God Bless the Picnic

I've just gotta send a huge SHOUT OUT to the kid's elementary school. Actually to the committee who put on the shindig tonight.

Each year, the school does a Family Picnic. And let me tell ya' people...the kids ***love it***. And while it was special to me this year for many reasons, it is always a fun time to look around and see all the great people and kids we are blessed to have in our lives. There's something kind of "All-American" about it. The only thing that would make it better is if it went into a night-time event and the kids were running around with sparklers! Yes...I just plucked a scene out of a movie. :-)

Back to the picnic...

Yes. There are many who can't mind their own business. Yes. There are many who take so much for granted. Yes. You can find these people everywhere.

But I've made some extraordinary friends and I count myself lucky I get to hang out with them and have them as part of my life. I'm glad my kids are friends with their kids. This school has been a great fit for my kids and they couldn't love it more. And while I know they would make friends at any school they attended it, I know they have made some wonderful ones here. So have I.

As for the Family Picnic tonight...From bounce houses, a cake walk, tug-of-war, face painting, Dippin' Dots, food, to dancing with on-site Radio Disney, just plain running around and finally walking out with the school namesake and his wife who are some of the nicest, most genuine people I've met...the kids had a blast. We all got to relax knowing they were running on familiar turf with their buddies. Totally wearing themselves out. Yep...they passed out quickly tonight!

So thank you a million times over committee chairs. You done yourself proud. I will remember it.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Last night, I pull up at AC's house to pick her up for a little Girl's Night Out only to be surprised by a little slithery visitor hanging out by their front door, under the bushes. Now, thankfully I was in the car, but her hubby (GC) spotted it first and jumped about 5-feet in the air since he almost stepped on it.

Being that AC and I both have a horrible phobia of snakes (really...who doesn't except for Bindi the Jungle Girl?), we (along with her daughter) stay in the car, windows up, doors locked. You know, because that thing may actually jump our direction in one 15-yard leap...

GC picks it up and that's when we really cringe. I guess we were thinking it was going to be some little garden snake. Um...no. It was a rat snake and it was very healthy.

I say, "Oh my word! That thing looks like it's about 3 1/2 feet long!" and without skipping a beat, AC answers, "No way...I think it's 10!!!"

With it now curled on the end of this stick, GC turns to take it to meet its maker. However, he turns a direction we weren't expecting. He turns to the front door. Our thought was he was going to take a shortcut through the house to get to the backyard (in his defense, he could have simply been turning to shut the door!). But in our freaked out state, we think he is going in the house...with the snake...and all three of us scream, "Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" while still in the car. Windows up. Doors locked. He turns to look at us like, "What the....?". Which either meant "I can't believe I can hear you all from over here!" OR "Did you really think I'd take this in the house knowing how scared you are of snakes?!"

Regardless, he takes it out back. Kills it. Comes and tells us it's now safe and we are on our way.

Later, after I drop her off she calls me and says, "You'll never guess what Em (her daughter) did. GC took her to look at it in the trashcan and she said, 'Ohhhh...it's kinda cute. I feel bad for it now. Can I take it for show and tell?' Obviously she did NOT get that trait from me, feeling sorry for a snake."

Indeed she did NOT. And she didn't get it from her Aunt TT either! :-)

YUUCKKKKKKKKKK!

Rock It!

Okay. So I've gotta brag on my rock star son's baseball game last night. He was awesome!

In short, he got moved to the second slot in the lineup and proved he belonged there with his first at-bat. He hit a sacrifice RBI to score the lead-off batter who hit a triple. Made a great play in right field AND threw a runner out at 3rd base from left field. Then...pitched the final inning...

His coach calls me over and in front of Ben asks me if he can pitch. I expressed concern about him pitching earlier in the year because at this level, the boys are hitting hard and I wasn't sure his reflexes were quick enough due to his vision. I told them they are the ones who practice with him and if they thought he was ever ready, to let me know. Apparently they thought he was ready.

I was skeptical.

Ben begged from the dugout. "Mommmmmmm...plllllllllllease!"

