Embracing the Detour

My visitor, the possum, showed up again at 3 a.m. this morning. Again, Scout starts the barking. Inside, Duke is howling. And I...well I snapped a little.

Looking back on it, no it's not just about the possum. It's about everything. It's about all the responsibility I have and at 3 a.m. this morning, I had a little Pity Party. Fact is, as much as I may not appreciate or like all the cards I've been dealt, in the clear of the day I know it could be worse. I know plenty of others have it worse.

This is all part of being an adult. I can't turn back time, but I can choose the way I deal with the present (obviously not very well at 3 a.m. with two dogs demanding my attention), but I have choices.

When we come to forks in the road, it's difficult. If one path were certain, there wouldn't be a fork...now would there?! It would be more like a turn!

So at said fork, I can head toward the sign saying "Detour" or the one saying "Wrong Way".

That's it. There isn't one that says, "Clear road ahead!". I know there may be bumps down the road saying "Detour". There may be broken bridges or twists and turns, maybe even some debris in the road...but I'd MUCH rather take this route. The "Wrong Way" is self-descriptive, right? You know what you're gonna get. At least you know it won't be positive.

Regarding the possum, I guess I need to do what a friend suggested ..."If I were you, I'd build it a little house in the backyard and just let it entertain you."

So, welcome to my world possum. I'll try not to go postal on you. Enjoy the fig trees. They are obviously why you are here. Maybe you've got babies to feed. I could set a trap from Animal Control, but then what if she is a momma and I take her away from her babies?

If she's willing to travel every night from wherever she's traveling from just to get some figs, I can't put up a "Wrong Way" sign in her path.

No...it's not just about the possum. It's about being on the "Detour" path. And really... who'd of thought this nocturnal critter would bring a little bit of clarity? I only know one person. And he's grinning ear-to-ear right now.

Momma Bears, Dogs and Possums Don't Mix

It's a night-time ritual for at least one of the dogs to wake me up anytime between two and four in the morning. The door to the backyard faces a corner of the house and around that corner is a pitch-black area which houses the air conditioning units. It has always made me nervous because it's a "perfect" spot for someone to hide out. Yes, I keep locks on the gates. But, let's face it...people who are up to no good aren't deterred by a locked gate. They break into doors and windows...why in the world wouldn't they climb over a fence!?

It's been making me even more nervous as of late because I can't just let the dogs out. Duke can not go out with out me. His back legs are useless so I have to wrap a towel around his belly to make a type of "sling" to walk him around. I have to leave the door unlocked, obviously, so I can get back in. But it's never far from my thought process (being the Momma Bear I am) that if someone were to venture into my backyard, I would be in a very vulnerable position and more importantly...my kids would be in one. Door unlocked. They're sleeping. You see where a mom's mind goes.

So last night when I opened the door to let Scout out and heard a loud rustling around the corner, about 5-feet away, then a "BAM" into the fence that immediately made the fence start shaking...I flew into the house, locked the door and left poor Scout out there to fend for herself. She, of course, had started barking *loudly* as soon as all this happened. And hadn't stopped as of yet.

I peaked through the blinds and saw nothing. I ran to close the door to the room the kids were sleeping in. I peaked out the window upstairs that looks down on that area of the yard. I still didn't see anything and I'm shaking. But Scout still had not stopped barking. In fact...it had gotten a bit more intense.

Since she hadn't stopped barking and I couldn't see who or what she was barking at, I assumed they were hiding behind the fence. The only place I couldn't see.

And for the first time in my life I called 911.

I explained the situation. No...I hadn't actually seen anyone. Yes...that is my dog outside who is still barking. Yes...she's big. A pointer. Yes, in fact...she is in full point and has now backed up about five feet.

The 911 operator assures me I've done the right thing to call since I can't see anything, have two sleeping children in the house and a dog outside who is STILL barking and not breaking her point. She says an officer is in the area and driving around with his lights off. When his back-up arrives, one will park down the street and the other in the alley. Then they will walk the perimeter. She tells me not to be surprised to see lights shining outside the house.

In the meantime, I go back upstairs to look out the window again hoping whoever it is has moved locations and maybe I can spot them.

I do.

I spot the biggest possum I've ever seen in my life who is perched and frozen on top of the fence. "It's not moving!" I tell the operator.

"And it won't...it's what they do."

"Ahhh...hence the phrase 'playing possum'."

I meet the officers out front and point out where the 'suspect' is. They too are surprised at the size of this thing. We concur maybe it's a momma-to-be. Who knows. They ask if I want them to try and scare it off.

