POOR BARBIE GETS LOST IN ALLEN, TEXAS

Maybe it comes with age. Maybe it's because of where I live. Or maybe it's just life experiences, but nothing really surprises me anymore.

Because of this, I supposed I've developed a coping mechanism that comes out in the form of laughter.

So today as I'm filling up with gas, I notice the lady in the car on the other side of the pump (we'll call her Barbie) doesn't get out. She keeps looking around, kind of confused. She eventually rolls her window down and sticks her head out, peering at the young man who sits in the little building where people come pay.

Barbie keeps staring. Then looks at me and does one of those "can you believe this" gestures. And because of darn near anything being possible in society these days, I just smile at her. Who knows? Barbie could be packing a blinged-out 9mm for all I know!

After giving as much patience as Barbie can muster, she gives up and yells to me.

Barbie: Ummm...excuse me! Do you know...do I have to honk my horn or something for full-service?

Me: Bwwwahaahahaha!!

:::::awkward silence:::::

Me: Oh...you're serious?

Barbie: Oh, they do don't that at this location?

Me: Ummm...no.


Barbie rolls up her window and very irritatedly speeds off.

Want to know the kicker?


We were at Kroger.


See? Nothing and no one surprises me these days.

YOU HEARD ME

I have a job. Again.

Two ton weight has been successfully lifted.

I'm actually very excited about the opportunity.

I haven't slept due to stress of being laid-off...for the second time in a year...in almost 4 weeks, therefore I'm going to bed.

Looking forward to sleeping again.

More later on said job. :)

CHIP IN TO HELP NALA AND BRUNO

On August 23rd, Nala and Bruno were intentionally poisoned with antifreeze. There is an ongoing criminal investigation and we hope to bring those responsible for this heinous act to justice.

In the meantime, Nala (Danielle's personal boxer companion) and Bruno (Legacy Boxer Rescue foster dog) are fighting for their lives at a local ER.

The estimated cost for the first 24 hours of care was $1,100.00 for Nala and $1,500.00 for Bruno (he's much heavier than Nala, so hence medications cost more). They are now going into day two.

Please help us help Nala, Bruno, Legacy Boxer Rescue and Danielle by chipping in to help offset the costs of this cowardly crime against two innocent boxer babies.

Thank you.

http://legacyboxerrescue.chipin.com/nala-and-brunos-antifreeze-poisoning

DENIED!

It inconspicuously happened somewhere between home and the school.

There was no warning. No red flags. Nothing telling me a monumental shift in my world was just about to occur.

I pulled into the parking lot of Ben's new school for his 7th grade orientation, looking around for a parking space. As luck would have it, one immediately opened up right out front.

I put the car in park and got the first hint.

Only a handful of parents were walking into the school and I paused before I turned off the car.

"You know what, Ben? It doesn't look like many parents are going in so that tells me my checkbook probably isn't going to be needed," I told him.

"Yeah. I don't know exactly what we're going to be doing. Probably a tour or something," he answered.

I slowly turn off the car and start to open the door, but something held me back. I didn't want to be 'that mom' who was basically spitting on my hand and smoothing his hair down in front of everyone saying, "There now..don't you look spiffy you little whipper-snapper?!" Then follow it up by tucking his shirt in for him.

No...instead, I took the route of less humiliation for my son.

"Ben, you have your phone so if I actually do need to come in to write a check for something or whatever, you can call me. Or you can walk in and I'll follow behind and ask someone inside."

He opens the door, shuts it behind him and as he's walking off says, "It's okay mom. I got it. Or you can walk behind me if you want but I'm going in."

Gone. Trail of dust following him.

Okay. Guess that answers that question. And in all honesty, we didn't receive the notice about "Dog Pound" as they call it so I really had NO idea what the agenda was. It was only by pure luck we found out the night before thanks to one of Ben's friends talking to him about it. I feel the need to defend myself right about now because I really did want him to go by himself, I just didn't know if I needed to write a check, sign something, whatever!

Then tonight the remainder of the shift took place.

We are walking in Target and the kid who always used to not just walk right beside me, but would put his arm around me or hug me turned on me like a wild pig who just got his foot trapped in a metal clamp.

Okay maybe not that drastic, but it felt like it at the time.

