Tiger? Horse? What am I doing?

So here's it is...the end of 2009. Finally. It's been a long year and I'm ready to let it go and start anew.

2010 on the Chinese calendar is the year of the Tiger. It says The Tiger is said to be lucky vivid, lively and engaging. Another attribute of the Tiger is his incredible bravery, evidenced in his willingness to engage in battle or his undying courage. Maybe he’s so brave because he is so lucky. But the Chinese say having a Tiger in the house is the very best protection against the evils of fire, burglary.

Okay...so I guess I need some sort of tiger, because....

I was born in the year of the Horse. And those characteristics are: extemporaneus, quick-wittend, intelligent, their sharpness makes them quick to pick up skills and handle many tasks at one time, but they don't always finish what they start for fear of missing out on the next challenge. They are trustworty, friendly and open-minded, can struggle with obstinance :::what??:::, are good friends and confidants and will be honest with you. They can have a flare of a temper :::again, huh?!::: and fell remorse afterward. (definitely)

I have absolutely no idea why I looked all this up, but I did and because it's time in my life I'll never get back...I'm posting it.

But for now, I need to go get in the shower and get ready for New Year's Eve with family and friends. Sans tiger. Sans all my work being done. Sans cleaning the house. Sans so much... .

Tomorrow...a new year. Bring it on. Happy New Year to everyone with lots of love and appreciation to how you impacted my 2009.

XOXO, T

Magic Wands and a View from the Top

I hate it (HATE it) when my kids are sick. Belle is laying on the couch today with a cough, courtesy of the sinus infection and bronchitis she contracted from her allergies and this ever-changing Texas weather.

I wish I had a magic wand in these times so I could make her better. Who am I kidding? I wish I ALWAYS had a magic wand!

Wouldn't a magic wand be great? I mean seriously...wow. I could make illnesses go away, bad people into good (be gone terrorists!), bad choices would be a thing of the past. So, as I'm writing this I'm thinking, 'What a wonderful world it would be...or would it?'.

If everything were good, we'd eventually become numb to it. Robotic-like. While I don't like the bad, especially any bad I cause, it can't be made to vanish. Ughhh...does it seem like the older we get the more difficult the lessons? Some people bury their head in the sand to their issues. Others are hit square between the eyes with theirs, so hiding isn't an option!

These mountains that invariably end up in our path, no matter how diligently we plan our route, pop up for a reason. The more we fight learning the lessons we're supposed to be learning, the higher the mountain will rise. (Damn mountains!). Just when we think we've learned the lesson...um, nope. Keep working. Keep climbing.

So I don't have a magic wand to heal my Belle, but I can do something else as her mom. I can show her (and Ben) how to climb mountains and not give up. I may not have the best technique and sometimes I slip (okay...I slip a lot. Must be my Scorpio claws!), but I don't give up. Sometimes you need help and it's okay to ask. Most importantly, the climb will make you stronger and you'll appreciate the view from the top much, much more than if you'd been transported there by magic.

Always remember and never forget: Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

Christmas Memories 2009

Starting this Christmas, I get to write my memories of the season, thanks to this blog. This was a memorable one for sure and unique for me. I know New Year's is traditionally the time to reflect. But Christmas has always been sort of a rear view mirror to the year for me. Probably because it's my favorite time of year and my life-clock operates from Christmas-to-Christmas! Regardless, I got a camera for Christmas this year to replace the one that broke months ago. As I looked through the lens, I saw more than just the subjects I was capturing. I really tried to acquire their personalities and emotions of what was going on at the time I was inspired to take the picture (pictures to come soon!). In doing so...you guessed it...I started to cogitate on all that has been going on this holiday season.


I learned Ben was extremely curious this year with the wrapped presents under the tree (they were in different positions every time I walked by!).

I learned while Belle was very excited about her presents under the tree, she was more excited about being surprised by them on Christmas morning.

I recognized that with my Dad's heart surgery coming in just 2 weeks, I was scared. Expecting everything to be fine, but definitely not ready to be on this earth without both of my parents.

I discovered snacking over the kitchen in the island with family was every bit as enjoyable, if not MORE so, than sitting down to a formal Christmas dinner.

I was again reminded the most popular snack food in this family during special occasions is my corn, cream cheese and jalapeno dip. Seriously. It was gone by early afternoon.

I was introduced to the Candlelight service at church and was awestruck at just how peaceful and inspiring church can be when illuminated only by candles while singing Silent Night acapella. And I heard the message loud and clear.

I realized this could be my last Christmas with my Duke-dog. That's all I can say about that if I want to finish this post...

I found out that telling the same stories about the past still brings about the same deep laughter.

I was reminded of the pure and intense bond between father and son. Ben absolutely idolizes D and wants to be with (on!) him. Ben can't wait for him to get home every day, give him a huge hug as if he hasn't seen him in forever and just plain hang on to him and all he says and does.

I recalled my excitement as a child on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning through the eyes of my kids. They deserve absolutely everything and I want nothing less for them. And why not? They are just that sweet, fun, impressionable and full of love - and they are worth every thing. No doubt about it. They make me realize priorities every day, not just Christmas Day.

Which made me realize if I want to be here many, many more Christmases I better get my act together and get healthy. Time must be carved out of my day to work-out. No excuses.

Looking around at family, appreciating both the similarities and differences between all of us, I thought about how lucky we are to have each other. I recognize some people aren't able to be with their families for one reason or another, if they have a family at all. We may have our challenges, it sometimes requires work, and there are always mountains to climb - as with all families - but I believe it strengthens and deepens the bond we have. Again...worth it. My heart is fully and completely wrapped up with these people and I wouldn't have it any other way.


Yep...my favorite time of year. I absolutely love my family unconditionally and am so deeply grateful for all of them. I wasn't sure how this Christmas was going to turn out, but I'm happy to say it was a good one. Christmas is traditionally thought of as a time of miracles, but I've seen them happen on any given day. I have no idea exactly what spurs them to occur (and like most people...I wish I did!), but I'm thankful they exist and hope my family is blessed with many this year. It's true, you know...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (Corinthians 13:13). I choose to have all three, remembering love is great and deep and resilient.

Always remember and never forget: From a little spark may burst a mighty flame.

The Topics a Snow Globe Generates

Quick conversation yesterday between me and Belle upon her spotting a miniature snow globe we purchased for her last year:


Belle: Look mom! I've been looking for this! I love this snow globe!

Me: Yea! I love that one too.

Belle: We have lots of snow globes [actually we don't], but this is my favorite one. Wanna know why?

Me: Of course I do.

Belle: Because the bear in the snow globe is in Paris. See...it's holding the Eiffel Tower.

Me: Indeed it is.

Belle: I want to go to Paris someday. Wouldn't that be great? Oooooooh! OR Hollywood!

Me: *huh?*

Belle: Is there really a Hollywood?

Me: Yes.

Belle: Oh joy! Oh and mom...wanna know what else?

Me: Of course.

Belle: My bedding [referring to her comforter and sheets] is SO last year. I need new ones.

Me: What? All this from a snow globe?

Belle: Yep! Bye momma...see ya later. Going up to my room to get ready for my new bedding.

Me: Don't think I said yes to that!


Go ahead...ask what one of her Christmas presents is.

You guessed it.

Believing...

Came across this today and simply wanted to put it in a place where I could find it again if I wanted to. "I believe" there are many truths in here...

I Believe...

I believe- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- that you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

by Unknown

I Double-Dog Dare You

Nothing about this post has anything to do with Christmas. BUT...I was surprised by an oldie-but-goodie song that come on the radio today while I was out running from store-to-store doing my last minute Christmas shopping and I absolutely could not stop moving to it and singing along. It made me smile and I like to smile, so...

I double-dog-dare you NOT to move while listening to this one (and to NOT laugh at him while you watch it, because O-H M-Y W-O-R-D!):





AND I double-dog-dare you to NOT laugh your a$$ off at this one (it's a Phillips Phamily Phave):



Now go enjoy your Christmas with a big fat smile on your face!

George Bailey is My Hero

The other morning, an interview with some actor came on and the journalist was asking him about how he used to practically live on the street and now he's got more money than he could have ever imagined. He humbly agreed and made a comment regarding that the money almost embarrassed him. She suggested he could give it away if he didn't want it. *What?*

That isn't exactly what he said. He made his point more clear, indicating that the money isn't what made life worth living. Obviously he needed money to eat, live, etc...but the amount he made is what he was referring to. Not money in general.

