Outstretched Arms and Understanding

"Mommy, please don't leave me! I'm not a 'be-alone-kinda-girl!' "

My Belle pleaded these words with me moments ago. Tears streaming down her beet-red face. Blue eyes looking so scared. It's amazing to me how a face can change that quickly. Perfectly content and peaceful one moment...horribly terrified the next.

She is fine. Perfectly okay now. But for her, that little moment in time told me a great deal about her.

"I'm not either, Shelby. I don't like being alone." I reassured her.

It calmed her a little more to know her mommy agreed with her sentiments. I sat beside he, hugging her and stroking her hair that still looks like angels possibly granted her an extra dose of gold-dust. I'm constantly telling her people (including her mommy) would pay a ridiculous amount of money to get their hair the color of hers.

The kids have had trouble sleeping lately. And to be honest, it is very frustrating. As much as I wish they would stay in bed, I get part of the reason they are unsettled. (The other part is they're being stubborn!)

But, through the frustration... I forget how it is to be without the life experiences they don't yet have and be so incredibly scared and vulnerable. The things that frighten them are all they know and are very real to them. Their brains are not yet formulated to break-down all the information around them and factor in the information that 'could be' or 'might not be'. It's tough being a kid. And the experiences they have had the past two years are confusing to them. More of an unaware confusion than obvious.

Add into the mix the weather has been uncooperative lately (crazy hot or thunderstorms) plus I've been working a lot so they've been stuck inside more than I'd like them to be during their summer. In turn, they argue more than usual. Oh. So. Fun.

Next week's goal: GET OUTSIDE MORE!

What does that mean? Yep...mommy works more after their bedtime. Which is fine...as long as they stay in bed!

I love you guys more than you will ever, ever, ever know...until you have children. :-) xoxoxo (And even then, "I love you more...yes I do...yes it's possible."...inside joke!).

Always remember and never forget: It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. ~Mark Twain

When It's Too Hot Outside...

What's a 7 year old girl to do when it's "too hot" to go outside (even to the pool!)?

Well, funny you should ask....

Bake a cake.

Enjoy the fruits of her labor.

Freeze a Barbie in a cup of water...only to notice her neck was accidentally broken in the process, so....

She gets crosses placed by her so she will "Rest In Peace".
No kidding.

As for Ben?

It's all about the gelato, baby.
Ben, you got a little something right there. No there...oh nevermind.

My Thermometer Runneth Over

"The Moon is full early today, so it rises not long after sunset this evening and remains in view for the rest of the night. But since the night is short, so is the time for moonwatching, so June's full Moon is sometimes called the Short Night Moon."

Tonight's full moon is beaufitul and a harvest orange color. There's even a partial lunar eclipse tonight, though not visible from our house. A hue surrounds it showing the humidity in the Earth's atmosphere and it looks like it's sitting on top of the trees in our neighborhood. As stunning as it is to look at, things happen when a full moon is in the sky. It can go a little wacky down here on planet Earth when the moon is doing it's own verison of a full monty.

Tonight, crazy hit our house. Well, not so much crazy, but high-gear for sure and pure emotion.

My sweet Duke starting having problems that totally made me think today was his last day. I won't go into what happened, because it isn't for the weak-stomached, but let's just say I had little reason to believe he was going to come home with me from the emergency room this evening.

Turns out it was side effects from the pain medicine he had been put on earlier this week.

Nonetheless, I had a visual I won't soon forget and was thankfully able to sheild the kids from it. They didn't need to see it. I got him and everything else all situated and cleaned before I called them in the room to tell them I had to take him to the doctor right away.

I was a mess. Even now, hours later, I feel like I've been hit by a truck and someone snuck sleeping meds in my water.

So in regards to my previous post...sometimes we just have those days that we think, "This has just GOT to be the last crisis that is coming my way for awhile...please."

The saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle" has me seriously wondering sometimes.

It makes me think of those thermometer signs you see for fund raising projects.

I think it's safe to say mine is over the 100% mark now.

Decompression Technique #14,509 in the works as I type.

Wanted: Housekeeper, CPA, Gardener, Vet, Chef, Trainer, Life Coach

First, let me set this straight: I'm extremely thankful for everything I have in my life. But everyone...and I mean **everyone** needs to be able to decompress without feeling guilty about it. Us moms, in particular, are not very good at this...at all. I'm not sure why, either.

Maybe because if we dare to voice the fact we are feeling stretched thin, we are fearful all our chosen responsibilities will get thrown back in our face by someone. "Well, you wanted all of this...deal with it!". Yes I wanted it (well, most of it anyway), and still do want it. Can I just have a moment, please?

Sometime life takes control versus the other way around. Not that we are ever fully able to control things in our life, but having situations snowball isn't the way it should happen either.

Even the little day-to-day things can add up. Especially when they demand attention simultaneously. And yes...these things are mostly what I chose to have in my life. This is not at all a complaint about those things and responsibilities I have. It's saying, decompression is in order. And I shouldn't feel guilty about that.

Everyone has responsibilities. Different levels of them. Things they have either chosen or have been thrown their way. It's not that mine are extreme. Like I said, it's just day-to-day things and feeling like I'm not doing everything right or rather the best way it can be done.