We were walking toward the check-out stands and I reached over to just put my arm around him...not forever, but it's habit, people!...and he literally squirmed out of it and said, "Ohhh...that's okay mom."

I'm sorry, what?

Then because he is a kind-hearted guy, spent the next 5 minutes apologizing if he hurt my feelings.

I assured him he didn't. That it was bound to happen and he's growing up. But asked if next time could he just not pull away so quickly as I think I got a fabric burn on the tips of my fingers.

"It doesn't mean I love you any less, mom. I promise. You know that, right? And it doesn't mean I'm not going to hug you anymore. Here...see?" And he proved his words by he putting his arm around me for an entire 2 seconds.

Are you kidding me right now?

"That's fine, Ben. To be honest, I don't want you to hug me anyway because as you get older you've started to smell like a day old taco!" And he just laughed.

I'm sorry, but it's true. When boys get older and make the unfortunate mistake of forgetting that morning deodorant, they smell like Mexican food. But not in a good way.

"Here mom. I'll hug you," Shelby chimed in.

"Oh please, Shelby. It's not the same," he said.

And knowing she will start the same retraction from public displays of affection with her ole' mom soon enough, I told her, "I'll take whatever I can get so bring it on, Belle!"


Always remember and never forget: They grow up way, way, way to fast. Take in every second of every memory...big and small...while you can.

NOTHING TO DO BUT LAUGH

Just a little timeline of my Tuesday...that acted like a Monday. With sordid vengeance.

I agreed to help moms at school with hallway decoration so I jumped in my car to head up to school. Car didn't start.

Popped hood. Had no idea what I was looking for. Acted like I did when neighbor guy walked up and offered help. He messed with battery cables. Car started. Once again I was off.

While helping at school, I got two emails for potential jobs I had applied for. Make that past-potential jobs. Both emails told me they had already hired someone. Bummed, but I kept going

All the moms made an impromptu plan to take the kids to lunch as a "thank you" for being so good while we worked. Knowing I have no extra, fluff money in my budget, my sweet daughter tried desperately to take herself out of the equation by doing something else. Still she was invited to go and told me all she wanted anyway was a sweet tea. Humiliation sets in.

On the way home, I got another email. This time regarding my unemployment and how the 'paperwork' (though it was done via internet) was messed up and they are working on getting me a payment. Just don't know when it will be.

I stopped by apartment office to tell them I got laid-off two weeks ago (call me optimistic, but I was actually hoping to have a job and therefore, an income by now so I hadn't discussed anything with them). I told them I know September rent isn't due for a couple weeks, but in anticipation of not having a paycheck by then, was there anyway a good tenant of almost two-years, who has never even been late with a rent check could possibly pay 1/2 on the 1st and 1/2 on the 15th? Answer is a smile and a "No". In fact, she informed me they would be sending me an eviction notice by the 5th if the rent isn't received in full by the 3rd. Long-shot, but didn't hurt to ask. Surprised by how quickly they evict, though. Sorry...just never been a subject that I ever thought would be in my life so I guess I was under the impression it would take more than being a couple days late to kick you and your kids out when they've never been a 'problem' in the past. Silly me.

Head still spinning, I went home and make myself and Ben lunch since Belle went to a friend's house. Pulled up emails on my laptop and started prepping for a phone interview I had in an hour and a half. When I walked back to kitchen and saw there was an envelope in the door. Inside was a letter from the apartment complex letting me know my lease expires at the end of October and if I do wish to renew it, my monthly rent will go up by $100 a month.

I called them explaining this is quite exorbitant and reminded them of not only my being a good tenant, on time with rent, never cause issues and rarely call maintenance, but also that the front/main security gate (as well as all the side gates) have been broken 90% of the time I've lived here (almost two years!) and that's an amenity/feature we pay for. I reminded them I've been patient about that, as have all the tenants. We haven't demanded money off our rent and they should consider customer loyalty in this circumstance.

"I'll make sure and pass your message on to corporate...". Gee thanks. This isn't over.

Shelby came home and headed to her room to change. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeck!" Came out, arms flapping screaming there's a mouse in her room.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Maintenance called. Mouse trap set. Little girl sad upon finding out it will kill said mouse. I explained how they carry disease, bacteria, etc... . "Oooooh. Gross." All is fine again.

Phone rang. It was someone I really didn't want to talk to and whenever this person calls, it's always drama/problems/stress. No. It was no one who reads this.

