MAY YOUR FORCES BE WITH YOU

“Promise Yourself"

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 

― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

THE POTENTIAL THAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE

"Between The Bars"
Elliott Smith

Drink up baby, stay up all night

With the things you could do

You won't but you might

The potential you'll be that you'll never see

The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now

And forget all about the pressure of days

Do what I say and I'll make you okay

And drive them away

The images stuck in your head

The people you you've been before

That you don't want around around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars

I'll kiss you again between the bars

Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air

Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine

Keep you apart, deep in my heart

Separate from the rest, where I like you the best

And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before

That you don't want around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

WHY I MAKE LEMONADE

While I haven't been writing a lot on my blog, I have in my head.

Often at night. When I can't sleep. Could be this is one of the many reasons I can't sleep. Topics bouncing around in my already overwhelmed brain. Making lists. Grabbing iPhone off bedside table to make notes for the next day so I don't forget.

The other night, I sent my Chosen an email to let her know I couldn't sleep and was about to hop in a hot bath to soothe my ever-fidgety legs. (Yes...this is something we have done for a long time. Email each other when we can't sleep. Granted, I do it more than her!).

After I sent the email, I thought about this poor soul who somehow tore off the ticket in life that she would be my friend. Or my "chosen", as we call each other. She's my chosen family. My sister. Ever since I've known her (15 years +), if we are talking about a situation or person who is frustrating us, she will say, "We need to pray for them" when my thought-process was already concocting a full-proof plan to run then over with a car.

When she does this, I tell her, "There you go again...making some lemonade".

She is the supreme preparer of the lemonade pitcher. I don't care how many lemons I toss her way, she slices them up and makes *#!^% lemonade out of them.

So when I lost my blog address awhile back (on purpose because I didn't want to pay for a private one), I have been lost in a conundrum of coming up with a new title for my blog.

Thanks to fidgety legs and a cumbersome brain at 4:00 a.m., I came up with it.

Thank you, Angela. You have ONCE AGAIN made something wonderful out of my lemons. Just to warn you, I add tequila and salt from time-to-time so hang on!

XOXOXO

CHOICES ON THE MONKEY BARS

I often get to carpool early enough to park and catch sight of some classes still enjoying their time on the playground at recess. It never fails as I watch them to think, "I remember running at full speed for no reason at all. Wish I had the energy to do that now!"

They're playing freeze tag. Kickball. Doing cartwheels in the grass. Some are just sitting off to the side talking. I can only imagine those conversations.

Yesterday, a young girl hanging on the monkey bars caught my attention. She stopped right in the middle and kept shaking her head. Her friends below continued to urge her on. "You can do it! You're almost there!" Apparently, as afraid as she was to continue to go forward, she was equally (if not more) terrified to let go.

How many times do we find ourselves in this predicament in life? "I don't want to risk going in the direction I've been going, but letting go is unthinkable."

Ultimately, we have to make the choice. Either we are forced to pick a path or we release ourselves with the power to chose it for ourselves. Either way can be scary. But it can also be invigorating and exciting to do something new.

I have found myself at a pretty big crossroad and it's been swirling around in my brain for a couple months. The choice has become increasingly clear, especially during prayer the other night. I keep praying and asking for His help with one thing: A positive change. I don't get specific about it, frankly because He knows more than I do what will propel the change I need. I know without a doubt I need (NEED) more income. I know I need to stop people in my life from affecting my sense of self (my fault, not theirs).

So the other night as I was pleading with Him and asking why He isn't helping me, I got my answer.

He told me He has been trying to help me for a long time...even longer than I've been asking, but I've got to let go of what is holding me back. I have got to let go of things and people who I am allowing to stop me from turning onto the path I need to be walking on right now.

Again, I take sole responsibility for how these external influences affect me. I'm just now willing to take accountability of how they will in the future.

I don't know how it will turn out, but I know I'm in desperate need of my feet being firmly on the ground.

So I'm choosing to let go. Just like the little girl did on the playground.

Always remember and never forget: Sometimes when you release your grip, you're able to grab something more meaningful.

FOREVER A FAVORITE

For many reasons, this hymn will always be not only a favorite of mine, but somewhat of a touchstone during this ever-changing ride of life. It is a reminder of exactly Who is a constant. If you're looking for Him to give you a sign to show you everything is going just as it should, you've missed the point. And believe hard-headed-me, I miss the point all, too often.

It is by faith we 'see' His message and know He has outlined and prepared our path. Of this I'm certain.

Because a couple years ago I couldn't imagine how I would go on and today...I can't imagine how I will fail. Bumps, detours and downright standstills in this road I travel don't have near the effect they used to have on me.

So thankful for my precious friends, both new and old, He continues to put on my path who often act like bumper guards in a blindfolded bowling match I'm trying to win!

 

 

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL
by Horatio G. Spafford, 1873

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

 

JUST A LITTLE CHANGE

So in the spirit of becoming more minimalist, I decided I no longer wanted to pay for a custom domain since I can still have a blog...for free.

I'm in the middle (okay beginning) of changing the name, creating a new design and most importantly...registering the new :::free::: domain name.

I've been greatly inspired by some writings lately. One in particular that come from one of my favorite quotes and one of my favorite authors.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
it goes on.
~Robert Frost

 

 

 

We (me) tend to get caught up on all the things that haven't gone right. Translation: that haven't gone as we predicted, prepared or expected. When truth be told...He has us (again...me) right where He wants us. This isn't the end of our story.