So he did it. And he showed mom. He got a strikeout and threw someone out at first from his knees. I would've never known had I said, "No." He would have never had the chance to prove it to himself had he not tried. Looking back, I know the risk. But I also see the reward clearly.

Last night, he got his 3rd game ball this season. I have to say...as one proud mama...it was his best game yet. He played like a team-player and even though his team lost, he was proud of how he played. I was extremely proud of how he played. And as usual, I'm extremely proud of who he is.

Proud. Determined. Eager. Consistent. Compassionate. Attentive. Considerate. Loving. Sensitive. Expressive.

Way to go, Ben!

Always remember and never forget: With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton

From Just a Look

I've gotta tell ya', when I friend of mine called me 'inspiring' yesterday...you could've knocked me over with a feather. I'm not sure how in the world I am inspiring, especially these days. But I definitely appreciated (and needed to hear) the compliment.

Those who know me, know I'm fairly private. I share when appropriate, but am fiercly protective of my family. As every momma bear should be. I have surrounded myself with friends who are the same and want the same things out of life. For me, surrounding myself with any other type wouldn't help me be the person I want to be and it definitely wouldn't help my kids be the adults I hope they will grow up to be. The morals and life lessons I want them to pick up and watch with their all-knowing eyes along life's road are put before them everyday.

A friend recently described her Saturday nights as "a lot less martinis and a lot more dress up...and I wouldn't have it any other way." I'm right there with her. Except we're kinda past the dress-up days. (::::sigh:::::). The cool part is we are into the singing and dancing. Pole vaulting (seriously...I think she's got a gift). Balloon volleyball. Practice catching fly balls. Swings. Bubbles. Waterguns. BB guns (I've got a learning curve to overcome on this but am certain I will quickly). Walks. Lots of walks. Sidewalk chalk. Hopscotch. Tag. Jump rope (even got Ben trying it and it is **helarious**!). Nerf gun wars. Early morning snuggles...still. I'm looking forward to every new stage and know they will be equally fun (again...not too fast though!).

While I was humbled my friend gave me that sweet compliment yesterday, my hope is my kids look at me that way. I'm striving for them to anyway. I want them to be that type of parent and as scary as it is, I'm teaching them how to be one (insert prayer here!).

Shelby fell during her 'pole vault' practice the other day. And I mean fell hard. I said, "You done now?" and just out of pure determination and instinct she immediately replied, "Nope! I'm not a quitter." Amen sister! That's Belle. Determined.

During Ben's baseball game this weekend, one of his coaches came over to me during the game and said, "We're gonna have to put a leash on Ben. He's turned into a wild man! If he's on base, he is going to steal. He tells us, 'Let me steal...they can't catch me.' And they haven't yet. He definitely believes in himself."

So who is inspiring to me? Do you really even have to ask?

How can I want anything less than everything for these two? They have the ability to turn my heart inside/out. They inspire me to be the person I want to be. Everyday. Even when I'm not sure if I have it in me, they remind me I do. They NEED me to be that kind of mom. All it takes is for me to look at them and I start to think just like they do.

Never quit. Always believe.

Always remember and never forget: It does not matter how slow you go so long as you don't stop. ~Confucius

These Are the Words I Would Say

Today at church it was Confirmation Sunday. It was inspiring watching a group of 6th graders start a new spiritual journey. Their parents and friends gathered around them in prayer. All of them promising to try their best to live their lives according to God's Word. Knowing if they stray, He will be right there to pick them back up. It's a great reminder for everyone. Sometimes we all need to be picked up, dusted off, forgiven, hopeful, reminded we are strong.