It made me think of my favorite movie and NOT because it's this time of year: It's a Wonderful Life. If you've never seen it, shame on you and go rent it right now. They don't play it as much as they used to.

I absolutely love it. It has been a favorite of mine for a very long time. I remember pulling out the sofa bed when I was young, because it would come on late at night and I didn't have a television in my room, and I'd watch it over and over.

James Stewart is phenomenal as George Bailey. He portrays someone who had definite dreams growing up of what he was going to do with his life. As life often does, it throws him numerous curve balls and he takes a road he had no intention of taking. He gets married, runs the family business, isn't making hardly any money - and what he did make is lost by his Uncle Billy. At the point all the money is gone, he comes to the realization he is worth more dead than alive. He feels like he's made poor choices and there's no way for him to improve his life. He's down too low. How could he possibly start over at this point in his life? He's not a spring chicken any more, has a family counting on him...he becomes overwhelmed and decides to give up.

Or at least that's his plan...

Instead, he's sent an angel to show him what life for those he loves, and even those he's simply acquainted with, would be like without him.

You see, the movie isn't just about George not following his unrealized 'dreams' ... or what he always thought his dreams were ... it's about what impact his life has on virtually everyone else in his life and how he becomes so bewildered and buried with all the 'little' burdens that he becomes oblivious to the multitude of wonderful things around him. Think about it. Put something as small as a pencil right in front of your eye and you can't see the magnificent sunset. It's easy to let negative things compound on us and that's what he did.

He discovers there are people who depend on him as part of their life. Not 'depend' as in it's a burden to him, but rather how fortunate he is to have people who adore having him in their lives. He's been too busy thinking about what he doesn't have instead of everything he does have, but doesn't appreciate. He realizes that even though his life isn't what he'd planned, it's more than he could have hoped for.

His house, material possessions, lack of money...all of it became more than enough once he realizes he has people around him who love him unconditionally and completely. His impact on those around him, not just his immediate family, was tremendous and it stunned him.

I completely believe we impact those around us. Even the stranger who looks up from a bad day and finds a smile looking at them. Yep...it's the positive little things we simply have to let in.

FYI, there's a book called The Five People You Meet in Heaven that touches on the same sentiment about how we impact people - strangers to us - without even knowing it. It's a good read.

But back to the movie...it renews my spirit every time I see it. It's long, yes, but it's worth watching. Especially if you are taking for granted all the gifts in your life. Or, if you're thinking you have no gifts.

Sometimes it takes actual effort to see what's right in front of us. Move those little pencils. Focusing our vision far away disables our nearsighted view. We aren't going to be given the opportunity George Bailey was given. But, second chances are sometimes available from those who love us. If you are lucky enough to get one...take it.

Believe me, I know. I experienced the lowest point of my life in 2009. I had the choice to fold and give up or pick myself up and move forward. I chose to not just move forward, but dedicate myself to becoming a better person. The kind of person, wife, mother and friend I want to be and one people would enjoy being around. Especially considering I'm a mom and have two little ones watching every move I make. My attitude, choices, everything impacts them. It has a way of forming the type of adults they will become.

Am I the person I want to be? I'm getting there. I definitely like myself a lot more than I did a year ago. I'm actually proud of myself from time-to-time. That's not to say I'm perfect. Ha! Far from it. I slip. I act in ways I wish I didn't. But I remind myself I'm human, I apologize sincerely to those my poor choice/behavior affected and then - and here's the tough part for me in the past - I move on. I try. Again...not perfect. But I'm aware now.

George Bailey I'm not. But...I no longer need an angel to come show me all the wonderful things in my life I should appreciate. I know. I believe I am on the road to my own Wonderful Life.

Here's one of my favorite scenes. It's when he realizes he wants to live.




Here's hoping you are aware of all your gifts in your life.

Just Shut It Already...Seriously

Here's a question for you: When someone is rude or obnoxious to an innocent person in public...and it's totally unprovoked because you've been witness to the whole thing...is it just me, or do you want to tell the flappy-mouthed idiot to "Shut it!"?

Just within the last week, I've been witness to such said idiots. And there is so much inside of me that wants to call these people out. I mean, it would be taking up for the underdog right? Plus, I know I would feel better just having set someone straight as to their horrible attitude and maybe they'd change their ways.

No, of course I can't do that. AND it would not change the idiot from doing it again. Plus, what if they really WERE crazy and had a gun and decided I was the person who sent them over the edge and decided to teach ME a lesson. Nope. That won't work.

But ohhhhh have I wanted to say something so the person knows just how big of a fool they are making of themselves and that NO ONE thinks they are cool, funny or even witty.

There's the elderly people with their obsessed grocery carts practically running me over in the store...because I guess they think their years qualify them for their totally oblivious attitude that others who share 'their' world do not have any right to shop in the same stores they shop in, walk on the same sidewalks they walk on, and - as unbelievable as it may be - even drive on the same roads they drive on.

Then there's the annoyingly loud man who commanded attention as soon as he walked in the bookstore today with his girlfriend who was obviously trying to relive her 20s (based on her clothes, hair...you know...you've seen various versions of her everywhere). He came in and in order to draw the attention to himself he so desperate needs because, believe me - he does NOT have it 'going on' as he so wishes he did - asks...again, very loudly...the gift wrapping folks sitting behind a table at the front of the store, "Are you with the store or just gift wrapping people?" When they answer they are, in fact, the gift wrapping people, he blurts out, "Well, I figured as much." To which his wanna-be-young-again girlfriend cackles at him because her big-daddy is just so hilarious. Again, giving him the attention he craves. Then proceeds to walk about 10 feet and says, "Well is there anyone who works here around?!" Followed by more laughter from why-can't-I-be-Barbie. We were 'lucky' enough to be behind them at checkout where he started questioning the clerk checking them out why he had to present a form of i.d. with his credit card and how inconvenient it was. Really? Surely this isn't the first time you've been asked to present your i.d. when making a credit card purchase. But please...continue with your act so your female friend can act amused and the rest of us can be oh-so impressed. Ughhh.....

Don't even get me started on the people who park in handicap spaces who do NOT have handicap permits. Where are the cops when this happens??? Is there really such thing as a citizens arrest? Worth looking into, maybe.

And then my 6 year-old's basketball game this weekend where the over-zealous and I'm guessing failure as a WNBA player who called fouls on the girls with such boldness it almost scared them. Mind you, it was the little ones VERY first basketball game ever. When Ben played at that age they hardly called any fouls and when they did, took time to explain to the player why they can't just run with the ball, for example. She even issued a technical on our coach for what the she called "back-talking" her. Really? Hmmmmm....Technicals in age six games. *nice*

I know I can't just bust out with what I really want to say to all these people. It would make me no better than them. Maybe even worse.

I just have to assume karma will catch up with them. Goodness knows it's caught up with me enough times for past behavior. Is it bad to hope karma catches up with others? Or should I just hope they change their ways? Or...and here's the kicker...maybe I've surrendered way too much time already about people who have done nothing more than be a fly in the ice cube of my day and none of this matters in my everyday life? That's probably right. I know.

Crazy Time of Year and Precious Gifts

I haven't written anything in awhile and honestly it's not because I haven't had the subject matter...on the contrary. I've thought of so many things to write about but can't seem to complete a thought on any of them.

From Belle telling me, "If there were an All-Star award for naked-ness...I'd have it." Yep...she likes to be naked.

To Ben being so excited about our first snow of the season and accidentally saying, "This is testicle!" vs. well...whatever he was trying to say.

Then there's the fact I haven't even started my Christmas shopping. I haven't put lights outside (first time in...forever), I probably won't send out Christmas cards this year (money is tight, time is tight, my loved ones will understand and recognize it has nothing to do with my excitement and belief in Christmas), I JUST got the Christmas tree up AND finally...I seem to be gaining weight...again. I can't be too upset with the later since it's not entirely my fault (that's WHOLE other post...research doctor recommendations!). Anywho.....

But through it all, I still love Christmas. I LOVE this time of year. My kids love it too and I so enjoy experiencing all the excitement through their eyes. We drove by some Christmas lights the other night and their "oooooohs" and "ahhhhhhhhhs" and it literally warmed my heart. And once again, made me realize just how lucky I am.

Remember what it was like to drive by all the houses and be in awe of the lights and decorations without thinking about all the work it took to get them out there, how much they cost and how much the electric bill was going to be? Christmas through a kids eyes is the way to view it. Not just visually, but with your heart. That spirit that comes with the hope and excitement of the best time of year. It's the only way to be...kid-like.