Laundry, play dates in the summer, camps to schedule, bills to pay, a house to pick up and clean, laundry to do (always), a sweet-loving dog I committed to taking care of forever who is dying and all that comes with that (both physically and emotionally, as well as listening to others give me their unsolicted opinions of how I'm doing it wrong..thanks), work, childcare, the yard...mowing, scooping doggie presents, laying down sod and trying to keep it alive, being a little terrified of the edger...shopping while trying to keep in budget, kids doctor appointments, clothes to purchase for their ever-growing bodies, meals to shop for and make...blah, blah, blah.

See? Every day things that almost everyone has. Every once and awhile I feel spread way too thin. Like this is a job for 10 people not one! On top of it, I'm grateful for all these responsibilities. In other words...I'm grateful to have a yard to take care of, a house to clean, kids to care for (most of all thankful for them), a budget to keep up with, dogs to love on...everything. All of it. It doesn't mean these aren't things I've chosen to have and now I'm regretting it. NOT AT ALL.

It means I'm allowed to have a day every once and awhile to feel overwhelmed with life. It means I shouldn't feel bad about that. It means I need to decompress and figure out several ways to do just that.

Bubble bath? Candles? Exercise? Yes to all. I need to incorporate some consistent type of decompression into my life on a daily basis.

I'll work on that. As soon as I'm done with the laundry. And vacuuming. See? I'll get there. Just watch me.

I'm Covered

Every day I get a new, motivational quote, as well as a Biblical quote on my trusty iPhone.

Today's quote: Prayer is exhaling the spirit of man and inhaling the Spirit of God. ~ Edwin Keith

Today's Biblical verse: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7.


For those who don't believe prayer works, I truly hope you reanalyze this false belief and try it with everything you have. He listens.

How do I know?

Too many things to mention. But for today, it was as simple as a prayer from a friend for exactly the things listed above before I had even checked my iPhone to see what they were today. He already knew what prayer I needed today. And reminded me, "I've got your back even before you have to ask."

He has put people in my life to pray for me, without having to know details. Just to be there for me and say, "I'm here if you need anything and praying foryou" and then let it go.

Always remember and never forget: "A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

Good Luck WIth All That!

Conversation between me and the Belle:

Mom, I'd like to do something different in my room.

Like what?

I'd like to take all the dots off the wall.

Okay. Then what?

Well, on this wall (with her arms fully extended) I'd like a huge, huge picture. I mean big.

Of what?

(Looks at me like I have two heads). Ummmmm...of ME! Hello?

Of YOU? Why?

It's MY room! Plus I like the way I look. It would make me smile.

Wow. I don't even know what to say.

Say you'll get the picture made. Today.



Oh my. So. Much. Trouble. Good luck to her future husband, by the way.

Random Acts of Kindness

I find myself being "un-surprised" by people. From the people who cut in front of you in line at the grocery store, steal the parking space you've had your blinker on and they zip in from the other direction, feel it necessary to make inferences/implications about your personal life to either you or other people, you know what I'm talking about. And I don't mean that in a "glass half-empty" kind of way either. It just doesn't phase me any more. I don't get angry. I just move on and know I've done things on accident before or maybe they have a gazillion things going on in their head and aren't paying attention. No biggie.

I guess maybe I'm just looking at the world differently. Rose colored glasses? I don't know. I think it's because I've just come to accept imperfections as the way life is. Goodness knows I have my own (can I get an "amen!"...it's a Beth Moore thing.).

So this morning while in line for my grande non-fat caramel machiatto at SBux, I pull up to the window to have my barista tell me, "The gentlemen in front of you paid for your order."

"I'm sorry. What?"

"That's right. He paid for it and said he hopes you have a good day."

I stretch my neck to see if the car, truck, whatever it was that was in front of me is still around. It's not.

"Why? I mean...did he say why?"

"No. Just to be kind."

Of course that's why. A nice person. And here I am asking 'why'. I thought maybe it was someone I knew. But if it were, they would have waited and waved. Or called. Something.

So to the stranger in front of me this morning in line at SBux...I wish I had the chance to say 'Thank You' and yes, you did start my day off on a good note.

Want to know how I could have thanked him? I should have passed it on and paid for the person behind me. Since I was still in shock and a little giddy someone had been so kind...I didn't.

Doesn't mean I still can't though...pass it on, that is.

Looking forward to completing my own random act of kindness...

Life Done Right

I had a conversation yesterday that reminded me of my parents. More precisely, of the way they lived their lives.

We lived in Wichita Falls and after a Spring chocked full of tornadoes, Summer would usher in raging hot temperatures. Once the sun went down, you could almost always find my parents sitting in the back yard in their fold-out lawn chairs, just hanging out, looking at the stars, maybe having a beer and spending time together. The smell of distant cook-outs, bug spray, and courtesy of me...suntan lotion. It all came together forming one perfect summer fragrance.

There are definitely other things they could have done. Other places they could have been. I recently asked my dad about this because I wanted to make sure the memories I had were right. They were.

He said spending money, impressing others, was just never their style. They made the choice to re-connect at night. It wasn't every night, but it was often and where they had their conversations, reflections and talked about future plans. The stars in the Texas sky have a way of doing that to you. Bringing out the dreamer. On particular nights, I remember, the stars seemed so close I almost felt like if I was sneaky enough, I could grab one.

These days the television takes away the opportunity to have conversations. To even have a chance to reconnect. Add in the internet, texting, telephones ringing, XBox, Wii's and any other number of electronics and you see what I mean. Our busy, busy lives take over and we get lazy. My parents could have made the choice to plop themselves on the couch and have been glued to the tv (not to say they didn't make it inside by time Johnny Carson came on!), but they didn't. Instead, they put effort into themselves. Into life. Into dreaming. Talking. Relaxing.

