable to walk, he couldn't really leave the house. Therefore I thought it would be cruel to take Scout places and leave Dukester at home alone. He cried when I left anyway, I can't imagine the confounded holler monkey noises that would have come out of that dog's mouth had I taken Scout with me.

Scout is definitely depressed. There were two places in the house Duke stayed during his last couple months. One was during the day on his big comfy bed in the living room between the couch and the television. At night I would move his bed to my room and he slept by me on the floor next to the window, but where he could see me. Of course.

At various times today I caught Scout just sadly sitting in these two spots. I know when I'm down, I gotta get outta the house. The walls start closing in. So, Scout and I are now companions in the car and on walks. She goes everywhere with me, when possible. If I'm going inside somewhere though, it's just too hot to leave her in the car so she stays home. Otherwise, she's going with me.

I let her in on a secret that I was reminded of today. We women...we stick together. Even from some of the most unlikely sources, women feel the need to have each other's back and set the record straight. Especially when it comes to family. We are a unique support system.

So Scout...here we go. We can do it. Put your seat belt on and enjoy the ride. I guaranty we will hit some bumps. Maybe even a few pot holes. But both the journey and destination will be worth it.

This Life is a Test and Only a Test

Finally this morning, the "bad luck" trifecta occurred. In my driveway. Kids dressed. Fed. Teeth brushed. Backpacks in tow. Two hurt legs (on two different bodies) so we hop in the car versus walking or riding scooters/bikes to school.

I turn the key and...nothing.

Actually, a "tick, tick, tick, tick" noise happened.

Dead battery. The third thing in a week to pretty much dump on me.

{Sidenote: I'm expecting nothing but sunshine, rainbows and unicorns from now on.}

Kristen comes right over and with Ang's texting instructions, we successfully jump the battery in my car. Yes, I realize it's kinda pathetic I've never done this before now. At least I can make coffee. (Yes, that's a shot at a certain someone!)

I head to the local WalMart auto center who, after calling around per Ang's suggestion, I discover has the lowest price around not only on batteries, but they will install it for free. Score!

The guy writes my ticket and I head inside to the cashier. I walk up on a conversation taking place between the cashier (a 65+ gentleman with no patience) and an Asian man (with very little English skills). And this is what I hear...for the next 5 minutes of my life:

Was it the front or rear?

Uh-huh...yessss.

No. What I need to know is was it the FRONT or REAR.

Yes. Front. Rear.

::::long sigh and eye rolling occur:::: I'm ASKING you which one.

Okay.

You've gotta tell me.

Yessss.

Front or rear??!!!

Yessss.

You aren't telling me!!

Yesss. Front. Rear.
Literally...this goes on for five minutes. Finally, I step in. I pick up the cashier's mouse pad that has a picture of a car on it. I put it in front of the Asian gentleman, smile at him and point to the front tires of the car, then the rear tires. He gets an amazed look on his face and smiles.

Ahhhhhhhhh! Front!!!!!
The cashier looks at me and just lets out a huge sigh of relief.

Oh my goodness. I don't know what I'd have done if you didn't do that. I wish I had your patience. He was driving me nuts. I'm so sorry you had to wait. You must be mad too. I'm really sorry about that.

He was doing the best he could. He's just trying to take care of his car. It's really no big deal.

Well, I certainly wish I had your attitude. I could use someone like you around to keep me in check.

Sir...if that's the worst thing that happens to me today, I'm in excellent shape. Compared to the last week of my life, that was a bright spot.


I pay for my new battery. Go sit down and look up at the television they have mounted in the waiting area for the auto customers to entertain them while they wait for their cars. The DVD playing? Earnest Saves Christmas. Seriously.

Oh well. So much for the bright spot.

Always remember and never forget: The balance in our life comes from us leveling with ourselves...things aren't as bad as they seem and they could always be worse.

Solo più tardi, Duke

He put his leg up on the arm rest and we "held hands"
on the way to the vet for the last time.

I've written about him many times. My Duke Dogger.

Today it was clear he needed to go "home". Actually, over the past few days I've been easing into my decision to let him go.