 

Past disappointments or even pains creep into our own definition of ourselves much like grass grows in our backyards. It happens right before our eyes. We water it. Fertilize it. Sometimes we even pick out the weeds that impede its turf. But we never actually see the growth happen. One day, you look out your kitchen window and realize...damn, it's a little unruly out there. I better mow.

When I look at my kids...when I look at how some adults live their lives...at overall choices we all make...it makes me more aware. More aware of what we are fertilizing our lives with...our kids lives...our friends and family.
 

We all know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their own hurt. Their own pains. Their own story. Sometimes we just get a little too caught up in our own stuff to realize our lives are pretty damn good.

 

I've been blessed incredibly. Likewise, I've been disappointed and I know I've created disappointments. Who hasn't? You can only dwell on them for so long before it starts eating you up. So we let go of what doesn't work and move on. You can't trip over things you've left behind.

 

It's time to refocus.

 

Someone said to me recently that one of his favorite things was "the 2.3 seconds of static when you put the needle down on a record before the music starts...you know, the sound of anticipation". I don't know exactly why, but something about that statement made my jaw drop.

 

Yes. Yes, I know that feeling. What a great thing to pay attention to. Something so little, but it made me think of the little things and what else I'm missing because I'm so 'busy' with all the things on my daily "To Do" list.

 

It won't be easy, but He never promised easy. He did say it would be worth it though.

 

So I'm letting go of "new kind of normal". After all, nothing is normal! I know I'm not...thankfully.

 

Listen...I hear the static...

BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE 10...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

When life throws you curveballs...when people try to distract you from the course you're trying to stay on...when you beat yourself up for not working out even ONCE last week after you've been doing so good...

Your 10 year old, full of life and hope daughter comes into the room and says this:

When I grow up, I want to be a painter in Paris. Or maybe a surfer. Ooooh or a dolphin trainer or a unicorn breeder. Maybe a leprechaun feeder. Alongside that I'll open a spa for eagles and do their talons. Then invent an animal. A bear/puppy...a buppy. Or be a DJ or an 90s singer. That would be fun. I'd also be a great comedienne. Also a clown dentist because clowns need dentists too...

At this point I simply had to tell her to stop. As you can imagine, I couldn't hear anymore because my laughing was drowning out all the rest. 

God I love these kids!!!

JUST LOOKING FOR SOME PEACE...

Fighting to have your way does not increase your peace.

Not asking for what you want does not increase your peace.

Failing to take responsibility for yourself does not increase your peace.

 

Trusting that you are always doing the very best you can will and does increase your peace.

Engage in self-loving, self-nurturing, self-supporting behaviors and activities.

 

You will know peace when you are willing to be peaceful.

 

 

~ Iyanla Vanzant

I'M SORRY, BUT...UMMMM, NO, NO, NO

As I've grown older, wiser and ultimately more upfront about things than I used to be...I've also become a whole lot more understanding of the words, "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you". Not always presented with those specific words, but you know all the adaptations out there.

My bad.
Oops.
I really screwed the pooch on that.

And likewise...

Don't give it a second thought.
No worries.
Fugeddaboutit.


Things happen in this life and none of us, I repeat, NONE OF US are perfect. And you may even be one who thinks, "No, I'm not perfect, but I try harder than most." you're wrong. You have no idea how hard (or not) others try. Get over that little theory pronto.

When I mess up, and unfortunately I seem to do this a lot more than I'd like, I admit it. It isn't easy. It can be downright humiliating. But I own up to it. If I said I would do something for you and I forget, you're gonna get a big, fat, I-can't-believe-I-did-that apology and I guaranty you will forget about it long before I do.

Same with commitments. My schedule is crazy and I'm not glorifying that. I'm saying I'm not always perfect (there's that word again) at keeping it as on track as I'd like it to be, but I actually do realize my schedule may affect someone else's and when there's a conflict, I try to let it be immediately known. Likewise, when someone else has a hic-up in their schedule and it affects my life, I blow it off with a, "Please...things come up. Don't worry about it!"

So today, when someone I'm working with on a deal wanted to blame their mistake on me and have our clients think that to be the case? Ummmm...no. Not gonna happen. While I definitely am not the type of person to throw you under the bus with your clients if you make a mistake - don't even THINK it's okay for me to take the blame for something you forgot to do.

Sorry. No. Uh-uhhhh.

Always remember and never forget: If you mess up, toss out a sincere "Dang! I'm sorry!". If you aren't forgiven, that's the other person's baggage to carry.

I LOVE TO...

Like the author of the article I'm posting the link to below, I tend to be too wordy at times. (Who? Me?). It's always been my nature. Oftentimes this little trait will cause me trouble.

I may use 127 words when actually 3 would do and confusion sets in with the party I'm attempting to communicate with. Shocking.

But the mom below (www.handsfreemama.com) said it best.

When we are trying to let our kids (or someone else) know how we feel, it doesn't always take a dissertation to relay the sentiment. We aren't always called to teach a lesson or guide a path. Sometimes we just need to say a few, albeit, monumental words.

Ben and Shelby...
I love to be with you.
I love hearing you laugh.
I love hearing you argue with each other.
I love knowing you will be there when I walk in at the end of a long day.
I love knowing you count on me.
I love more about you than you will ever know or I could ever put in a list.
I love you.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/16/six-words-you-should-say-today/


Thank you to my friend Anna for bringing this wonderful blog to my attention. :) Sometimes it's the little things you do, like posting a blog link on your Facebook page, that turns someones day around. Sometimes we never know the impact we have on others. Well Anna...consider me 'impacted'!

