In My Face

When I work from home, my morning ritual after I drop the kiddos off at school is to take about 30 minutes to drink my coffee and watch Good Morning America.

On one such day, Bethanny Frankel was on. I'm not much of a "Real Housewives..." watcher, but I do like her.

She described herself as someone who doesn't have a filter. I related.

I used to be a lot like that. I'm sure some would say I'm still like that, to a degree. And maybe I am. But I think as I've grown, I filter more things that come out of my mouth or that I would have shared in the past. Now I'm less like to share as much. It gets thrown back in my face as if I'm not allowed to change my mind and I don't get that, so I've found it better for me to 'filter' my words/thoughts/feelings.

Aside from above...I'm beginning to think I've filtered a bit too many areas of my life.

As for the talking part, I'm better at keeping my mouth shut, for sure.This has actually put the damper on friendships sometimes, but I know now it's just part of it. Assume what you want. I know what I'm doing is the right thing to do.

I'm looking to try and get back a part of me I lost a long time ago. Funny thing is... I'm not entirely sure what part that is. I just know it's gone and I want it back in a desperate way.

I know part of it is my own personal ambitions. I've put other people and things way ahead of myself for a long time. I'm just now realizing I don't have to put myself last in order to put others first. Go figure...

My career, title, salary used to be on a different scale of importance than it is now. These days I'm more interested in doing something that allows me to be a full-time mom to my kids while still chasing a dream on the side. I continually get that feeling of being overloaded, but it's always suppressed by the fact this is temporary and a dream doesn't come true without hard work.

I used to take a lot better care of myself than I do now. This is probably the thing that keeps rolling around in my head the most. If I don't take care of me, how can I be a good mom? How can I do anything? This changes NOW.

My focus has to be narrowed. I can't worry about why others do what they do, say what they say, etc... .

It's time to focus on me a little more. Again, not in a selfish way, but in a "betterment" way. And by doing so, I know my kids will benefit in ways I can't even begin to imagine. And I know dreams will start to be realized and I will make both myself and them proud.

Thanks to someone for bringing this to my attention in the only way it would really GET my attention. You done good.

When Will I Learn?

Tonight as I was making dinner, Shelby asked if she could make some "Halloween drawings" on the front walk. I told her sure and I put the green beans and potatoes on low so I could go watch her.

Literally took me one minute I'm guessing and I walked out to this...



Door? No...canvas, apparently.

 ...and I was once again reminded she should not EVER be left alone with things that transfer color, cut or stick.

Yes that's the front door (not the front walk). Yes that's chalk. Yes it did wash off. Yes...I should've said, "Wait while I turn the beans down so they don't burn and I'll come with you."

One would think I'd learn my lesson, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

In other words, she gets her stubborn streak (as well as her creativity!) from your's truly. Sometimes ya' gotta take the good with the bad! Or at least the good with the...stubborn.

Speak My Language

Me: My knee's gross.

Belle: WHAT?

Me: You know. Where I fell. It's gross looking.

Belle: What in the world are you talking about?

Me: What are YOU talking about?

Belle: Why would you think money's gross?

Me: What we have here is some miscommunication...


We both laugh hysterically at something that isn't even that funny.

But I'm working. She's home sick. There's gotta be a break in the monotony so we took advantage of the closest thing we had. Leave it to two females...

Look

Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder of the basics. The things we all learned in Kindergarten:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Garanimal Free Zone

I don't like things to be "matchy-matchy". I prefer unique when possible.

I like my rooms to have mixed furniture. As in, I don't have to have the tables match (but the same wood stain is preferable!). I like things to be more as in: I found this at one place and this at another, introduced them and look...don't they go great together? And this is a very good thing since I'm really getting ready to play mix-and-match house!

Another big thing I don't like to match is coffee mugs. I actually prefer older mugs. Standard size. NOT floofy ones. No no no. I like the ones they give you as a gift with a purchase. One may say, "Worlds Best Mom" the other "Luke's Locker". My favorite one is the one I got when I ordered Ben's baseball picture. It was supposed to just be the individual photo of him, but they accidentally printed the team photo. No problem. Still my favorite. I like looking in the cupboard and seeing the hodge-podge of mugs.