They preferred the simple life. They often referred to others who were continuously purchasing new cars, bigger houses, going on numerous and often extravagant vacations as "The Jones". And they were not the least bit interested in keeping up with them. For example, if they ever did get something new, it was for us (or them!). They didn't call anyone to tell them. They didn't want it to seem as if they were bragging. They were just happy and proud for having it. Because they worked for it. Whatever 'it' may have been.

Instead, you would often hear them say, once reclined in their lawn chairs, "Ahhhhhhhh...I wonder what the poor folk are doing right now?!" And every time...they'd laugh. Their definition of "rich" never had anything to do with money. They had no idea at the time what the future would bring. Their time together would be cut short due to the cancer growing unknowingly in my mom's body. Thankfully, what they did know is what life was all about and they relished it and put effort into it. They had fun. Even just by sitting in the back yard.

Our summer vacations were never at 5-star locations, but they were always 5-star fun. They set the bar high as far as how I envisioned how a family should be, the commitment it took and just what "the good life" really meant. As simple as it was, my dad tells me it took work on their part not to give into others around them who encouraged a more extravagant lifestyle. He also told me he never expected it to be zero work. "Terri, that's just not how life is. You don't appreciate the good if you don't have the bad. Therefore you can't appreciate the 'easy' times without having to put in some hard work." My dad the philosopher. :-)

Today, as I look at my family, there are tons of things I'd do different. Who wouldn't? But since I can never seem to find the gear for "reverse my life, please", I instead am extremely grateful to have the "here and now" button available. I can learn from mistakes I made in the past and choose to live my life with eyes wide open so I don't repeat those mistakes.

I can aim for goals I know will benefit me and those around me and not live in fear of the unknown.

I can rest assured knowing if I give everything I have and then some, I'm more likely to reach these goals than if I never tried. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Nothing worth having is. On top of that, it shows my kids how to strive for these things too. It's how I hope they live their lives (both now and in the future) and what I hope they put work into.

Yep...my parents did it right. It never occurred to me that I'd be looking back on them one day saying, "I hope my life falls along a similar path." But here I am doing just that.

Longing for some folding chairs and a star-filled sky.

Always remember and never forget: Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. ~ Ann Landers

"Take Courage, I Am Here!"

I got a new book and started reading it tonight. Had to share just this little bit that talks about overcoming things and tossing 'fear' in the back seat:


Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult of cower to their timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into prison and slams the doors.

Wouldn't it be great to walk out?

Imagine your life wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats? If you could hover a fear magnet over your heart and extract every last shaving of dread, insecurity, and doubt, what would remain? Envision a day, just one day, absent the dread of failure, rejection, and calamity.

~Max Lucado

I LOVE that. I'm sure I'll be sharing more as I continue reading...

For now, remember when fear knocks...tell it you ain't buying.

I Will Never Do You Wrong

Just as I do several times a day, I help him walk down the hallway to his bed on the floor which is right by my bed. He has to be near me. To be able to see me. Otherwise it's d-r-a-m-a.

Lately, he's been crying at lot at night. Panting. Just can't get comfortable.

I lay down next to him, just as I did with his friend Athena so many years ago. I tell him what I told her. It's okay to go to sleep. It's okay to go. I love him more than anything and my heart will forever be thankful God chose us for him to live with. But I'm going to be okay if he needs to go. He never does.

Tears rolling down my face, he knows when I'm upset and just looks at me with his head half-cocked to the side...I tell him I've done everything I can possibly think of to help him. To make him better. To bring him back to the dog he once was. I've left no stone unturned and I will never have regret as to what all I've done. I will forever know I literally tried everything within my means. As I stroke his sweet head and ears, not nearly as cushioned as they used to be, it hits me.

There are some things love just can't overcome.

I've given him more love than any other human on this planet possibly would have given him. I know this. And it's very possible that love is why he's still here today. Holding on. Not wanting to disappoint me. He knows he's been a constant in my life. He doesn't want to leave me.

I know he's lost his quality of life. We've had a series of set-backs the past few days.

So how do I let go? It's not part of my make-up. It's not who I am.

And every time I get closer to deciding, "It's about time" he wags his tail at me and finds a way to get over to me without hardly a limp and I get my hopes up once again and wonder how I ever could have given up on him. But these times are more far and few between than they used to be and it always comes back to the scenario I don't want to face.

I've done it before with Athena so I know I have it in me. I just don't want to do it again. I pray every single night for God to just take him in his sleep.

But because I love him...sometimes love means being able to say, "It's time". And I find myself preparing for that. It's the very last thing I want and now I'm trying to find a greater love in me that will enable me to do just that. The one that lets me say, "Goodbye my Duke Dog".

It's a choice I don't want to make, but watching him suffer is worse. Selfishly I like being able to look over at him. It's comforting to see his face. His deep brown eyes. Hear him snore. :-) Watch his legs with the little muscle they have left in them move as he dreams of 'chasing rabbits'.

Yes, love doesn't cure everything. But it's quite amazing when you let it in. It does wonders. He's proof of it. Even a dog gets it. But not just any dog. My Duke Dog.