TECHNOLOGICAL GUT PUNCH

My son joined Facebook this weekend. He's 13...aka of Facebook age...and I honestly think it's more of a technological interest of his that hopefully passes. I say hopefully because it's something I'm beginning to think I need less and less of in my life.

I work in an office with no windows and 95% of the time, alone. It's what I've always referred to as my link to the outside world. My watercooler, if you will.

But on a night like tonight...and I'll admit I've had quiet a few of these nights in the past couple years...technology has put a sour taste in my mouth. My blog has become my main means to vent. And that's just when I make the time to log-in and do it.

Most of my time is spent hanging with the kiddos, but these first two days of summer break has been an eye-opener. They are stuck in this apartment so they have nothing better to do but...you guessed it...technology. Video games. Television. Crap. My youngest actually passed up the opportunity to go get a snocone tonight in order to stay home playing some stupid video game. Who does that? I was so baffled and thought she'd actually change her mind when we headed for the door, but she didn't. Next time, no choice. She's going.

I don't want them to turn into "those people".

You know the type. Heck...you may be the type. The kind of people who aren't there. Who, when family or friends call or come by, they are so preoccupied with the one-dimensional world, they don't pay attention. Or they just no longer make time for a phone call. When in a room with people, they're more interested in rudely carrying on a text conversation than a face-to-face one with people in the room.

If someone calls me, I answer. If I'm not with my kids or in the presence of someone else and you text me, I answer. If I'm with someone, I'll answer soon, but you definitely won't be ignored. And I do this NOT because I'm less busy than you. I do this because it's just what you do. Or at least, it's what you SHOULD do. I'm a busy as the next person (and believe me, I'm in no way glorifying being busy...we all are!), but I flat-out make time for those in my life (unless you yell and cuss at me, then not so much!).

I don't want my kids to forget what seems to be a HUGE thing missing in this world...communication. Not technological communication. Actually talking to someone. Making the time for them.

People don't pick up there phones anymore with a friend calls. It's disgusting. And I've been bad about it in the past, but have made concerted efforts in the last few years. Maybe because I'VE needed people to pick up, so it became evident to me just how important a phone call can be.

Regardless, for someone who has earned a paycheck due to technology...it's really punched me in the gut tonight.

THE ONLY REAL TRAP IS GETTING ATTACHED TO ANY OF IT...

Dear David,

We haven’t had any communication in a while, and it’s given me time I needed to think.

Remember when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy? Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer, trying to make it work.

But my friend took me to the most amazing place the other day, it’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great Emperor, how could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would one day be in ruins?

It’s one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up, around it over centuries, feels like a precious womb, like a heartache you won’t let go of…as it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same, David. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.

Then I looked around this place, at the chaos it’s endured, the way it’s been adapted, burnt, pillaged then found a way to build itself back up again and I was reassured. Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.

Both of us deserve better than staying together because we’re afraid we’ll be destroyed if we don’t.

 —  Elizabeth Gilbert (Julia Roberts), Eat, Pray, Love

HEY...YOU TEXTING TO ME?

I look back on my text conversations with people from time-to-time and just have to laugh. I mean I have some interesting people in my life. I swear if someone got ahold of my phone who didn't know me and read all my texts, the word "diverse" would be one of the first words out of their mouths.

Here's just a few examples.

Just a simple question because I was frustrated our apartment complex had me move every, damn thing off my balcony because they SAID they were going to powerwash it...and they did NOT, turns into...

 

Alone on a weekend night, already in bed, thinking "everyone is out right now having fun or on a date or out with friends and here I am...really?" and surely on my way to a pity party of sorts (shocker), then from out of nowhere BING...

 

 

And, thankfully, I get some 'feel good' ones also... . This was sent to me by someone who I was telling about a story on the news that had to do with the horrible treatment of seniors in some area assisted living centers. The person I was telling happens to work for a large company who runs very nicely run and well-maintained Alzheimer's homes across the nation. After telling me, "Yeah...I could tell you some sad stories that happen to patients before they come to us" and me basically replying, "Stop! You're making me cry" he quickly followed up with this...

I've got some crazy people in my world who make me laugh both when I need it and when I have no idea how much I need it. They come through.

Thank you, God for simple blessings of hilarious texts (and sweet texts, too) that put a smile on my face when I need it most!

PRIORITIES IN-CHECK

What did I really want to do tonight? Relax.

What did I really need to do tonight? Go running.

Why didn't I do either?

I actually have two very good reasons for that. One: I need new running shoes. The ones I have are 2 years old (at least) and my feet have revolted for the last time that there will be NO more running until I obtain new ones. That is first on the list after tomorrow's paycheck.

The second reason: My little fish wanted to go swimming and being that it's actually been hot outside and she's got some major Spring Fever...I decided to make her night.

Today: Happy fish.

Tomorrow: Happy feet.

THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD

Today turned out to be a prime example of how quickly a day can turn from good to holy-crap-how-did-I-get-here?!

As soon as I got home from work, it became clear it was a day I didn't only need another me, but a couple other me's. Let's just say many (many) errands for two kiddos needed to be run, to several places in several towns.

After the last errand, I announced I was home for good and please don't ask me to go anywhere else. Oh yeah, and I got them KFC for dinner. Score yet another for Mom of the Year voting. I'm surely a shoe-in at this point...ha.

Fast forward to the end of the night and I see pen marks on the leather couch. Again. And I know exactly who did them. Again. I'll go ahead and admit right now I could have handled it better. I didn't yell or scream, but my exhaustion from the evenings treks along with my trying to keep this place clean got the better of me.

