Tiger? Horse? What am I doing?

So here's it is...the end of 2009. Finally. It's been a long year and I'm ready to let it go and start anew.

2010 on the Chinese calendar is the year of the Tiger. It says The Tiger is said to be lucky vivid, lively and engaging. Another attribute of the Tiger is his incredible bravery, evidenced in his willingness to engage in battle or his undying courage. Maybe he’s so brave because he is so lucky. But the Chinese say having a Tiger in the house is the very best protection against the evils of fire, burglary.

Okay...so I guess I need some sort of tiger, because....

I was born in the year of the Horse. And those characteristics are: extemporaneus, quick-wittend, intelligent, their sharpness makes them quick to pick up skills and handle many tasks at one time, but they don't always finish what they start for fear of missing out on the next challenge. They are trustworty, friendly and open-minded, can struggle with obstinance :::what??:::, are good friends and confidants and will be honest with you. They can have a flare of a temper :::again, huh?!::: and fell remorse afterward. (definitely)

I have absolutely no idea why I looked all this up, but I did and because it's time in my life I'll never get back...I'm posting it.

But for now, I need to go get in the shower and get ready for New Year's Eve with family and friends. Sans tiger. Sans all my work being done. Sans cleaning the house. Sans so much... .

Tomorrow...a new year. Bring it on. Happy New Year to everyone with lots of love and appreciation to how you impacted my 2009.

XOXO, T

Magic Wands and a View from the Top

I hate it (HATE it) when my kids are sick. Belle is laying on the couch today with a cough, courtesy of the sinus infection and bronchitis she contracted from her allergies and this ever-changing Texas weather.

I wish I had a magic wand in these times so I could make her better. Who am I kidding? I wish I ALWAYS had a magic wand!

Wouldn't a magic wand be great? I mean seriously...wow. I could make illnesses go away, bad people into good (be gone terrorists!), bad choices would be a thing of the past. So, as I'm writing this I'm thinking, 'What a wonderful world it would be...or would it?'.

If everything were good, we'd eventually become numb to it. Robotic-like. While I don't like the bad, especially any bad I cause, it can't be made to vanish. Ughhh...does it seem like the older we get the more difficult the lessons? Some people bury their head in the sand to their issues. Others are hit square between the eyes with theirs, so hiding isn't an option!

These mountains that invariably end up in our path, no matter how diligently we plan our route, pop up for a reason. The more we fight learning the lessons we're supposed to be learning, the higher the mountain will rise. (Damn mountains!). Just when we think we've learned the lesson...um, nope. Keep working. Keep climbing.

So I don't have a magic wand to heal my Belle, but I can do something else as her mom. I can show her (and Ben) how to climb mountains and not give up. I may not have the best technique and sometimes I slip (okay...I slip a lot. Must be my Scorpio claws!), but I don't give up. Sometimes you need help and it's okay to ask. Most importantly, the climb will make you stronger and you'll appreciate the view from the top much, much more than if you'd been transported there by magic.

Always remember and never forget: Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

Christmas Memories 2009

Starting this Christmas, I get to write my memories of the season, thanks to this blog. This was a memorable one for sure and unique for me. I know New Year's is traditionally the time to reflect. But Christmas has always been sort of a rear view mirror to the year for me. Probably because it's my favorite time of year and my life-clock operates from Christmas-to-Christmas! Regardless, I got a camera for Christmas this year to replace the one that broke months ago. As I looked through the lens, I saw more than just the subjects I was capturing. I really tried to acquire their personalities and emotions of what was going on at the time I was inspired to take the picture (pictures to come soon!). In doing so...you guessed it...I started to cogitate on all that has been going on this holiday season.


I learned Ben was extremely curious this year with the wrapped presents under the tree (they were in different positions every time I walked by!).

I learned while Belle was very excited about her presents under the tree, she was more excited about being surprised by them on Christmas morning.

I recognized that with my Dad's heart surgery coming in just 2 weeks, I was scared. Expecting everything to be fine, but definitely not ready to be on this earth without both of my parents.

I discovered snacking over the kitchen in the island with family was every bit as enjoyable, if not MORE so, than sitting down to a formal Christmas dinner.

I was again reminded the most popular snack food in this family during special occasions is my corn, cream cheese and jalapeno dip. Seriously. It was gone by early afternoon.