Really? Ummm...no that's okay. I'd like to encounter that thing in my backyard again when I have to take Duke out after all this commotion. YES! Make it go away!

All of this to say, I now have two scheduled trips this weekend: 1) Lowes for a security light to install on that side of the house; and, 2) The gun range.

And another thought enters my mind...that would be a good name for a restaurant: The Fat Possum. I'm just sayin...

My Little Man

We went to the pool today to have a little "reunion" with some of the kids friends. As soon as we got there, it was apparent there were more of Ben's friends than Shelby's. I thought...oh boy. Shelby's gonna pout while Ben runs off and plays.

What happened next both shocked me and made my heart feel as if someone was crumpling it like a piece of paper.

Instead of going to play with his friends, Ben stuck by me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'll just stay with you until you go in."

"Why?"

He *loves* playing with his friends. Always has. Actually, this kid is known for introducing himself to kids he doesn't know and has always become fast friends with everyone he meets.

"I don't know... . Do you not want me with you?"

"Honey...of course I do. But we came so you could see your friends. What's stopping you?"

I never could get a straight answer. I have suspicions of why. Part of it involves the kids were already playing and maybe he felt a little left out (though this is just NOT Ben) to he feels very protective over me lately. Maybe he thought I'd be sitting alone and didn't want me to be. But even when I sat by the other moms...he stayed there with me.

Could be he was just out of sorts a little. He warmed up later on and did play with them some. But the way the day started off hurt my heart in a profound way. He's always been such a happy, care-free kid and while I KNOW he's going to grow up...I don't want him to lose that happiness in him that's always been there.

Watching them get older is both thrilling and painful. Especially my sweet boy who wants to take on so much. He wants to "be the man". Which I suppose I should appreciate to a degree, but all I want him to do is be a 10 years old. He will have to be a man soon enough and I know he will relish the role.

But for now, I'm going to have to try and emphasize...somehow...of just how great of a 10 year old he is. And *that* is precisely what I need him to be. My little boy for just awhile longer.

Equivalent Retaliation

I've had different responsibilities added to my job lately. They're quite awesome as they are ones I am able to do after the kids go to bed. So I've been staying up pretty late getting these things done and spending more time with the kids during the day.

I've always been more of a night owl than a morning person anyway. Always. I know. I know. If I got into the pattern of going to bed earlier I'm sure I'd become a morning person. Well, not so much sure as probably. Anyway...not the point.

Point is I've always kind of had my bedtime rituals. Everyone does, right? One thing mine has *always* included is my Pooey. It's a really small pillow my mom gave me when I was a baby. Maybe I couldn't say "pillow", I don't know. I've had two Pooey's as I loved the first one to death (I still have it somewhere). The second one is one I made for someone else who didn't appropriately appreciate it :-) so I reclaimed it. I sleep with it every night.

I don't travel with it for fear of leaving it somewhere though. Can't even imagine... .

My sister asked me once when I was growing up, "What are you going to do when you get married? You think your husband is going to want that thing around?" I answered emphatically, "If he loves me, he won't care." No way was I getting rid of Pooey.

So I get why Shelby loves her Pink Puppy so much. Turns out. She gets it too.

Last night, after taking her Pink Puppy...seems the little rascal went and took my Pooey. I didn't discover this until very late since I was working until all hours.

Once I did discover it missing, I got confused. Actually looked at Scout and thought she had maybe taken it somewhere. Poor dog...always gets blamed. Then, I heard some rustling upstairs. Belle had gotten up to go to the bathroom. I went up to check on her and while there asked her, "Have you seen Pooey?"

The look said it all. A little grin said "yes" even though the voice said, "no".

And for some reason, I just started laughing. Then she started laughing. "Shelby! I can't believe you!"

Maybe I should've been mad but it seriously cracked me up. I have no idea where she hid it since she appeared with it saying, "Is this what you're looking for?". I told her, "Oh girl....your treading on dangerous ground."

We laughed so hard and yes, I know, it probably encouraged her to do it again. But sometimes, you just have to enjoy the moment for what it is.

And for her, it was, "You hit me where it hurts...I'll hit you in the same place."

So my mom hat came off and my love hat went on. And a lesson was learned. From now on when I take her Pink Puppy...I'll hide Pooey first.

An Easy Way to Start

I will remember this summer for many reasons. Something I will remember about it is getting creative with our time...without spending a lot of money. We've never done extravagant summer vacations anyway, but we've always done something. Sea World (many times). The River Walk. Just various "Texas" road trip things.