'Tis Moi ~ Procrastinator Extraordinaire

Things I need to do:

• Mow grass
• Clean hardwoods
• Straighten kids closets
• Vacuum
• Clean window ledges

 

What I'm doing instead:

• Writing
• Reading my favorite magazine (Food Network Magazine...of course)
• Waiting
• Washing a load of clothes
• Planning my week
• Enjoying the smell of my newest candle

 

I swear ... I can think of umpteen million things to do instead of doing the things I really should be doing. And take a look at the lists...don't the things I AM doing sound a whole lot more fun than the things I SHOULD be doing? Of course they do. But, I know I'm going to have to do those things eventually. And those things will make my world seem a little brighter once they are done. And I know I'll have some pride in a job well-done...once I do them, that is.

 

I just thought of something else I can do. Make a pot of coffee.

 

Here I go again...

 

Reminder to self: Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. ~Alfred A. Montapert

Once Upon a Time...

I've got a story.

It actually begins 25+ years ago in a small suburb of Dallas, Texas. In a school room, not unlike the ones today. With a rather random group of students waiting for their English teacher to grace them with her presence.

This is where I met Leigh.

Leigh and I bonded quickly...much to her dismay. She will even tell you. She was set on not liking me as I was friends with her older brother and anyone friends with her older brother was NOT a friend of hers. Obviously, we got past that.

We spent a great deal of time together becoming true friends. Our core values were (and still are) the same. Our moral compasses were set with Crazy Glue and we supported each other. But as often happens in life, after high school graduation, we set off in different directions and ended up losing touch.

Until Facebook. Good grief... . Some days I hate that website (let's face it, it can be a big ole' giant smoke screen) and some days I love it. Hence...getting back in touch with dear friends.

Since our reconnection on Facebook awhile ago, we immediately picked up where we left off. Only with a LOT of stories in between. One common denominator is our love of writing and our desire to write books. Yes...there's another story there and you will be able to purchase it at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Amazon.com, etc...in the future. That's all I'm saying for now...

Now...Leigh will tell you I've been just as much a blessing to her as she has been to me over the course of these past 16 or so months. However, I will tell you...it's simply not true. She has listened to me when no one else would.  And I mean 'listened'. She's not given me any (**any**) unsolicited advice. She hasn't made me feel bad about decisions and choices I've made. In short, she's been a friend. She's been completely supportive. She's reminded me what it is to put others first and how when we do, it all comes back to us tenfold. Having the courage and responsibility to step out of your shoes and into someone elses. She reminds me about LIFE. And that we are all here...all of us connected...for a reason and that we shouldn't take it lightly or for granted.

So tonight when she told me about something she used to write on her bathroom mirror on particular mornings, it fit in perfectly with my world.

"What am I going to do today and how is going to affect others?"

Great thing to reflect upon.

We are all part of a world. It doesn't revolve around any particular one of us. It goes around and around and we are all in it. Connecting with each other. Or choosing not to. Loving each other. Or choosing not to. Making memories together. Or choosing not to. But regardless...we are all in it together.

Of course, sometimes the choice isn't ours to make.

I'm coming to the heartbreaking conclusion I won't be there for the various memory-making moments in my kids lives I always, always thought I would be. I'm unwillingly realizing they will make childhood memories that I either won't be there to witness or just flat won't be a part of. But...I choose to be connected to them and these moments. I choose to encourage them to chase after the memories that will make them happy, because they deserve it. Oh man do they deserve it. And as part of my responsibility, I will choose to start each day knowing what I do will affect them...and others. I choose for them to be happy kids and for me to do whatever it takes to help make them that way. There is nothing more important in the world than family...I think I've said that before?! Simply put...they come first. No if's, and's or but's. Never.

Thank you Leigh for reminding me where to focus. Heartbreak sometimes takes that focus away. Friends like you always have a way of bringing it back.

Always Remember and Never Forget:
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"
~ Rocky Balboa

It's 2 a.m. I Must Be...Mommy

Have I mentioned just how spectacular my kids are?

Yes?

Well..deal with it.

I go to check on them again (because I promised I would and what kind of momma breaks her promise?!). And Ben wakes up like a bolt of lightening. Sits straight up in bed, but not scared... more protective. Scans the room then turns to me...

"What? Where are we? Get outta here! Mom...you're my priority!"

The kid's definitely been known to sleep walk, have sleep terrors, play WWII games, etc... but this was different. He was calm and focused. Not panicked. Heart not racing.

"Ben...everything's okay. You're home. In your bed. Perfectly safe. I love you. All is well." Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

"I know mom...I just wanted you to know you are my priority. I love you. You're amazing."

Really?........

Oh my word...

Tears form. Of course. Of course they do.

My sweet first-born is wanting to take care of me instinctively.

"I love you more than the world, Ben. Go back to sleep."

"Okay mommy. I love you. See you soon."

God - I'm just curious: When I'm on my knees, face down at the foot of their bed...does it make a difference?

Regardless...I KNOW he has a direct line to you. I KNOW THIS. So 'all is well'.

Biblical definition of Benjamin: Son of my right hand.

Annnnnnnnd....ACTION!