I was introduced to the Candlelight service at church and was awestruck at just how peaceful and inspiring church can be when illuminated only by candles while singing Silent Night acapella. And I heard the message loud and clear.

I realized this could be my last Christmas with my Duke-dog. That's all I can say about that if I want to finish this post...

I found out that telling the same stories about the past still brings about the same deep laughter.

I was reminded of the pure and intense bond between father and son. Ben absolutely idolizes D and wants to be with (on!) him. Ben can't wait for him to get home every day, give him a huge hug as if he hasn't seen him in forever and just plain hang on to him and all he says and does.

I recalled my excitement as a child on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning through the eyes of my kids. They deserve absolutely everything and I want nothing less for them. And why not? They are just that sweet, fun, impressionable and full of love - and they are worth every thing. No doubt about it. They make me realize priorities every day, not just Christmas Day.

Which made me realize if I want to be here many, many more Christmases I better get my act together and get healthy. Time must be carved out of my day to work-out. No excuses.

Looking around at family, appreciating both the similarities and differences between all of us, I thought about how lucky we are to have each other. I recognize some people aren't able to be with their families for one reason or another, if they have a family at all. We may have our challenges, it sometimes requires work, and there are always mountains to climb - as with all families - but I believe it strengthens and deepens the bond we have. Again...worth it. My heart is fully and completely wrapped up with these people and I wouldn't have it any other way.


Yep...my favorite time of year. I absolutely love my family unconditionally and am so deeply grateful for all of them. I wasn't sure how this Christmas was going to turn out, but I'm happy to say it was a good one. Christmas is traditionally thought of as a time of miracles, but I've seen them happen on any given day. I have no idea exactly what spurs them to occur (and like most people...I wish I did!), but I'm thankful they exist and hope my family is blessed with many this year. It's true, you know...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (Corinthians 13:13). I choose to have all three, remembering love is great and deep and resilient.

Always remember and never forget: From a little spark may burst a mighty flame.

The Topics a Snow Globe Generates

Quick conversation yesterday between me and Belle upon her spotting a miniature snow globe we purchased for her last year:


Belle: Look mom! I've been looking for this! I love this snow globe!

Me: Yea! I love that one too.

Belle: We have lots of snow globes [actually we don't], but this is my favorite one. Wanna know why?

Me: Of course I do.

Belle: Because the bear in the snow globe is in Paris. See...it's holding the Eiffel Tower.

Me: Indeed it is.

Belle: I want to go to Paris someday. Wouldn't that be great? Oooooooh! OR Hollywood!

Me: *huh?*

Belle: Is there really a Hollywood?

Me: Yes.

Belle: Oh joy! Oh and mom...wanna know what else?

Me: Of course.

Belle: My bedding [referring to her comforter and sheets] is SO last year. I need new ones.

Me: What? All this from a snow globe?

Belle: Yep! Bye momma...see ya later. Going up to my room to get ready for my new bedding.

Me: Don't think I said yes to that!


Go ahead...ask what one of her Christmas presents is.

You guessed it.

Believing...

Came across this today and simply wanted to put it in a place where I could find it again if I wanted to. "I believe" there are many truths in here...

I Believe...

I believe- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- that you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

by Unknown

I Double-Dog Dare You

Nothing about this post has anything to do with Christmas. BUT...I was surprised by an oldie-but-goodie song that come on the radio today while I was out running from store-to-store doing my last minute Christmas shopping and I absolutely could not stop moving to it and singing along. It made me smile and I like to smile, so...

I double-dog-dare you NOT to move while listening to this one (and to NOT laugh at him while you watch it, because O-H M-Y W-O-R-D!):





AND I double-dog-dare you to NOT laugh your a$$ off at this one (it's a Phillips Phamily Phave):



Now go enjoy your Christmas with a big fat smile on your face!

George Bailey is My Hero

The other morning, an interview with some actor came on and the journalist was asking him about how he used to practically live on the street and now he's got more money than he could have ever imagined. He humbly agreed and made a comment regarding that the money almost embarrassed him. She suggested he could give it away if he didn't want it. *What?*

That isn't exactly what he said. He made his point more clear, indicating that the money isn't what made life worth living. Obviously he needed money to eat, live, etc...but the amount he made is what he was referring to. Not money in general.

It made me think of my favorite movie and NOT because it's this time of year: It's a Wonderful Life. If you've never seen it, shame on you and go rent it right now. They don't play it as much as they used to.

