Really? Dr. Phil? Who'da Thunk It...

As my Belle left the living room after school yesterday, with the TV on (thank you very much), I decided to see if the weather was on yet and put it on a local channel without checking the guide.

Dr. Phil was on. Wasn't his show cancelled? Guess not.

Now, normally, you wouldn't catch me ever watching Dr. Phil. Don't know why. It's not like I hate the guy. I think other people's turmoil just makes me uncomfortable and I look for the uplifting/entertainment. Or the weather, in this case.

But almost exactly as I put it on the channel yesterday, he was talking to two parents and said something that has stuck with me and I agree with.

He said children have two types of people in their lives. Primary and secondary role models. As parents, we are obviously primary. He added that being a parent has two characteristics. Responsibility: which we must acknowledge. Meaning, sometimes we don't put our needs/wants first. In other words, I may not get to go do as many "me" things as I would if I weren't a parent because I put the needs of my child/family first. The other is Priveledge - which we should *always* consider as the ultimate characteristic. Because it is an extreme priveledge to be a parent.

So many people out there are fighting for the chance to be a parent. A mommy. A daddy. To be able to smell that soft little head of fuzzy hair as we rock them to sleep. Watch the multitude of firsts in their lives. Wipe away all the debris that seems to form in all their little crevices! I know we worked deligently at it. And eventually we got what we worked so hard for. Two precious children.

I spoke with a friend yesterday who is unfortunately going through the ups and downs of trying to be a parent. She called me because she's had another miscarraige and knows I've gone through my share of them, to say the least. She just wanted an ear and I took the opportunity to give her some advice.

I told her to not lose sight of the fact they are trying to have a 'family', not just a baby. It's so, so easy to do that. I got lost in that. It becomes so medical and when you have the personality of someone who is used to accomplishing things they work hard for, it becomes even that much easier to get lost in something else and actually drift further from what you initially set-out to do. Create a family.

Thankfully the tide turned and I know my family is the most important thing in the world. The only thing I can't replace.

Family is more than just people living under the same roof. It's connecting. It's doing things together. It's sometimes sacrifice. It should always be supporting. It's laughing. Crying. Loving. Hurting. Comforting. Enjoying. All rolled into one. You never know what each day will bring, but you know for sure your family will be there with you to experience it all. It's just part of the deal.

So, Dr. Phil...on this occassion at least, I agree with you. Kudos for your advice to those parents who lost track of their roles. We could all use to be reminded of that every now and then.

Go hug your little miracles.

Sweet Replies

Have I mentioned I know the sweetest boy in the world? AND did I also mention he just happens to be my son? Well...yes...I may be a bit biased, but he raises my happy level all the time and has been known to genuinely give me the giggles for the 'littlest' things.

He's also been know to touch my heart so that he already knows the water works are impending. "That's gonna make you cry, isn't it mom?". Yep. Pretty much.

This weekend, he and D were playing video games in our bedroom and I walked through the room to put something up in the bathroom. Ben always, *always* acknowledges me when I walk through a room. This time was no different.

"'Sup mom?"

"Not much Ben, just putting some things away. Whatcha doin?" (knowing full well he's playing video games with his dad).

But his reply was not what I was expecting and everything I wanted to hear all at the same time, "Not much. Just hangin out with my best friend."

Awwwwwwww! GOD he loves his daddy. Idolizes him. Watches every move. Every word. Memorizes him.

Later while we were sitting on the couch talking with D's mom, Ben snuggled up between us and I kept playing with his hair while Nana just rubbed his feet.

"Why are y'all rubbing all over me?" he asked laughing.

"Because you are finally sitting still with us instead of playing video games or somewhere else in the house!" I answered.

D's mom went on to tell us a story where at one point in D's life, he asked her to kind of keep her distance from him in public so he wouldn't be embarrassed being seen with his mom. :-) Nothing too unfamiliar for a youngster, right?

Ben looked shocked, but with a smile on his face. She told him she was just warning me in case Ben ever did that to me, though we both doubted he ever would (trying to convince him not to!).

Once again, a reply he whispered in my ear that I will always keep in my heart..."You're my mom! I love you and will always want to be with you. I'll always have your back, too, mom." then winked at me.

Same to you, sweet Ben. xoxoxoxoxo

Experience Amputation?