I knew my sweet girl was the culprit. She's done it before. The couches aren't prized possessions, in fact they were donated to us in very used-shape by a friend who knew we needed furniture, but they are all we have and I've tried to take care of them. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal. But tonight, it was the proverbial "straw" that broke, well...my back.

Add on top of that, I glance around my surroundings and am reminded I'm raising two kids in an apartment, this isn't what I want for them, we could use a little more room and they should be able to go outside and play...swoooosh! It's easy for my thoughts to get carried-away. By now, you may (MAY) start to see why my mind sometimes starts swirling with "how did I get here" depression along with "what am I doing wrong", then add in "how does everyone else make it look so easy". Of course it's impossible to truly convey this roller coaster ride and it's ridiculous to think others have it so much better. Everyone has their battles. Everyone.

But tonight was mine.

Like I said, I didn't scream but I did let her know I was utterly tired of having to remind her time-after-time about this. She said it was an accident and was apologetic. (And I know it was an accident). It's a stupid couch and I could have relayed the message so much better to her as I know I made her feel bad when what I really wanted to get across was "I need you to feel responsible enough for it to stop happeing, please". I will handle it better next time because tonight, I did it wrong. I was tired and over-stretched.

We are all our own worst critic when it comes to the type of mother we are. Especially if you are a single parent. Then you simply have no one else to blame and say, "Hey...YOU could've handled that better!" or tag when you are at your breaking point for the day and say, "You're turn. I don't have anything left."

After getting them both in bed. Telling them I loved them and sweet dreamerz, I headed to my room. To lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Silently.

I went over my usual "you suck" list in my head.

* You live in an apartment.
* You're raising two kids alone (yes, they have a dad who sees them every other weekend, but I'm talking the every single day kind of parenting...the kind that offers no respite).
* This was not the life I had in mind.
* These kids are too awesome and deserve so much better than this.
* You make a ridiculous amount less money than you used to.
* You need to be in better shape.
* You need to eat better.
* You definitely need more sleep.
* When is the last time you mopped in this bathroom, it's filthy!?

Then....knock, knock.

It's Ben.

Mom, come out here a second. I want you to hear something.

I wipe my eyes trying to hide the fact SuperMom was just locked in the bathroom, sitting on the bathmat crying. Oh hell...no use. I quickly decide, it's okay for them to know I cry. I know he hadn't heard me, but my sensitive Ben had apparently sensed I had hit a wall.

      Hey Ben. What's up?

I just wanted you to hear a song that I listen to when I want to feel better.

He scans through his iPhone library and the next thing I hear is Coldplay's "Viva La Vida".

It reminds me of you only because I think it talks about being strong and not doing what everyone else is doing. And how it's okay to not have a lot...at least that's stuff I think it says.

He tells me to listen to it and I do. Just as I'm focusing on the words, he stops it.

What does that make you think of?

     When things were easier. I answer.

See mom? That's why I wanted you to hear it. It always makes me feel better. But that's not just it. You still rule, Mom. You do. I wouldn't be here without you. I mean like LITERALLY, Mom! But also, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Whether we are in an apartment or a mansion, we don't care. You give us all we need. You love us more than anything and I know that for sure.

He puts his arm around me and has a big smile on his face because my Ben likes helping others and he just helped me.

DAYYYUM that kid (errr...teenager) is good. I know I can't take full credit, but I must be doing at least SOMETHING right. Right?!

Shelby came in and sat with us and agreed with all he said. Said as long as we're together, that's all that mattered. Then Stella felt the need to roll around and demand attention saying she too wanted to be part of this crazy trio and round our little family out to four.

Not every day is good. And not every day is bad. Sometimes it's okay to let your kids know, "I've hit my limit and need to sit on the floor and cry a little". Because they learn by example and how else will they figure out how turn turn the tears into joy and laughter with the help from some amazing kids and a foster dog who has earned her place in this crazy family.

Always remember and never forget: It's not a competition. We are all a little crazy and need help sometimes.


I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
~Coldplay, Viva La Vida

YOU'RE NOT QUITE GETTIN' ME

Me: Shelby, you need to be more self-sufficient.

Shelby: I AM self-sufficient! Now what does that mean? Will you go get me the dictionary? And will you look it up for me and tell me the definition too?

TOUCHSTONES

It really doesn't take much to create a memory. Note the word 'create'. Lots of memories happen without any pre-planning required. But some take just a little effort.

It can be as simple as hiding Easter eggs for an almost 13 year-old boy (one week away!) and an almost 10 year-old girl (just another month!) in an apartment. Yes, an apartment. We used to have a large yard to hide them in. Trees, bushes, wispy fountain grass, daisies...all made for the perfect hiding spots.

These days it's an apartment with older kids whom, at first tell you, they're too old for an Easter Egg Hunt. Until they walk in the door from a weekend away from home, spot two baskets on each of their beds. One full of a very modest amount of goodies, but they're thrilled, nonetheless. And another basket that's empty. Because there are about 3-4 dozen eggs hidden around their rooms, living room and patio.

All of the sudden, the kids who were too old to hunt Easter Eggs are knocking each other down to try and find them.

When you're left with a minimal amount of 'things', a certain hunger begins to get rid of the rest of the waste. So much of what we all have is unnecessary. Me included. I've got so much down in my garage/storage that I need to donate. Maybe other people need it. And if not, I surely don't, because it's collecting dust.

Just give me my two Egg-Hunters and let requests like, "Momma...will you read me a book while I take a bubble bath?" continue to be happen on a regular basis and for as long as possible. Even though she cracks the bathroom door now. You know...modesty has hit. :)

Things and friends in our lives come and go. You can't really count on any of it.