There's a commercial - not really a Christmas-related per se - that I keep seeing. But it's about as Christmas as you can get to me. It's a St. Jude commercial about all the advancements they are making in caring for kids with cancer. The commercial reminds us to be thankful for what we have. Especially our most precious gifts...our children. Especially if they are healthy.

Did I Mention I'm Thankful?

On this day traditionally reserved for giving thanks, I reflect on this past year and recognize so many things I'm grateful for. I've always had things to be grateful for, I just don't think I fully appreciated them. It's my goal that this awareness never leaves me again. I will be diligent in not only making sure it doesn't, but in making sure my family and loved ones know where my heart is. I'm not shy or embarrassed about letting those I love know it. What's the point in us all being connected if we don't share our feelings, emotions, gratitude...everything. Otherwise, we're cutting ourselves off. The fact I'm so acutely aware of the wonderful things in my life gives me confidence my true thankfulness is here to stay. That feels good. No...great.

I know I will leave some off by accident, but here are some things I'm thankful for:

I have a family I love and who loves me.

The good health of my family.

Texas weather.

Answered prayers. And unanswered prayers, as well.

Chocolate. Coffee. Yummy creamers for my coffee.

Second chances (and third, fourth, fifth and so on...).

Changes. And that God gave me the desire to change and get my head out of the clouds so I can move toward being the woman I was meant to be. The wife. The mom. The friend.

Patience.

A certain, funny 9 year-old boy who has a great, big heart and a resiliency I can only hope to have one day.

An outrageous little blonde-haired, blue-eyed 6 year-old girl with courage and creativity that blows me completely away.

My husband. What can I say? I gave him my heart long ago.

Duke-dog my Boxer.

Scout, aka "damn dog" THE German Shorthaired Pointer.

Dreams.

Forgiveness.

Guardian angels.

Surprises.

Not taking things/people for granted.

Small towns.

Crescent moons and pressed ham.

Hope. Faith. Encouragement.

Parents.

Hugs and kisses.

The small things that mean SO much. And that I not only recognize them, but am grateful for them.

True friends.

Love. Love. Love. Did I mention Love?


Happy Thanksgiving. May you recognize all you have to be thankful for, grab onto it with both hands and never let go. Never be afraid to be thankful.


Always remember and never forget: Always, ALWAYS be thankful for what you have and you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have - you will never, ever have enough.

Channeling My Inner-Elf

I know, I know...tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm writing about Christmas. Why? It's not that I'm overlooking Turkey Day. I love it. I have many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving and look forward to many more. In fact, Thanksgiving holds a place near-and-dear to my heart for many reasons, but I won't get into that right now. Thanksgiving Day deserves its own post.

You see, I've got lots of Christmas decorations. This decorate-all-out theory was passed down to me and I am grateful for it. Seems I've already passed this down to my Belle. She is whipping me about getting all the decorations out NOW. Because I have so many decorations, I try to start getting them out the week of Thanksgiving. Otherwise, I feel like I barely get them out before I have to pack them away again for another year. Plus, I think it makes the house look festive and a little brighter. Twinkling lights have a way of doing that, don't they?

But I digress...

The reason for my premature holiday excitement...my Mom. She passed away right before the holidays and being that it was her favorite time of year, I wasn't too excited about that first Christmas without her. It was too soon. It had only been a little over a month. I wondered how this time of year would ever be the same. Initially, my heart was heavy and I couldn't imagine doing any of those things we'd made into tradition without her. Remarkably (I say that sarcastically...I know Who clued me in), it didn't take too terribly long for me to get the message. And normally I have to be hit over the head with a hammer.

It was up to me to carry on the tradition. Even though it was my first Christmas without her, I channeled my inner-elf and opened the cardboard boxes lined with masking tape and got to business. I started with the reindeer. I got them out of the box, pushed their little feet in the styrofoam, made sure Rudolph was front-and-center, put Santa in his sleigh along with the worn-out, red cotton bag with the presents inside and sprinkled it with the fake snow. All of this was placed with care on top of her piano. Where it went every year. Where it would go every year thereafter, for as long as I had her piano.

I hung the green glass, big bulb lights around the front door. She loved green lights outside and blue lights on the tree.

Once I did just those few things, the tide began to turn. I started realizing that instead of being overwhelmed with the sadness of her much-too-young dismissal from this world, I would choose to celebrate her favorite time of year the way she would want it done. The way she taught me to. I think it would disappoint her to think that a time of year - a time of year she had always shared with me snuggled up on the couch watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, decorating and baking - a time that had always been so full of joy and hope was now full of sadness. In fact, I think it might have even ticked her off! "I passed on all I know. All my Christmas love and 'skills' and you're not going to use them? Why on earth do you think I shared them with you in the first place?!"

This time of year is about celebrating. Coming together and spending time with family...like it or not! The kids are out of school, our work days are cut short, guests and family come in from out-of-town to visit...everyone should be so lucky. Yes. I said lucky.

It does not escape me that there are so many people, many of whom are right under our noses, who aren't as lucky. Their holidays are spent alone, with their child in the hospital receiving chemo, or just choosing to be unhappy and Scrooge-like.

So, as I clear places in the house for all our Christmas decorations before the calendar has even turned to December, it is with great love I remember my mom and know that she'd be doing the same. Humming Christmas carols to herself, visualizing where specific things should go and preparing to share her heart with her family.

Especially now that I have kids, I'm always tickled to be able to see it all through their eyes. I often miss the things they are looking at because I'm too busy looking at their reactions to whatever is taking place. It's a wonderment I adore sharing with them now. It's like I get to re-live childhood all over again, but now with the appreciation that there's more meaning in everything going on around me. And I want them to remember this time of year as one when great memories of their childhood were made. When their family and loved ones came together and recalled past holidays. When stories were shared. Food was eaten from recipes passed down from generations. That certain smell fills the air that only comes this time of year. We snuggle a little more. We are a little more thankful for what we have instead of what we don't have or what we 'want'. We realize we are all connected.

The song "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey came on the other day and Belle questioned why this person wasn't asking for presents. I mean c'mon...she's six. She knows it's Jesus' birthday and that He is the Reason for the Season, but I also get kids love opening presents! We teach them to write letters to Santa, for cryin' out loud. I explained to her that as you get older, you start realizing what's really important to have in your life. You 'want' things you can't buy. You desire happiness, love, family, good health, a bright future. That becomes what is important. That becomes your heart. Your superficial desires change and you understand those you love are what encompasses the purpose of your life. For me, these kids we brought into the world are IT. These little souls could have gone to anyone and WE got them. You can't get much more thankful. I mean really. What else could you ask for?

My life isn't just MY life. And I know now not to live it as such. We are all connected. My words, actions, everything...affect others. If you want to live a life that isn't connected to others...good luck. But why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. Bad times change to good. You just sometimes have to channel your inner-elf to make it happen.

So yes...I love (LOVE) this time of year. I tend to want to jump to it right after Halloween (NOT before...that is something that irks me). It just seems to go by so fast. My apologies to those who are not quite ready for all the merriment. It's just who I am. It makes me happy. It reminds me of what is important in life. It makes me want to celebrate life. Even though the one who taught me how to celebrate this season is no longer on this earth. In fact...BECAUSE of it. She taught me to celebrate and love this time of year. So celebrate and love it with my family I will.

Still Awaiting My Award

As I sit here on the couch taking a break from moving furniture around and cleaning under it, around it and on it, I find myself absolutely sure I will never receive my Mother-of-the-Year award.

My poor daughter has been bored silly, loopy and topsy-turvy all day. See...I had to work even though the kids have the entire week off from school. All she sees is mom sitting on the couch 'playing' on her computer. What's actually going on in front of me are run-down and foreclosed-on properties that I'm writing marketing statements about and uploading the pictures and info to my client's website. You know...great balls of fire fun stuff, right?

She (understandably) doesn't totally get that being on my computer is my job.

So, I keep taking time here and there to do things for her. Get out Christmas decorations that she can put upstairs and decide where they should go. Where they look best in her keen eyes. But that's not enough.

So I clear out the front room to make room for the Christmas tree that will (hopefully/maybe) go up this week to satisfy her over-anxious holiday spirit (yes...I take full credit for this). It must be hereditary. All this does is make her want the tree and all the other decorations out NOW.