Now...I'm in bed. I'm worn out. As I look back on the day, half-way chuckling at it all...It's easy to admit I'm tired of being embarrassed about my life. I'm tired of somehow, and very unintentionally, being pathetic in the eyes of my friends. I know, I know, I know, I know the stuff I have going on is beyond old for them. I KNOW THIS. They would probably search the skies for pigs if I didn't have some kind of something going wrong. IT'S HUMILIATING. I do not enjoy it. I do not want hand-outs. I knew this was going to be tough. I just didn't know HOW tough. I'm a household of one income. When something happens to that income, no matter how much I plan for success, all hell breaks loose. At some point, I'm sure my friends think (and even the ones closest to me)..."Good grief! What are you doing that is causing all this?"

I know I'm making good choices. The best ones I have available to me. God knows I am, too. That's all that matters, right?

So don't worry friends...I won't be contacting you to air any of my 'issues'. When you text me tomorrow and ask how things are, ask if I have any job leads, etc...I'll say, "All is fine! It's a new day!"

Because it will be.

As KO sweetly said today, "You are a strong, faithful woman and friend who has been caught up in a series of bad events. I'm proud to call you my friend and you are anything but 'pathetic." I'm going to choose to believe that.

Once again (for the umpteenth time), I eternally grateful for the friends who have been so sweet. So patient. So supportive. Never ignoring my same song, twenty-fourth verse stuff. Always there for me. I hope and pray I always treat my friends with that type of unconditional love. I'll always make time for you.

Even when I'm a big-whig in the job I'm surely about to get offered. :) Wherever that may be!

Always remember and never forget: It doesn't matter how often you get knocked down. It only matters how often you get back up.

KEEP WAITING

Amazement Awaits
By Maya Angelou

 Sheer amazement awaits
Amazement luxuriant in promise
Abundant in wonder
Our beautiful children arrive at this Universal stadium
They have bathed in the waters of the world
And carry the soft silt of the Amazon, the Nile,
The Danube, the Rhine, the Yangtze and the Mississippi
In the palms of their right hands.
A wild tiger nestles in each armpit
And a meadowlark perches on each shoulder.
We, the world audience, stand, arms akimbo,
Longing for the passion of the animal
And the melody of the lark
The tigers passion attend the opening bells,
The birds sing of the amazement which awaits.
The miracle of joy that comes out of the gathering of our best, bringing their best,
Displaying the splendor of their bodies and the radiance of their agile minds to the cosmos.
Encouragement to those other youth caught in the maws of poverty,
Crippled by the terror of ignorance.
They say Brothers and Sisters, Yes, try. Then try harder.
Lunge forward, press eagerly for release.
The amazement which awaits is for you.
We are here at the portal of the world we had wished for
At the lintel of the world we most need.
We are here roaring and singing.
We prove that we can not only make peace, we can bring it with us.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can compete passionately without hatred.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can take pride in the achievement of strangers.
With respect for the world and its people,
We can share openly in the success of friends.
Here then is the Amazement
Against the odds of impending war
In the mouth of bloody greed
Human grace and human spirit can still conquer.
Ah … We discover, we ourselves
Are the Amazement which awaits
We are ourselves Amazement.


She wrote this for the 2008 Olympians and released it again today for the 2012 Olympians.

But read it. It applies to us all. You. Me. Friends. People we don't know and will never know.

Against all odds. Amazement Awaits.

ME LIKEY THIS ONE

I can't tell you how many times I've clicked on this button in the past two weeks.

Attention Texas Workforce Commission...I've MORE than done my required five job inquiries per week.

I've read 1,304 job description, but NONE have fit me more than the one I applied for today.

Basically, it's the creative manager for a very popular restaurant chain's print production. That's right menus, POPs (that's Point of Purchase displays for all you non-creative job types)...basically anything the public sees.

Ummmmmmm...YES PLEASE!

I've had many people ask me how the job search is going. I actually get asked many times a day. It's very thoughtful of them to ask and a constant reminder they are thinking of me. It's also a reminder I've literally had ZERO good leads. And having to say, "Nothing new" is depressing.

I was very excited about this particular position and applied immediately (along with hundreds, if not thousands of others I'm sure). However, **I** am beyond qualified for this position. **I** would love doing this job. **I** would complete the tasks of this job with gusto!

