STOP FLYING ALREADY

By the end of this week, I will have a 3rd grader and a (this part sends me into panic) a 6th grader.

Someone please tell me how in the world THAT happened.

Ben and I were talking about it the other night and at some point in the conversation I said, "I just can't believe how time flies."

So in his nightly 'I don't want to sleep so what deep thought can I conjure up to stay awake' routine, he sleepily swaggers into my room, rubbing his eyes and asks, "Mom...how DOES time fly and WHY does it go so fast?"

Don't we all wish we could answer that question?!

At his age, I was ready for it to hurry the heck up. Shelby is the exact same way. But Ben...he enjoys each day. He never wants to see it come to an end. And if he's said it once, he's said it about a million times, "THIS was the best day EVER!". It could've been we went and got ice cream at a new place, but Ben loves life.

I wish GNC would sell that in a bottle. I'd take it every day. Not that I don't appreciate every day, because I most certainly do. I just wish I had the enthusiasm for darn near everything, as he does.

I'm constantly amazed where me and my two kids are in life. It's not at all what I pictured or what I planned. My "Message from God" today on Facebook told me: "On this day, God wants you to know that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should."

My response? If You say so....

However, despite the curveballs and chaos I have come to a conclusion...I am happy. Because I CHOOSE to be happy.

It didn't happen overnight and it certainly wasn't obtained on my own. I've been blessed with friends and family who want me to be happy too. I've taken some shots at close range from people I would have never expected would want me and therefore my kids to be anything other than happy, but it just goes to show you...never assume.

People change all the time. Some because they have to. Some because they choose to. Others don't even recognize they are changing.

Like watching a ship sail off in the distance, I've watched some of my closest friends grow distant, as well. And I understand it's not even by choice. I know the demands of being a parent with kids our age...busy, busy, busy. Add into it work, keeping up the house, errands, etc... . Though I jokingly told one friend today, "I'm starting to think y'all think I have Divorce Cooties!" :-)

In reality, I know they don't. It's just so tough to make time to do everything we want to do because everything we have to do takes precedence.

And while I watch friends and their families get together on occassions my family used to be included in on, I know why it happens. People change. Dynamics change. I never feel uncomfortable being somewhere alone, but I now understand others may. They may feel like I need to be entertained or that I represent something they don't want to happen in their lives. And that's a very subconscious thought shared to me by a friend. Something I don't think I ever would have thought of, but nonetheless...it's there. But it's okay, as I've become capable of finding those who are in similar boats as myself and am having fun, taking life day-by-day. And every once in awhile, I garner the Ben-enthusiasm and have found myself saying, "That was the best day EVER!".

Friends...true friends...come so few-and-far-between. Grab onto the true ones with both hands and never let go.
Always remember and never forget: "God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who walks away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go."

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME

He certainly doesn't look 80 years "old", does he?

But it's true. This past Friday my sweet dad turned 80 and I was blessed to be able to spend it with him. This information of him being the age he is, when told to others, is usually met with an enthusiastic reply of, "You have GOT to be kidding me! I hope I look that good when I'M 80!".

Despite given some health challenges, he's managed to still garner the "You Look Great" title. He is loved by many, including me. I believe he would tell you he has had a good life and was blessed to be able to retire in the town he always planned to be in (Fredericksburg, Texas).

He's taught me more than I could ever begin to write about. One thing I can definitely say is he's taught me about forgiveness, love and being the best parent you can be. He's told me, "You're gonna make mistakes, everyone does! But you love those kids with all your heart, would do absolutely anything for them and that's what matters."

Thank you, Dad for being the man you are. You have a large role in the definition I have of not just what a parent is, but what every person has the capability of being...if they chose that path. The path of doing what's right.

Happy 80th and I love you!

BACK IN BUSINESS

My apologies for whatever happened to block users from reading. It should be fixed now.

If it's any consolation, even I was unable to access it until last night! Same thing happened to my Facebook account.

A kawinkie dink, huh? Hmmmmmmmmm....gotta wonder what happened for both to be compromised.

LET'S BE BLUNT

A friend recently brought these "Blunt Cards" to my attention. I absolutely love that nostalgic, 50s, retro look in things. These are no exception. However... Most have language I choose not to put on my blog, but crack me up nonetheless. So if you want to see 'those', you'll have to google Blunt Card.

The one's below are funny also. Enjoy!