So what does this Mother-of-the-Year contender say? "Shelby...you have got to give me a break."

Thankfully, she responds, "Okay!" with an 'I've-got-something-better-to-do-anyway' tone.

However, as I walked away, I felt horrible. My goal tomorrow? To get up bright and early (even though I am not the morning person I fiercely wish I were) and get my work done while she's still a little snoozy and isn't as anxious to have time with me.

I know I'm not the only mom out there who says things to their kids they regret. And not that what I said was horrific. I actually said it rather calmly and matter-of-factly. No yelling. But still. I felt like a bad mom and that I could've done better. And I could have.

As moms, we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. A friend and I were discussing this a long time ago after one of us were criticized by an 'outsider' as to the way we handled a particular incident with our child. "Doesn't she know I go over and over in my head the mistakes I make as a mom every single day? Her critiquing what I'm doing isn't helping at all. It's just plain hurtful. Does she really think she was a perfect mom and has the right to give me unsolicited advice and opinions as to my being a mom?" There is no such thing as a perfect mom. Even those who we look at from the outside have their own 'things' they wish they did better.

It's so easy to lay judgement when you are standing on the outside looking in. Especially when you don't know what is in that person's heart and has been circling around their head all day. I like to think most of us take this job extremely seriously. Unfortunately, there are those who don't. They may talk-the-talk about what it is to be a good parent and how much they love their kids. But when it comes to actions, they can't back it up.

We all have our days. The key is recognizing them and trying (desperately) to learn from them so we can raise our kids with encouragement, benevolence, confidence and love. We are examples to them of how to act. How we are to treat others. What is acceptable behavior and what is not. They are little sponges.

Always remember and never forget: Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

Pink Puppies and iPhones

A conversation on the way home from school between two "loving" siblings:


Ben: Well mom...guess who just said Pink Puppy is more important than me?

Editor's Note: Pink Puppy is Shelby's stuffed animal she's had since she was a baby whom she does NOT go anywhere without.

Me: Obviously someone who wasn't speaking from their heart.

Belle: Well I just don't know...I mean it's Pink Puppy. I love Ben, but...

Me: Shelby, if you don't realize what is more important, you got a big problem sister. I can't name one thing Ben would take over you.

Ben: Nope. Well, except for an iPhone. But that's obvious.

Me: You aren't helping my point, Ben.


Always remember and never forget: You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.

Weekend Update

This weekend went a little somethin' like this...


Friday night: Date night with D. Meet up with two other couples. Enjoy wine. Switch establishments. Enjoy sushi, beer, etc... . Switch establishments...again. Enjoy fried pickles, beer, sports on about 80 televisions. Go home. See myself in the mirror. Wonder why I'm gaining weight (ha! All the "enjoyment" above have something to do with it, perhaps?).

Saturday morning: Wake up WAY too early after a fun/late night out for an 8am football game (at which Belle is cheering). While on sidelines, learn about new iPhone apps I've never heard of (including coupons!) while watching the game. Imagine we are getting the hairy-eyeball from the football parents because we aren't cheering enough, but the apps are too fun and we are laughing too much. Football game won. Watch the most enthusiastic little football players run through the victory line always done by our cheerleaders after each game. Watch the very excited coaches try to kneel down to run through the same line. They are always so supportive of our girls. Super Bowl bound, once again. Reminder: bring heavy blanket unlike last year.

Saturday late morning: Convince Belle to take a nap before her cheer competition that afternoon. Lay down with her. Snuggle. Talk. Catch up on her life. Take in that 'little girl smell' that I'll always remember and never forget. Belle decides she's not tired. Too late...momma is. I'm out. She's not.

Saturday afternoon: Dress Belle...again...in her cheer uniform. Hair in pigtails. Off to get more hair and makeup done. Get there early and watch her friends in another division cheer. She whispers in my ear, "This is just awesome." I smile that she has an activity to do with her friends that brings her such joy. Even though it's cheer...and that's never been much of a 'sport' to me until I watch how much they do and how hard they work. She's happy. That's what matters. Make up done, cheer competition complete. They did great and leave with medals around their necks. The entire football team shows up and brings them all white roses after the competition and take an adorable group picture. My heart grows a little more watching those boys be protective over their cheerleaders/little sisters.

Saturday night: Dinner with the family. Another family from school shows up. They have a little boy who is in Belle's class and they kind of have a 'crush' on each other, for lack of a better word. Really, they are buddies. Belle spends the entire evening smiling across the restaurant at him. I take a picture of her staring. She looks at me in amazement that I'd dare to do such a thing. Sorry. It's my job. Head to the casa. Throw some clothes in the washing machine. Sit. Relax. Snuggle. Sleep.

Sunday morning: Church. Reminded of confidence and encouragement (Hebrews 10:19-25). That our main source of confidence should come from God; not our zip code, belongings, clothes, job, etc... . That we should surround ourselves with a community of encouragement. Notes most of us don't experience the encouragement we seek because we don't place ourselves in the position of encouragement. Whoa...so true. The power of synergy. The grace of God and those we choose to associate with. Birds of a feather. Don't be surprised when the monkey eats the banana. You get the gist.

Sunday after church: Go to lunch with friends from church. Discuss our crazy kids. Our opinion of the church we are visiting vs. the church we are considering transferring from. The difference in the pastors. Weigh the pros and cons. Discuss how the role of kids sports has changed since we were little. Discuss how much we respect the dads who are coaching who don't have their kids playing the 'lead' role. Also discuss our admiration for them even volunteering to coach. It takes a lot of time. I want my kids to play sports, but definitely don't want to coach. Glad someone else does. Wish they all did it for the right reason (wanting to c-o-a-c-h and therefore teach all the kids) vs. the wrong (wanting to produce clips for their kid's highlight reel). Yep, too many out there just want to round up a group of kids who already possess some form of natural ability and just win. Discuss how it's become all about the win vs. kids playing with their friends and learning a sport. So very different from when I was little and played sports.

Sunday afternoon: Running errands and shopping with D. Spend enough at the grocery store to earn a free Thanksgiving turkey (yes!). Come home, continue with laundry started the day before. Shower. Start reading a new book (Have a Little Faith, by Mitch Albom). Pass out with glasses on and book on my lap (according to D). Set alarm to get up and start a new week.

Always remember and never forget: "Small events and choices determine the direction of our lives just as small helms determine the directions of great ships." M. Russell Ballard

That's Quite a Tangled Web Ya' Got There

I guess it's human nature. Lying. It's relative easy to do and every single person on the earth does it at some point, whether they intend to or not. Yes you have. We all have.

Of course, when our kids have been angels their entire lives, it's a bitter pill to swallow when they do it. Now, Shelby is a little turkey and will look me straight in the eye and lie. Not huge things, More like, "I only had once piece of candy," things when I've already seen her devour four. And I know when she's lying. She's as transparent as freshly cleaned glass. Of course she has consequences, but every once in awhile, here it comes...smack dab in my eye. A friend of mine says she's getting all her orneriness out of the way now and she'll be a great teen having learned her lessons early. Yeah...right. I'm not holding my breath on that one.

But when my Ben...my sweet, angelic, despises-people-who-lie Ben...lied - you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Here's the deal: He was supposed to be in bed. Snuck his iTouch in his room. Took careful steps to harbor it under his bed...along with the charger cord (yep, he was thinking ahead) and then tried to pass it off as, "What? I'm not doing anything." Finally caved. Apologized with much remorse. But got it taken away as a consequence.

Lesson learned, right? WRONG.

I was shocked. He snuck it up again a couple nights later and lost it for the entire week.

I know. This isn't huge. But...it's lying.

He always shows remorse. Is very apologetic. But I just can't stand he's dong it and really don't want him to ever think it's okay. There is absolutely no need in it (though, as I said, everyone ends up doing it...even this author). The truth always comes out.

And lies can be done with words or with silence. Another lesson for a literal thinker.

As we get older, we begin to understand it really is a waste of time to lie. Then we make excuses with things we call 'white lies'. Say we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or are trying to spare further insult to injury. But in maturity (which doesn't always fall in sync with age), we learn how to tell the truth even when it's difficult. Even when it may hurt the other person. At least most of us do. There are still those who will stick their heads in the sand and hope the issue just blows over. Maybe not talk to the other person for awhile or avoid their phone calls or attempted visits. More often than not, the one lied to just lets it slide out of sheer pity for the other person and a desire to move on.

