"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness." ~ Eckhart Tolle
I was reminded today we can only help others as much as they will let us. Seems I keep getting reminded of this again and again.
Yes, I include myself in this group. And really all of us do this at some point in our lives. We head in the wrong direction. Others notice. Maybe watch for awhile to see if we will correct our path. When we don't, they may casually mention something. When we still don't, those closest to us confront us. Maybe even with a strong, "Seriously...what the &*$% are you doing?" Sometimes it wakes us up and we get back on path. Sometimes it doesn't.
All too often we think we know best. And really, it's our own life...right? Who should know best other than us? But when you get so far off track that maybe your ethical or moral compass goes haywire, it's practically impossible to see your own life with any clarity. Thank God for friends and family who don't give up on us.
The question is...when do you stop trying to help? You can only help someone as much as they will let you. Either they completely shut down on you or shut you out of their life, hoping your viewpoint will change in the interim. They argue defiantly there is nothing wrong with what path they're taking. After all, they have the inside track on their life and you're nothing but a spectator. (Need I point out the spectators have a better view of the field than the players?). Or they are in complete denial, laugh it off, change the subject...you know...ignore.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) I was wired to not give up. I was wired to fight til the bitter end. Until I see absolutely no hope whatsoever. I have always felt when people put a wall up when offered help, it's a time to regroup and come up with a different plan.
It's not a time to leave. It's not a time to get angry. It's a time to remind ourselves that we've been there too. We've been in a situation where we couldn't see the forest for the trees.
It's time to hope and pray they come to their senses somehow, some way. That they realize, "You know what? Almost every person who knows me well is telling me the same thing. Even though I don't want to believe it...maybe it's true and I should try changing paths." This is usually a slow process (at least for me!), but better slow than not at all.
It's difficult to watch, but sometimes just letting them know you're here is the best and only thing you can do. It's horrible watching someone you care about spiral out of control and continue to lie, cover their tracks with more lies and flat out blame everyone but themselves.
I watched that today. And while I'm determined to help, I also realize I can only do so much. We are all behind the controls of our own lives. And I know if leave my controls unattended, I'm sure to crash and burn. And my two little passengers are far too precious of cargo for me to take my eyes of my path.
Yes, I include myself in this group. And really all of us do this at some point in our lives. We head in the wrong direction. Others notice. Maybe watch for awhile to see if we will correct our path. When we don't, they may casually mention something. When we still don't, those closest to us confront us. Maybe even with a strong, "Seriously...what the &*$% are you doing?" Sometimes it wakes us up and we get back on path. Sometimes it doesn't.
All too often we think we know best. And really, it's our own life...right? Who should know best other than us? But when you get so far off track that maybe your ethical or moral compass goes haywire, it's practically impossible to see your own life with any clarity. Thank God for friends and family who don't give up on us.
The question is...when do you stop trying to help? You can only help someone as much as they will let you. Either they completely shut down on you or shut you out of their life, hoping your viewpoint will change in the interim. They argue defiantly there is nothing wrong with what path they're taking. After all, they have the inside track on their life and you're nothing but a spectator. (Need I point out the spectators have a better view of the field than the players?). Or they are in complete denial, laugh it off, change the subject...you know...ignore.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) I was wired to not give up. I was wired to fight til the bitter end. Until I see absolutely no hope whatsoever. I have always felt when people put a wall up when offered help, it's a time to regroup and come up with a different plan.
It's not a time to leave. It's not a time to get angry. It's a time to remind ourselves that we've been there too. We've been in a situation where we couldn't see the forest for the trees.
It's time to hope and pray they come to their senses somehow, some way. That they realize, "You know what? Almost every person who knows me well is telling me the same thing. Even though I don't want to believe it...maybe it's true and I should try changing paths." This is usually a slow process (at least for me!), but better slow than not at all.
It's difficult to watch, but sometimes just letting them know you're here is the best and only thing you can do. It's horrible watching someone you care about spiral out of control and continue to lie, cover their tracks with more lies and flat out blame everyone but themselves.
I watched that today. And while I'm determined to help, I also realize I can only do so much. We are all behind the controls of our own lives. And I know if leave my controls unattended, I'm sure to crash and burn. And my two little passengers are far too precious of cargo for me to take my eyes of my path.
I am very curious now as to the story that goes with this blog. It's prob. none of my business, but sounds interesting! We have been down a version of this path with someone we love this past few years. It ended with us not beging at Terry's daughter's wedding. Heartbreaking, but necessary. Sometimes, we just have to trust God with the people we love most. B
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