If it were up to me, I'm not really sure I'd even have my plates match, though the ones I have I do like. However, if I were starting from scratch, I'd like them to be all the same color (white or cream), but I'd be okay with the design being different as long as they were all thick.

I can't begin to tell you how many blankets and throws I have. All different. All soft and comfy.

The stacks of books I have around aren't from a set. They are all different. I'm happy to say the ones in my room have all been read (with the exception of one...it's next).

Candle sticks...different. Magnets on fridge...different. Picture frames...very different.

This is all probably one of the reasons I find peace just walking in antique stores and places like Canton or Third Monday. I'm not looking at the actual antiques, as in the ones that cost a lot of money. I like that everything in these places doesn't match. Again...unique.

I don't like doing or liking things just because other people do. Yes, obviously I get good ideas from others, but I don't base my likes or dislikes on what someone else is doing. At least I try really hard not to. And I'd say it shows. I'm never "up" on the trends and I am soooo okay with that. I guess I'm pretty much always going to be that t-shirt and jeans girl. Trendy jeans? Nope. Gap. Levis. Whatever.

I'm not saying I'm such a unique individual I stick out from everyone. Hardly. I'm just not trying to buy what everyone else is buying or wear what everyone else is wearing. Fact is, I stopped liking Coach purses when they started creating them in designs and everyone started carrying them. They all looked alike! Where's the style in that?

From the looks of things, Ben and Shelby are pretty much the same way as far as their individuality. Thank goodness. I hope it sticks.
Always remember and never forget: Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

Footnote: A flaw in my theory...my Le Creuset. Yeah. It's gotta match. All Cherry Red, baby.

Memories and Dreams

There are those days when I feel like God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me only two children. Then there are days when I wish I could have had more. Always though - I'm grateful for them and know His plan is perfect.

Today was a day I was reminded just what amazing gifts my two angels are. Simple, little things that made my heart tight, my eyes fill with tears and had me thinking I couldn't ask for anything more.

This morning on our way out the door, they climbed out of the car in the school parking lot drop-off line. But as Ben started to close the door, he hesitated, opened it back up and said, "By the way...you look great today, mom. Beautiful even! I hope you have an awesome day." The teacher who is out there everyday to help the kids looked at me, her eyes filled with tears and she leaned in the window and said, "You have the best son!". I responded, "No doubt." and of course, I got weapy.

I went to pick them up after school and noticed just how far the artist has come on the USA map she's been painting on the blacktop. Let me back up a minute here...the summer prior to Ben entering 2nd grade, he participated in a golf camp where he became acquainted with the sweetest boy - Spencer Squire. Spencer ended up suddenly passing away later that summer from an extremely rare and undetected (very fast growing) malignant brain tumor.


Spencer Squire

Since then, I have become friends with Spencer's mom, Anna. Simply put - she's amazing. But that's another story. The Squire family have become advocates for raising awareness of organ donation, not to mention childhood cancer and I have been honored to work with them on the PR of some of their endeavors. Through various fundraisers, part of the contributions go back to the school that Spencer loved so much (his little brother is now in 1st grade at the school).

This year, they commissioned an artist to paint a huge image of the map of the United States on the blacktop.

Donated by the Spencer Squire Family

This picture does NOT do it justice (plus it's not complete yet). It's gorgeous. Not to mention generous on the part of the Squires. If you look at the top left of the photo above, you'll see a grassy area that holds a playground donated two years ago to the school on behalf of the Squires. Now the kids have two playgrounds at recess.

At each top corner of the map are stars. The left side has Spencer's initials and the right.... Carson Richardson's.

Carson Richardson

 Carson was a friend of Shelby's in both kindergarten and first grade. He passed away this year from cancer. Again, a very rare form and he courageously fought it for years. And when I say courageous...this kid never once complained. I had the pleasure of being a permanent sub last year in PE at the school and you flat-out couldn't get him to stop. He wanted to play no matter what! I know his mom also and as you may guess, she's phenomenal as well.

As I stood there looking at that today, along with the initials of the two kids in the top corners I couldn't help but think, "Regardless of anything else...I'm extremely lucky." I get to take my kids to school every day. Pick them up after. Do homework with them. Get them to practices, playdates, tuck them in at night, etc... .