Yes, as I've tried telling the kids - the truth will always bare its ugly head. The evidence is left lying around in so many places. Especially if someone else is in on what you are trying to hide. See...they may not know you are lying and the truth slips out. "Please don't say anything! I didn't know you weren't suppose to know!" Or, they accidentally reveal the truth and you don't say anything so as not to put them in an awkward situation. Boom...truth revealed. Trust faltered. Feelings hurt. All so unnecessary.

Just because the truth may be hard to tell doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. In fact, if it's that difficult, it's probably a whopper and you should be the one to come clean versus it being revealed in some other way. Those doozies always surface. Own up!

There's a poster in the kid's school that says, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said." Perfection.

Sometimes when we discover the truth, we let things go so as not to rock the boat. After all, we now know the truth and we wonder, "How far will it seriously go? " As we get older, we learn to keep our mouths shut and just watch and listen in amazement. This has been an especially difficult maneuver for me as I always want to front the person out. "I know you are lying! Why can't you just tell the truth?"

I hope I learn to issue consequences that teach my kids not only to tell the truth, but to WANT to tell the truth and to be a person of honor whom their friends and loved ones can trust. I try to show a little more compassion when they come to me when they've done something they shouldn't have versus me catching them. I want them to know they can always come to me and expect forgiveness and love.

I know. I know. They're young. Testing limits. I'm not freaking out over this latest scenario. I just want them to learn early. And if you think your child never has or won't lie, you're delusional. And guess what? It doesn't mean they are horrible kids. It means they are human and searching for boundaries. As I always say, I missed that sign that said, "The line starts here for perfect kids." I know of only one person who walked on water.

I just hope my kids learn the hard lessons of lying while they are young. It's sometimes tough to tell the truth, but it's always worse to get caught in a lie and lose trust. And dignity. And honor. And respect. Especially if you are your own worst critic, like Ben is.

So, if you owe someone the truth, no matter how hard it is to bring up the subject...go tell them now. They may already know the truth and are just waiting for you to do the right thing.

Always remember and never forget: When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback.

Walk, Listen and Learn

Last week, I added walking to my daily workout regime. Okay, truth be told...walking became my daily workout regime since I haven't had one in awhile. There's a nature trail that runs through our neighborhood and it's beautiful right now.

The leaves are changing colors and falling everywhere around while we walk. I'm convinced if I catch a leaf as it's falling that's GOT to mean good luck. No, I haven't caught one yet, but I know I'm at least providing some comedy relief as I run around under the trees dropping the most leaves holding my hands cupped out in front of me. Oh well...it will happen some day. Hopefully.

Yesterday, we took the kids with us. I'll admit we were a little concerned they would get tired, complain, or something else that would make the usually enjoyable walk less enjoyable. We were thankfully proven wrong and had a great time.

So often these days, families are running around, rushing to get the normal 'day-to-day maintenance' of everyday life done (work, laundry, dishes, homework, lunches made, bills paid, play dates, practices) that we don't get a chance to just BE together. You know...no plans, no agendas, just be ourselves, hang out and see what happens next.

Well, we got that opportunity yesterday and learned quite a bit.

What, you ask?

These are the things you learn when you spend time together as a family with only the distraction of falling leaves and the occasional squirrel scurrying up a tree:

The red maple leaves are actually called 'unicorn leaves' due to the way the stem sticks straight up (all according to a 9 year old).

My daughter has a boyfriend (she thinks).

He called her 'hot' (yes...she's only 6).

He told her he loves her (yes...he too is only 6).

Upon him telling her he loved her, she started wrestling him. That's my girl.

If you want D to smile from ear-to-ear, put him on a playground swing. I have pictures of this to prove the point.

He secretly aspires to do the ever-risky 360 (you know...you swing so high you actually go over the bar).

The fact that school playgrounds no longer have swings on them (because of risk of injury? But they do have rock climbing walls...go figure) my son isn't real sure of the mechanics of how to start swinging...and keep going higher. Poor kid! We're working on changing this. :-)

I can get lots of good pictures of my family having a day of fun. Just be-ing together.

Sometimes plans are overrated and just going with the flow is the best thing you can do for your family.

The air smells sweet when you are surrounded by fall leaves and a stream.

There's a precious dog along the walk who will give everyone kisses. Then cry when we leave.

My kids are aching to climb a tree and Shelby calls trees with such potential "lookie-out trees".

Shelby still wants a frog as a pet. And is willing to catch one to make it happen. :::gulp:::


I'm once again reminded of how the 'little things' add up to make the big things in life. Just having time together is vital. No tv's, no computers, no phone conversations, total dedication to spending time together. If we all did more of this, we'd know more about each other. Smile more. Laugh more. Ask more questions. Get more answers. Remember why we are all together in the first place.

Am I getting too Edie Brickell with all this?

Philosophy, is the talk on a cereal box. Religion, is a smile on a dog. I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean. Chuck me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

Maybe. But I choose to look at it as being observant and seeing things clearly. And I believe both me and my family will be better because of it. Now and in the long run. And these amazing kids are so worth it. We're making history here. Even just a little walk here and there adds to it. It's what composes their memories of childhood and life.

Always remember and never forget: Don't make excuses. Make things happen. Make changes. Then make history.

Connecting the Dots

Today is my birthday! Am I one of the few 'older' women who actually still enjoy having birthdays? I like getting the phone calls, emails, text messages, cards, hugs and all the other well wishes that come with a day dedicated especially to me. I'm an otherwise non-limelight kinda girl, but I do believe birthdays are a big deal. At least I believe they should be treated that way.

As Ben put it this morning, "If you didn't have a birthday, me and Shelby wouldn't be here." True...so true.

As we get...uh-hum...'older'...I think it's only natural to look back over our lives and do some evaluating. Some inventory control. Some investigating. "Am I making the most of my life?"
Or better yet, "Am I doing what God wants me to be doing with my life?"

Well, let's see. Is that a can of worms I really want to open?

I guess I have to judge both questions based on the day-to-day (to day-to-day-to-day). So many times, we look back at our lives in terms of big moments or events. I know that's how I've done it. At least in the past.

::::I graduated high school. I graduated college. I got a job. I got married. I got a better job. Went through lots of infertility issues. I had a kid. I quit that better job. I had another kid. I started my own business. And so on.::::

However, if this past year has taught me anything, it's emphasized the importance of stopping to smell the roses because we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. When my number has flipped for the final time, I want to know I'm looking back on not just the big things, but more importantly remembering the little ones. Because they are what lead up to all the 'big' ones.

The things that happen in the middle of those big events are the really important ones. Without them, those events defined as 'monumental' would be non-existent (to steal Ben's philosophy). And he is right.

Take the events of my birthday today, as a way of proving my point. When asked earlier by a friend if I'm having a good birthday, I could already say, "Yes!" even though it was only 11:30 a.m. Why? Because last night I went out with a dear friend who was sweet enough to think of me ahead of time and bought tickets for us to an event she knew I'd like. Then I came home and kissed my already-in-bed (but not asleep) kids goodnight who went on to compete to see who could compliment me the most ("You smell good." "You are so pretty." "I like that shirt on you." You get the drift...).

This morning I woke up to happy birthday wishes on my computer, my phone, from my kids, from my husband. Cards were ready for me to open and sweet messages were inside. It has already been explained to me that a cake will be purchased FOR me...I will NOT, under any circumstances, be purchasing it myself. And finally, D has already arranged for us to have a night out tonight. That's right! HE arranged the sitter.

Did anything truly monumental happen? Probably not in most people's eyes or by most people's definition of 'monumental'. I guess my definition is just different. Imagine that...me...thinking differently than everyone else.

See...It's the little things that happen along the way that matter to me. That make me feel loved and appreciated. It's the small dots that connect to the big dots that end up making a complete picture when you stand back and look at it. A complete life. Some of the day-to-day events in my life are probably mundane to some. Maybe even monotonous. But I see consistency. I see a pattern of connecting my dots every day and showing my kids this is what you do. Big events come and go. Every day things happen...well...every day! It's not just about connecting those dots that are easy to find. Anyone can do that. It's about being patient and searching, working, then connecting those that are difficult to get to, also. ("When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."~ Unknown). I love quotes. The words I want to say, but have a hard time getting on paper...

So it's the dots/moments when my 6-going-on-16 year old daughter screams, "You just don't understand me! No one gets me!" and we laugh hysterically (and one day, she will too). It's the times when my son takes yet another school picture that looks as if he's trying to turn the camera to stone (He smiles a million times a day! Why can't he smile for a posed shot?!). It's the times when people love me enough to do the 'little things' that make my birthday feel like a big deal.