This summer, however, we aren't going anywhere. It's funny because when I was a kid, we didn't travel every summer. It wasn't expected. Not every family does even now. Of course, the kids friends have already been calling telling them all the places they have been or are getting ready to go.

I have a dog here who can't walk without me. We have other things that are more important to concentrate on right now and I know their whole lives are in front of them and this summer, and the fact we aren't going anywhere for "vacation" will not scar their lives. Hardly.

We still do the usual summertime things...the neighborhood pool, when it isn't too hot. Movies. Play dates. And we also come up with other things to do and laugh about.

Like?

Spaghetti Tacos!

Barbie Hot Tub Par-Tay.

Balloon Volleyball.

Climbing in bed with mom as soon as the sun comes up (because that's as soon as it's allowed) and snuggling back up to sleep-in a little more.

I know...we aren't too, terribly exciting around here. This is our day-to-day. And I'm grateful for it. Like I say, one day all too soon they won't be hanging out. They will be driving. Dating. And not curling up on my lap telling me, "Momma...the only thing more beaufifuller than me is you." They won't be coming down in the middle of the night asking, "Mommy, I'm sorry to come down again, but can we pray together?". Like Mr. Chesney says, "Don't blink...".

They are both learning how to cook a little bit and they love it. Belle actually practices her future cooking show by talking to a fake audience and everything. It's priceless. They've been to the lake a *lot* and have done so many things out there they will be able to share with their friends once school starts. Next week we are going to a friend's who lives on a cul-de-sac street so Belle can learn how to ride her bike before school starts. They both want to ride their bikes to-and-from school this year and I love the idea of doing this with them. Hopefully I can extend that into on a every-day bike ride and get some exercise in the mornings after riding with them to school.

Regardless, this summer isn't over yet and I know we will come up with some more memories. I'm sure we will. With these two...how could we not?! In the meantime, I'm thankful for the summer we are having. For every single day. For me, I'm focusing on the good and simple things right in front of me. It's these things in life I used to take for granted and that's exactly when you get totally lost in this world. I'm convinced of it. It's the whole forest-for-the-trees scenario and I swore to myself a while ago I wouldn't let it ever happen to me again, and I won't. Someone recently reminded me (again) of "wanting more" when you already have everything that's important in this world right in front of you. Things other people would give their right arm for. And I do have it. And they are precious. And a total blast. Can it be challenging? Of course. But that's life. You know. A roller coaster.

It made me recall a song from the Veggie Tales shows Ben used to watch when he was a baby.

I won't post the video, because it's the words (versus the presentation!) that have so much meaning. It's called The Thankful Song. It's simple.

I thank God for this day,
For the sun in the sky,
For my mom and my dad,
For my piece of apple pie!

For our home on the ground,
For His love that's all around,
That's why I say thanks every day!

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!
I'm glad for what I have,
That's an easy way to start!

For the love that He shares,
'Cause He listens to my prayers,
That's why I say thanks every day!

What's It Gonna Cost Ya?

Every parent will tell you, you have to find each child's "currency" when it comes to disciplining them. Each child is different and each will respond differently to consequences given as punishment when they misbehave.

Ben's was easy. Yes we "spanked". NO we never did it out of anger and always explained why we were doing it, hugged after, etc... . But it wasn't long and when we'd tell him, "You're gonna have to get a spanking for that," Ben was like, "Oh. Okay." and it didn't deter the behavior we were trying to eliminate.

Enter his love for trains. Thomas the Tank Engine trains, to be exact (again...thanks Aunt Ang). The very first time we took a train away as punishment...BOOM...he got it. "Okay. Won't be doing that again.". It was great. A win-win, if you will.

And then came Shelby. She always hated getting spankings and to be honest, it's obviously something I never enjoyed doing. What parent does?

Meet Shelby's currency:

My little angel can't seem to keep her hands off other people's stuff. Namely mine and Ben's stuff. I can't tell you how many times we've told her, "Just ask first!". Most recently it was fingernail polish remover and spilling it all over a wood table (yes...table is ruined), playing with my makeup, perfume, closet, Ben's room and rearranging furniture in the game room.

So today I did what I have always considered would be more of a punishment for me than her (since I'd have to listen to the aftermath). I took Pink Puppy. Yes I get I should've done it sooner. Don't judge me.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!!!"

"Yep. Gimme it."

"She's not an IT. She's a girl!"

"Okay. Gimme HER."

"But Mommy!"

So I get her and Belle follows me to see where her friend is being taken. Obviously so she can continue to check on Pink Puppy and my guess...even sneak off with her. I'm just sayin'.