This evening as Belle finished her homework, I got one last reminder:
 

Making homework fun "her" way.

She had some reading to do and instead of just reading the book, she asked me for a clipboard, some paper and a pencil. "I want to write down all the facts and history about horses so I'll always remember." It's these little moments that have a way of whispering in my ear, "Soak it in, Terri. They'll be adults before you know it and you can't turn back time and make the most of it. All those prayers before they arrived led to this. Enjoy this moment in time."

So the times when I walk in Ben's room and literally can't see the floor because it's been re-carpeted with Legos...or the times when Belle sasses me or does her "Hmpph!" grunt at me...these are the times I need to remember it's just all part of childhood. And it's my job to correct this behavior, too. It's my awesome privilege I was entrusted with.

How lucky am I to be a part of their lives? Watch them grow. Watch them learn. It's happening before my eyes and I ache for them to stay young, knowing all the while tomorrow will bring a new memory. I know I can't keep them from getting older and I will always cherish the memories of them being my little ones, but I know I'm so incredibly blessed to hold them, kiss them, smell them and yes, even discipline them... every single day.

Always remember and never forget: Don't make your memories larger than your dreams.

Sorry Giada

As I took a break from work to eat lunch today, I went searching through the kitchen for something healthy. I need to lose some of these pounds I've unfortunately put back on. Yes, I also need to start riding my bike more, but I have GOT to eat better.

So I slice some bell peppers. I love the red, orange and yellow ones. The green tend to be too bitter to eat fresh, at least for me.

I add a little salt and pepper. I pour a little Ranch to dip them in and THIS is where I start heading in the wrong direction. Because somehow this ended up in me having chips and left-over queso on my kitchen counter.

I retrace my steps. Where did I go wrong?

Ah yes...my head. That little place inside that throws out those cravings led me astray and I willingly followed.

So as I look at my kitchen counter now, I'm thinking, "I bet Giada never eats chips and queso. Fact of the matter is...I bet she's never even had it."

Sad or impressive?

You decide. I've got to go clean my embarrassing evidence of what I just ate.

Keeping It Between the Navigational Beacons

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness." ~ Eckhart Tolle

I was reminded today we can only help others as much as they will let us. Seems I keep getting reminded of this again and again.

Yes, I include myself in this group. And really all of us do this at some point in our lives. We head in the wrong direction. Others notice. Maybe watch for awhile to see if we will correct our path. When we don't, they may casually mention something. When we still don't, those closest to us confront us. Maybe even with a strong, "Seriously...what the &*$% are you doing?" Sometimes it wakes us up and we get back on path. Sometimes it doesn't.

All too often we think we know best. And really, it's our own life...right? Who should know best other than us? But when you get so far off track that maybe your ethical or moral compass goes haywire, it's practically impossible to see your own life with any clarity. Thank God for friends and family who don't give up on us.

The question is...when do you stop trying to help? You can only help someone as much as they will let you. Either they completely shut down on you or shut you out of their life, hoping your viewpoint will change in the interim. They argue defiantly there is nothing wrong with what path they're taking. After all, they have the inside track on their life and you're nothing but a spectator. (Need I point out the spectators have a better view of the field than the players?). Or they are in complete denial, laugh it off, change the subject...you know...ignore.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) I was wired to not give up. I was wired to fight til the bitter end. Until I see absolutely no hope whatsoever. I have always felt when people put a wall up when offered help, it's a time to regroup and come up with a different plan.

It's not a time to leave. It's not a time to get angry. It's a time to remind ourselves that we've been there too. We've been in a situation where we couldn't see the forest for the trees.

It's time to hope and pray they come to their senses somehow, some way. That they realize, "You know what? Almost every person who knows me well is telling me the same thing. Even though I don't want to believe it...maybe it's true and I should try changing paths." This is usually a slow process (at least for me!), but better slow than not at all.

It's difficult to watch, but sometimes just letting them know you're here is the best and only thing you can do. It's horrible watching someone you care about spiral out of control and continue to lie, cover their tracks with more lies and flat out blame everyone but themselves.