And when all those dots connect....it's beautiful. And I feel extremely loved. And grateful. And when I look at them from a distance, they are looking more and more like a complete picture. The dot by itself isn't so impressive. But together...with all the other dots connected ~ it's huge and to me: even miraculous. So often, people don't think of the end result. Every moment/dot counts. It all adds up. Even our kids get it.

Sometimes dots get neglected or we get frustrated about finding them and just feel like moving on to the next. Eventually we realize we have to come back and connect them. Every single one is part of the picture. Part of learning. Part of living. Part of putting the picture together and making it complete. It's when we care enough to go back and make the connection is when our picture starts really coming together. No one said it had to be perfect; that's not expected actually. How boring would that be? I feel much more accomplishment knowing I found the difficult ones.

The little dots in the complete picture of our lives are vital. Not every one of them is exciting. If they were ALL exciting they would lose their fizzle quickly and our definition of 'exciting' would soon change to 'monotonous'.) But without those little dots, we can't move on to the next and complete the picture. And the next dot could be one of those big events just waiting to happen!

So here's to connecting all the dots of our lives and making sure we pass on the joy and responsibility in doing so to our kids. More than anything I pray my kids feel as though I've contributed to giving them and showing them by example how to have a complete life and that in the future, their hearts overflow by connecting their own dots with their little ones.

I'll end with a quote from Albert Einstein about life because I love what he has to say here:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

And it's all miraculous.

Flip That Number!!

I've never been one who is stuck on age. I figure, as long as I feel the way I feel...I don't care what number attempts to define my years here on this earth. AND I sincerely feel if more people felt this way and paid a whole lot less attention to their 'number' as they did their already-in-progress lives going on around them, we'd have a lot more happy people in this world.

You see my number flips to 43 this week. Twenty years or so ago...that sounded as old as dirt. Today...I look at it is fabulous. I'm thrilled I keep getting to have birthdays (note...the alternative isn't nearly as attractive!). I know there are things I haven't done yet in my life. Some I planned on having done by now and some are things that have no time-limit. I believe God gave us this life to use right up until the end. Not just our first 40 years or so. No way. I believe He sees us as works-in-progress until our last day. I'm not overwhelmed by things I haven't accomplished. I look forward to doing them still. Come to find out...my plan isn't always the plan that was written for my life and I've learned to adjust. Detours happen.

I know for a fact, when it comes to my last hour on this earth, there is no way I'll be thinking of what type of house I lived in, what kind of car I drove, the brand of clothes I wore or how many toys I had. I know my thoughts will be about my loved ones. Did I tell them I loved them enough? Did I let them know how important they are? Did I take every chance to send them compliments and praises so it planted a seed in their hearts that they are amazing people to me? Did I take time to play with them? Did I put them first not just when it was easy, but when I had to fight to do it? Do they know they were my priority? Did I make them feel loved?

So this weekend, as I was thinking about my upcoming birthday and how the weather is supposed to be beautiful all week long, I thought YES! A perfect birthday week! See, in the month of October, we only had about 8,800 minutes of sun. Sounds like a lot? Not when we're supposed to have over 21,000 minutes of sun in October! It was the cloudiest October on record. And those pesky clouds have a way of clouding our heads.

But this week...sun. Which led me to reviewing my weekend and how the blessings and fun had actually started there, leading up to my birthday week (yes...it's my birthday WEEK).

I had a weekend full of 'happies' that proves my point of being blessed.

> My weekend started with a Friday night date night with D and I had so much fun having some alone-time with him. Very important!

> Then waking up to a lazy Saturday Halloween morning with no where to rush off to.

> On to the Belle's football game in the afternoon to watch her cheer. So cute! They did a special halftime dance to 'Thriller' since it was Halloween. Adorable.

> Back home to get them dressed for Halloween! Belle has been so excited about her costume (a cheetah). Ben went to a birthday party and had a great time (he was the Grim Reaper). First time not going with him trick-or-treating. :-( It's tough letting go.

> Spent Halloween night on our old street with great friends. Walked with Belle and her friends (and moms!) as they trick-or-treated then went back to the street for a party. Kids ran around everywhere. Adults talked, laughed, drank, ate. Very laid-back. Very needed.

> Woke up Sunday too late to make it to church (oops...the time changed and our clan was snoozy!). So we had a Phillips Pile instead in our bed. You can't get those times back. Cherished.

See? BLESSED. We have so many people around us who love us and we love. Awesome kids. A roof over our heads. Cars to drive (that are paid for!). Food in the pantry.

Yes...it's definitely been a tough year, but there are so many people who would trade their 'problems' for ours in a heartbeat. I was talking with the kids last night about the things I do around the house that they take for granted (it wasn't a lecture...it was all in jest because Ben was kind enough to tell me, "Oh and by the way mom...you burnt the pizza." Gee...thanks.). It went something like they are always quick to tell me when I don't do something OR when I do something 'wrong', but aren't' as likely to tell me "Thank you" for just the everyday stuff (clean clothes, clean house, food to eat, etc...). I went on to say I was moving to the Bahamas and they would soon realize what all I did! hahaha. I told them, "You don't know what ya' got 'til it's gone." It's like in the movie The Family Man where he thinks he has everything he wants and needs until he's given the gift of a family and all the work and love that comes with it. Something he had no idea was missing from his life until he gets it, then it's taken away. It shows you get what you give in life. By the way...if you haven't seen this movie...do NOT watch the clip below. Instead, go rent the movie now! It's a must see.



So, yes...I choose us, as the movie says. I choose this life. Chaos and all. I know this time will be a blip on the highlight reel of my life someday soon and I'll be so proud of making it to the other side of the mountain. For fighting for the positives vs. giving in to the negative situations. That's what life is all about. It's a rollercoaster, afterall.

Those oh-so irritating negatives are there to bring out our character. Our inner warrior. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Twenty years ago, I wouldn't be able to do what I can today. That all comes with my number flipping, thank you! Lessons learned. Knowledge gained. Priorities placed.

I have no idea what is in store this birthday week, but I know it will be funtastic and I'm looking forward to increasing my number! BRING IT!

Halloween Costumes 101

It being only two days before Halloween, and my need to go BACK to the make-shift "Spirit" Halloween store AGAIN (that only weeks ago was an abandoned Albertsons) and return my son's costume, I've had plenty of opportunity to see what is out there in the way of costumes this year. Especially the adult costumes that are plastered all of the walls of the place.

Who really wears this stuff? And more to the point...who FITS in it like the pictures on the packaging? And finally...these things cost a small fortune!

Case in point:

What the packaging sells...

What you're more likely to see...

And again...marketing promo image...

And, well....you know...

We've all seen someone wearing a costume they, well, shouldn't be wearing. Maybe I'm just too conservative (scared) to try something so daring. No, I don't have the body for it, but the vast number of women's costumes up at the costume store I went to are those of the sexy-type. Therefore: NOT MUCH CLOTH.

As we are in line to check out, Shelby says to me, "Momma...look at all the costumes they have for you!"

What were they? French Maid, Captain Booty Pirate (I kid you not), Head Nurse (with the halter top, of course), a Lipstick Referee (use your imagination here), and a plethora of kittens, witches, school girls and superheroes. ALL of which show your stomach and are tank tops at best.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying every costume has to cover your body from head-to-toe. But these were the ones they have posted larger than life along the walls of the place. THESE are the ones they are pushing. And I must say, those were the ones that were still on the shelf! I asked the guy, "Are you selling a lot of the sexy ones?" to which he replied laughingly, "Noooooo." Hmmmmmmm...maybe because it's in Allen. Maybe because too many of us wouldn't fit into them or look like the picture on the package. Who knows.

The best costumes I've seen are usually homemade and very unique. In college, some friends went as the Fruit of the Loom bunch. The girls who were the grapes had so many balloons around them and they all popped throughout the night. It was hilarious.

Years ago some friends husbands dressed as women and really played it up. Old-timey dresses, cigars, lipstick that was definitely not lined up with their lips. Memorable? Yes. Expensive? No.

But my favorite part about Halloween, without a doubt, is handing out the candy and seeing all the little cuties who are barely old enough to walk, more less even understand what Halloween is and wonder 'why in the world my parents are having me go to strangers doors and ask for candy?'. The look in their eyes is almost one of fear because you know every single person has said, "Oooooooh! Look at you! You are precious!" at every stop and for the life of them, they can't figure out why. They just know they're having a tough time walking, due to the costume, and are usually tired and bewildered. Nonetheless...I love it!