So while I don't want to expose the name of the company just yet. I will tell you there's a specific day of the week we all love the most. :::hint hint:::

SMALL TOWN USA

Windridge Farm.

It could very well be my happy place. My real happy place. Not the one I have to imagine in my dreams or look at pictures of on the internet (insert the amazing, tranquil, aqua waters with the bungalow suites actually on the ocean waters in Bora Bora here).

No, this is real. Being that Shelby's horseback lessons have had to be very early in the morning during the summer (we're talking a starting time of 6:30-7:30 a.m., depending on her trainer's schedule). It's in the country. It's quiet. The only noises you hear are the horses being taken to the pastures and they whinny with excitement to break free of their stalls. There's dew on the grass. The leaves on the trees are still dancing from the morning breeze. No smog. No car horns. No traffic. It's heavenly.

Last night was even better.

Have you ever seen the movie Doc Hollywood? I had the pleasure of being immersed right, smack-dab in the middle of that type of atmosphere last night.

It was team penning night at Windridge Farm. We got there early so Shelby and her BFF could ride, then we all offered help to get things set-up. Got horses out of their trailers, tied them in the pen and under the shade. Brought trash cans out. Turned hot dogs on the charcoal grill.

People brought their folding chairs and sat them under the huge, oak trees. Popped tops to original Coors beer. Kids had water bottles on ice and literally ran around for hours. Climbed trees. Teased the cows. Took turns on the rope swing hanging from the tree. Chased grasshoppers, then later...the little ones searched for lightening bugs. And laughed. Loudly.

As many times as the cows tried to take a nap in between penning (no kidding!), they were constantly reminded they were there to run.

The boys finally took cover from the girls in the "Man Cave" and decided they would play poker. It wasn't long before the clear and semi-cool weather beckoned them back outside. No video games. No texting. This alone makes a mom smile from the inside-out.

I can't wait for the day (being very optimistic here) I can offer my kids the outdoors again. I remember at their age, I was outside all the time. From being at the community pool to playing nighttime tag until the huge, triangular bell was rung calling "time to come it!".

That's what they want, too. It's what I want for them. Believe me...you tend to take it for granted when you are in a house. I'll admit, I never really thought about it. That was until we moved into an apartment.

I'm working on it kids. We'll get there!

WHAM, BAM...THANK YOU MA'AM!

Looking back on posts, it's clear I've been frustrated. To say the least.

In my defense (you knew that was coming), I've had some disappointments, by way of both circumstances and people in my life lately.

Anyone who knows me personally and knows about this blog knows this is how I vent. This is how I get things off my chest.

I've always said it's a choice to be happy and I do believe that.

I just neglected to take the steps necessary to be happy and unknowingly (and very naively) thought I could just jump from being disappointed to immediate happiness. Similar to a light switch.

That's not a realistic expectation.

And while I am happy with my life, I find I am still allowing people and circumstances to take that happiness away from me from time-to-time. It's like a pattern I fall back into. Part of me thinks I'd be mean to let the person(s) know what they are doing is not okay. In essence, I've confused being mean with taking up for myself. There's a huge difference.

I don't want to look back on my life with huge regrets. I know I'll have some, who wouldn't? But I want to be the best ME God wants me to be. And I know I would regret letting people step all over me because they think I won't do anything about it. That's not what I'd want my children to do.

It all comes down to self-confidence. Mine has always been low. It took a big hit a couple years ago and spread throughout many areas of my life like a wildfire in 80 mph wind. So now...now I'm building it back from the ground up.

First up...GET BACK IN SHAPE. How many times do I have to say I want to do this before I do it?!?! Get ready Ang...we're getting ready to start hitting each other again. Ahhhhhhhh...this is gonna be great.

Yes, I need a job first to pay for it. Title Boxing Club of Allen...open:open:open.

But then...BAM! It's gonna feel good to picture my 'problems' then knock the crap out of them!

Always remember and never forget: When you should grab something, grab it! Likewise, when you should let it go...let it go.