I watched that today. And while I'm determined to help, I also realize I can only do so much. We are all behind the controls of our own lives. And I know if leave my controls unattended, I'm sure to crash and burn. And my two little passengers are far too precious of cargo for me to take my eyes of my path.

Timing Is Everything

It's sort of a conundrum when you are going through a tough time in life.

You know you have great friends willing to do anything. You realize there are certainly times you need to call on them. But you also realize...if you are used to being a strong, self-sufficient person...when you're ready to not "need" anymore. Something, someone, whatever makes you take a deep breath and realize time moves on and you can handle the cards you've been dealt. Maybe not expertly. But certainly better than you ever imagined.

You get to where you are ready for no more questions. No more "How was today?". No more "I'm thinking of you". Even though it is all, ALL so, very much appreciated. And I have to emphasize that...VERY appreciated.

Eventually there comes a time when you stand up, dust yourself off and go, "Okay...now tell me what I can do for YOU, 'cuz I'm gonna make it and I'm ready to start paying it forward."

I get I'm not the only person out there who is experiencing some life-changing events. It's like I told someone the other day, it's funny when people start finding out about what's going on...they start crawling out of the woodwork wanting/needing to talk about what they are going through. Some of it similar. Some of it disturbingly similar. And some altogether different circumstances, but I can empathize. Times are tough for so many right now.

So when one such friend sent me this yesterday, I was touched. Someone had sent it to her and she sent it to several others who either have or are going through some things in their lives.

I'm amazed at just how many people out there are "in my boat". I'm happy I an getting in a place where I can start being there for them.

On this day, God wants you to know ...
... that how bad things may look right now means nothing, - it's how good they can be with God's help that counts. In life you can absolutely count on one thing, - everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you might be a moment away from a windfall.

Cyclical

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive at where we started
And know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding

 

Free Your Mind

When writing and you can't think of anything, you have what's called "writer's block".

So, when trying to design and you can't come up with THE design. THE logo. THE look. What's that called?

Tonight it's called EXTREMELY, CRAZY, PHENOMENALLY INSANE brain fart.

See? Told you I'm having trouble being creative tonight.

Simple Is Fine With Me

This evening, I went in my closet to get my shoes on so the kids and I could take Scout for a walk.

It's funny how a simple thing like that can stir up memories: both recent and distant.

I picked up my shoes and do what I've always done since I was a child before placing them on my feet...I tapped the heals on the floor then turned them over in case anything had crawled inside them since my last wearing.

I grew up in Wichita Falls and tornadoes weren't the only thing we experienced. We also had scorpions. Not in great abundance, but enough to make you tap your shoes upside down. It also made me think of the horned toad (which we referred to as 'horny toad'...what? I seriously thought that was the name) we used to try and catch. And by the way, they aren't toads at all...they're lizards. Lizards known for spitting blood from their eyes, which I never witnessed, thankfully. And did you further know it was named the Texas State Reptile in 1992? I haven't seen one in a ridiculous amount of time, so I thought they were extinct. However, they are currently listed as threatened species.

I majorly digress...

After I tapped my shoes in the closet, I suddenly remembered last night I had a dream I caught a scorpion. In the dream, my mom and I were trying to catch it. She kept asking why I wanted to catch such a creature (though, like me, she was a Scorpio!). I explained I wanted someone who had never seen one before to see it. We caught it in a pickle jar and put it on the counter. Then we went for a walk.

And here I was, 30 years later going off on a walk with my kids and I had to smile.

When I walk with them in the evenings, I get to watch them have so much fun just walking a dog, comparing the shape of leaves, hearing my sweet boy say the clouds are "really showing off heaven tonight - your mom and PawPaw must have a great view of that", picking up acorns, giving compliments regarding how much his throwing form has improved, commenting on how well Belle pays attention to Scout and takes her job of walking her seriously...as she smiles the entire time I remember doing the same things with my family. The same very simple things. I guess it's what you tend to repeat when you grow up. The things you did with your family. The way you were raised. What you want to pass down to your kids and what you hope they see as important.

A picture of a picture.

