MIND YOUR OWN BEEZWAX

I don't know.


It's probably one of the phrases I use most. It keeps me out of trouble and in many cases, I don't WANT to know, nor do I NEED to know.

What is it with some people's appetite to KNOW? Does it affect you? Is it your business? Don't you think if you needed to be told, you would have been told?

I had someone ask me a personal question about someone else's marriage yesterday. My answer? "I don't know." Did I know? Yes...I knew. Why did I know? I can definitely tell you it is not because I asked to know. It is because this person confided it me because they needed someone to talk to and knew I'd keep my mouth shut.

I don't ask people personal questions and I don't double-check on them. Example: If you tell me you are having financial problems and tomorrow you post a photo of a new wardrobe or a new piece of workout equipment in your house...I won't "double-check" your previous story to me of financial woes. Why? Because ... here we go ... IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I will congratulate you on it. I will support you. But I won't say, "Hey! Guess you must have come into a buttload of money since you got that new treadmill!" For all I know it was given to you by your neighbor who didn't use it anymore.

Regardless, I just don't get it.

Another example, a friend told me recently that someone actually asked her how she was affording to live in the house she's in now. "Did you get left some money?" Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Who asks that? What the hell does where they live and furthermore how she can afford it have to do with you?

So next time, before you ask...before you feel the need to fact-find a previous statement your friend made that now MAY seem contradictory...ask yourself: "Does this have anything to do with me?".

Assume the best, not the worst. And more importantly...pay attention to the goings-on in your own house. If you're not, who is?

Always remember and never forget: People will always believe the worst instead of the best because the worst is just plain more interesting. In these cases, make sure you have at least one great friend who will open up her can of whoop ass on them if they dare try and pry in your business!

GIMME THE TEXAS HILL COUNTRY

I can honestly say, the thought of moving has more than crossed my mind in the past few years. It's not just a random thought. Or a "wouldn't-that-be-nice-if..." inkling of imagination.

It's turning into a full-fledged "I've-got-to-do-this" declaration. Albeit in my head and not screaming from the rooftops as I do in my dreams.

This weekend, as we sat by the Trinity River in Fort Worth at a restaurant I've been wanting to visit for somewhere in the neighborhood of one and a half years (Woodshed Smokehouse), my river rat (Shelby) asked the question that often gets asked when we are around a body of water: "Mom, if you were offered a job, would we really move to New Braunfels?".

My answer is always the same.

"Probably. If I was offered a job I really loved and it paid good, then I'd have to really think about it."

Her face turns to a big smile (which I'm sure if I ever do decide to move, I'd probably hear, "But I don't want to leave my friends!").

In her mind right now, she's running away from something things I've tried to tell her, exist everywhere.

Things like cliques of girls.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like it's a big issue in her life. She's perfectly fine. But what girl hasn't experienced "those girls" in their adolescence? As well as in their adult life?

I've told her it still exists at my age and it exists in every single town, big and small, in the world. They teach us about adversity. About dealing with others who are different. Many, many things. Life is just one big, fat lesson isn't it?

This is a place we chose to live so long ago. A place where I've made plenty of mistakes. A place I just see differently now (not worse, just different). A place I saw as quaint. A place I saw as small-town America. A place I thought I'd want to raise my kids. I see it a different now.

Funny how circumstances and life events change our outlook. It's still a good place. It is. It's just not somewhere I necesarily feel comfortable living anymore.

So as much as moving would be an exit for my kids; it would be a beginning for me.

A new beginning. In many ways a reunion.

I miss living in the Texas Hill Country. It's a slower way of life. It is more real. It is beautiful and peaceful. And of course these are my thoughts. I'm sure there are very fast-paced, materialistic people there, too. But if you have ever lived there...not just visited...it's different.

You can give me your unsolicited two-cent opinion of how I'm trading old problems for new ones. Or any number of things you may think you've thought of, but I've somehow overlooked. But before you do... I know my heart and it's felt this way for a very, very long time.

And it's part of what is missing in my heart.

And I will love the day I get it back.

FENG SHUI-ING MY LIFE

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe everyone else has their lives on auto-pilot and they just keep cruising along. I watch and listen to my friends. The ends and outs of their days. Their responsibilities. Their extracurricular activities. Those they choose to have in their lives (as well as those they chose not to have in their lives, as the case may be).