Awhile back, a friend of mine told me she was going to have a "Spa Day" at her house. Not just your ordinary spa day, mind you. No, this one would come complete with a medical aesthetician and the opportunity to have Botox or Juvederm injections and even EPI Dermal Blading (what the what is THAT?!).

After she told me about this, I pulled out my handy makeup mirror that magnifies everything by 78 million percent and took a good, long look.

Ooooooooooooh.

I needed work. I wanted work. I want to look good. I want to look closer to the age I feel.

Time and stress have stomped all over my face and it shows.

So I recruited advice from D and he replied, "It's your face. If you want it, do it." followed closely by, "But you don't need it...you look good". Hmmmmm...what to do?

So, after weighing the pros-and-cons, I've come to a decision.

It's not my time for this treatment for many reasons. Namely I could be spending that money on so many other things right now. The ones who love me know the roadmap on my face comes from life experiences and those experiences are what has made me into the me I am today. Hopefully, the little lines and wrinkles don't stand out as significantly as they seem to, to anyone but me. Plus, with my luck..I'd have some reaction to it and end up spending MORE money going to my dermatologist and getting chewed out for doing it in the first place (and believe me...if you knew my dermatologist, she would ream me up one side and down the other).

Regardless, I'll just have to keep working on other parts of me for now. The really important parts. The ones that don't always show, but that is hopefully noticed by those close to me.

The removal of my experiences will have to wait for now... .

Gimme a Break

This past week was a whirlwind of...well...not a whole lot. It was Spring Break 2010 (woohoo!). I remember when that week meant p-a-r-t-y to me. I only went to South Padre once (where we used to go 'back in the day'). Nowadays, people actually take some fairly pricey vacations.

I know. I know. I was in college and S. Padre *was* the ultimate destination at the time, but I really don't remember Spring Break being a big deal when I was in grade school (did we even have one?!). Regardless, my kids came home from school the Friday before Spring Break asking, "So where are we going?". When I answered "Ummm...nowhere." their expressions were all, "huh?". I was informed of all their friends going to various places all over the world (literally) and I told them, "Well...we aren't going out of town because I have to work. BUT...I promise I'll try and make it fun if you do.". A deal was struck and the Break began.

We really did nothing in particular, but I got to spend time with them. You know...play Legos, paint nails, talk, color, reorganize rooms, talk, take them and a couple friends to Chuckie Cheese (yes..I am a VERY nice mom), buy new bikes, ride them up at the school parking lot since our street is more like a race track and there is simply NO WAY I'm letting my kids ride up and down the sidewalks of this street for any length of time. They were patient as I still had to work and never complained about not going out of town.

We ended Spring Break 2010 with a snowball fight yesterday morning and it was excellent. Yes...it actually snowed (on *Spring* Break) anywhere from 4-6 inches I guess. Even though it was 70+ days before. Whatevs...it was fun pelting snow balls at my kids (and getting pegged too many times to mention).

Being that it is officially over and school is back in session - they are tired and cranky. Hence... I just threatened Shelby with keeping her in 1st grade vs. letting her go to 2nd if she doesn't stop whining and start acting more mature only to be followed by telling Ben he is NOT a parent and doesn't need to talk to me or anyone else in the house as such. Remarkably...they both apologized. A break, of sorts, continues...

Here's to Ending Sidewalks and Never Beginning Streets

This has long been one of my faves. Heavenly.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends

And before the street begins,

And there the grass grows soft and white,

And there the sun burns crimson bright,

And there the moon-bird rests from his flight

To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black

And the dark street winds and bends.

Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow

We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And watch where the chalk-white arrows go

To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,

For the children, they mark, and the children, they know

The place where the sidewalk ends.

Stop It!

Now THIS is the kind of therapy we could all use at one time or another!

A Pinch or a Wedgie...Whatever

Before I forget this one...

This morning I greeting the kids with "Happy St. Patrick's Day!". Ben pretty much just said it back, but Shelby...well, she had more comments.

Me: Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Belle: Does today HAVE to be St. Patrick's Day?

Me: Well...yes. It's March 17th every year. I didn't set the date.

Belle: Who did?

Me: I don't know. Maybe the Catholic Church. Why? What does it matter?

Belle: Because I'm just not in a very green mood today. I don't know what to wear.