So much in life changes as the years go by, but the simplest things we take for granted and the importance of them - the way just these every day experiences STICK forever - amazes me. I worry how I'm not able to do 'special' things for them, like vacations every other family seemed to do this summer, but then I'm reminded of times like tonight and what they meant to me as a child.

The clockwork things. Doing homework. Eating dinner. Helping load the dishwasher. Sitting in the back yard or walking around the block. Talking about the day. Just being together. Holding hands. No television. No phone ringing. Communicating. You know...the "old fashioned", and might I add BEST, way.

I watched them take turns walking Scout. In their excitement, walking turned to running. I actually got an energy in me because of them and I wanted to run too. And I am NOT a runner! But it's times like this they make me feel 7 and 10 again. And it's just one of the many reasons I absolutely cherish them and these every day, simple things.

So if that makes my life old fashioned, boring, whatever...so be it. I'll take it any day. Because I know it's what is forming part of their opinion of what a family does together. Technology has it's place in life. Work. After my kids are in bed. I watch it take over people's lives and then they end up missing out on...well...life. So here's to horned toads, acorns, walking dogs and yes...even scorpions. Because it's the glue that secures our memories of life. Of living. It's what we will remember when it's our time to look back on what we did on this earth and how we did it and ask, "What would I have done different?".

Always remember and never forget:  Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~Charles Richards

It's a Battle Every Day

Belle: Hey mommy...if you ever need your car washed when I have a boyfriend, I just wanted to let you know we will wash your car.

Me: Well that's nice. What brought that up?

Belle: I dunno. I just wanted you to know.

Me: Okay. Well why do you and your boyfriend want to wash my car?

Belle: Because! We could run around, spray each other, laugh and just have fun doing something really fun and silly! Why else?!

Me: Sounds good to me. And thanks, in advance, by the way.

Belle: Sure thing!

Oh help me, help me, help me...this woman-child is going to fight me every day to grow up way too fast.

Advertising Works...Unfortunately

Stupid ads on TV. Everyone in this house wants something.

Belle:

Yo Baby Kick Flipper

That's right. Girlfriend wants a skateboard and believes this is just the thing that will put her at world-championship status. I think it's what will put us in the orthopedics office for a cast.

Ben:

Can you say "addiction"?!

Every morning he wakes up, he tells me how many more days until its release (4, by the way). Can't blame this entirely on TV, but they keep showing little blips here and there and when they do...oh boy. :::rewind, rewind, rewind::: Make it stop!

Me:

That's right...lift it on up.

First: Stop laughing (you know who you are when I told you I wanted it). And second: Heed my warning...do NOT Google "Brazil Butt Lift" then look at the "Images" portion.

That was JUST enough of a dare to make you do it, wasn't it?

You'll be sorrrrrrrrry!

Frenemies

Today was "Team Jersey" day at school.

Here's my two:

Maroon vs. Burnt Orange

I assure you this photo speaks volumes as to the personality of these two.

Now you know just a little of their personalities...and how they react with each other.

Every day is like a science experiment.

Note the "Texas State" sticker in the background. I don't know where they get it, but their respective loyalty to these two fine institutions makes me smile...until they start smack talking. Then...not so cute. It gets ugly people.

After the picture...smirks at each others shirts.

Emotion or Choice? It's up to you...

It's those little speed bumps in my day that have historically made me flustered and taken over my outlook on the future and my self-worth.

It's the recent drastic change in my attitude that tells me constantly, "This is temporary" and unties that rope that used to make it's home tied across my chest and always made it difficult for me to breath deep, focus and move forward.

It's why I now try with every thing in me (and sometimes I have to reach out and ask for help) to focus on the future and all the good in my life. I know I have my share of stress and some people tend to add to it, without even knowing they are. The nosy people. The gossipy ones. These days I just realize I can't change them, so I focus in on my friends. The helpful. The prayerful. The generous. The shoulders and ears.

I read a quote today that said something I truly believe..."Happy isn't an emotion, it's a choice."

Ummm...yep. So I choose it. Every day. Sometimes several times a day.

Because it is what allows me to appreciate moments like my Belle coming up to me about 5 minutes ago telling me she loves me "100 x 100 the amount of people in the universe."

I'll take it.