2010 Pro Bowl -2008 Madden Football Cover-2007 Pro Bowl-2002 Pete Dawkins Trophy-2005 Rose Bowl MVP-2005 Manning Award-2005 Maxwell Award-2005 Davey O'Brien Award-2005 Cingular All-America Player of the Year-2005 Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year-2005 Consensus First-Team All-American-2006 Rose Bowl MVP-"4 weeks" 2006 NFL Rookie of the Week Awards-2006 NFL AP Offensive Rookie of the Year-2006 Diet Pepsi NFL Rookie of the Year-The Farren Staten Award Of 2008-National Football League MVP 2011-2006 ESPY Award for Best Championship Performance-2006 Big 12 Male Athlete of the Year (for 2005-2006 scholastic year)-2006 Manning Award winner-2006 Rose Bowl MVP (at end of 2005 season)-2005 Heisman Trophy finalist and runner-up-2005 The Cingular All-America Player of the Year Award-2005 All-American Offensive Player-2005 The Maxwell Award - College Player of the Year-2005 Davey O'Brien National Quarterback Award-2005 - 1st Team All-Big 12 Conference honors (unanimous decision)-2005 - Rose Bowl Most Valuable Player (at end of 2004 season)-2004 - Honorable mention All-Big 12 Conference honors -2003  Big 12 Conference Offensive Freshman of the Year

And finally...

2010 Brawl at strip club in Dallas

No...Vince Young will not be remembered for his recent early morning activities outside a Dallas strip club this past weekend. However, you know his momma ain't proud. And now...he's asking God to please prevent an NFL suspension.

Now...I think it would be ridiculous for the NFL to suspend him for this. However...Vince...PUHLEEZ. You are better than this.

And the reason why it all happened makes me scratch my head even more. Because some random guy insulted the University of Texas (his alma mater).

Make better decisions from now on please. Be more selective about where you choose to be seen. (I guarantee you God didn't lead you to the strip club, but you're sure asking for him to get you out of the mess you created when you went there). And obviously it could've happened anywhere really. He could've been walking out of Stephen Pyles restaurant or Barnes & Noble (though I'm thinking alcohol may have played a role and maybe, just maybe, a little testosterone that had been amped up inside the club...just sayin'). But, the fact it DID happen where it did doesn't help him any.

Here's the kicker though. This morning on Good Morning America, George Stephanopoulos and Elizabeth Vargas are discussing what a 'shame' that it happened. And one of them actually says...no joke..."Yeah...you gotta be careful. You never know when there's a camera on you."

SERIOUSLY?

Here's a newsflash people of the world: Live your life like there is **always** a camera on you. The one in your conscience. The one the Good Lord gave ya'.

We all make mistakes. But if we were a little more careful...a little more thoughtful...we'd ask ourselves FIRST...

Do I really want this on my highlight reel?

La Dolche Vita

There are particular things in this life I truly believe I may have missed my calling at. Now I realize not ALL interests constitute a career...but I'm just saying.

Meteorology for one. Yep...I LOVE the weather. There's a particular meteorologist on one of our local stations who I think is fab. That's right...it's you Steve McCauley. Yes, admittedly I've admired Pete Delkus also, but that Mr. McCauley loves-his-job. You can tell. Explaining outflow boundaries. Caps. Descending air masses. He makes me wish I'd taken math a little more seriously while in school. Alas...I was destined to have a career in journalism/advertising. Not too shabby either.

Another one...I would have be a great anchor/creator for the Happy News Network. I am so sick of the news being only about murder. War. Oil spills. Sickness. The economy. I get this information is reality, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to change the channel and watch some "happy" news? Some stories that make you feel all warm inside about humanity. True things happening out there. People doing things for others. I'll keep thinking of how I could possibly make that work. Probably wouldn't...too many people appreciate other people's drama. Believe me. I know.

Marine Biologist. That's right. Me and Shamu. Or dolphins. Or sea lions. Or seals. I'd be in h.e.a.v.e.n. Since a goal of mine is to swim with Shamu, I'll just have to 'push' Ben to fulfill this dream of mine. Ha! Kidding. Obviously I want him to be whatever he wants to be. And then some. First I need him to relish being a 10 year old and get him off the topics of getting his drivers license, graduation college, getting married and having kids. Seriously? Sloooooooow down there Bunny.....

Massage therapist. But not just any massage therapist...the kind who helps people unable to find relief through pain medicine. People fighting cancer, for example, and I'd know every pressure point that could give them some peace.

Chemist. I loved chemistry. What an amazing thing it would be to come up with a cure for some disease, ailment, etc... .

And finally...a chef. Oh yeah baby! Too much fun! I still long to take a cooking class. Nothing too formal, just those classes you take to learn how to make particular dishes. I know Dean Fearing started some this summer and they sound fabulous. They are called "Cooking at the Counter with Dean" and I would, no pun intended, eat that experience up.

For now I will relish the role of motherhood and being able to work from home. Run errands on my 'lunch break'. Kiss boo-boos while I'm waiting for pictures to download. Not to worry...it's not lost on me that while I see the imperfections of my life up-close and personal, I also know I live a life others would love to have.

Always remember and never forget: You can live your life always wanting something more; or you can live it believing you already have more than most could ever imagine.

Wow...You Send Me

It's been a long, but fairly satisfying week. And I've learned some things. Kind of a re-cap post, if you will.