He's been losing weight slowly but surely. He's been up at night. He's been crying a lot more. It's all lead me to believe he's finally in pain. That's where I always knew I'd draw the line. I've mentioned before that when I leave the room he cried. Lately if I even looked like I was going to leave he would sit straight up and get a look of panic in his eyes. He didn't get why his legs didn't work and he still wanted to be with me. Protect me if I needed him. So he cried. It was his way of "talking" to me.

The last two days he's been having me walk him around the perimeter of the backyard. Casing out the joint in his own way. Doing a final inspection to make sure he was leaving this family as safe as he could. He's woken me up around two o'clock in the morning for several months now. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. Even at these times he wanted to walk around the backyard and protect us. He was fiercely protective over Ben and Shelby, too. I have identical baby pictures of both kids in their Boppies with his head on the pillow watching over them.

They used him as a pillow. Tried to use him as a horse. He was their playmate and snugglebuddy. And tonight both claimed him as their best friend.

And even though he was "just" a dog (he didn't know that, by the way), together he and I shared a sense of loyalty, family, compassion and love without limits or conditions. He was my constant. When I cried, he cried. He'd put his head on my lap and join me. He'd look up at me with his sad, big, brown eyes. When he could no longer get to me, he'd cry louder for me to come to him as if to say, "You know our deal. We don't cry alone. Now get over here." And I would.

When asked how I could "stand" to tote him around for months since I had to loop a towel under his abdomen and carry the weight normally assumed by his back legs, the answer was always the same and obvious. "We didn't bring him into our family on the condition all his legs worked or that he would always be healthy. We brought him in to love and take care of him unconditionally. That's what families do. You take the bad with the good. Letting him go any earlier just isn't how I love." And that's what Ben and Shelby will learn because they watched and lived it every day. Not just about how to treat a dog. He was always more than that to them. It's how you love and how you treat those you love.

So while letting him go was extremely painful, especially at this particular point in my life, I know it was the most loving thing I could do for a creature who was always there for me. And I know everything I did for him, he would have done for me.

He didn't want to leave and for many reasons I won't get into, I definitely didn't want him to go. But considering he stayed this long - just as long as I really needed him - I knew the absolute best way to repay him was to let him go.

So here's to you my Rooskie Poopin Dogger. Sweet Nibblets. Scooby Dog. Roo Roo. Duke Dogger. I'm positive you already knew this, but it's worth repeating...You were my best friend, too.

~ Duke Phillips 1998-2010 ~

Strength in Numbers...5 and 2 To Be Exact

As UNexcited as these two were about school starting back up, they ended up having a great first day.

I ended up missing them. As usual. A lot.

Milestones keep happening and I keep shaking my head in unbelief of them occurring. Whether we want it to or not, time is just gonna keep-a-movin on. And unfortunately, kids are in all too big of a hurry to grow up. They don't listen to their parents when we tell them, "Enjoy this time! You have very little responsibilities and you are supposed to have fun!". They don't listen. I never did. Of course now, yes...I get it. Why was I in such a hurry?

But for today, I have a 5th grader and a 2nd grader.

I'm in 5th and I'm in 2nd! Handsome & Beautiful.

Wearing their red, white and blue (school colors), they took time for mom to take the traditional and "official" first day of school photo in front of the house. I usually get them in front of the school also, but that didn't happen this year. It is HOT outside! Instead, I settled for pictures with their sweet teachers inside in the air conditioning. (It was a record-tying high of 107 today!)

Shelby had a little anxiety going in the classroom only because she was sitting at a 4-top of all boys. Last year she sat at a 5-top with all boys. She was none too happy. It was explained to her the seating arrangement during the first week of school is temporary. She eventually came in, but still wasn't too happy. The trust-factor wasn't at its greatest! She ended up doing just fine.

Ben went right in. He's happy with the friends he has in his class this year. For the FIRST time he actually knows kids in his class. Hey...after five years, it was bound to happen. He was tired, but knew there was no fighting it and went on it.

When I picked them up they both were talking a mile-a-minute about what an "awesome" day they both had. They love their classes. Love their teachers. Love the school. Love. Love. Love. Shelby made some new friends and told me all about them and how they had all kinds of things in common. She found that quite remarkable.