But my kids are my foundation.


They...I cherish

They...I can always count on.

They...are all I really need.

DECLARATION: TODAY SUCKED AND THAT'S OKAY

I'm not normally one to bash Monday's. But today...Monday sucked.

For many, many reasons. And what I really mean by that is if one of today's agenda items had happened by itself, or even with a couple more not-so-great things, it still would have been an okay day. Instead, it was a constant barrage of CRAP. And I've gotta say, it all seemed to come from people using only a fraction of their brains.

Idiotville, I'm telling you!

Top it off with an almost 10 year old girl who decided to talk a little sassy at the tail-end of my already "I've f-ing had enough" day  (what's this?) and a young man who, even though he is now two-inches taller than I am, thinks he can still JUMP on me like a rag doll (hello old age!)...I need a break.

Moreover, I've decided it is A-OKAY I feel this way.

Every single day doesn't have to be "I'm fine...it's fine...everything is fine". Every once and awhile, it's okay to say, "Man, today sucked!" Could it have been worse? Well, DUH! I mean, really??? Of course it could have been! But in my world, today's events kicked my arse. The rapid-fire-succession of brain-dead, thoughtless, careless, narcissistic, let-me-make-my-problem-your-problem, "are you going to call me back?" people just plain wore...me...out.

I swear if I have one more needy person beg for attention, I'm gonna scream.

This day started with me dropping sweet foster Stella off at the vet to go through a painful healing process to rid her of heartworms. (Attention! If you own a dog...give it monthly heartworm preventative!!! It's not expensive and it can not only save their lives but prevent them from going through the pain of the treatment to hopefully get rid of them!!!!).


There. I may actually feel a little better now!

THE POST THAT ALMOST WASN'T

I've started this post about 15 times and gone back and erased it every time. The reason I've erased it is because I started it for the wrong reasons.

I was angry, hurt, frustrated and wanted to vent. I wanted someone to know in no uncertain terms that being hateful, saying mean things, apologizing, then doing it all over again was no way to say, "I'm a Godly person. I'm a person of character."

Then I realized by posting something while I was so low, I would in essence be doing the same thing...showing a side of me God wouldn't want me to show.

Instead I'm choosing to do this.

Things don't always turn out the way we hope. Or the way we plan. So we make the best of situations life throws our way. I'm making the best of things right now. When things don't go my way, I put on my big girl panties and I pray. I don't hurl insults at anyone. I don't get hateful at people. Do a lot of not-so-great things get said in my head? You bet your sweet ass they do! But I've got enough control at this point in my life to not be mean.

God gave me a very blessed life. Like everyone...EVERYONE...I've had some challenges. But as we all know, the pity party is a place to visit...don't ever stay too long.

So instead of ranting, calling someone out over their words and actions or any number of immature things I could do...I'm going to remind myself in this post how lucky I am to have what I have.

I may not be have traveled the road I intended, but I'm pretty sure I am now headed where I'm supposed to be.

HELP AND HARM

Love it and agree.



Help and Harm
By Doe Zantamata

If you can help yourself
and it doesn’t harm another, then do it.
Never feel guilty about receiving good things.

If you can help another
and help yourself then do it.
This is what’s known as a win-win.

If you can help another
but it would harm you, don’t do it.
You’ll resent them later
and they will have no idea why.

If you can help yourself
but it would harm another, don’t do it.
Anything you gain or achieve will never be worth it.

If you can help another
and it neither helps, nor harms you, then do it.
This is true selfless giving, and each time
it is extended, the world becomes
a slightly better place.

LETTING GO

Letting go isn't always easy.
But it is necessary in order to move on.

It's not about blame.
Or hate.
Or jealousy or even trying to fix what you think may have been broken.

Memories fall on our hearts like a permanent stain.
Whether as a lesson or a mistake. These blemishes paint a picture of who we are. Who we are to become.

The adventures that brought us to this point.
A road map of our next journey. And maybe where not to tread again.
Other times, a suggestion of poor timing.

Letting go frees us to embark on the adventures God has in store.
He never wants us to be weighed down. Unable to fly. No. That is never His plan.

Letting go is about love. Whether for yourself or someone else.
It oftentimes takes a great deal of courage, because it may have been a dream you're saying 'Goodbye' to.
It's about daring to take a leap of faith.

I hope you are able to look back on whatever you are letting go of with some type of fondness.
A little laughter and maybe some hope about what it taught you. Someday.

These journeys in life are little puzzle pieces.
So scattered at first.
Making no sense and definitely causing frazzled nerves upon searching for the edges.
But with faith, it evolves into a timeless work of art.

I know how I will choose to remember everything...

MIND YOUR OWN BEEZWAX

I don't know.


It's probably one of the phrases I use most. It keeps me out of trouble and in many cases, I don't WANT to know, nor do I NEED to know.

What is it with some people's appetite to KNOW? Does it affect you? Is it your business? Don't you think if you needed to be told, you would have been told?

I had someone ask me a personal question about someone else's marriage yesterday. My answer? "I don't know." Did I know? Yes...I knew. Why did I know? I can definitely tell you it is not because I asked to know. It is because this person confided it me because they needed someone to talk to and knew I'd keep my mouth shut.

I don't ask people personal questions and I don't double-check on them. Example: If you tell me you are having financial problems and tomorrow you post a photo of a new wardrobe or a new piece of workout equipment in your house...I won't "double-check" your previous story to me of financial woes. Why? Because ... here we go ... IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I will congratulate you on it. I will support you. But I won't say, "Hey! Guess you must have come into a buttload of money since you got that new treadmill!" For all I know it was given to you by your neighbor who didn't use it anymore.

