THE POTENTIAL THAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE

"Between The Bars"
Elliott Smith

Drink up baby, stay up all night

With the things you could do

You won't but you might

The potential you'll be that you'll never see

The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now

And forget all about the pressure of days

Do what I say and I'll make you okay

And drive them away

The images stuck in your head

The people you you've been before

That you don't want around around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars

I'll kiss you again between the bars

Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air

Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine

Keep you apart, deep in my heart

Separate from the rest, where I like you the best

And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before

That you don't want around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

WHY I MAKE LEMONADE

While I haven't been writing a lot on my blog, I have in my head.

Often at night. When I can't sleep. Could be this is one of the many reasons I can't sleep. Topics bouncing around in my already overwhelmed brain. Making lists. Grabbing iPhone off bedside table to make notes for the next day so I don't forget.

The other night, I sent my Chosen an email to let her know I couldn't sleep and was about to hop in a hot bath to soothe my ever-fidgety legs. (Yes...this is something we have done for a long time. Email each other when we can't sleep. Granted, I do it more than her!).

After I sent the email, I thought about this poor soul who somehow tore off the ticket in life that she would be my friend. Or my "chosen", as we call each other. She's my chosen family. My sister. Ever since I've known her (15 years +), if we are talking about a situation or person who is frustrating us, she will say, "We need to pray for them" when my thought-process was already concocting a full-proof plan to run then over with a car.

When she does this, I tell her, "There you go again...making some lemonade".

She is the supreme preparer of the lemonade pitcher. I don't care how many lemons I toss her way, she slices them up and makes *#!^% lemonade out of them.

So when I lost my blog address awhile back (on purpose because I didn't want to pay for a private one), I have been lost in a conundrum of coming up with a new title for my blog.

Thanks to fidgety legs and a cumbersome brain at 4:00 a.m., I came up with it.

Thank you, Angela. You have ONCE AGAIN made something wonderful out of my lemons. Just to warn you, I add tequila and salt from time-to-time so hang on!

XOXOXO

CHOICES ON THE MONKEY BARS

I often get to carpool early enough to park and catch sight of some classes still enjoying their time on the playground at recess. It never fails as I watch them to think, "I remember running at full speed for no reason at all. Wish I had the energy to do that now!"

They're playing freeze tag. Kickball. Doing cartwheels in the grass. Some are just sitting off to the side talking. I can only imagine those conversations.

Yesterday, a young girl hanging on the monkey bars caught my attention. She stopped right in the middle and kept shaking her head. Her friends below continued to urge her on. "You can do it! You're almost there!" Apparently, as afraid as she was to continue to go forward, she was equally (if not more) terrified to let go.

How many times do we find ourselves in this predicament in life? "I don't want to risk going in the direction I've been going, but letting go is unthinkable."

Ultimately, we have to make the choice. Either we are forced to pick a path or we release ourselves with the power to chose it for ourselves. Either way can be scary. But it can also be invigorating and exciting to do something new.

I have found myself at a pretty big crossroad and it's been swirling around in my brain for a couple months. The choice has become increasingly clear, especially during prayer the other night. I keep praying and asking for His help with one thing: A positive change. I don't get specific about it, frankly because He knows more than I do what will propel the change I need. I know without a doubt I need (NEED) more income. I know I need to stop people in my life from affecting my sense of self (my fault, not theirs).

So the other night as I was pleading with Him and asking why He isn't helping me, I got my answer.

He told me He has been trying to help me for a long time...even longer than I've been asking, but I've got to let go of what is holding me back. I have got to let go of things and people who I am allowing to stop me from turning onto the path I need to be walking on right now.

Again, I take sole responsibility for how these external influences affect me. I'm just now willing to take accountability of how they will in the future.

I don't know how it will turn out, but I know I'm in desperate need of my feet being firmly on the ground.

So I'm choosing to let go. Just like the little girl did on the playground.

Always remember and never forget: Sometimes when you release your grip, you're able to grab something more meaningful.