FROM HOT WEATHER TO FAIR WEATHER

What does a divorced, single-mom of two, foster mom to a Boxer named Rosie who is enduring heart worm treatment, living in a small apartment and constantly telling your kids, "Shhhhh! Don't stomp! People live below us!", solely dealing with the IRS for a debt that isn't yours, counseling your 9 year old daughter on particular people/relationships she's having a tough time understanding, trying to have real friends in your life who are there for you and not just asking for your help with they need something, living in 110+ degree Texas heat (::::::deep breath:::::::) AND on top of everything else, you lose your job?

You go swimming.

Shelby has been asking all week to go swimming. Simple request. Right?

But when you are juggling all the said things above, it's tough to reason it's okay to do that because I know all I need to do right now is find a job.

But that face. Her recent empty feeling of importance with others. The amazingly mature conversations we've been having, always with the preface of, "This is between me and you...right momma?"

You and I. Yes baby. I promise.

Today I closed my laptop. Left my phone behind. Pulled our hair up in ponytails. Made big cups of ice water. And we set out.

Hot doesn't even begin to describe the temperature outside today. We set a record-high in DFW today. Officially I think they said it was 108, but it was well over 110 here. (Did you know they take the official temp in the shade? Just FYI.)

After doing 342 flips. Jumping off my shoulders (my knees, my hands, my stomach...ouch) 231 times and over my knees and arms 154 times (this required me holding my legs and arms horizontal so I went ahead and counted it as a workout)...we headed back. Once home, I got a huge dose of reality and a reminder of the simple act a child needs. Individual attention.

I know. I know. We are all busy. Trying to do everything and then some. And even though I spend a great deal of one-on-one time with both of my kids, it's nice to know they notice when all is purposely set aside just for them. Looking back: very little time actually sacrificed to make a big impression.

Momma...thank you so much for making time for me.

    Honey. Of course. Do I not make enough time for you?

Yes. You do. But thank you for doing it today when I asked. I asked because I needed you.

    You don't always need me? Is that what you're saying? What's this?! (we laugh...'what's this' is one of our favorite lines from a Looney Toons show).

Of course I do! You know what I mean. I always know you love me. And that's a good feeling.


Again, I know it's not always the easiest task to just stop what you're doing when you're plate is full of work, responsibilities, etc... . Especially when there's one of you and two kiddos. But we do our best. Juggle with the skill of a one-armed person with two fingers. We get creative.

You smile when they ask to go out to eat and you can't afford it. Then employ their help in the kitchen, make it entertainment (as well as dinner) and dub them as your sous chefs.

I've (we've) been handed a ton of challenges these past few years. I know I have done everything to make lemonade out of lemons. Still, it's comical almost at the poop-on-a-stick things that keep rolling our way. I honestly believe some friends (as right now I use that word loosely) are probably thinking one person can't possible have these many crisis balls in the air without somehow inviting them to come one over. I promise you, that is not the case. This is simply my very, long, uphill climb on this rollercoaster of life. I know the downhill portion is around the bend. Somewhere!

I'm there for my friends when they need me. This I know. Whether it's updating their resume, doing graphics work (always for free), lending money if I have any, just listening when they feel like crying, or meeting them to have a drink when they need to vent. I'm there.

Like Shelby, I notice when the effort is reciprocated.

And also like her, I notice when it's not.


Always remember and never forget: Sacrifice is one of the purest and most selfless ways to show someone you care about them. Practice it daily.

APPLICATIONS, EMAILS AND A MOUSE

I've officially applied for more jobs in one day than any one person has the right to. Between Indeed.com, CareerBuilder.com and numerous blind messages from people just trying to build their contacts and sales teams...I can't see straight.

Then I receive this. An actual "valid" message...

Hi Terri. I'm a recruiter in the home building industry. I'm looking for a Strategic Marketing Manager in Dallas. Could you please let me know a good number where I can reach you?

Hmmmmmmm... . Home building industry...ugh. Back to that again? I swore I'd never do it after the bottom fell out of this industry years ago. Never say never, right?

Then, talk about looking over your shoulder, I also applied for an open position with an NBA minor league team in town. Immediately, I had to let AC know. She's the only woman I know who is more knowledgeable more about basketball than most men. Her and her hubs have been Mavs season ticket holders for as long as I can remember (BEFORE they were 'cool' and champions...that's saying something).

Her reply?

Cool!! Would we get to travel????

Hit the "back" button on the application.

Under "additional notes" I write: Just so you know, I will show up to work with a mouse in my pocket. Not to worry, said mouse can hold her own. Thank you.