Regardless, I just don't get it.

Another example, a friend told me recently that someone actually asked her how she was affording to live in the house she's in now. "Did you get left some money?" Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Who asks that? What the hell does where they live and furthermore how she can afford it have to do with you?

So next time, before you ask...before you feel the need to fact-find a previous statement your friend made that now MAY seem contradictory...ask yourself: "Does this have anything to do with me?".

Assume the best, not the worst. And more importantly...pay attention to the goings-on in your own house. If you're not, who is?

Always remember and never forget: People will always believe the worst instead of the best because the worst is just plain more interesting. In these cases, make sure you have at least one great friend who will open up her can of whoop ass on them if they dare try and pry in your business!

GIMME THE TEXAS HILL COUNTRY

I can honestly say, the thought of moving has more than crossed my mind in the past few years. It's not just a random thought. Or a "wouldn't-that-be-nice-if..." inkling of imagination.

It's turning into a full-fledged "I've-got-to-do-this" declaration. Albeit in my head and not screaming from the rooftops as I do in my dreams.

This weekend, as we sat by the Trinity River in Fort Worth at a restaurant I've been wanting to visit for somewhere in the neighborhood of one and a half years (Woodshed Smokehouse), my river rat (Shelby) asked the question that often gets asked when we are around a body of water: "Mom, if you were offered a job, would we really move to New Braunfels?".

My answer is always the same.

"Probably. If I was offered a job I really loved and it paid good, then I'd have to really think about it."

Her face turns to a big smile (which I'm sure if I ever do decide to move, I'd probably hear, "But I don't want to leave my friends!").

In her mind right now, she's running away from something things I've tried to tell her, exist everywhere.

Things like cliques of girls.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like it's a big issue in her life. She's perfectly fine. But what girl hasn't experienced "those girls" in their adolescence? As well as in their adult life?

I've told her it still exists at my age and it exists in every single town, big and small, in the world. They teach us about adversity. About dealing with others who are different. Many, many things. Life is just one big, fat lesson isn't it?

This is a place we chose to live so long ago. A place where I've made plenty of mistakes. A place I just see differently now (not worse, just different). A place I saw as quaint. A place I saw as small-town America. A place I thought I'd want to raise my kids. I see it a different now.

Funny how circumstances and life events change our outlook. It's still a good place. It is. It's just not somewhere I necesarily feel comfortable living anymore.

So as much as moving would be an exit for my kids; it would be a beginning for me.

A new beginning. In many ways a reunion.

I miss living in the Texas Hill Country. It's a slower way of life. It is more real. It is beautiful and peaceful. And of course these are my thoughts. I'm sure there are very fast-paced, materialistic people there, too. But if you have ever lived there...not just visited...it's different.

You can give me your unsolicited two-cent opinion of how I'm trading old problems for new ones. Or any number of things you may think you've thought of, but I've somehow overlooked. But before you do... I know my heart and it's felt this way for a very, very long time.

And it's part of what is missing in my heart.

And I will love the day I get it back.

FENG SHUI-ING MY LIFE

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe everyone else has their lives on auto-pilot and they just keep cruising along. I watch and listen to my friends. The ends and outs of their days. Their responsibilities. Their extracurricular activities. Those they choose to have in their lives (as well as those they chose not to have in their lives, as the case may be).

So maybe it is just me who feels like they're sometimes the equivalent of a hamster. Sleep. Eat. Run around on wheel. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. And then...what the hell is all this mess around me doing here?!

Sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed at the tidal wave of life I have coming at me. Other times I think, "Man...I've got it pretty damn good."

And in all honesty I do. Have it pretty damn good, that is.

I took a little time last night to reflect back on the past six months of my life and I noticed something of a pattern. Or at least a theme.

I seem to be minimizing things. Cleaning out my cage.

I'm cutting back on things. Resources. People. (And unfortunately, exercise. This is unacceptable.)

It's strange, as this has been oddly unintentional. I guess my subconscious saw a need to simplify and just started without my prior consent. From friends who are more fair-weathered than just plain fair; to love-interests whom I...come to find out...don't have as much in common with as I initially believed; to THINGS. I have a wild desire to get rid of so many things.

My mind seems to be wanting to let in the simple, uncomplicated things and people. For now, I can't handle the opposite.

If you cause me pain, confusion, instability...if I'm here for you anytime, but you're here for me when it's just convenient...if you cost me money and I'm not getting a return on my investment...if I haven't worn you in a long time, but you're still hanging in my closet...You're being, or already have been, released to spread your wings.

Is it even possible for you to purge your life and go through some type of equisential cleansing without even so much as pre-planning it?

The answer is Yes.

I love my job. I love my kids.

Now I'm working on loving me.

And apparently, I need things to be a bit more uncluttered around me for this to happen.

LET'S BE...CLEAR?

Yes, I know sometimes "us women" are difficult to read. Or understand. Or whatever.

Case-in-point...

Just to be a little clear..sometimes "...it doesn't matter" really does mean it doesn't matter. And other times...like when choosing a place to dine...it always means, "Oh hell no! Not iHop, Taco Bell or any other fast food place!"

You're welcome. :)

I SWEAR TERRI, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU RESCUE DOGS

About eight months ago, we had this precious creature enter our lives.