Me: Ahhhh. Well, you look good in green so wear whatever you want that has green on it.

Belle: Why do we have to wear green?

Me: So you don't get pinched. History states if you aren't wearing green, someone else can pinch you.

Belle: Or a wedgie.

Me: What?

Belle: Or they could give you a wedgie. It's true! Be careful mom. You better wear green. I don't think you'd like a wedgie...

Me: Indeed I wouldn't. Thanks for the advice. I wasn't aware of the whole wedgie thing.

Belle: No need to thank me.


Good times...

Fall 7 Times, Stand Up 8

I know I really need to stop with all my self-refection posts, but being at home with the kiddos over Spring Break this week and enjoying them while they are still young...I just can't help it.

I remember cutting this poem out of a local newspaper over 10 years ago. I had it safely tucked under a magnet on the kitchen refrigerator for the longest time. I still have it somewhere, but through the moves, am not sure exactly which box it landed in. I came across it somewhere else today and it made me smile and be thankful.

The words in it are so true. Sometimes we are given the opposite of what we think we need in order to learn a greater lesson (whatever it may be) we can't learn any other way. Do we look for lessons as a way to lessen the difficulty or pain of the circumstance? Maybe. What I DO know is He knows what we are capable of and what is expected of us. Even though sometimes we may be responding, "No fair! This can't be right!" Or maybe that's just me who responds that way. (Nahhh...I didn't think so.). We were made to persevere.

This poem reminds me if I keep the blinds closed, I won't see the sun, the trees, the flowers. If I don't spend time with my kids, I will miss the true joys of acting like a child myself and showing them a smiling face that loves them through thick and thin. If I keep thinking about mistakes I made in the past, I'll never appreciate the positive, ordinary miracle things going on right in front of me if I'd just pay attention. If I concentrate on what's missing, I won't recognize what I have. And finally, if I think it's all about me, I'm totally missing out on the point of it all.

And no, I don't think this is a Pollyanna approach to life. I think it is how He wants us to look at it and from every 'older' person I've ever talked to...it's what is really important in life. And it's not about how many times I fail at things or receive challenges in life; it's about how many times I get up, keep going and don't bury my head in the sand. And I will always do stand up more than I fall. How do I know? Because it's a choice I make.

Enough chit-chat. This is just what it means to me. You may pull something completely different from it. But if you believe in prayer, this will touch you. Because I believe prayers are answered. Sometimes we just might have to read between the lines and think "What does He really want me to do here?". And for someone like me (hit me over the head, please and just give me the answer) it can be a challenge. Regardless, give it a read:

"I asked God for strength, that I might achieve. I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey ...I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things ...I asked for riches, that I might be happy. I was given poverty, that I might be wise ...I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God ...I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things ...I got nothing that I asked for-but everything I had hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed."

Making a Huge Contribution

As I was working in the yard this afternoon, I heard that all too familiar sound that takes almost everyone back to their childhood. The ice cream truck.

As most kids would do, I'd immediately take off in the direction of my house to convince my parents how much I needed to buy ice cream. I mean c'mon...everyone else was going to have one. Would they really make me be the only one without ice cream?! :::The horror:::

Today when I hear that sound, I think "Where's my purse?" vs. "Where's my parents so I can make a withdrawal?". And, as was the case with most kids, I never really thought of how much money I was asking my parents to spend. It just appeared in their wallets...right?

I want my kids to be as carefree as possible while they are still young because adulthood and the responsibilities (and yes...stress) that accompany growing up will come all too soon. I don't mean I want them to be careless about money. In fact, that could do a lot more around the house to "earn" money, but that's no ones fault but mine for not being more stringent about it. They don't get everything they ask for, but they have enough. And when they get something new, a rule I do try to stick by is donating something they don't play with anymore. So I actually see part of my responsibility as their mom is to help them be kids. Not worry. Have fun.

When you're young, the choices are easy. Do I want a Bullet Pop or a Pink Thing? As I've gotten older, the choices have been more difficult. A lot of people fight having to make those choices, but quickly learn burying their head in the sand does no good. In fact, finally standing up...no matter how many times it takes...makes things a lot easier in the end and does a great deal for your character and overall happiness in life. At least it does for me. And I believe since my kids watch me like a hawk (scary, I know), it is doing something for their character as well.