I tell her she can't watch where I put her. She has to have total separation from her. Only then will she understand what's happened. She reluctantly complies with one final request, "Can I have one last sniff?"

No.

I gotta say. So far. So good. She's stubborn though.

No need for comments telling me where she got said stubborn streak from. Thank you very much.

Legs, Eyes and Hearts

Everyone keeps asking about Duke and how he is. Just a couple weeks ago I thought I was going to have to let him go. I was no where ready to do it. Turns out, he was no where ready to go either. He had a bacterial infection in his mouth and the vet gave him antibiotics to help with it. He had stopped eating and apparently, that is why. After his first dose of antibiotics, he started eating like a horse.

He still can't walk without me. He can't do much without me. And he lets me know...and everyone else within a one mile radius. He wails when I'm not in the room with him. I guess he's nervous and he's scared. I'm his comfort. I'm what he sees as his source of safety. That or he's being a brat. Maybe a little of both.

Tonight is a different Duke. For some reason he won't stop crying. He's had his pain pills. He has food in his stomach. I'm in the room. So what is wrong?

I think he's sad. I think he just wants to be able to walk around and do what he wants to do. He's always been a very independent, protective dog. If I was ever in the house alone at night, he'd often sleep by the door or on the bed with me. He was always looking out the windows. Running the perimeter of the fence. Doing his "manly" thing. He has always been my protector and now he can't be and I really think he's sad.

It's a debilitating feeling to be in his position. He knows what he wants to do. What he feels he needs to do. He is totally unable to do it all though. And I'm sure he is exhausted. I want him to know I understand and just want him to rest.

So I sat by him and pet him until he fell asleep. Though he keeps lifting his head and glancing my way to make sure I haven't gone anywhere. I understand that, too. My kids still do it.

They wake up, come down stairs and say things like, "I just need a hug" or "I have butterflies in my stomach". All translated into, "Just making sure you're still here". Since I tend to be up late too, I often (often) check on them at night. They know this, but still venture downstairs because this makes it on their terms. As if to say, "I know you say you're not going anywhere, but I'm just making sure you're around when you may not be expecting me." Big difference in a kid's head. Even at that age actions can mean more than words. So their trips downstairs in the middle of the night satisfies their need to have love and security on-demand. My checking on them does the same thing for me, in a way. I can't tell you how often I sit on the edge of their bed and watch them sleep. Smell them. Kiss them. Put my hands on them and pray.

And just judging from today's conversations, I expect I may see them again tonight...even though they've been tucked in with all the ritual they've come to expect every night of their lives. They need to feel loved. To feel secure. So I have a hard time getting upset with them when they show up in my doorway, especially when I look in their sweet eyes.

I'd do anything for you two and you are my focus. You are why I'm here. I hope you see your mom as a loving, strong, good person. And maybe that's a little boring, but I'm okay with that because we have fun together. Even though the adjectives almost make me sound like a good dog! I happen to know of one of those and despite his legs no longer working - his big heart still works just fine.

I Knew I Should've Taken a Left at Albuquerque

Sometimes when I need to smile, I know exactly what I can turn to. Everytime. No doubt.

Animal videos. Yep. Animals doing silly things always make me smile.

This one I just saw today and it definitely did the trick. This dalmation named "Bailey" obviously l.o.v.e.s the snow. Even though it's beyond deep. The camera even loses him for a minute, but the trail on the top of the snow gives his location away...thankfully. It reminds me of those Bugs Bunny cartoons I used to watch where Bugs is zooming under the earth and a trail would appear on the top.

Without further adieu...Meet Bailey and get ready to smile.

It's in the Mortar

As much as she is a girly-girl, she has an equal balance of tomboy in her. However, my Belle LOVES being pampered.

Case in point: Yesterday at Sweet and Sassy:

"Mom! Why are you always taking my picture?!"

::same answer as always:: "So you will have memories of your childhood. Okay so WE will have memories of your childhood. Whatever. Because I want to. It's the only way I know of to kind of go back in time. You'll appreciate it one day."

I know every parent thinks their child is beautiful, handsome, smart, sweet, etc... . I am so completely proud of my kids. I obviously love their sweet faces, cute little bodies (solid muscle), hair, eyes, etc..., but mostly I love their hearts. I could literally list a million things. At least.

One has to be their propensity to love. And not be afraid to say it. Show it. Do it.