They played a song by Sidewalk Prophets in commemoration of what the parents of these 'kids' (though they would disagree on that term) might be feeling watching their sweet children make this awesome commitment. I haven't heard the song in awhile, but I'd definitely want Ben and Shelby to know it's words. Hopefully I will live my life more showing them versus just having to tell them. It works better when they watch what I do. They don't always hear what I say but they **always** watch what I do. Yikes! :-) Hopefully they will hear Him. If they listen close, I know He will never lead them astray. I speak from experience in not opening my ears at various points throughout my life. I've put up a ridiculous amount of road blocks. Thankfully, He has a hammer and He's not afraid to hit us over the head with it and knock the road blocks out of the way. I've been knocked a couple times for sure! I sincerely hope they won't have as much trouble (self-induced or not) hearing Him in their lives. He sends angels and signs to us all-the-time. We just have to pick up on them and go, "Okay. I see what You're saying..." then follow His lead. That's usually the difficult part because we want to know the grand plan. He says that's not the case. But to listen to our hearts where He lives. The kids today at church made a fresh commitment of faith to do just that. See? Inspiring.

Enjoy the song. If you are a parent, the words will say exactly what you want for your kids.




Always remember and never forget:  Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here.

Where's the Pause Button?

Last night was the Talent Show at the kid's elementary school. One of the things I like about the school is all the little "extra" things they do. Yes...sometimes these 'extras' can get to be too much, but it's all for the kids and they try to appeal to the masses. In other words, the Talent Show may not be for everyone...which is why they do a multitude of various activities. To include them all.

Regardless, my point is about my Belle. And how she is growing up wayyyyy too fast. Her little cheer team did their competitive dance (remember...they are only 1st and 2nd graders, so it's not all THAT competitive!) they did this past football season. Same as they did in last year's Talent Show (last year's dance, that is!).

Before the show, as she's primping with the help of her quite-amazing coach (and one of my friends)...

...she asks me how many people are here. I tell her it's a full house. She stares for a minute then says, "That's okay. I don't get stage fright. I'm a professional." Hmmmmmmm....

So she goes out and performs. Shakes her stuff a little more than I'm ready for her to be shakin' it. She has a complete blast and enjoys the rest of the show sitting infront of the stage with all her friends. Not a worry in the world. Just as she should be. Feeling like the total star (that she is) and loving life because girlfriend is in.her.element.

Afterward we go out to eat and she sits on the bronze statues of the horses...as usual. It's kinda 'her thing'.

Finally, I got the pleasure of posing with my sweet 'little' girl who I wish I could pause time for...even though she would rather push the fast forward button. I remember wanting to do that. Right now I just want to make them both happy and take it slowwwww and enjoy every second of their little lives. Like I told them this morning in bed when they asked if they could crawl in for 'morning snuggles'..."Of course...afterall, one day you won't want to do this anymore." Slow down kids. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy every second. And every other little saying out there that could possibly convince you to enjoy what you have.

I love you tooooooo much. xoxoxo

Love Birds

In our house, this is called 'love birds'. Yes. I know they're dogs. Look at this love. How sweet. The picture quality isn't great, but her head is on his hip. She's letting him know she's right here for him.

Of course watching them snuggle just makes me think, "What in the world is she going to do when he's gone?". And every day I'm watching him get a little closer, new symptoms appear and it's beyond horrible. He's not just a dog to me (obviously...I write about him enough, huh?). I'm already missing him.

And the kids are starting to ask about him. "When will he die? But what if I don't want him to leave? Can we take him to the doctor again to see if they can do anything else?". I tell them about how dogs don't live as long as people. At least we had him and not someone else. We spoiled him rotten and made sure he had a great life. And if there was anything at all I could do to fix it, I would.

For now...lots of loving on him. While I still can.

Where's a 14-Legged Isopod When You Need One?

After dinner tonight, we decide the weather is much too nice to stay indoors. Belle suggests a Roly Poly Hunt. "Huh?" I respond. "You know...hunt for roly polies! It'll be fun!"

As we walk, the are literally NO roly polies around...where there are usually a multitude and you have to dodge them in order not to smash them. Belle starts getting upset at the prospect of finding zero roly polies and gets sad. Still, she keeps looking in every nook and cranny.

We see all kinds of other things...

A squirrel.


A weird looking spider.

Even a blue jay (which I did not get a picture of, but am pretty sure it was 'my friend' the bluejay who visits me every day, several times a day in our backyard.

Then finally, it happened and guess whose face lit up. Over a roly poly.