Ben discovered many of his friends were now on XBox live and had all made an appointment after school to play on line together. Which they did. Loudly. It made me smile. Especially when he'd say, "Hey mom, come in here! Check out what we're building. Oh, and Miles says Hi. So does Kevin." :-)

At the end of the day, I got to get them all cleaned up and prepared for another day of school tomorrow. We snuggled on the couch under a blanket and I smelled that wonderful scent I love from the tops of their sweet heads. Ahhhhh...love. It literally slows my heart to a calm, calm beat. Every worry disappears.

Then we talked about starting two new things at bedtime. One is me reading a book to them. Not a picture book. "Not a baby-like book, mom," said Ben. No, maybe a classic book you will end up reading in your life anyway. Gulliver's Travels. Moby Dick (Ben: "Moby WHAT?!"). The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. There are soooo many. Even some that aren't necessarily "classics" will be great.

Second new bedtime tradition: Name the high spot of our day. I know some people do the high and the low, but I say why focus on the negative? Why call it out? I want them to focus on the positive. I'm not too shocked at what they named. Ben: Recess ("Because I can do whatever I want with my friends."). Shelby: PE ("Because Coach Sweet made me a line-leader this year, I already won a race and I'm the fastest girl in 2nd grade." Well alrighty then...").

I must admit though, before bedtime...we did have a reminder at dinner of just how tired kids get when getting back on the schedule of school...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

So here and now I pray for a smooth, happy, wonderful learning experience this school year for my two, amazing, precious, best-gifts-ever kids. I love you two so much. It amazes me every day to realize I love you more each day than I did the day before. You are going to learn so much this year, as am I. We will do it together. You are indeed my saving graces. xoxoxo

On Your Mark, Get Set...Saturday

Ahhhhhhhh Saturday. We were off and running.

Well, not exactly. After walking a sick dog around the back yard for about 30 minutes, because the poor baby's back legs don't work, I came inside to enjoy a quiet morning. A breakfast of toaster strudels, kolaches, chocolate milk and apple juice. Snuggled on the couch and watched The Jetsons, Scooby Doo and Giada at Home. The faint roar of the washing machine was in the background getting a week's worth of laundry done to prepare for the first day of school on Monday while jetting that fresh clothes smell throughout the house. The dish washer worked on the morning mess, as well as yesterday's messes. It was pajama day until Noon. Perfection.

Then off to Shelby's first football game to watch her cheer. Temperature outside? 102+. Did I remember to bring the mister fans and cooler of wet rags in ice water? No. I did not. My mind obviously had not kicked fully into football season mode. What was I thinking?

Regardless, it started out okay. Ben was committed to cheering for the other team since we were scheduled to play the Aggies. Then we found out they messed up the schedule and we were playing the Panthers. Oh well. He managed to make it work.

Then, it started...

Let the scratching begin!

Belle has had a little rash on her scalp, back of her neck and behind her ears this week. Nothing huge, but kind of blotchy and it has really bothered her off and on. I tried switching shampoos, etc...but nothing helped. And it wasn't getting worse so I thought maybe it was the heat, even though we haven't been outside much. But the heat at the game made it worse to where we left at halftime and I took her to Acute Kids.

Turns out they think it's related to allergies. So, we go to the store for medicine. Only the first store we go to is out of ibuprofen since it's been pulled from the shelves. AND the only Benadryl they have is cherry flavored. Yuck! Work with me Tom Thumb! Grab the Lanacaine and cotton balls and head to the next store. All the while she is miserable. And did I mention it's over 102?

Thank you Walgreens for carrying generic, bubblegum flavored ibuprofen and Benadryl. Whew.

Back home. Medicate her up. Change her into a big t-shirt of her daddy's so she's comfy. Get her settled on the couch. Think about eating something for the first time today since I didn't get any of the breakfast I made for two starving kids this morning. Surely she will nap. Not so much.

Make a sandwich. Turn on television to settle her in. Ben comes in and we all three snuggle up for the second time today (luckiest mom in the world, thank you very much) and watch Big Time Rush then Beach Blanket Bingo...again. Exit Ben.