That show "True Beauty" concentrates on this. Not the outward appearance, but how these people act when they think no one is watching. Can you imagine? All our "worst life choices" shown back to us on camera. It's like I've said before, live like a camera is always on you. So hard to do. People get to us. Take our parking spaces. Cut in line. Talk ugly. It's endless. And sometimes it's not even someone else who gets to us. We get to us. Alone at night is when my mind most tends to wander and when I most commonly "beat myself up". Why do I do this? Maybe I need to post notes around with encouraging words and quotes! Who knows...

Bottom line, how we react, and in turn show our kids how to act, is what defines our hearts. Our legacy. Moreover, it's the building blocks of their lives and what they use to form all their experiences, thoughts, perceptions, etc... into the people they will become. And since I'm still trying to build mine, or at least fill in cracks and crevices, the tenacity and strength to do the maintenance is something else they also watch. And the maintenance part should never be overlooked. Never. And so I wonder: Is there anything in this world that doesn't require some type of maintenance in order for it to stay in the best condition possible?

Always remember and never forget: It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.  ~Author Unknown

My Inner Nerd

"What's the deal? Don't you have anything to say?" my friend asked me today.

Are you kidding? Usually when I don't write is when I'm trying to filter.

My brain is full and I'm doing just that. Filtering.

In light of said filtering...here's a little bit of light writing.

When I was first registering for college, I was one of the few who actually knew what I wanted to major in. I also managed to stay interested in that subject matter (journalism) throughout college, and obviously, now.

The first thing I was ordered to buy was an AP Stylebook. I was told it would become my "Bible" of sorts to my career in journalism. And so it came to be. My baby blue, spiral bound book went everywhere with me. For practice, red pens and newspapers were always available as a challenge if we ever had time in class. Say, after a test. I LOVED this. In fact, I still get a little giddy when I find an error in a periodical. I know...little freaky. I'm okay with that.

Back to my stylebook...I still have it (somewhere) and when I DID know where it was, I referred back to it often. Since I'm unable to locate it right now, I'll just list a few of my favorite rules of writing I remember. Plus, looking for my faves on my iPhone app would give me a headache. Yes. They have an app for that, too.

The AP Stylebook refers to the Associated Press's standards for writing. There are definite circumstances these rules differ from English writing. Or rather how an English teacher writes. And grades. Believe me. Obviously, in journalism, be it newspaper, magazine, billboard or television...they want you to use as few words as possible to get the point across. When I switched from PR to Marketing later on in life... I discovered the big difference. Namely...adjectives!

Regardless, the way I write is based on AP style. And, as I mentioned, here are a few notables. Some are very elementary, though I've seen many writings on Facebook, text, etc...totally messing these up so I thought why not:

Affect vs. Effect: Usually, you use affect with an "a" as a verb and effect with an "e" as a noun. One way I remembered it was "a" comes before "e" in the alphabet. Affect is usually the what brings (influences) an Effect. Get it? A before E?

Commas in a list: When making a list of items, a comma isn't needed before the word "and" or "or". Example: Don't forget the towels, sunscreen and water. Why? The word "and" or "or" is enough to separate the last two items. Again...it's all about "less is more".

That: This one's easy. Simply put, "that" is one of the most overused words in writing. Oftentimes, it is not necessary in a sentence. Example: It is not that necessary in this sentence. This one will forever be ingrained in your brain now! So be fair warned.

Numbers: Another easy one. Spell out the numbers one through nine. Numbers 10 and above use Arabic numerals. Exception: When they start a sentence. See? Easy.

Dates: Always use Arabic numerals. And do not use the "th, rd, st, nd"! Only abbreviate the months Jan., Feb., Aug., Sept., Oct., Nov. and Dec. when using with a numeral. Finally, when just using a month and a year, don't use a comma. Example: November 1966.

Apostrophe: Oh boy...where do I start?!
• For plural nouns ending in s, add only an apostrophe: the girls' toys, states' rights.

• For singular common nouns ending ins, add's: the hostess's invitation, the witness's answer.

• For singular proper names ending ins, use only an apostrophe:Descartes' theories, Kansas' schools.


• For singular proper names ending in s sounds such as x, ce,and z, use 's: Marx's theories, the prince's life.

• For plurals of a single letter, add's: Mind your p's and q's, the Red Sox defeated the Oakland A's.

• Do not use 's for plurals of numbers, or multiple letter combinations: the 1980s, RBIs.


See what happens when I filter? Aren't you sorry you asked?!

Enjoy and happy writing.

Beyond My Comfort Zone

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid"
- Epictetus

I heard this quote for the first time while watching the movie "Serendipity". A movie I'd seen come on repeatedly, but never stopped to watch...until this particular night. I've since recorded it on my DVR and as I do with many of my favorite movies, often watch it late at night.