This week, I learned:

• There's nothing quite like sleeping in with your kids on their first day of summer. Even if it's just until 7:00 a.m.
• I do enjoy going into the office 2 days a week because I get to spend time with some quality people who are kind, treat me with gratitude and also make me laugh.
• But...I'm thrilled I'm able to work from the house all other days and give my kids that "home" feeling.
• I'm going to need to charge my camera battery almost every day this summer as I'm taking pictures out the wazoo! Don't want to miss a thing. And want the kids to be able to say, "Oh yeah! I remember when we did that!" when they are my age.
• To piggy back off the item above, I'm going to start making picture albums (not necessarily scrapbooks...they take too long and cost too much the way I do them!) so my they have photographic evidence of their childhood adventures to show their kids...and their grand kids...and so on... .
• I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be...or ever wanted to be.
• I'm becoming a movie buff. Well...sort of.
• Carole King and James Taylor still blow me away.
• I don't have time to highlight my own hair. Or money to pay someone else to do it. So I am what I am right now as far as my 'do!
• No matter how much you prepare yourself and your kids for life, they always, **always** come up with questions you will have a tough time answering. Comes with them being so darned smart...and I'm okay with that.
• My son thinks much too old for his age and I need to come up with ways for him to celebrate his here-and-now, goes-too-fast youth. And not think entirely so much about his future.
• I'm constantly reminded my daughter is somewhat of a free spirit and I totally dig that about her.
• A leopard always shows it's spots...no matter how hard it tries to disguise them. Of course, I knew this, but was reminded many times this week it is indeed true.
• Sunscreen and pool shoes are our friends. Lots and lots of sunscreen, even though their tans look as if they've been enjoying being sun kissed for months.
• I will never get tired of smelling them. Both while their napping, after totally exhausting themselves at the pool and have that awesome sunscreen, chlorine smell and after they shower it all off and smell oh-so sweet.
• In the morning, nothing beats being met with a great cup of coffee and two sleepy voices saying "good morning".
• When you least expect it, someone can make you smile, maybe even giggle and change your outlook.
• Hearing Ben say church is a good idea because "I have things I need to talk to God about..." is a good thing and makes my heart smile that he knows Who is in charge.
• I remembered I really do love to cook. Love it. Love it. Love it. New recipes are a goal this summer and my little guinea pigs are ready for it (or so they say!). Now to get that grill I need...
• Mommy's kisses heal all boo-boos. Thankfully I do have some kind of magic in me somewhere.
• Duke relies on and loves me way more than I ever knew he did...until I started working 2 days in the office.
• True friends are hard to come by and are always there for you, no matter what.
• Blogger shouldn't have added the new "Design" feature because an ADD/Design person such as myself finds it hard to resist and knows my blog design will probably change as much as the furniture around my house does.
• Life is as complicated as you make it...and likewise...as simple as you choose for it to be. It's all about where you place your priorities and your treasure.

Which brings me to....

Always remember and never forget: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34.

Sometimes I Just Have to Remind Myself

The ups and downs of working from home. They definitely balance out my decision to do so, but it's so tough in the summer when I'd rather be playing with them, but have to work.

Yes...they get to be at home vs. some childcare situation. Add on top of that the insane amount of money it costs to put them there. I know I'm doing the right thing.

And really I should be thankful my kids are self-sufficient enough to play by themselves while I work. Rearrange their rooms. Play with Zhu Zhu pets. Play XBox live. Build Legos. Make comic books...together (I LOVE that one). Paint. And I've gotta say, I haven't seen them glued in front of the television which makes me happy.

But, it doesn't chase away the guilt I feel when I'm not spending time with them but am right here. I *know* what I'm doing is important for them (i.e. making money and being an example of responsibility), so how do I get rid of the guilt?

Midday, I decide to delve into The Book to find some kind of support and read this:


"As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work." John 9:4.
 

And then this: "You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deuteronomy 11:19.

And I felt a little better.

And then, later in the afternoon, Belle came up to me and asked in the sweetest voice, "Can we make some chocolate chip cookies?". And being that I was lucky enough to work from home and knew I'd be able to make up time later after she went to bed, I said, "Absotootly cutie patootie!". And we did.

While I will enjoy going in the office a couple days a week this summer to be more productive, I don't have anyone nearly as cute as this to look at.

Yep. Sometimes you just have to look for the good. It's usually not too far away. For me, two amazing reminders are right under my nose of why I do what I do.

Always remember and never forget: "One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon--instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."  - Dale Carnegie

The Art of Toothfairyness

Yesterday, my sweet Belle pulls her first upper tooth.

Okay...let me re-phrase that. She 'unknowingly' pulled it.

How? Wellllll....it's kinda a mom-thing. We are sneaky like that, us moms. Brilliant is more like it. haha

For some reason, this time she was nervous to pull it. Both of her front teeth are just kinda hanging there. The school nurse (as well as my friend!) and I were working hard the last 2 weeks of school to get at least one outta there...to no avail.

Enter today. I offer my new babysitter, who comes a couple days a week so I can go into the office during the summer, a 'bonus' if she gets Shelby to pull at least one.

They call me at work. It's bleeding. Annnnnnnnd...it's gross. But it ain't comin out.

I get home and she is just stressing over it just hanging there. Literally...when the child breathes in and out it moves. Ughhh....

She comes downstairs and lisp-asks for me to pull our her trundle bed. Seems she wants to move furniture around in her room (hmmmmmmmm...where does she get that procrastination technique?). And I tell her I'll pull out the trundle when she pulls out the tooth.

Frustration ensues. She whines that isn't fair. All the while with two fingers grasped on this tooth trying to protect it from me possible grabbing it with my cat-like reflexes.

And the reflexes come through.