Scoop doggie presents in the back yard to get ready for mowing tomorrow. Continue laundry. Continue pacifying Belle on couch who is wiped. And bored.

Ben gets on XBox Live with some friends from school, as well as around the world...literally. So Shelby and I play a few rounds of hide-n-seek. Only she doesn't want to hide. Because "it scares me when I'm found!". So I hide. Many times. Until I convince her to do something else.

On to a heated game of the Memory Game with our Disney cards. The girl is a shark! And obviously in dire need of being taught how to be a good winner. "Whew! I feel sorry for YOU mom!", "I am awesome at this, huh?!", "If these cards were money, I'd be rich!". Pull it in, Belle. Pull it in.

End the day with more snuggles. Watch the movie "Horton Hears a Hoo". Put them in bed, sniff their heads (because it makes me calm and reminds me they will always be my 'babies') and now...I'm going to take a hot bubble bath, thank God for these little blessings and moments, and hopefully (please, please, please) going to get some sleep.

Buying Games and Buying Time

Sometimes I'm a sucker. I try not to be. I try to keep my guard up. My eyes open. Consider everything and then come to an educated decision.

This morning before I left for work, my sweet Ben was in a blue mood. So what did his mom do? Well, I talked to him to try and make him feel better. I gave him my best advice. My deepest concern. My outright compassion. But I couldn't get "that look" out of his eyes with my 'words of wisdom'. Enter Plan B.

"I'll take you to Blockbuster when I get home and you can rent that game you've been asking for all week."

"REALLY MOM?! You're the best! Thank you so much!"

Why in the world couldn't I come up with the right words? I'd been trumped by an XBox game.

Or so I thought.

After work, I kept my word and took them both to rent a game (bonus for mom, because it came with 2 free movie rentals. Score!). He thanked me. As usual. He hugged me. As usual. Then...

"Mom. Thank you for always knowing what to do to make me smile. This morning when I was sad, I heard you but I just couldn't get happy. I really do love you sooooooo much."

:::gulp:::

I told my sweet first-born that it was no problem. I know it wasn't something they teach you to do in all the "how to parent the correct way" books, but it took his mind of what was making him sad long enough to give him something else to do. For awhile. And that's all I was going for. Just some smiles.

So yes...sometimes I'm a sucker. And other times I'm a desperate mom who is just trying her best. Perfect? Not a chance. Not in this lifetime. But my babies are going to experience so many disappointments in their life, it's up to me to show them how to cope and make it through to the other side. NO. I uderstand completely the answer is not renting a game from Blockbuster. Actually, maybe it is. It bought me a little time to think of the right words to say to make them feel like they are the most awesome kids on this planet.

Digression

Yes, I know the banner above still has the July date on it.

Yes, it's bothering me.

Yes, I have about 43,589 other things that are incredibly more important to worry about than this.

Yes, my subscription to Fireworks (like Photoshop for you non-techies) has expired so that's why I can't update it.


No, you don't care anything about this.

This Is Just a Stop

A friend told me about this song recently, but I had not heard it until this morning. On the way back from taking the kids to the dentist, it came on. And the tears started flowing.

It's amazing.

Look Up and See Who's Around

I woke up this morning with the worst migraine ever. I say ever because I only started getting these lovely things recently. Regardless, it knocked me on my butt. I had a couple texts come through this morning from friends just saying "Hi" or whatever and when I told them, "Down with a migraine...will get back to you" I was immediately reminded of what good friends I have by the offers of "Can I bring you anything?", "Want me to come get the kids for a playdate?", etc...

I really do have great friends. Not just because of this morning, but because of so many other things. While I love doing things for my friends, I haven't always been good at accepting help...until I found out I couldn't do everything I needed to do without some.

True friends to the rescue.

These are the people who:


When I say, "I appreciate it, but I'll work something out" don't listen to me and show up and help anyway. Or better yet...they don't even ask. They just say, "I'm going to...so you shut it!"

Bring me a Route 44 Sonic drink when they know I'm out mowing the yard in this lovely Texas heat.

Treat my kids like their own.

Send you messages for no reason in the middle of the day just to say, "I love you", "You're on my mind" or even "Happy Thursday!".