This quote spoke to me. I don't know why it did at the time, but my memory has recalled it sporadically since then.

Epictetus, by the way, was a Greek Philosopher and he has many, many great quotes. This, however, is my hands-down favorite.

All of us, at many points throughout our lives, come to the proverbial fork in the road and have to make a choice. Sometimes it's the road less traveled. Other times it's the well-worn path. We may spend a great deal of time deciding on which path to take. In contrast, we often know immediately which is the way to venture.

To me, this quote says sometimes you have to throw it all out there. Sometimes you have to take the risk. Thought foolish. Stupid. Don't ask. Don't contemplate all the if's, and's or but's. Experience it. That's why it's called "life".

Sometimes this kind of thinking is what pushes us ahead to the next level. The level where we can look back and say, "If I hadn't gone out on a limb and debated all the pros and cons, I might not be here."

And that is me to a "T". I over-think. Over-analyze. Over-react. Over-everything. I'm often thinking of possible problems before they even become a thought in the mind of fruition. Will it end well? Will I get hurt? Is that what is really going on? Am I being lied to? Should I phrase it this way or that? Did he/she take that the way I meant it? Will I fail? It's a defense mechanism that my body has switched to in order to protect myself from certain scenarios. Scenarios, mind you, in which the majority of are fictional in my over-protective mind. But I automatically jump to the "just in case" reaction. It has got to be watering down my life experience, if that makes sense.

I tend to make my life full of too many if's. So I wonder...What would happen "if" I stopped doing this? At least for the most part. What would happen if I were more thought-foolish and stupid about certain choices? I wonder if that just sounds good on paper or it is actually sound.

I think it's what is truly known as having FAITH. Whether faith in a situation or in someone. Why not? Sure I may experience pain. Disappointment. Grief. Or, I could experience a joy like I never would have known. Complete, full and satisfying.

It's simply got to be what it's like to truly believe. Give others a reason to believe in you and in turn, believe in them. Then let go...

The Lost Generation

Listen closely. To the whole thing. It's phenomenal.

Websters May Say It Differently

How do you define summertime?

Maybe it changes from summer-to-summer, but for kids...it pretty much stays the same. Okay, a few things change, but here's the items my kids list that put the "time" in "summertime".

Water (Pool, lake, watergun, doesn't matter)

Tubing

Jet Skiing

Sleeping In

Sno-Cones

Did someone say Sno-Cones?...

"Colored scents that fill the air as drowsy insects hum around in the meadow is the place of secret magic where nature alone renews itself."

~Kate Bergquist

Just the Beginning...

The thought of moving AGAIN makes my head swirl. For many reasons. First and foremost, my kids. Don't get me started on the cop-out "kids are resilient" statement people use. It's just my firm belief kids shouldn't move around too much. They need stability. Consistency. They crave it. I've said all this before. I know. Regardless, this is my life right now and I will do everything I can to make my them feel grounded. Like they have a rock-solid home base.

Secondly, I HATE moving. Hate packing everything. Hate going through all the things sitting in the back of the closets, cabinets, garage...oh the garage. That's a whole other animal.

So I'm determined to at least get a jump on what I **can** somewhat control. What's that? The junk, trash and otherwise random items that have been untouched over the past year. Get rid of 'em!

I started 'takin' out the trash' today. First stop: my son's closet. That kid has grown like a weed over the last year and his clothes alone need to be traded-out about every six months or so. Not to mention his sweet, curious, little sister went through the boxes on the floor of his closet. Boxes with items we hung on his walls of his room when we had roots and felt comfortable enough to get it all out and put it all up. Now strung out all over the place. Don't get me wrong...he has enough out! But I'd love to have shelves on the wall for all his trophies, pictures of him and his friends, books...you know, the usual kid stuff. Things that say, "I live here and will until the foreseeable future so no...I don't mind putting a nail in the wall.

Regardless, two trash bags later, I feel a little better knowing I'm getting a jump on getting rid of things we don't need. Donating things others could use. Packing away things that are much too memorable to ever let go. Ever.

But I'm telling you, due to the possibility of critters alone...that garage will be the last thing I go through! Ughhh.....

Within the Span of 10 Minutes

I left the office for lunch today having no idea where I'd go. A sandwich sounded good. But I didn't want Subway. Nothing against them...just not in the mood.

Ahhh...la Madeleine. Yes. I'll go there.

On the way I begin a game of I Spy...