There are things I don't necessarily look forward to doing (paying bills, scooping doggy presents out of the yard, etc...) but I know by doing these things, I have a sense of accomplishment and I know I did it not just for me, but for my family. And I'm actually thankful I have these things to do and a family to do them for instead of pouting that I have to do them. I love that. I know...I'm kinda corny. That's okay. Afterall, we need some corniness in this world...right?

You're welcome for my huge contribution to it.

Shake, Rattle...Now Roll

Have you ever had that proverbial switch in your head immediately go off (or on, as the case may be) when you hear, see, smell or maybe even feel something? It happens and something triggers your brain into an instant reaction of, "Whoa! That was surreal and my whole way of thinking about this topic just changed." I call it being hit over the head with a hammer (because it usually takes repetition to get through to me). And when it happens to me, it usually sticks. And it happened to me last week.

It wasn't from the smell of anything. Or even from the touch. It was from a handful of words said to me and it's been in my head on-and-off ever since. If only one of those words had changed, it wouldn't have had near the impact it did. It wouldn't have rattled me. It wouldn't have shaken my way of thinking.

Instead, the words came out very purposeful and straightforward, and I took them as such. But they reminded me I can be a strong person and not let someone else define me. Only I can define me by way of my own words and actions. Thankfully, I had the Voice of Truth in my head. It would have been just as easy to let the words defeat me.

I have always been someone who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I definitely don't think of it as one of my best attributes, but it's there. I've tried desperately to change this about me and have a little. The only good thing I can say about it is you always (always) know where you stand with me and how I feel about things.

And I've always been rather sensitive (if you know me, you're nodding in agreement right now). Again...not because it's a desire of mine to be this way, I just am. Again, I've tried to do better with age/experience, but it's also still there. Therefore, if I care about you at all and respect your opinion, your words and actions are taken to heart.

So the words said to me last week cut deep and yes, changed my way of thinking about some things in my life. I don't know if they were actually designed to be delivered as hurtful and insensitive, but they were. They didn't make me cry, but rather put me in shock a little. And they made me think, "That wasn't necessary and I hope I never make anyone feel the way this person just made me feel."
So what's the purpose of this post? It's not about the actual circumstance at all. And it's not about the person who said it. None of that matters. It IS so I can come back every once and awhile and read this to remind myself words can be weapons. That I should be thoughtful when speaking and acting because what I do and say can affect someone I care about. Or maybe someone I hardly know. Sure, I'm going to make mistakes, but I have no problem apologizing and when I do, it's sincere. Not one of those, "I'm sorry you were hurt by that." No. I'm sorry for MY role in hurting you. My true loved ones will always forgive me for being human and making a mistake, just as I forgive them. It's a choice I make to move on instead of hanging on to negative feelings.

My kid's kindergarten teacher put it best: "Give put-ups, not put-downs". There's just no reason at all to be any other way. None. Another reason to come back to this. My kids. I don't want them to grow up thinking it's okay to blurt out whatever is on your mind. Think first. It's not weak to be sensitive regarding what you say. In fact, it takes a whole lot more strength to pause first and go over your words in your head before you let them rip. Unless, of course, they are kind words. Always let those rip!

Plus, my heart smiles when I make someone else smile. I remember I used to be kind of uncomfortable or shy when giving 'put-ups' to people. That is, until I saw how it made them feel. And I like that feeling. That's the kind of person I want to be. Kind. Forgiving. Patient. I'm definitely a work in progress. But, I'm working!

I Curse You!

While subbing the other day, I commented to CK about one of our students. She's the cutest little Kindergartner and always so sweet. CK told me last week the little girl said to her, "I curse you Coach K!" with a smile on her face. CK sweetly told her, "Oh no Sasha (NOT her name), curses are bad things, not good! You're too sweet to curse someone."

The next day, she must have thought about it and came back to CK and said, "Coach K...I only give you good curses. All my curses are for good things. Not bad. Not ever bad. I only want good curses for you!"

CK told me that right after that about three incredible things happened to her and her family. She was like, "Wouldn't you know it! Right after she 'cursed' me?!" and we laughed.
So, yesterday, the sweet little thing comes up to me, hugs me and says, "I curse you, too! Only good curses though. I give you good curses every day!"