I absolutely love it. It has been a favorite of mine for a very long time. I remember pulling out the sofa bed when I was young, because it would come on late at night and I didn't have a television in my room, and I'd watch it over and over.

James Stewart is phenomenal as George Bailey. He portrays someone who had definite dreams growing up of what he was going to do with his life. As life often does, it throws him numerous curve balls and he takes a road he had no intention of taking. He gets married, runs the family business, isn't making hardly any money - and what he did make is lost by his Uncle Billy. At the point all the money is gone, he comes to the realization he is worth more dead than alive. He feels like he's made poor choices and there's no way for him to improve his life. He's down too low. How could he possibly start over at this point in his life? He's not a spring chicken any more, has a family counting on him...he becomes overwhelmed and decides to give up.

Or at least that's his plan...

Instead, he's sent an angel to show him what life for those he loves, and even those he's simply acquainted with, would be like without him.

You see, the movie isn't just about George not following his unrealized 'dreams' ... or what he always thought his dreams were ... it's about what impact his life has on virtually everyone else in his life and how he becomes so bewildered and buried with all the 'little' burdens that he becomes oblivious to the multitude of wonderful things around him. Think about it. Put something as small as a pencil right in front of your eye and you can't see the magnificent sunset. It's easy to let negative things compound on us and that's what he did.

He discovers there are people who depend on him as part of their life. Not 'depend' as in it's a burden to him, but rather how fortunate he is to have people who adore having him in their lives. He's been too busy thinking about what he doesn't have instead of everything he does have, but doesn't appreciate. He realizes that even though his life isn't what he'd planned, it's more than he could have hoped for.

His house, material possessions, lack of money...all of it became more than enough once he realizes he has people around him who love him unconditionally and completely. His impact on those around him, not just his immediate family, was tremendous and it stunned him.

I completely believe we impact those around us. Even the stranger who looks up from a bad day and finds a smile looking at them. Yep...it's the positive little things we simply have to let in.

FYI, there's a book called The Five People You Meet in Heaven that touches on the same sentiment about how we impact people - strangers to us - without even knowing it. It's a good read.

But back to the movie...it renews my spirit every time I see it. It's long, yes, but it's worth watching. Especially if you are taking for granted all the gifts in your life. Or, if you're thinking you have no gifts.

Sometimes it takes actual effort to see what's right in front of us. Move those little pencils. Focusing our vision far away disables our nearsighted view. We aren't going to be given the opportunity George Bailey was given. But, second chances are sometimes available from those who love us. If you are lucky enough to get one...take it.

Believe me, I know. I experienced the lowest point of my life in 2009. I had the choice to fold and give up or pick myself up and move forward. I chose to not just move forward, but dedicate myself to becoming a better person. The kind of person, wife, mother and friend I want to be and one people would enjoy being around. Especially considering I'm a mom and have two little ones watching every move I make. My attitude, choices, everything impacts them. It has a way of forming the type of adults they will become.

Am I the person I want to be? I'm getting there. I definitely like myself a lot more than I did a year ago. I'm actually proud of myself from time-to-time. That's not to say I'm perfect. Ha! Far from it. I slip. I act in ways I wish I didn't. But I remind myself I'm human, I apologize sincerely to those my poor choice/behavior affected and then - and here's the tough part for me in the past - I move on. I try. Again...not perfect. But I'm aware now.

George Bailey I'm not. But...I no longer need an angel to come show me all the wonderful things in my life I should appreciate. I know. I believe I am on the road to my own Wonderful Life.

Here's one of my favorite scenes. It's when he realizes he wants to live.




Here's hoping you are aware of all your gifts in your life.

Just Shut It Already...Seriously

Here's a question for you: When someone is rude or obnoxious to an innocent person in public...and it's totally unprovoked because you've been witness to the whole thing...is it just me, or do you want to tell the flappy-mouthed idiot to "Shut it!"?

Just within the last week, I've been witness to such said idiots. And there is so much inside of me that wants to call these people out. I mean, it would be taking up for the underdog right? Plus, I know I would feel better just having set someone straight as to their horrible attitude and maybe they'd change their ways.

No, of course I can't do that. AND it would not change the idiot from doing it again. Plus, what if they really WERE crazy and had a gun and decided I was the person who sent them over the edge and decided to teach ME a lesson. Nope. That won't work.

But ohhhhh have I wanted to say something so the person knows just how big of a fool they are making of themselves and that NO ONE thinks they are cool, funny or even witty.