Most don't even say "Trick or treat" and the ones who do, don't say it correctly...making it even more adorable.

I remember dressing Ben and Shelby up when they were way too young to get what was going on. Ben's first costume was a big, furry bumble bee and the head part of it kept falling over his face. He went along with it though, being the agreeable kid he is.

So as Halloween approaches, I'm getting excited about seeing all the little trick-or-treaters and saying, "oooooooh!" and "you're so cute!" and thinking about when my little ones just went along for the walk through the neighborhood asking strangers for candy.

Good times.........

They All Go Pfffffflllllllllllttthhh!

I remember when my son was actually interested in what he was going to be for Halloween. Heck...I remember when he didn't even have a say in it at all and I picked out the costume and he gladly wore it and smiled for the pictures!

This year he initially told me he didn't want to trick-or-treat. He just wanted to jump out of the bushes and scare people. Hmmmmmmmmm...I get that coming from a 9 1/2 year old little man especially considering he's one of the only 9 1/2 olds I know who doesn't even like the candy. Then he got invited to a friend's birthday party which is ON Halloween. When I asked him what he wanted to dress up as, he replied, "I don't care." Really?

On it went for days. His Nana suggested a hobo and he was marginally okay with that. Then he said, "How about a gangster?"

Me: Ben...do you even know what a gangster is?

Ben: No.

Me: They kill people, basically.

Ben: Oh...then no. I don't want to be that.

After school today he announced he wants to be the grim reaper. Shelby asked what a grim reaper was and I told her that it's a fictional character who comes to get people when they die and then the fun began...

Belle: Nooooo. Jesus does that. He comes and gets you and takes you to Heaven.

Ben: Yes that's right. A grim reaper is just pretend. If you believe in Jesus you live forever anyway. And if you don't. Well....then you die forever.

Belle: Yep! If you don't believe then you're pfffffflllllllllllttthhhhhh!!!

Momma: Yep...pretty much.

Lovely...

Honestly Speaking

At the inspiration from another mom out there in the blogosphere, I'm to write about 10 honest things about me that aren't necessarily known to everyone. That's kind of hard since I'm a talker and don't hide a lot of things. I'm not real daring, so I don't have those kinds of secrets. I can definitely keep a secret, so my allegiance is intact there.

So I wonder....what might be something totally honest, yet not known about me?

Required some deep thought. Here's what I came up with.

1. I have always had a premonition I'll win the lottery. I have been very lucky in the past at winning random drawings, etc... . So why I don't just invest a dollar a week in the lottery is beyond me.


2. Over the past few years, my definition of 'friendship' has changed. I've generally gotten along better with men than women and we women wear each other out with drama, gossip and the need to fill quiet with excessive chatter (yes...I said it). Intentional or unintentional, all women possess this trait to some degree (yes...all of us). However, if you are my friend, you can count on loyalty from me. You may not know about it, and I can almost guaranty I won't discuss it (hence, the unnecessary drama and attempt to keep it at a minimum and possibly even spare your feelings) but I have my friends backs and expect nothing less from them. I've lost friends due to pettiness and frankly, I am better off. My chosens are still around, I love them and cherish them in my life and I make sure and let them know that.


3. I just recently realized a clarity in my life that was missing (and I didn't even know it...how in the world does that happen?) and it has totally enveloped me. And I like it. I'm positive, thankful and focused on the future.


4. Since I was Belle's age (6) I've been athletic. Years ago I started a workout class with one of my chosens and we rocked it. I've since fallen off the work-out wagon and am starting to feel the desire inside again to sweat. No telling how my clarity will peak when I do!


5. I no longer 'just' pray. I get on my knees, have a conversation and give it all I've got. In return, He gives it back. Thankfully.


6. If I ever had the chance to chase a tornado, I'd take it. Same thing if I ever had a chance to swim with Shamu...totally in! It's somewhat of a goal (swimming with Shamu). They are just such majestic creatures and I know I'll cry like a baby when I finally get the chance to swim with one (note the positive outlook that it WILL happen?!).


7. I've learned to be more vulnerable and lean on people I trust. I have always tried to be there for my loved ones, but haven't always made it easy for them to be there for me. I'm learning (and trying) to be better at this.


8. I have dreams I can fly. Not in a plane. I fly like Superman flies. I just take off and it's the most amazing experience. I actually feel it. Talk about empowering.


9. I'm more likely to remember a person's phone number than their name. I have no idea why, but that's how it has always been. Though my memory is definitely not as good as it used to be! Ahhhhhh Momnesia.


10. I believe in ghosts - or rather spirits. Not the bad, spooky ones. But spirits are all around us. It's the core of our being. Every house we've ever lived in since we got married has had spirits and we've just learned to accept them as part of our lives. Of course, now that you know this, you probably won't want to come in my house...right? Not to worry. They are nice spirits and even protective and funny.
    

Well, that's it. Those who know me well are sure to know some of these things. It was fun thinking of some honest traits about me and I'll admit, I had to get more cerebral than just name off things I've done or like/don't like, etc... .

So, go ahead. What are some honest things about you that people may not know? Do some soul searching.

And when you do, ask yourself: What is my most honest trait and how can I make my life better by realizing it, sharing it and making it grow?

R.I.P.

I'm saddened to report my ever-faithful Canon PowerShot (see previous post) digital camera has gone to camera heaven.

It lived a long life and helped me capture thousands of memories my kids will surely cherish.

It will definitely be missed.

Now....on to it's cousin...the Digital Rebel!

Was the mourning period not long enough? Oh well, it's not like I can afford to go get it right now anyway...

Quality vs. Quantity and the Mad Balancing Act

Day 17: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

Plain and simple...Today I'm grateful I somehow got lucky enough to piece three jobs together to make one full-time paycheck.

Let me explain...

Our lovely economy has made it so people like me (in the marketing profession) are either not necessary budget items anymore or are primarily being outsourced. Therefore, companies are getting rid of their in-house marketing departments and when they find it IS needed...turn to consultants...like me. No benefits. No stock options. No office space. Less liability. All good for them. Not for us.

Companies who are slowly adding marketing back into their corporate structure know what they can get away with. We 'marketing people' are desperate for a job and therefore, supply-and-demand gives the advantage to the companies. In other words...we are not getting paid NEAR what we used to be or what our skills and experience is worth. Again...not cool.

So, back to the three jobs in one. I'm lucky enough to have made and kept contacts who have been wonderful enough to keep me employed. One is 'just' substituting at my kids school. It allows me to be part of their day-to-day world every now and then and they absolutely love it when they know I'm in the building. Check. Thankful to have it.

The other is the marketing consulting business I started six or so years ago for builders and developers which has now turned into a developer, river outfitter in south Texas and hobby shop in Plano. This part of my job allows for my creative outlet. Plus, these clients are also friends and I take their marketing very personally. So...Check. Thankful for this, too.

Finally, I just started a job that I've committed 20 hours a week to and it's looking more like it's going to be 30 hours a week. The great part of this is I already possess the skills to do this job (internet marketing mainly, along with some general real estate marketing) and it has benefits. Hard to find these days. And, the kicker...still allows me to work from home. Obviously, Major Check! Grateful for this.

However, all this put together means less time dedicated to my family. Or does it? Example: Ben had a play date yesterday after school so Shelby was here with 'nothing to do' and I had work I had to finish. I had two computers going in front of me and just looked at my sweet daughter on the couch. All I wanted to do was curl up with her.

Instead, what I did was work. Which was also for her. I will say I took 10-15 minutes to sit with her, read a new book she got, find out about her day (the parts that didn't get divulged on the way home), explained again what I was doing and found that worked. I realized as I sat back in front of my computers that what I was doing was also for her and was even teaching her something. Even though it wasn't nearly as fun as hugging her and laughing about the brainless Jonas Brothers episode that was on television. Nonetheless, it was important and responsible (yuck! Adult lingo!) and was going to have to be content that I had explained to her why I had to finish this and then she'd have my complete attention.

I told her when I was done I'd turn off my computers and that the attention I had been giving to work, would then go to her. Score.

She was fine with that. "Thanks Momma. I love you so much and I'll wait."

Ahhhhhhhh. So grateful. Even for the humdrum that's allowing me to be 'responsible'.