And finally...and I apologize for the "language"...but it's funnnnnny!

See...the last one was too good to pass up. Even Sue just laughed. :-)

HAPPY 8TH, MY BELLE!

As I say every year, I vividly remember the day she was born.

The day we brought her home from the hospital.

Her first bath (not too happy, but grew to love water very quickly after that).

The first night she slept through the night and I woke up in a panic thinking something was wrong. It wasn't. She was peaceful.

Today she is full of life, still. Full of energy. Full of spirit. And I absolutely love this little girl. She can be challenging (wonder where she got that?!), but has a huge heart and I am incredibly blessed to be able to call her "my daughter".

She's growing up way too fast. And trying to grow up even faster. ("Why can't I wear make-up yet?" Unfortunately for her, that will be denied for quite a while.).

Shelby, I absolutely admire the way you stand up for yourself and others. You aren't easily persuaded by others. You stick to what you believe in and don't let others convince you to think otherwise. I could learn a lot from you. Hopefully, in the meantime, you will learn a few things from me. You are one of the main reasons I choose my steps so carefully.

Happy 8th birthday my sweet, little (for now) girl. Please don't try and grow up too fast. You have your whole life to be "grown-up" and it happens all too quickly. I love you so much.

GETTING ON MY SOAPBOX FOR A MINUTE...OR TWO

I've noticed lately I am ultra sensitive to being asked particular questions about my life.

Intelligent reasoning (aka Dr. A) has it deduced to this: "Probably because you've been in a situation recently where others knew more about your personal life than you knew about it so you are more private than you used to be. A little more guarded. That's totally natural and not necessarily a bad thing."

Makes sense.

Add the fact that I'm crazy busy...not unlike most...f/t job, kiddos and their schedules (and remembering to sync them with MY schedule), miscellanous "better-get-done-or-else" responsibilities, stress and all the other just regular things that go in with life...I'm not the best at remembering who I've told what to or remembering almost anything these days, for that matter. (Perfect example: I couldn't think of the phrase commonly used to vent or air your opinion so I could title this dang post and had to text and ask Ang...which just thoroughly confused her because the question was so out of the blue!).

"So what does it really matter if you are informing others or not if it doesn't involve them?" asks Dr. A.

"I don't know...I guess people think if I don't tell them, I'm either leaving them out on purpose or I have something to hide. I don't want them to think either of those things."

"Okay. But you're busy trying to make sure you have your life, which includes your kids, wrapped up and taken care of. That is all that matters." Dr. A responds.

"I know. But I just..."

"No buts. Your responsibility is to you and your kids. Period." Dr. A insists. "Your life is just that. Your life. And if you...no I take that back...when you make a mistake or choose a path in your personal life that others don't agree with, then you are just like everyone else...not perfect. And they don't know everything that went into the decision you made because they aren't walking in your shoes and therefore not privy to all the information. I don't know why you would get questioned about things that don't involve the people asking, but they need to deal with their own life."

"I just want to do everything right and get annoyed I guess when people start asking all kinds of questions," I answer.

"Guess what? You're not going to do everything perfect. And guess what else? They aren't either." she said. "You being annoyed is a knee-jerk reaction to past events right now and you are working at moving past it. Be patient. Hopefully your being annoyed will take the place of not caring what others think since you are taking care of your business the way you should be."

Patient? Me?!

So how does everyone else make it look so easy? Maybe I'm not asking them enough questions! :-) I just always figured if I had to ask, it's probably not my business or the person didn't feel comfortable telling me just yet. And goodness knows I've got enough going on under my own roof to be asking about the goings-on under other's roofs!

Either way, I've got to shake it off and realize I know where my focus is. I get I'm on the defensive sometimes. But since only I have walked in my personal shoes along this journey, others have no idea what their choices, options, etc...would be. They can guess and speculate, but to say "I'd have done 'this' " is just judgemental. And yes, I will mess up many times along the way in my life and the closests ones in my life get that. And love me. And don't turn their backs or get angry. Because they (thankfully) mess up too. And if (WHEN!) I make a different choice than they would make, they will say, "I'm behind you as long as your happy and aren't hurting anyone else." Just as I do for them. And if they find themselves being "uninformed", hopefully they will realize it's nothing personal and probably not intentional. And if it is intentional, then deal with it. Maybe it's just me keeping my business just that. Mine.