So maybe it is just me who feels like they're sometimes the equivalent of a hamster. Sleep. Eat. Run around on wheel. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. And then...what the hell is all this mess around me doing here?!

Sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed at the tidal wave of life I have coming at me. Other times I think, "Man...I've got it pretty damn good."

And in all honesty I do. Have it pretty damn good, that is.

I took a little time last night to reflect back on the past six months of my life and I noticed something of a pattern. Or at least a theme.

I seem to be minimizing things. Cleaning out my cage.

I'm cutting back on things. Resources. People. (And unfortunately, exercise. This is unacceptable.)

It's strange, as this has been oddly unintentional. I guess my subconscious saw a need to simplify and just started without my prior consent. From friends who are more fair-weathered than just plain fair; to love-interests whom I...come to find out...don't have as much in common with as I initially believed; to THINGS. I have a wild desire to get rid of so many things.

My mind seems to be wanting to let in the simple, uncomplicated things and people. For now, I can't handle the opposite.

If you cause me pain, confusion, instability...if I'm here for you anytime, but you're here for me when it's just convenient...if you cost me money and I'm not getting a return on my investment...if I haven't worn you in a long time, but you're still hanging in my closet...You're being, or already have been, released to spread your wings.

Is it even possible for you to purge your life and go through some type of equisential cleansing without even so much as pre-planning it?

The answer is Yes.

I love my job. I love my kids.

Now I'm working on loving me.

And apparently, I need things to be a bit more uncluttered around me for this to happen.

LET'S BE...CLEAR?

Yes, I know sometimes "us women" are difficult to read. Or understand. Or whatever.

Case-in-point...

Just to be a little clear..sometimes "...it doesn't matter" really does mean it doesn't matter. And other times...like when choosing a place to dine...it always means, "Oh hell no! Not iHop, Taco Bell or any other fast food place!"

You're welcome. :)

I SWEAR TERRI, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU RESCUE DOGS

About eight months ago, we had this precious creature enter our lives.

This picture was taken the day we got her. She wasn't panting because she was anxious (although I'm sure she did have some anxiety). She was panting because she had an extremely heavy case of heart worms. It's those heart worms that kept her from being adopted (many people don't know you can successfully treat heartworms) and made her stay in that shelter for three months. Much longer than most shelters keep animals...but Rosie grew on them and fast became the workers favorite.

After many months of medical treatment, Rosie became a very healthy and happy boxer girl.

Last week, it broke our hearts to let her be adopted. But finances in our home being the way they are presently, stand in the way of us having our own dog. You see, when we have a 'pet' we treat it like family and you just never know when an animal is going to need medical care. The rescue group I volunteer with takes care of all bills for the foster you take care of. Medical, food, you name it.

Rosie obviously grew on us quickly. She never once became agitated. She only wanted to be loved and over the months she grew to trust us. Which made it even more difficult letting her go as we couldn't help but think she must've felt we left her. I had to keep reminding the kids (and myself) that dogs don't think they way humans do. Yes...I'm sure she wondered where we went for awhile. But a week later, I'm sure she's very much settling in to her new family. She won't ever forget us, nor will we forget her.

Something I hear a LOT is, "I could never do what you do. I couldn't give them up." It is difficult, but as Shelby put it on the way home from dropping Rosie off at her new home, "But if we wouldn't have saved her, who would have?" I confirmed what she already knew, "No one would have baby. We pulled her an hour or so before she was scheduled to be put down."

"Then we did the right thing. It's hard letting her go, but it would have been worse that a dog like Rosie died just because someone was afraid to cry. I'm not afraid to cry if we get to save them, mom."

And cry we did!

I told myself I'd need a litte break after Rosie. Some time to heal. Some time for the kids to heal the loss of not having her around all the time.

But the next morning they woke up with the question, "So when are we saving another one?"

I can't figure out if I'm creating empathetic souls or future adults who will drive their future spouses crazy with a house full of animals!

Either way, what's done is done and they are 110% animal lovers and not afraid to love and let go when it's time to do so.

And that's a very good lesson to learn for a lifetime.

When you love...give it all you've got. Don't hold back. Don't have any regrets you could have done more. And if the time ever comes that it's time to let go...release with the same love and know you did what you were supposed to do.

And maybe, just maybe...a little piece of the world is a better place because of your love.

Rosie would always "hugged" us by burying her head in our chests.
This was our hug "Goodbye".
You were worth every single goodbye tear, Rosie.