So, I'm grateful I'm able to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I'm grateful I know just because I may have less hours in the day to dedicate to things I need to do at home, I also know I need to be more efficient with my time and make the time I do have more 'quality-oriented'.

I'm grateful my computer and phone have an off-switch so I'm able to flip the on-switch to my family. I'm learning balance.

A Perspective of Choice

Day 14: It’s been two weeks since you started The Gratitude Challenge. Write about how The Challenge has changed your perspective thus far.

You know, in all honesty, I've never been really good at self-reflection. Maybe it's because I don't think I'll like what I see when I look back or maybe I just prefer to look forward and learn from what was behind me.

This challenge, and my attempt to do whatever it said each day, has forced me to look at the good things in life on days I know I wouldn't have. As a result, I'm sure my days were a little brighter, my attitude was a little better and the people around me were thankfully not around a grump. Instead, they were around a person who was purposely looking for gratitude in things and people. It's difficult to be a grump when you are doing that!

And guess what? Faith grows. Belief grows. I grow.

It also made me to reflect on things my dad used to say to me whenever I would get down or feel like I was less-than-able to do something.

Things like: Can't Never Could. If you think you can or you think you can't...you're right. Why spend time worrying about something that may never happen? You'll have enough to worry about then ... if it even does.

In other words, if you believe...if you have faith...if you put forth the effort, the once 'impossible' things are now very possible.

I have always been a worrier for as long as I can remember. Actually, it's probably more like since 1984, when my mom died. Since then, I'm sure I put up some kind of wall to protect myself from the "in case" things in my life. If I'm a little more prepared for these situations (ie...if I develop them into happening in my mind and come up with a scenario of how I'd react) then I'll be more prepared. And smarter for having been prepared, right?

Wrong.

All that does is imagine a whole bunch of "if's" that may never come to fruition and cause the ones around you to suffer because you are in a defensive mindset.

As a society, we spend an inordinate amount of time worrying. Not that it doesn't have it's purpose. There are negative situations that require attention and our focus on them. Our brain alerts us to them and we deal. Imagining these possible situations on our own is when worrying crosses the line into what could end up as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Mmmmmm...no thanks.

So, this challenge has compelled me to try to see the good when it may not be in my nature (or mood) to do so. I want to be that person. I don't want to be naive or gullible, but I do want to look for the positive. Why? For one reason, I want my kids to live that way. And I want their kids to. And so on. I know the way I lead my life doesn't just affect me, it affects those around me. And while I am 42 years young, I in no way whatsoever think it's ever too late for a person to change and better themselves. It just takes a choice and decision to do so (as well as a lot of prayer, at least in my case!).

Given the choice, and I do believe it's a choice, to let the sun into my life or block it out...I chose the sun.

Some days I will NOT be in a great mood. But I will do my best to not let it affect those around me. One day I will be treated poorly by someone. But I will not assume they did it on purpose or would do it again. One day, I will not want to play "Panopoly" (Shelby's way of saying Monopoly!) or Wii with the kids, but I will turn off my computer, the television, or just let my phone ring and do it because I love them and need to find joy in their joys. One day, someone will talk ugly to me and I won't reciprocate. I'll hold my tongue. (I'll try!).

And...One day, I will probably unintentionally do these things to someone and will apologize... and hope and pray they forgive me like I'd try to forgive them.

Faith, forgiveness and gratitude go hand-in-hand. I'm very grateful to have the capacity for faith and to forgive. I'm just as grateful (if not more) that I have been forgiven and that people have had faith in me. Both scenarios have lifted my heart and made my walk, heart and thoughts lighter as a result.

I've always enjoyed looking at quotes from people. Seems they can put into words what I'm thinking and unable to convey. Lately, Albert Schweitzer's quotes have been on my radar and I found this one that I not only like, but it allows me to end this with some great words I emphatically believe. Enjoy.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Here's to relighting the flames in ourselves and others. And to the faith and gratitude that it can be done.

Truth or Dare

Day 12: Dare to see the glass half full today.

I've gotta be honest...today this puts the 'challenge' in 'Gratitude Challenge'. It is rather daring today.

How do you focus on the good, or what you hope and pray to be good, and ignore the bad? Does ignoring the bad mean you are suppressing reality or choosing not to harp on the negative?

Today, I can actually count my glass completely full if I put my kids in it. And everything that comes with them. They are my joy and I would do absolutely anything for them. Joy comes in different forms when dealing with kids. Some don't find it joyful at all (and hence...don't have kids!). I'm talking about their homework that has to be done, reading with them, playing board games, playing Wii, walking away from this computer and leaving my phone in the other room to give them 100% of me. Taking them to their practices, play dates, birthday parties, bath time (ughhh...for Belle it's a long, drawn-out process since she'd rather LIVE in the water!). All that 'boring' parent stuff I know I'm lucky to be able to do. Glass: Full.

All these things they need that can be time-consuming, take me away from my 'me-time' and all that other stuff that seems insignificant in comparison to them are the things I will NEVER have the opportunity to do again. I prayed for them, was given them and knew what all (okay, not everything!) I was in for when it came to committing to a lifetime of raising my kids. I cherish I get to see them every morning before and after school and that they come to me to do their homework. I'll take every day I have with them as a gift and that makes for a very full glass.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Day 11: Try to see the world through the eyes of a child. Think about the things you take for granted on a daily basis, and then express gratitude for everything down to the basic necessities that sustain your current life.

No, I have not stopped doing my Gratitude Challenge. The days where I haven't documented anything are the days that didn't require writing. Yes, I could have written about them, but I instead decided to just try and focus on them mentally (being they were "mental" challenges, and all!).

Today's challenge is pretty great. We could all use to look at the world through a child's eyes. Oh to have that vulnerability, sense of carelessness, wonderment at all the 'new' things observed and as my Belle would say, experiencing it all with "joy, joy, joy". They love totally and completely unconditionally. They give us their hearts and trust us implicitly with them.

Kids are able to do things with such enthusiasm. So many things are brand new to them and they are experiencing an incredible amount of 'firsts' in life. And let's face it, their responsibilities are limited at this point in their young lives and consequences come from mom and dad usually...people who love them unconditionally and have their best interests at heart! They don't have all those 'adult responsibilities' yet so it's logical to believe it is easier for them to live this way and operate their lives with such spontaneity. Could be.

Another great thing kids do is bounce back. They are so resilient. I am extremely grateful for that. As adults, we tend to hang onto our mistakes and re-live them over, and over, and over (see where this is going?) instead of saying, "That sucked. I won't do that again," and move forward and work hard at regaining our footing and dive right back into our life and the responsibilities we get with it. I know I beat myself up over past mistakes vs. forgiving myself and moving on. Kids watch us and learn by example. I've gotta make sure my kids are watching me take on my responsibilities like I hope they will when they are adults, friends, spouses and parents. Scary thought, I know...

There are plenty of people in the world who aren't lucky...yes I said lucky...enough to have responsibilities. Either they've been taken from them, they aren't free to experience them or they are unable (maybe due to health reasons) to take on their responsibilities. So yes, I'm even grateful that I have responsibilities.

I'm sure I take more for granted in my life than I could ever imagine to name. From my car that is paid for to the fact I have bread and lunch meat in the refrigerator. And hey, even for the refrigerator. But, my family tops the list for sure.

If I tried to make a list of things for which I'm grateful, I'd surely leave things off and the list itself would be verbose.

What I can tell you is the things that would come to mind first are the ones I touch, smell, taste, feel and hear on a daily basis. They're simple things.

The smell of my kids right after a bath.

The sight of them going to bed every night and waking up every morning.

The caress of a hand wrapped in mine letting me know, "I'm here".

The sound of my family's laughter bouncing off the walls.

A deep and true hug from someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

Kisses.

The tingling I get when a prayer is answered.

The fact my kids have never known what it's like to be starving.

Yes, the things I'm grateful for most aren't really things at all. They are experiences, I suppose. I need to be better at experiencing things as 'firsts' again through my kid's eyes. To be able to look at their 'firsts' or new experiences with the same excitement they are. Their adventure should also be my adventure, to some degree. Not to take anything from them, but to explore and feel it with them. So many times, I see the look on their faces or hear the enthusiasm in their voices when they see, hear, feel or do something for the first time. I relish those times. But I almost want to get down on their level and feel child-like about it. Giddy almost. I need to work on that.

I wonder: Is it possible to live everyday through the eyes of a child while still finding "joy, joy, joy" in the fact we are lucky enough to have responsibilities?