Three ladies with a cleaning service walking to lunch. One is about 1/2 a block ahead of the other two and why? Because the chick is power walking AND pumping iron. Though only with one arm. I silently hope she is counting the number of reps she's doing so she doesn't end up lopsided. That wouldn't be pretty. And I'm sure she'd be teased.

A 70+ year old woman with better highlights than me. That's it...I mentally start putting money aside for a little T-Time in the near future. Seriously this is not fair. Not that she shouldn't look good. Just that she shouldn't look BETTER. hahaha

A mom, with her teenage daughters, sporting the new fashion I will never understand or wear: A racerback tank top with a regular bra under it so the bra straps show. Purposely. I don't get this. I don't care how trendy or whatever it's become...it looks tacky to me. No wait. It IS tacky. Quit trying to be a teenager! It's like the moms who wear Pink by VS. Hello?!

A tree-trimmer guy randomly walking down the street just cutting branches on the trees he happens by. No rhyme or reason to it. Just cutting them with his chainsaw while walking. He doesn't miss stride or anything. Branches falling on the ground left and right. Okayyyy.....I don't think that's the way you're supposed to do it, but it's Friday so whatever.

Finally, I'm reminded why I love la Madeleine so much. Notwithstanding the fact they have awesome food, the customer service is always good. "Don't go yet Miss Terri," says the manager behind the counter who took my to-go order. "Anyone with a contagious laugh and smile such as yours deserves a treat." As he puts  complimentary chocolate chunk cookie in my bag. Don't need that at ALL but thank you!

Back to work...

How Fireworks and Peace Coexist

There are so many songs I'd include on my summertime play list. One of them **has** to be "Water" by Brad Paisley (video is at bottom of post...love it!) simply due to the fact that everyone in the family loves the water.

Especially the kids. More especially...Shelby. She's part mermaid.

I got to spend July 4th at the lake with them this past weekend and oh-my-goodness. We had so much fun. I kept getting, "Mommy...when are you gonna jump in?" and I'd answer, "I'm taking pictures!". I wanted to capture every moment. I don't get to see them in this free-spirited environment enough and I wanted them to have pictures to look back on. I wanted the pictures too.

I kept telling them that even though **someone** accused me of being afraid of the lake water (not true...just near the shore where the snakes are, thank you very much) I really was having fun even though I wasn't in the lake swimming. I know swimming around with them would have been fun too, but then I wouldn't have had the pictures to remember it all by.

By all accounts, it was wonderful. Kids holding sparklers, playing on the lake, watching fireworks from a boat, witnessing what was possibly the craziest red-neck fireworks shows from every vantage point, listening to Ben say, "That was awesome!!" every time they set off their own fireworks, barbecue, pasta salad and ending it all sitting on the quiet deck with a sky plastered full of stars, fireworks still going off in the distance and a cool breeze coming off the lake. Ahhhhhhhh...

And did I take a crazy amount of pictures! Here's a very small sampling...

And by the way, just in case you were wondering, the **best** way to watch fireworks is from a boat on the lake right, smack-dab underneath 'em. WOW.

Enjoy the Water this summer and grabbing on to every memorable moment you can get...

A Few Minutes Is All I Ask

Every once in a while throughout the day...I just need a few minutes alone. What do I mean by this? Yes. That's right. In the bathroom.

Alas, it's not to be.

Why? Because I was cursed by my mom at a very young age for doing it to her. I would walk in on the poor woman in the restroom to ask random questions, tell her something totally unimportant, whatever... . And she would always say, "Really? Can I just have a moment alone?"

I remember once walking in to show her a puppy one of our neighbors just got. "Isn't it cute?!!!!" and she was like, "Ummm...yes...do you see what I'm doing? This could have waited, right?"

All I knew was I had something to tell her, ask her, etc...and it didn't matter what she was doing. Yes, I'm guessing my children got the "immediate gratification" gene from yours truly.

However, paybacks are...well, you know. So this morning while I'm in the bathroom, I hear my cell phone ringing in the other room and Shelby runs to the bathroom door to give it to me.

"Ummm...Belle. Thanks, but I'm in the bathroom."

"I know...but it's Aunt Ang and you'll talk to her in the potty...right?"

"Shelby. Really. Can I just have a moment?"

:::::wiishhhhuuuuuu:::: memories come flooding back. I start laughing.

"What's so funny in there, momma? Can I come in?"

"Nothing honey and no you can't come in. Seriously...just a moment is all I'm asking."

"Oh alright...".

Yes, mom. I understand and **know** you are laughing.