There's the elderly people with their obsessed grocery carts practically running me over in the store...because I guess they think their years qualify them for their totally oblivious attitude that others who share 'their' world do not have any right to shop in the same stores they shop in, walk on the same sidewalks they walk on, and - as unbelievable as it may be - even drive on the same roads they drive on.

Then there's the annoyingly loud man who commanded attention as soon as he walked in the bookstore today with his girlfriend who was obviously trying to relive her 20s (based on her clothes, hair...you know...you've seen various versions of her everywhere). He came in and in order to draw the attention to himself he so desperate needs because, believe me - he does NOT have it 'going on' as he so wishes he did - asks...again, very loudly...the gift wrapping folks sitting behind a table at the front of the store, "Are you with the store or just gift wrapping people?" When they answer they are, in fact, the gift wrapping people, he blurts out, "Well, I figured as much." To which his wanna-be-young-again girlfriend cackles at him because her big-daddy is just so hilarious. Again, giving him the attention he craves. Then proceeds to walk about 10 feet and says, "Well is there anyone who works here around?!" Followed by more laughter from why-can't-I-be-Barbie. We were 'lucky' enough to be behind them at checkout where he started questioning the clerk checking them out why he had to present a form of i.d. with his credit card and how inconvenient it was. Really? Surely this isn't the first time you've been asked to present your i.d. when making a credit card purchase. But please...continue with your act so your female friend can act amused and the rest of us can be oh-so impressed. Ughhh.....

Don't even get me started on the people who park in handicap spaces who do NOT have handicap permits. Where are the cops when this happens??? Is there really such thing as a citizens arrest? Worth looking into, maybe.

And then my 6 year-old's basketball game this weekend where the over-zealous and I'm guessing failure as a WNBA player who called fouls on the girls with such boldness it almost scared them. Mind you, it was the little ones VERY first basketball game ever. When Ben played at that age they hardly called any fouls and when they did, took time to explain to the player why they can't just run with the ball, for example. She even issued a technical on our coach for what the she called "back-talking" her. Really? Hmmmmm....Technicals in age six games. *nice*

I know I can't just bust out with what I really want to say to all these people. It would make me no better than them. Maybe even worse.

I just have to assume karma will catch up with them. Goodness knows it's caught up with me enough times for past behavior. Is it bad to hope karma catches up with others? Or should I just hope they change their ways? Or...and here's the kicker...maybe I've surrendered way too much time already about people who have done nothing more than be a fly in the ice cube of my day and none of this matters in my everyday life? That's probably right. I know.

Crazy Time of Year and Precious Gifts

I haven't written anything in awhile and honestly it's not because I haven't had the subject matter...on the contrary. I've thought of so many things to write about but can't seem to complete a thought on any of them.

From Belle telling me, "If there were an All-Star award for naked-ness...I'd have it." Yep...she likes to be naked.

To Ben being so excited about our first snow of the season and accidentally saying, "This is testicle!" vs. well...whatever he was trying to say.

Then there's the fact I haven't even started my Christmas shopping. I haven't put lights outside (first time in...forever), I probably won't send out Christmas cards this year (money is tight, time is tight, my loved ones will understand and recognize it has nothing to do with my excitement and belief in Christmas), I JUST got the Christmas tree up AND finally...I seem to be gaining weight...again. I can't be too upset with the later since it's not entirely my fault (that's WHOLE other post...research doctor recommendations!). Anywho.....

But through it all, I still love Christmas. I LOVE this time of year. My kids love it too and I so enjoy experiencing all the excitement through their eyes. We drove by some Christmas lights the other night and their "oooooohs" and "ahhhhhhhhhs" and it literally warmed my heart. And once again, made me realize just how lucky I am.

Remember what it was like to drive by all the houses and be in awe of the lights and decorations without thinking about all the work it took to get them out there, how much they cost and how much the electric bill was going to be? Christmas through a kids eyes is the way to view it. Not just visually, but with your heart. That spirit that comes with the hope and excitement of the best time of year. It's the only way to be...kid-like.

There's a commercial - not really a Christmas-related per se - that I keep seeing. But it's about as Christmas as you can get to me. It's a St. Jude commercial about all the advancements they are making in caring for kids with cancer. The commercial reminds us to be thankful for what we have. Especially our most precious gifts...our children. Especially if they are healthy.