So when people or circumstances start getting you down, remember you are stronger than you know. Whatever you are going through is temporary and...Choose happy. Even if you have to choose it many times.

Tornadoes, Tooth Fairies and Gravity

Just a typical Wednesday at our house in North Texas consists of the following:

Wake up at 6:15 to get ready for work during this ongoing flood we are having thanks to Hermine (which the girls at work and I decided is a perfect name: Her-Mean, 'cuz her really is!). Yes, we are creative.

Try and avoid the drama Belle creates when she realizes her tooth is ready to come out and doesn't want to pull it. And doesn't want me to pull it. Decides she wants Nurse Amy to do it at school (ah-ha...you get to wear a tooth necklace all day).

Convince Scout she is, in fact a bird dog and made for this very type weather and despite what she thinks, she will NOT melt and needs to go outside and 'do her business' so I can get out the door.

Get kids off to school.

Run back home because the dress pants I was wearing to work are now soaked and even muddy. Perfect.

Finally leave for work at 8:00 and arrive at almost 9:00. Usually the drive takes me 20 minutes.

Work on uploading properties, Power Point Presentations, laughing at and with the great people I work with, convincing my boss I need the Adobe Creative Suite 5 to help make my job easier and the company look more professional. Still waiting on that answer....I don't expect the result I want. :::pout::::

Leave to pick up Ben after school in the still sideways and pouring rain. I pass an ark on the way.

Go inside school to let Ben know I will NOT be waiting outside on the blacktop for him and see Nurse Amy and the new wall art she put up that morning thanks to Belle.

Hence the drama this morning.

Grab Ben and take a look at what homework he has to finish tonight. Belle has a play date so I...

Decide to rest on the couch while Ben plays with Legos.

Pick up Belle from her play date just in time to watch all the tornadoes hit around us. I mean literally watch. Every television station sided up to the funnels and filmed them tearing through DFW. Beautiful nature. Sad results.

Make dinner (BBQ Chicken Wings, carrots, mashed potatoes). Continue to hear sirens going off in the distance, but we're safe. Luckily my kids mom is a weather freak and always prepared.

My cell phone starts going off with texts from friends who know I love the weather and asking me what's going on.

Finally get settled and get serious on the rest of their homework. Ben has science, vocabulary and reading. Belle has reading because she completed most of her homework packet last night. We cuddle up to read "Junie B. Jones and the Graduation Girl". She cackles at the phrase "polkie dottie" and then gets the hiccups from laughing so hard at the name of one of the stuffed animals: "Philip Johnny Bob". I'm so proud at how far she's come with her reading. It was always easy for Ben and a little more of a struggle for her.

Help Ben finish his science flash cards.

Make cookies because you should always have cookies after finishing homework. At least in this house.

Feed Scout. Convince her again that she won't melt if she gets wet. YOU'RE A POINTER not a floofy show dog!

Clean the kitchen. Work on some paperwork while the kids play upstairs.


I call "bed time". Once they are in bed, I ask the question I ask every night as I tuck them in: What was the best part of your day? Belle: Coming home. Ben: Poning Lane's team in hand ball...then coming home. I smile. Get my hugs and kisses. Smell them, as usual.

Then I secretly check to make sure the positioning of the tooth under her pillow so I can make sure the Tooth Fairy knows where to find it. Then get asked by Belle, "Mom, you know I know you're the Tooth Fairy, right?" Me: "Ummmm...no I'm not. I don't even have wings or money." Belle: "You don't have money?! I'm not getting anything?!" Me: "Again...I'm not the tooth fairy, but she will for sure have money". Belle: "Well I don't know how she gets in here then and I don't believe in all that shrinking stuff and I *know* it's not Dwayne Johnson for sure (from the movie The Tooth Fairy). Me: "Yeah...that's unfortunate." Belle: "What?". Me: "Nothing...anyway...I'm not the tooth fairy."


Lights out. Crisis averted, at least for now.
The rain hits the window. My two angels tucked safely in bed. The dishwasher hums in the kitchen. Scout snores on the couch next to me. All these sounds tell me my today is winding down.

So I let my tomorrow enter my mind.