Show up with a Starbucks, then sit out on the sidewalk with you and talk, talk, talk.

Offer to come over at the drop of a hat, if needed.

Say they will open "their can" on anyone who crosses you. And means it.

Drive across the metroplex just to spend the night with you.

Tell you their boyfriend thinks you're "Hot" knowing you haven't thought of yourself like that in a long time.

Pray for you. With you. Listen to you. Let you cry to them. On them. Then rejoice with you when you feel on-top of your game.

Say something you didn't even know you've been waiting to hear that resonates within you so deeply it actually changes your way of thinking and your outlook regarding the future.

Inspire you to go for a dream, even though you think it's out of reach. It's not. You just haven't had the nerve to attempt it yet and they give you the drive to actually start doing it!

Remind you to not give in to others actions and opinions of you. Ignore the ignorant!

Encourage you to stop aiming so low.

Want nothing but the best for you and your kids and support your decisions. And then they *don't judge* if your decision is different than what they think they'd do.

Offer to buy you a plane ticket cross-country to come see them because they know you need a change of scenery!

Give you a job that allows you to work from home as much as possible, and get to take your kids to school and be here when they get home. Then tells you "you're doing a great job" to boot.

Lets you be there for them when they need a friend.

Are there for the good and the bad. They aren't going anywhere.




Yes, it must be my lot in life to have wonderful friends. I hope and pray Ben and Shelby have friends like this. It reminds me of that song by Tracy Lawrence.

Enjoy...

She's a Retro Kinda Girl

I guess it was a couple months ago at the most, we were scanning through the guide on television to find something to watch and up popped Beach Blanket Bingo. It had just come on, so we put it on that station and ::BOOM:: - Shelby was hooked. This isn't out of the ordinary for Belle. To like an older show, that is. She likes all the old cartoons too. The Jetsons, all Scooby Doos, Perils of Penelope, Hong Kong Phooey...you name it.

 

Since her first viewing of BBB, she's watched it many times. Twice in the past 2 days, in fact. Enough times to learn the songs. The characters' names. And even a few lines of script here-and-there.

 

The best part has been her comments and questions though.

 

Here's a little sampling:

• Why does that one girl keep running around in that one bikini? She never changes. That's not very stylish.
• Why do bad things keep happening to VonZipper? He seems like a nice guy, but he has such bad luck.
• She jumped in the ocean and came out with her hair looking like THAT? That's not right. (talking about Annette Funacello)
• Who would name their daughter Sugar Cane? I'd be mad...
• Do you think they paid her to sing? I mean in the movie...do you think she just did it for free or what?
• I don't get why Bonehead and Lauralei can't be together even though she's a mermaid. She should get rid of her tail.
• You know that isn't a real blade. It's foam and it's painted silver to look real. No one gets hurt. VonZipper isn't REALLY cut in half.
• How DO you play Beach Blanket Bingo anyway? It might be fun!

Yes, it's a never-ending snippet of audio clips living with Belle. Love it!

Saddle - Play - Love

My oh my! My sweet Belle, you had one amazing week at horseback riding camp! You came home Monday afternoon and ever since then...your horse "Sammy" has been your main subject matter. 24/7! And I couldn't be more happy.
I would have loved to have grown up around those magnificent creatures. And while you may not necessarily grow up around them, if you continue to love them this much, I want you to be able to be around them. Especially considering the way you acted around them and regarding them.

I woke you up Friday morning and the very first thing you said - eyes still closed - "I've gotta get to the stable and brush Sammy like crazy so she's pretty for the show."

:::tears well up in eyes:::

You did a great job, of course, riding during the show.

And if it was possible, I was even more proud after you rode when you went to your instructor and asked if YOU could please desaddle Sammy. And you did it perfectly. It told me you didn't want to just ride and play with Sammy, you wanted to take care of her. I was so incredibly proud of you.

You are going to have various passions in your lifetime and the fact you not only felt such love and fondness for this horse, but also the responsibility that comes with taking care of her made my heart grow three sizes!

Plenty of people develop interests in their life, but don't do what is required to make them grow. Maintaining them. Nurturing them. The "not so fun" stuff, but nonetheless the stuff it takes. You did that this past week and I know I've already said it, but I've gotta say it again...I'm so proud of you. And happy for you.