I 'slap' her arm down (note: more like quickly push!) since her fingers are obviously hanging on to this poor tooth trying to jump out of her gums.

She looks at me and is astonished. "Mom! That could've hurt! Why'd you do that!" I answer, "So your tooth would finally come out." And she replies, "But it didn't!!!"

And the extremely brilliant mom answers, "Didn't it?"

YES. IT. DID.

She busts out laughing. I laugh... partially because I'm extremely grateful it worked. Partially because I'm THRILLED at her reaction. Whew.

One down. One to go.

Yep. The one next to it? Hanging by a thread.

D.R.A.M.A. here we come.


Later after she puts it under her pillow..."Mom...are you the toothfairy?"

Me: "Do I "HAVE wings!? I wish I did. Then I could fly! Woohoo! Can you imagine?!"

Belle: "But are you going to take it tonight then put money under my pillow?"

Me: "Again...NOT the toothfairy. Not my job. But I'm excited to see what you get!"

Belle: "Mom...thanks. I love you."

Me: :::::::heart slowly melts:::::::::::

Ben: "I think the toothfairy is kinda creepy. Someone comes flying in, reaches under your pillow...."

Me: "Bennnnnnn........."

Belle: "Whatever scaredy cat."

Me: :::::::::tries desperately to remember this moment forever::::::::::

Later. Much later that night. I sprout my magical wings. The same wings that rightfully, purposely and blessedly came with the Santa Suit and the Easter Bunny paw prints at the time of their birth. I sneak up the squeaky stairs, across the playroom floor that moans equally as loud as the stairs and finally reach the bedroom. I slowly reach under her pillow, careful to move her sweet head to the side. Instinctively I kiss her angelic face, then remember...oops...not why I'm here. I hope it doesn't wake her. It doesn't. Instead she sighs and turns. I take the tooth that was carefully packaged in a Lego container craftfully made by her proud big brother and replace it with a dollar bill tied with a silky blue ribbon (her favorite color) and some sparkly change. Because my Belle appreciates the sparkly things in life. Done. My goal as a mom...provide the happy.

Mission accomplished. Mission adored.

Wings tucked back in. For now.

The House of 1000 Mirrors

by: Author Unknown, Japanese folktale

I read this tonight and decided it was something I wanted to remember and yes...pass on.

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

The Simple Days of Youth

Take yourself back to when you were in grade school. I can even smell it. Feel it. Summers were probably spent very carefree. Running to-and-from friends homes. For me, it was mainly spent running around with my BFF Betty. We spent most of our days (and by most, I mean all) at the pool and each others houses. My family was hers and hers, mine. There was a pool called "Seablue" within walking distance of our houses in Wichita Falls and it was our home base in the summer.

It wasn't a community or neighborhood pool in the sense they have them these days, where you have an HOA and it's actually taken care of by the neighborhood association. No...this was a place that had four pools. Only one of which we actually swam in. You had to be a member (my number was 333 and her's was 3...cool, huh?!). Can't believe I still remember that.

There was a baby pool, a training pool, a family pool and OUR pool...the teen pool. It was an Olympic size pool with a true deep end. High and low diving boards and a slide (which rarely got used). The high school boys would 'rock' the pool and we would enjoy every second of the waves crashing all around us. We'd be bobbing up and down trying to keep our balance. For those unfamiliar with pool 'rocking' it's when they basically do various types of cannonballs one after another off the diving boards in the deep end (pike, parachute, can-opener, etc...) to where the pool actually gets white caps in it. An Olympic size pool with white caps. It took some effort.

There were 10 minute rest periods each hour and this is when we would go watch the volleyball game going on, get a 'suicide' drink (all flavors mixed) and maybe some Andy Capp Hot Fries. Sunscreen was unheard of then (unfortunately) and we were all about having fun. Not so much laying out working on our tans. No, Betty and I were in the middle of it all.

I can recall soooooo many great times from our days at Seablue. And just our summers in general. So incredibly simple. Not a care in the world. Barely spent any money at all (except on snacks at Seablue) and had more fun than two kids could imagine. Our parents let us have some freedom and we didn't take advantage of it. They were also there when we needed to be the kids we were.

How do you get that  for your kids these days? Does it have to do with the town you live in? Or the neighborhood you choose? I know it has to do with the people you associate with, but that kind of goes hand-in-hand with the town and neighborhood. These are things that keep me up at night. Trying to make our lives more simple. Giving them a foundation for a great future with their families to come. It takes effort sometimes (being an adult and parent!) but it's a role I cherish and I'm desperate for them to have a kid's life they deserve...as carefree as possible.

Maybe I've watched Doc Hollywood and Steel Magnolias too many times, but it's what I want for them.

I don't want to always feel on-schedule. I want my kids to be more free than that too. But I also believe time has played a role in so many people frequently using the term "kids are resilient". Yes, they are about certain things. And need to be. But to simply expect them to be...well, it's something I haven't bought into. "Let's just throw circumstances and tons of schedules their way and trust that since they are so young, they have plenty of time to bounce back." Hello??? This is their childhood. We live a long life and our childhood is such a short part of it that I feel as a parent, it's my responsibility to make this time in their lives as enjoyable as possible. Like my parents did for me. And these days, I see kids growing up way too fast. Cell phones in grade school...Facebook pages...really?! In the not-so-distant future they will be 'adults' and have all those adult responsibilities. Some of them awesome, yes. But the days of childhood leave all too soon. I want them to remember theirs with great fondness.