This picture was taken the day we got her. She wasn't panting because she was anxious (although I'm sure she did have some anxiety). She was panting because she had an extremely heavy case of heart worms. It's those heart worms that kept her from being adopted (many people don't know you can successfully treat heartworms) and made her stay in that shelter for three months. Much longer than most shelters keep animals...but Rosie grew on them and fast became the workers favorite.

After many months of medical treatment, Rosie became a very healthy and happy boxer girl.

Last week, it broke our hearts to let her be adopted. But finances in our home being the way they are presently, stand in the way of us having our own dog. You see, when we have a 'pet' we treat it like family and you just never know when an animal is going to need medical care. The rescue group I volunteer with takes care of all bills for the foster you take care of. Medical, food, you name it.

Rosie obviously grew on us quickly. She never once became agitated. She only wanted to be loved and over the months she grew to trust us. Which made it even more difficult letting her go as we couldn't help but think she must've felt we left her. I had to keep reminding the kids (and myself) that dogs don't think they way humans do. Yes...I'm sure she wondered where we went for awhile. But a week later, I'm sure she's very much settling in to her new family. She won't ever forget us, nor will we forget her.

Something I hear a LOT is, "I could never do what you do. I couldn't give them up." It is difficult, but as Shelby put it on the way home from dropping Rosie off at her new home, "But if we wouldn't have saved her, who would have?" I confirmed what she already knew, "No one would have baby. We pulled her an hour or so before she was scheduled to be put down."

"Then we did the right thing. It's hard letting her go, but it would have been worse that a dog like Rosie died just because someone was afraid to cry. I'm not afraid to cry if we get to save them, mom."

And cry we did!

I told myself I'd need a litte break after Rosie. Some time to heal. Some time for the kids to heal the loss of not having her around all the time.

But the next morning they woke up with the question, "So when are we saving another one?"

I can't figure out if I'm creating empathetic souls or future adults who will drive their future spouses crazy with a house full of animals!

Either way, what's done is done and they are 110% animal lovers and not afraid to love and let go when it's time to do so.

And that's a very good lesson to learn for a lifetime.

When you love...give it all you've got. Don't hold back. Don't have any regrets you could have done more. And if the time ever comes that it's time to let go...release with the same love and know you did what you were supposed to do.

And maybe, just maybe...a little piece of the world is a better place because of your love.

Rosie would always "hugged" us by burying her head in our chests.
This was our hug "Goodbye".
You were worth every single goodbye tear, Rosie.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE

Can I get an "Amen"!?

GET READY FOR THE PAIN

Definite "to do" this year: Get back to my fighting weight. After being sick through the holidays and just kinda "off" ever since...it's finally starting.

Next week I get to start beating the *^%# out of a bag with Ang.

Color me excited!

I'M OUTTA MY LEAGUE HERE

Today, someone referred to me as a "Wordsmith: Master Class". To which I laughed, but responded, "I'll take that!".

I suppose when sitting down to write an email or a marketing piece, I can have a way with words. For some reason, I do NOT have the same talent when it comes to writing about myself. Seriously. I am horrible when it comes to writing about me. Thankfully, this blog is a hobby so I don't have to sell it. Ah yes...hobby. We'll get to that.

Other people seem to have a certain knack when it comes to writing about themselves, it seems. I met someone recently and in getting to know this person, we've exchanged some emails. Yes...in 2013, life is busy and during the hours of 8-6, I'm working and don't have time to talk. I am, however, able to send out a quick email/text here and there. So, unfortunately...or fortunately, as the case may be...sometimes you are left to get to know someone in the beginning stages in this way. So be it.

This type of communication can always be a little tricky. You can read into things. Apply inflection to words the author had no intention of receiving such attention. Basically, put your foot in your mouth. Embarrass yourself. Your iPhone auto-corrects words, or letters are too close to other letters which cause unfortunate errors. Such as changing "sick" to "suck". "Paid" to "laid". But you laugh about it and move on.

Now, I'm a sarcastic person. No doubt about it. I enjoy someone who can joke, but I have to admit...I was one-upped today.

It went a little something like this (I have to put the entire email because, as usual, it started off completely normal!):

Hey Terri,
So how is Rosie doing with all this rain? My dog is going nuts.
Talking about places to eat...you had me at queso! I actually had a new place (Pluckers) queso for the 1st time last night which was really good.
Have you been to Kellys there in Allen next to the convention center?
That is awesome that you have worked in media and college athletics also. I am finally catching my breath this week. It was a great season but for the 2nd year in a row kind of got a dud for the title game.
Ok..my unusual hobby?? Hint: It is one of these two: a) I juggle flaming nude circus midgets while humming Justin Bieber tunes; or, b) I participate in a nude sports/fitness group...
Kolby


Ummmmmm...so what to do? This person who has been extremely normal (would like to point out that he even referred to himself as 'normal' at first introduction) has completely thrown me a wicked curve. So what do you do? Do you ignore? Do you run the other way? Do you think, 'I think I'm being played and will not be one-upped'?

Did I mention I'm sarcastic?


Hi Kolby,
Let's see here...I could make some small talk about the Shops at Allen (yes, I've been there...great places) and how my dog, too is not loving the rain. But, I'm gonna have to go straight to the hobby comment (surprised?!) and say, "Whhhhaaaaaa???"!
While both are confusing, I'm going to have to guess the second only because I can't imagine the physical and mental tenacity it would require to juggle small people...while they are (very unfortunately)on fire...not to MENTION while humming Justin Bieber tunes. The music choice definitely takes it up a notch in the degree of difficulty.
Which leads to: what in the world is a nude sports/fitness group?! Is this the politically-correct term for 'porn' these days?! That being said, what is the politically-correct term for 'way-outta-my-league-and-interest'? Now seems like as good of a time as any to mention you lead with the word "Normal" when we met. Just sayin'...
Terri


Folks, I can't make this stuff up.