I do not want Ben and Shelby to ever think they need to live their lives to please or answer to others. YES...they definitely need to keep others in mind when making decisions and make sure their actions and choices don't hurt anyone else. But as long as they are doing what they should be for themselves and their families, that's all they can do.

Always remember and never forget: You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time. And everyone else needs to focus on being a little more gracious and a little less invested in others lives.

Yes...I may have added that last line. See? Defensive. :-) Sorry...I'm working on moving past this knee-jerk reaction.

A SERGEANT LIVES AMONG US

I've been really bad about writing lately, but recent events and time constraints have put a hold on what I used to lavishly refer to as my "T time".

At the VERY least, I need to acknowledge my Belle's 8th birthday, which after four long years (I'd say they flew by like crazy) she finally received the one thing she's been request for, well...four years!

Meet Sergeant...our newest family member.

Sergeant is a teddy bear hamster. The name? Who knows. Close as I can figure it's because her big brother gave her the thing...aheemmmmm...I mean the present and Ben loves military things and has been known to call himself a Sergeant (in the Halo video game, that is!). And she also explained, "Because all Sergeants are brown and dirty."...hmmmmmm...something to think about I guess.

Anyway, of course I will write more about her birthday as she had a big "all about me" kinda day. But since I just got through feeding him (does it surprise you?), it made me think of the fact I hadn't introduced him and more importantly: acknowledged Belle's Big 8 day.

More to come....!

HOW TO GRAB THE BRASS RING



I met with a friend this past week who I knew in high school and through the magic connectivity of Facebook, became reacquainted.

When I first moved to Lewisville, it was the end of my sophomore year. I was scared senseless moving to a new please, and being that I was a teenager nonetheless...not my most confident of times...then add on to that my mother was fighting for her life, which she lost all too soon to colon cancer. I was definitely caught in what felt like a kaleidoscope. Just as I'd get a feel for something, it would change.

I didn't meet Andrea until my Junior year, but knew of her way before that. She was a very tall, very beautiful blonde and always smiling. As I found out later, Andrea was going through her own kaleidoscope of changes as she had been diagnosed with a severe case of Graves Disease (a thyroid disorder) and the life she had always planned to have, was abruptly put on hold.

Mind you, while all this was going on, I had no idea. Honestly. Her appearance changed and yes, I suppose I noticed that, but what I always and more importantly noticed about Andrea was her geniuness. She always greeted me with a smile...even when she didn't know me.

Very long story short, I guess you could say that disease is part of why Andrea is who she is today. We never know the 'why' of the curveballs we are thrown in life. We are just expected to deal and make quick adjustments. Most often, we don't make said adjustments all that quickly or successfully. At least according to onlookers who seem to always know the 'better' way or the way it 'should have' been done. Such is life.

Andrea took hold of her life and decided she wanted to do something that made her happy, which included making films. And writing. And editing. And helping others.

So last week when I went to see her for the first time in person since high school, I wasn't sure what to expect. We've been communicating for awhile via Facebook, Twitter and emails, but I had that feeling of when I was back in high school. "Will this popular girl even notice me?"

I had to be 30 yards away when I heard, "Terri!" as she saw me first. She was seated behind a table, signing books for people who came to see her. I was greeted with a big smile. Big hug. Classic Andrea. Extremely glowing, confident Andrea.

She is the type of person who inspires me to never give up on hopes and dreams. To own what is rightfully mine. To reach down further than I think I can in order to grasp that little something extra I need. She is a giver and multitudes of lives have benefitted just by knowing her. I count myself as one of them.

With all she has going on during what is a very crazy time in her life right now, she sat down and asked me about mine. In detail. We have talked about what both of us have been dealing with in each of our own little worlds through emails and while I would have understood if she didn't recall my 'drama', she did. When a friend walked away for a moment and left us alone, she moved in a little closer and asked, "Okay, I know you said you are doing okay, but are you? I mean really?". And while I wanted to get an update about the things going on in her world, it just wasn't the time. She was beaming. Family and friends around her. And I mean who wouldn't be happy with a giant poster...I mean huge...of the front cover of their book blanketing a bookstore?!

Her most recent book is out now and it's lovely...no pun intended. :-) It's titled, "Live and Let Love". Her first book is equally inspiring titled, "Note to Self". You can click on the link below to see her interviewed on Good Morning America this past February.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/video/more-than-just-romance-women-compile-love-stories-12840367

Congratulations on all your successes, Andrea. I am so happy to know you, as well.