My Inner Voice is Adorable

Well here I am once again...incredibly mad at myself.

Why? Where do I start...

I know where...my weight. See, I've lost a good amount of weight recently (well, over the past year) and it seems as if just within the past two weeks, I've invited it all back. And then some! And it is grossing me out, to grab a phrase out of the 80s.

I bought my **first** bikini in a very, very long time a couple weeks ago and was actually a content with the way it looked. Surprised in fact at how NOT disgruntled I was about it. Actually looked in a dressing room mirror, you know - the one that is usually not a flattering reflection at all - and gave it the "this will work" approval and bought the darn thing.

So what am I doing today? Going to buy a cover-up. Because if I do put that suit on, it WILL be covered up. Or rather, the parts of me it isn't covering will be covered up.

This leads up to another thing I'm not happy about with myself...my willpower. Which, for some reason, has skipped town on me. And not just with food, but other things. So, I have to start over again and remember that every time I'm in a situation of choices I need to ask myself, "What would I want Shelby to do in this situation?"

Because when I do that, I generally get a different answer than if I just went with my gut-instinct at the time. I want her to be a strong woman. I want her to feel like a strong woman. I want those in her world to know she is just that. Not overpowering strong. No. The kind of strong where she considers the consequences thoroughly before she completes an action. A respectful strong.

Isn't it odd we look after those we love more than we look out for ourselves? Why is it I have to put Shelby in my shoes in order to feel better about a decision? Maybe because her and Ben are where my focus should be. It's a way of reminding myself of their future and how my role at this time in my life is being responsible for helping build that future. The type of adults I want them to be. That includes making choices I would want them to make. I'm showing them how adults, parents, moms, etc....should act. Oh the pressure! :-) They are incredibly bright and I have to remind myself sometimes they are only 7 and 10. Very impressionable indeed.

I guess I'll chose to look at it as a mechanism given to me to make good choices/decisions. I am glad I've been able to incorporated it and will start doing so again.

For whatever reason I do it, it's enabled me see some situations and people very clearly. And for that, I know I will always be thankful.

Now...off to buy a swimsuit cover up. Because that cookie I just chose not to eat was the 43 year old Shelby inside my head saying, "Nooooo...you're better than that. You don't need it."

Thanks, Belle.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered...Received

You just never know what will end up being a topic of conversation on a girls night out. Anything (and I do mean anything) is up for grabs.

I love that I have intelligent friends because it allows our conversations to evolve into "I don't agree with that necessarily, but respect your view..." talks. Most of my friends are like this and it makes being friends with them rewarding. No judging. All "I support and respect you no matter what". And I strive to be that way for them.

So last night when the conversation turned to 'strength', I got inspired by what my friend said.

We were talking about times we turn to God for help and how some people don't, for one reason or another. She said, "I think some people don't because they see it as a sign of weakness. It's like they think it's 'weak' to say 'I need help'. Add to that, you have to do it by faith, since we don't actually see this person we are turning our problems over to and it makes them even more reluctant. I think they see it as to passing-off their problems to someone else. The thing is though, that's what He is there for. It's what He actually wants us to do...to turn to Him. He's not saying 'I'll do it all for you', He's saying "I'll show you how". So, I see it as a sign of strength to have enough faith to know when our issues are more than we can handle and that there is someone there all-knowing who won't just help, but wants to and actually knows what is best for us.".

One word: WOW.

She nailed it.

Of course, learning how to turn it over to Him is key. And we all do it in different ways. There are days I need His help just starting the day and I find myself asking for help before my feet even hit the floor. Other times, I need Him in a much bigger things. For things that require strength beyond what I know is in me. Somehow, He is able to find it and bring it out.

So...I don't think that's weak. And it's definitely something I talk to my kids about. Praying. Listening. Looking for the signs He sends us. Not ignoring those signs. I think I'm getting a lot better about receiving these signs He sends me about what I need to know and do in my life. The signs I either used to put up road blocks to or would have to be 'hit over the head with a hammer' about. The ones that either hurt too much so I ignored them or didn't make sense at the time, so I went on my merry way. He's made me see certain things enough times that I now...sometimes reluctantly...get it. Sometimes I want a different answer, but hey...I recognize my way doesn't always work out. Or at least 'my plan' isn't the right one. The end result may be the same sometimes, but the journey is far different than the map I created.


Now I look at it like this: If He took the time to send it...I'll take the time to receive it.

Nope. Not weak. Pretty darn brilliant if you ask me.And does it take strength? No doubt.

Always remember and never forget: He never said it would be easy; He only said it would be worth it.