Starting with school snacks and lunch options. It's all about them. Everything seems to revolve around them. And that helps keep me grounded.

They are in fact my gravity.

Busy Breeze Didn't Miss a Tree Today

Every morning, I wake the kids up by singing *obnoxiously* some song. It varies. Some mornings it's "Wakey, wakey, wakey eggs and bakey..." to the tune of "Alueta Jante Alueta" or "Good morning to you, good morning to you, good morning Ben and Shelby, good morning to you!". You know...just irritating enough to wake them up out of a deep sleep. I know...you wish I were your alarm clock. NOT.

This morning I woke up and I just knew it was going to be a great day. I felt it.

It was gorgeous outside. A steady breeze was blowing. Not to hot. Not to cool. "No temperature" I believe is the term.

So this morning's tune was, "Oh what I beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feelin', everything's goin my way!".

And everything did. I made sure of it.

We had fun just hanging out around the house. Doing regular stuff, but doing it together and laughing. Folding clothes. Sorting through things to donate. Things that don't fit anymore. Getting ready for our big move.

Then we decided to go for a walk. Or a scooter/bike ride as it ended up being. We wanted to time how far it would be from our new home to school. We were all pleasantly surprised and the inevitable question arose of "Can we walk by ourselves?" I didn't have to answer because...

Once we got to the school, we saw this...

When did the school do this? How cool! There's always been somewhat of a path down to the creek, but now the Environmental Club at the kids school has cleared it out some, put a little mulch down and it's so much easier to get to the creek and explore. Which, of course, we quickly decided we HAD to do. Duh!

They even made a chair out of one of the old tree stumps:

My handsome lil man.

And his beautiful lil sis.

 These two are definitely not shy about getting dirty and really getting into it. Unfortunately, I wasn't expecting we were going to do this and it was getting cool outside. So of course the bugs were coming out and we were all wishing we had bug spray!

But we did get to go down to the creek and agreed we will do more exploring down there tomorrow.

Careful on the mossy rocks!

Let's go find the waterfall!

On the way back home, both kids riding their scooters in front of me on my bike, Ben yells out, "This is the best Sunday ever!". A cool breeze was blowing on us. Pinion wood was in the air. The sun was setting and I found myself breathing deeper than I have in a long time. A very long time.

Now, granted Ben is likely to call virtually any day in which he's doing something fun "the best day ever", but I had to agree with him on this one. So did Belle.

With excited voices and agreement between them I wish happened more often than it does at this age, they talked about how we will be even closer to the creek now and how many new adventures we are sure to have in our new home...the entire way home.

I smiled the entire way home...

It Doesn't Happen Overnight

I remember about six weeks ago I took Duke to the vet with the purpose of letting him go. At the time, neither Duke nor myself were ready. Our sweet vet said, "He's not ready and neither are you. When it's time, you'll know. You won't be able to get him here quick enough and end the pain." At the time, he wasn't in pain. And I really couldn't imagine thinking I couldn't get him there "quick enough". I loved him and couldn't imagine hurrying him away from me.

As it turns out, she was right.

When I called that morning, they gave me the option of coming in at 11am or wait until 5:30pm. I took the earlier time. Partly because I was feeling strong enough and knew that may change if I spent the whole day loving on him. But mainly because I knew. I just knew.

I wanted to do what was right by him.

Looking back on several things in my life I realize this is how I operate. It takes a long time for some things to make sense to me. For them to penetrate my stubborn nature that tells me I can do anything I work hard enough at. Obviously, that's not the case. Some things are out of our control.

But once it does settle into my belief system, there is no turning back. Once I "get it"...I get it. I guess my nature is since I finally get I can't change it, I don't just cope with it but also make the best of it.

The other choice is keep fighting a fight I can't win or curl up in the fetal position and be defeated. Not only are both of those options ridiculous, I obviously always have two little kids on my mind who I'm trying desperately to "teach" how to deal with life. The good and the bad. Yeah, yeah...I've talked about that before.

But this past week, I took the kids to the apartment complex that would be our new home. I had been talking about the possibility of living in an apartment for a little while to plant the seed. They've had enough surprises lately and I didn't want to blindside them. And while I'm a marketer by nature and touched on various benefits, I was careful to actually undersell it a little. I didn't want to be there two weeks and have them go, "Hey...this isn't what you said it would be!"