Andrea Buchanan

I'M SUCCESSFUL, DON'T YA' KNOW?!

I have to preface this post by stating the reason I am writing this. I started this blog, as you may know, as a way to chronicle events in the kids lives (as well as mine) so they can always go back and read even the most small, silly things. It's easy for parents to recall major events in their kids lives on down the road, but it's the day-to-day things that make them who they are I want them to remember.

In any case, one of Shelby's challenges right now is her spelling. More so than the average 2nd grader, but we're working on it. This will pass and she will grow to be a very successful and productive part of society and have a wonderful and loving family of her own, etc... . All the things that really matter in life. I only say this because she is very sensitive about it, has been made fun of at school because of it and I am in no way trying to point out something she considers to be a "negative". I just happen to know something she doesn't know right now and that is: Her spelling will improve with time and work. :-)
That being said, and knowing how most kids spell phonetically at some time or another, she provided me with a memory I will have for the rest of my life today. Because I'm able to look at it through my "Mom" eyes in the future and not my worrisome/educational eyes of today.

The 2nd grade class at her school hosted a Mother's Day Tea today. Each child was supposed to use the letters of their first name to describe their mom.

I've decided I am going to frame this (KR already said if I don't, she is going to!) and put it by my bed. That way, before my feet hit the floor each morning, I'll read at least the first and last words and figure that will ensure a great day!

To top things off, Ben told me, "Since Shelby got to say nice things about you today, I want to also." I told him, "Great...go ahead."

"Mom...I love you more than old people love orange juice."

That's right.

"Wow Ben. That's huge!"

"Yep...big time, mom!"

I ask you, am I the luckiest, most blessed mom in the world? Yes. Yes I am.

I'LL REMEMBER

Today started off with me waking up Ben first to tell him of Osama Bin Laden being killed by Navy Seals. Mind you, he was in a deep sleep. I told him carefully what happened. After all, I didn't want to insensitively use words or a tone of celebration at someone being killed...even this monster (though I believe he more than deserved it).

Ben's response? "Yes!!!!!! Suck it!". Then looks at me as if, "Oh man...I'm going to get in trouble for saying that."

Quickly he tells me the only reason he is so excited is that now everyone in the world is safer without him on the earth. I agreed. And added perhaps he come up with some more educated words of rejoicing. :-) But that we'd let it slide this time!

Shelby responded with, "Is that the man who was really, really bad and wanted Americans to die?" I told her it was. "Well...that's good then. He should've given up."

It's a historic day indeed. Some have compared it to Hitler or Stalin dying. Saying although Al Qaeda doesn't die along with Bin Laden, the master-mind behind it has been extinguished. And that is huge.

I'll never forget where I was on 9/11 and I'll never forget where I was when I found out the man who perpetrated that horrific day was finally brought to justice.

I'm sure many young men decided today that being a Navy Seal would be a pretty great job. Not fully understanding, of course, what exactly goes into doing what these great men do.

I'm amazed by and grateful to the men and women who serve our country. And yesterday was just another reminder that whenever we see one, we say, "Thank you for what you do."

It's the absolute least we can do.

REJOICING IN INSUFFIENCY...I'M TRYING

You'd think by now, I'd be at least a little okay with change.

Truth be told...It still scares the hell outta me.

I live every single day as if I have it all together. I plan what I should plan. I take care of the business I'm supposed to be taking care of, at least to the best of my ability. I know there isn't enough time in the day some days, but I do what I can.

And although I should only be answering to three people here on this earth (me and my kids), it still seems as though I need the approval of others and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. I know I'm a smart person. I know that only I am privy to all the information in my life that goes into making decisions.

And I do have some decisions to make.

A "pros and cons" list is simply not going to work in making these decisions. Why? Because there is no column for risk. And being in the position I'm in these days, this type of risk holds larger consequences in my world. At least to me. While I know I'm not totally alone in all my responsibilities, I also know for the most part...it's just me. And two little ones who watch every move and choice I make.

I feel like I've let them down in some respects. However, I also know I've done more for them than they realize...and I'm thankful they don't feel that burden of knowing.

But right now, I'm lost in how to make these decisions. I'm confident of one thing: HE will help me choose to the best of my ability. And He is the only one who matters.

"When some basic need is lacking - time, energy, money - consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unshamed dependence. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My Power is made perfect in weakness." (April 30th, Jesus Calling).