Way to go, my Belle. You are already growing into a compassionate person who I greatly look forward to watching become an even more amazing woman.

XOXOXO,

Mommy

Last Nerve Touched

There has always been something in me that likes to create. Design. Assemble. Then take a couple steps back and admire.

Then move on to the next project and do the same. Only different.

I like to come up with unique designs. Which can be challenging when you like to look, conceptualize and "this-is-how-I-would've-done-it" imagine other people's creations.

I've had the pleasure of creating numerous designs from my beginnings doing a wholesale children's clothing magazine, billboards, t-shirts, an entire line of vitamin labels (really), more newspaper and magazine ads, not to mention logos, than I can count to my crown jewels of being published in two national magazines. Each and every one I've loved doing. It's fun to me. Actually a stress reliever of sorts when I get to "create". It's definitely a passion of mine and has been for as long as I can remember.

An ex-boss of mine once told me, "Terri...it's just part of who you are. You 'artsy' people are temperamental about your work. I get it." And thankfully he appreciated it.

So when I work hard at a design (and I DO realize people who don't do this for a living don't get how much time it takes, both in front of the computer and going over it again and again in your head throughout the days and even weeks), I tend to get a tad bit bent out of shape when "my" design is...well...compromised.

Example: A logo. Please don't stretch it. Hold the "shift" key down when you must resize it so it holds its scale. And don't try and "match" the font...because you can't. It's not a font. I know. I know. It looks like it. But believe me...it's a graphic. Each letter that makes up the word(s) is actually an image in-and-of itself. Unique. Unreproducible.

Am I sensitive about this? Maybe. (okay, obviously yes)

Will you hear from me if you don't keep the consistency of your business's brand that I helped create?

NO DOUBT. And one day you'll thank me.

Just had to say that.

I feel better now. Carry on...

Once Upon a Time

Shelby started horseback riding camp this week. I'm documenting this so I always remember the first date (August 2, 2010) she rode a horse...and fell completely in love with them.

She talks about it non-stop. The great thing is from everything (and I do mean everything) she's telling me, it's obvious she is paying attention. It's clearly something that has jumped into her heart and taken hold. Will it last? Who knows. She's seven. I will say, however, I have never heard her so excited about anything before.

The horses she rides are named Sammy and Tamale. She likes Tamale because he's fast and the instructors say "more difficult to ride", but she seems to do fine. She likes Sammy because he is the main horse she trains on and has colored highlights (as she calls them) woven into his mane. In fact, tomorrow's shirt she is wearing matches Sammy's highlights. But, of course.

I told her I was thrilled she was liking it so much. She doesn't miss a beat and replies, "Yeah...you're certainly getting your monies worth!"

She says she learned to gallop today and might learn to cantor soon.

"What IS cantor mommy?"

"I think it's not galloping, but not trotting either...somewhere in between. Unfortunately, as much as mommy loves horses, I didn't grow up around them. We'll have to learn together."

She liked the idea of that and got a huge smile on her face. And continued to tutor me on the finer points of horseback riding. Then adds, "It's decided...they are my favorite mammal."

:::okay then:::

While I watch my blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby girl elaborate on her new interest, I also watch her fall harder and faster for the horses. And in doing so, I feel myself being so grateful for this sweet girl I'm so unimaginably in love with.

Blessed. There is absolutely no other word for it. Blessed.

"Don't ever take these precious gifts I entrusted you with for granted," He's says, when this feeling completely overwhelms me.

"You can count on it," I reply.

Always, always, always remember this about our children and never-ever forget: Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. ~ Paul Pearshall

For My Ben...In a Hurry To Be a Man

IF: Pronunciation: \ˈif, əf\
Function: conjunction
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English gif; akin to Old High German ibu if
Date: before 12th century
1 a : in the event that b : allowing that c : on the assumption that d : on condition that


Sweet, Gentle Ben...


If


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

~Rudyard Kipling

It's Worth Repeating...Many Times

Just a little reminder that...

Timing is everything.

Period.

Rinse and repeat.