They both have some pretty great friends, even at their young ages. I met Betty when I was in first grade and we are still friends. She is still someone who I can count on. If I tried to reach her, she'd immediately reply. No questions asked. This person God put in my life has never once turned her back on me and I will always have hers. And that is part of the reason we are still close...we both love each other unconditionally and it takes a lot to get one of us mad at the other. It hasn't happened since grade school and I'll blame that on immaturity! I know I've got several friends like that now, but to actually still be friends with my BFF through childhood...I count myself blessed beyond measure.

So here I sit on the first day of the kid's summer searching for simple. The planner in me says, "Once you see what it is that will make it simple, work toward that goal and make it happen". The laid-back person in me who has been fighting her way out, says, "It will happen...just wait" and I'm at odds on which to choose, or is it a little of both? See my dilemma? I think too much. I believe it's some kind of defense mechanism in me. Always wanting to be prepared for the worse case scenario. I once told someone, "Why are you worried about something that may happen? You'll have enough to worry about once it does. IF it does. Why waste time now when it may not even happen?". I should take that advice, huh?

Then I see something Betty posts on Facebook, so in her words...God WORKS when u WAIT. "The vision awaits its appointed time. If it SEEMS slow, WAIT for it! It will SURELY come" Hab 2:3.

I hear ya'...

Be Still My Heart

Only one more day of school and then I'll have a 2nd grader and a :::gulp::: 5th grader.

Ben's entire grade had a popsicle party this afternoon and while I stood around with the teachers and moms, we talked about the 6th grade graduation ceremony that happened earlier that day. The moms with 6th graders were, of course, talking about how time had flown by. They remembered the day they started at the school when it first opened and their kids were in 2nd grade at the time.

Our 4th graders will be the first class to attend every grade at the school. Ben's kindergarten class was the first kindergarten class and will be the first to graduate attending all 7 grades. We just stood in awe watching our guys run around with many of them fast approaching our height already. Again...searching for the pause button I can never seem to find when it comes to them.

As I was talking to his teacher and walking inside to leave, I yelled over to my sweet son and waved "bye". He excused himself from the four-square game he was in the middle of playing with his friends, ran over to me, held my hand, told me he loved me, gave me a kiss and a hug then walked me to the door. I just about melted. His teacher too. I really do have the best son in the entire world. He never gets embarrassed to hug me when he sees me and yell, "Love you Mom!" in front of everyone. I pray that never changes.

Next I went to Belle's class where her teacher had prepared a special DVD slide show featuring highlights from the year, complete with music. Upon entering the room and seeing tissue boxes on each table, we all knew what we were in store for. Sweet Carson's mom was there too and as usual, she was incredibly strong. Carson is still dearly missed by his friends in this close class every single day. His desk still sits in the same place. Oftentimes you will find little notes on it from his friends. He's still with them in so many ways.

As we all watched the slide show, I took a minute to look around the room and noticed every single parent at least had their hand on their child...if they weren't wrapped in their arms (as Belle was in mine). The students got teary as they saw photos of their sweet friend, but would then break into laughter as they watched some of the fun things they all did together this year. I held onto Belle a little tighter knowing I was blessed enough to be able to take her home with me every day. I don't take that for granted anymore.

I relish every day with both of them and my heart aches for the parents who no longer get to do such 'simple' and 'ordinary' things. Ordinary has new meaning for me. Kissing them goodnight every night. Waking them every day. It's all completely and wonderfully miraculous in it's own way.

I know (really, I do) I say this all the time, but it's days like today I grow even more appreciative of what I DO have and am equally thankful for what I DON'T have.

I'm not sure why I was put on this earth. I know it wasn't so I could bounce around aimlessly or complete various tasks that will say nothing about me when I'm gone. I'm fairly certain it has something to do with the two amazing gifts I was entrusted with so generously. And that isn't lost on me.


By the way...Totally off the subject, but I don't think I've introduced you to my future son-in-law...

Hahahaha! Actually they are really good friends and I could take him home with me in an instant. He's such a sweetie and always has Shelby's back. Always. As she has his. Gotta love that.


Always remember and never forget: There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

The View From Where I Sit

Just goes to show you what can make a kid happy. In our case, a $29.99 blow-up pool from Target. MADE.HER.DAY.

Belle is very much a fan of the water. Any water. Bathtub. Shower. Water hose. Sprinkler. Ocean. Lake. Pool. Puddle. Seriously...any water. She's a fish.

So when the mercury started inching up last week, she would ask me every single day as we walked from school to the car, "Can we go swimming today?". Being that I hadn't finished my work day, the answer was always, "Not today" and I felt horrible. She didn't fuss about it. Which made me want to make something happen for her even more.

I suggested getting the blow-up pool and at first she was skeptical. Then after purchasing it...I was the skeptical one. The pump I purchased to blow it up was NOT going to work. Enter two very kind neighbors with a compressor and boom...pool completely blown up.

Filled it with water and she got the biggest smile on her face. Played and played and played in it. Even got her big brother to join her.

I know it's not going to take the place of going to the neighborhood pool - nor do I want it to - but on the days we can't get there or while I'm working, she gets to have a blast. I never thought I'd own one, but here I am. When will I learn, "Never say never" should apply to my life? It sure is easy to say when you aren't in the situation. Whatever the situation may be.

Always remember and never forget: Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it. ~ Gloria Swanson