I'm very much looking forward to receiving good curses all thanks to a sweet-hearted little 5 year old girl. Stay tuned...

You Know We'll Have a Good Time Then...

Yes I know. It seems all I do is talk about my kids. But, it really is for them why I do this blog. I wish I had something, especially writings, by my mom since she's not around for me to ask questions to. Don't get me wrong...I don't plan on going anywhere, anytime soon. But I love that I'm able to write little, ordinary adventures for them to one day read about. Things I might night remember crystal-clear otherwise.



But today's post isn't just about my kids. It's about all kids. And it starts with one in particular who was a friend of Shelby's, and truth-be-told, a friend of many, many, many. If you had the privledge of meeting Carson, you instantly fell in love with him. He and Shelby were in kindergarten together and 1st grade this year, also. I had the honor of being with him twice a week when I worked in PE and got to know that sweet thing a little better while playing with him.

This past Saturday, he passed away after a three and one-half year battle with cancer.

I KNOW he is in a better place. I KNOW he is no longer in pain. I KNOW he is happy beyond words and our earthly-reasoning. I KNOW his parents must be grateful he is no longer suffering. I also know, without a doubt, they must feel like they've been hit by a truck and that he was taken from them way too soon. He was their son. Their baby. The knowledge surrounding all the good he has now doesn't take away their loss and the huge hole that now sits in their hearts.

Something else I know is they did everything right by that kid. They will never have to look back and wonder if there's more they could have done. If there's a stone they neglected to turn. They gave him an extremely happy life.

Which brings me to the "all kids" part. Our children are complete and utter blessings. They are gifts. And as such, it sickens me when parents don't treat them as such. I'm not talking about the every once-and-a-while things we look back on and think, "I could've handled that better" or "I wish I hadn't raised my voice". As parents, we are learning too and make mistakes. Recognizing we aren't perfect is part of parenting and wanting to do a good job.

I'm talking about the ones who consistently put themselves before their kids. The ones who justify their behavior by thinking it doesn't or won't affect their children. So many parents think their way is the only way or live their unfulfilled childhood through their kid's, pushing them to 'be the best'. What ever happened to being a kid?! Or the parents who are only in this life for themselves, completely oblivious to the fact they DO have kids and those kids ARE watching them, taking little mental notes of the kind of adult/parent they will become in the future.

I know I'm not perfect either, by the way. I make mistakes with mine every single day, I'm sure. But, I'm aware I'm responsible for making sure my kids are safe, feel loved and secure, and know they are part of something bigger. There are certain sacrifices we make for our kids. Or at least we should. And if you don't get that, you need to re-evaluate priorities and make sure your's aren't only about you.

Carson's mom, just by watching her and reading her journal about Carson, really taught me so much about the kind of parent we should all aspire to be. Whether our child might be unfortunately ill or if we have been blessed with a healthy child, they all deserve our unconditional love and effort. It's all they really want. And before we know it, they will be all grown up, out of the house and their love for and attention to us will be directly related to how we loved them and how much attention we gave them. I never want that song "Cats in the Cradle" to apply to me. (I know the lyrics are about father/son, but it can just as easily be applied to moms!). Plus, oh-my-word they are so fun! I get to be a kid myself when I'm around them. We get to laugh so hard together, just at little things in our day-to-day world, that our stomachs hurt. Just last night, Belle was laughing so hard she said, "Daddy stop! You're gonna make me throw up!". I love it! :-)

I have always felt a sense of love and responsibility to my kids, but over the last year and a half, the world around me has sunken in this thick skull and I am solid in my way of thinking regarding what's important in life. A wise, wise man told me awhile back, "You know, T...when you get where I am in life, your perspective regarding what's *really* important in life is clear. There's nothing more important than family. Nothing. You can't replace 'em. Love those kids with everything you've got, and then some. You'll never regret that. They deserve nothing less than the best you can give them." And I took it to heart. He wasn't talking about material things I could give them. He meant the love, affection and attention I could give them. Any so-called sacrifices I make today for them will not be thought of as sacrifices in the future.

So while Carson was only here on this earth a short time, his and his family's experience helped to open my eyes WIDE to the kind of parent I want to be and just how amazing it is that God gave me two kids to be trusted with. Thank you, Carson. We love you and will see you again.