So how did my team members react? They could have complained about the space. The smaller rooms. The no yard. Instead they embraced it. They understand why we are doing it and are actually excited about helping pack, move, you name it. They were actually impressed I went and got us a new home. "You mean you got it for us? It's a done deal?" Yep. I did that. For us.

And my Belle? Turns out she has more of me in her than I thought. I went upstairs the other night to this...

No looking back.

She packed. Or more accurately, moved all her stuff from her room to the game room. We aren't moving for 2 months. But like her momma...when it makes sense to her, she acts on it. Immediately.

So here we go. Boxes galore in the garage. Who knew "dumpster diving" outside the new town homes I was actually hoping to move us in to (way out of my price range right now) would prove to be an adventure in and of itself? "Score mom! Today must be our lucky day!"

Indeed. Two kids eager to help. Smiles on their faces. Encouraging words. "Wow Mom...you're doing all this by yourself! You're pretty awesome."

:::gulp:::

And while I'm not doing it all by myself since I have the two best kids in the world...Somehow. Some way. I must be doing something right.

212 Degrees

I was talking to KH last night who has gone through a time in her life I am going through now. She and her little girl are now in an apartment vs. the house they used to live in. Me, my two kiddos and the Scout dog are most likely getting ready to do the same thing.

An apartment.

After working so hard to have the "American Dream" of owning a house. After working. And working. And I'm back at square one.

I told her strangely enough, though maybe I should feel like somewhat of a failure (truth be told, I certainly have my moments) I'm not feeling too bad about this downsize. God never said it would be easy...He only said it would be worth it. In other words, I don't feel like I worked for nothing. There's a reason I was brought back to my knees and the starting gate.

With it come some positives. And while I know Ben and Shelby aren't old enough to understand every thing going on now...what brought us here... I hope to use this new adventure as a learning experience for them. When we are able to get a house of our own, they will no doubt appreciate it more.

Until then, we cut back. I work harder. Maybe even a second job has been mentioned. I know this is temporary. I know it doesn't define my life or my kid's life. My love for them and them for me is all that matters.

When I brought up to them the option of leasing a house (and moving schools) or leasing an apartment (and staying in the same school) their answer was immediate. Stay put. "Please don't make us leave our friends." While they obviously won't get many votes in things of this nature (and never have before!), I'm doing my best to keep their boat from rocking too much. Yes, kids are somewhat resilient, but even kids have their limit. It's my job to make sure they don't reach that limit.

If it means I put in more hours working when I'm not with them, then that's what I do. It's a requirement as a parent to be the 'grown-up'. And really, what's wrong with that?! This over-time on my part will be temporary. Them knowing they are loved and that I am being responsible for doing whatever it takes to help them through this adjustment is paramount and could stick with them forever. They will see what it takes when you believe in something and someone. When you love your kids enough to go the extra mile. Or two. Or three. Selfishly, I could move them to even another town where the rent doesn't run so high and I could go out to eat every weekend, get my hair done whenever, purchase a new wardrobe...it's endless. Ultimately those things aren't what will make me happy. THEY make me happy. Knowing I'm doing right by them makes me happy.

I completely recognize everyone's choices are different and I'm sure some people would think leasing a cheap house and moving them to a different school is exactly what I should be doing. But I know my kids. I know how much they can take emotionally. No one on this planet knows that better than I do. So I make this decision with a great deal of thought and love for them.

In my conversation last night, Bimbolina tells me of a video she saw at work that day and quickly referred me to it. It is absolutely perfect in regards to my situation. "You have got to go watch it now!" she said.

Just the extra degree of effort is sometimes all it takes. Just that little bit you thought you couldn't do or were maybe even unwilling to do. It all depends on if the situation/people are worth it and if you really want the particular results. As for me... my two little situations definitely are worth any amount of extra effort I can muster up. Back in April 2000, my world shifted and it was no longer just about me. They bring me happiness I could never find anywhere else. So for both them and myself, I will always go the extra degree.

I hope I instill that in them throughout this time in our lives.