Next...please.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

pla·gia·rism

/ˈplājəˌrizəm/

Noun The practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own versus giving credit to the author. hate·ful /ˈhātfəl/   Adjective Arousing, deserving of, or filled with hatred: "hateful letters of abuse". Very unpleasant: "this hateful place".         If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. At some point, ask yourself, "What good can come from this?".     And FYI, you might want to take a look back at the post, because the very first line (in italics at that!) gave credit to the author. This little journalism degree, not to mention ethics instilled in me, comes in handy.

Finally, posting a comment with "Anonymous" doesn't display your name to readers. But a little thing called Google Analytics tells me who you are.

I'll wait for your apology...

LESSONS FROM A {SMART} 90 YEAR OLD

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer Newspaper, Cleveland, Ohio.



To ...celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

 My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step..

3. Life is too short - enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's okay to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's okay to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to be happy. But it's all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23 Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

 27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive, but don't forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab our's back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel... get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

CAMEL-SIZED MELTDOWN COMING

I know one thing that needs to change in 2013...I need to get more sleep!

I have got to figure out a way to turn off my brain and catch some zzzz's. The last time I looked at the clock before falling asleep it said 5:58 a.m.

I started going through my Twitter account only to find messages that had been sent to me and I had no idea about. Those messages only led to some frustrating realizations about people I didn't know were on Twitter or I felt bad because I didn't get back to their messages to me...or I regretted seeing some things said on Twitter. Really?

Back to the sleep part...Granted, I can operate on 4-5 hours of sleep. It's actually about the norm for me. Probably more like five. But I have always been a girl who needs 8 hours to be at my best. My current sleeping regime isn't healthy!

Of course, last night my brain kept circling around a few central subject matters.

Subject One: A family member who has almost died twice in the past two weeks and if she doesn't change her way of life, seems both destined and hell-bent to exit this world. How do you convince someone they're making horrible choices? How do you get through to them when they refuse to believe they even have a problem?

Subject Two: My kids and how my lack of a social life with the parents of their friends inadvertently has an impact on things they are included in on. More so with Shelby since she's younger. Seventh graders don't really do 'playdates', ya know! :) Unfortunately, I can't host play dates after school since I work. She is fortunately invited to play with a couple friends whom I LOVE. Sweet girls and as long as she's with quality vs. quantity...that's all that is important.

Subject Three: Why do I feel the need to be liked and friends with everyone? When I know I have done all I can do in a particular situation...regardless of what the other person thinks...and I've gone over my words, actions, everything with a fine tooth comb and have prayerfully and carefully made decisions...why can't I just let it go? I'm a good person, dammit! I try to never hurt anyone on purpose and for someone to think otherwise either doesn't know me or just may be someone who is going to say the opposite just to try and hurt me for making a decision they don't agree with. I hate it, but I don't know what else to do. I pray this person loses what seems to be a very hateful heart toward me, but I just may have to say, "I tried my best" and let it go.

Subject Four: For someone who enjoys being with other people, I sure seem to have a knack at putting on the breaks when it comes to meeting certain new people. I asked a friend the other day, "What is wrong with me? Why am I doing this?" and he said, "I don't know what's wrong with you...get it together." Typical male response.

Subject Five: I don't think I'm ever going to get it through my head that Rosie is not mine to keep and I'm going to have to give her to her furever home. Folks...this may actually be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Prepare for a meltdown....

2013 TO DO LIST...TBA

2013. Wow.

So traditionally, today is the day we start our resolutions for the upcoming new year. And while any day is technically a good day to make a new start, this day on the calendar seems to all but scream "let's make a change!!!!".

I say...why not?

I have specific things in my head I want to do differently this year. Specific. Make that very specific.

And because they are still floating around like an imaginary list of "Things To Do", I don't know if they have an order of importance. At least not yet.

The first thing I did prior to writing this was design a new graphic for the top of my blog. The old one said "November" for awhile. And while changing that graphic is definitely not a resolution, the pictures I'm going to start putting on it are part of one.

On Facebook, there is this amazing page called "Beautiful Amazing World" I follow. The pictures are taken in different parts of the world (hence the name!) and they are enough to make you gasp sometimes. My reactions are constantly in line with, "Are you kidding me? This is a real place?!".

It's like I tell my kids all the time...we learn something new every day and it really is true.

The pictures remind me there is so much out there I still have seen. Haven't experienced. Haven't heard and haven't felt. Traditionally, I'm pretty reserved. While I don't want to be someone who is all the sudden throwing caution to the wind, I do want to come out of my shell a little.

So I'm doing a few things differently and it actually DID start today. I took a little leap of faith and maybe (maybe!) I will end up writing about it, but I'm not sure yet. It's still so new that I'm trying to figure it all out. Changes can be scary. But sometimes they are necessary in order to have new experiences and a chance at real happiness.

As far as my mental "To Do" list...Once I get these items swirling around in my head about what I'd like to do differently this year, I will write about them. In order to remind myself, if nothing else!

I'm looking forward to this year. It's been a very rocky end to 2012 and I am unfortunately, partially expecting a few more bumps in the coming weeks. Some people's choices will have a direct impact on my life and I know it's coming. I am also acutely aware there is nothing I can do about the decisions of others.

I started today with my Jesus Calling daily devotional. The first line read, "Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed."

Consider me eager...