So I had to know why this all started...

Me: Sweetie, why did you want to find one so bad that it upset you?

Belle: Because mommy I had a down-in-the-dumps kinda day. I miss the days of holding a roly poly and how it tickles my hand and makes me smile and laugh.

Me: I thought you said you had a good day.

Belle: Well, I did mostly but Susie (not her real name!) was mean to me and laughed when I didn't know the answer to one of the math problems she knew the answer to.

Me: Ohhhh...I'm sorry that happened. Do you want help with the math problem?

Belle: Noooooo! I have my roly poly now!

Me: Okayyyyyyyy....

Belle: Can I keep it?

Me: For tonight, but then we should probably let it go. It likes roaming around in the dirt and grass.

Belle: Oh no! It has a family doesn't it?!

Me: Probably did when it was born, but I don't think roly polies really travel around together.

Belle: Yes they do! I've got to let it go! Stop!!!!!!

The release.

She told it goodbye, to go find it's family and to have a fun night.

LOVE. THAT. GIRL. TO. BITS.

Love Those Wow Moments

Just an update on my post yesterday. I literally JUST received an email from a friend whom I used to be very close with at the home builder I used to work for years ago. We've tried to keep in touch over the years, but as life often does...schedules conflict, busy happens, email addresses change. You know how it goes.

Back to the point...I haven't talked to her in a very long time. Sent her an email months ago to get some company info, but other than that...nothing. She has no idea I have a blog or anything going on in my life at all other than I started a new job last year and closed my consulting business.

Then this morning I get this. One of those random-type emails that gets sent to a multitude of people from your address book. Personally I hate these types of emails. "Something good will happen to you if...". We've all received them. I never forward them and generally delete them upon receipt. But check out the last sentence...

Dear God:
This is my friend, whom I love and this is my prayer for her
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,
and let her know when she walks with you.
She will always be safe.
Love you Girl!
Now you're on the clock . . .
In 9 minutes something will make you happy. ;-) .
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet.

Think He's trying to get my attention?

WOW. Don't ever doubt He IS here. Very cool.

Footprints or Footsteps?

That was the title of the sermon this morning at church. It also marked the third time this week I've been reminded of His footprints. So when I scanned over the church bulletin, as I always do as soon as I sit down, I got chills. Again with His footprints!
It's been a long week and I haven't exactly felt my best. In talking with a woman I trust about my week, as I ended the conversation I mentioned feeling very alone. I felt I was constantly being pulled under water and couldn't figure out what I had done to 'deserve' it. I'm careful of my choices and actions. I wasn't always this conscientious, but I surely never intentionally hurt anyone so what was going on? I was having a hard time coming to grips with what I felt were unanswered prayers. For something so important and not just for me.

So when I told this woman all this she reminded me I was only in charge of me and my kids...no one else... and said, "Remember what's going on when there's one set of footprints. You are not alone."

I came home and in organizing a section of my closet I came across it. The only written thing I have my mom left for me. It's the poem "Footprints in the Sand". Hence my reason for doing this blog...thoughts, advice, reflections on life's little moments...so my kids will always have something from me about their years growing up. What if I can't recall all the 'little' stories I want them to know about? This way, I can.

Then this morning at church when I saw the title of the sermon, I knew I was being directly spoken to. The pastor made reference to Jesus's footprint on a stone outside the Chapel of Ascension in Jerusalem. He talked about the importance of His footprint in relation to the importance of His footsteps. Meaning? The steps He took in His life are what MADE him who He was. Just like the steps we take in our lives. The actions. The choices. The consequences that come from these steps, are what really matter. They are what really determine our walk in life, the legacy we will leave behind and the people we will turn out to be. In my case, I took it as the walk I'm trying to walk and the walk I want to exemplify for my kids. I can tell them all day long to do something or act a certain way, but if I'm doing the opposite...what am I really teaching them? What will I pass on? What people will I be forming them to be? Kids are smart. They are 'monkey-see-monkey-do' little sponges. I watch many friends exemplifying wonderful walks for their kids and for themselves. I want to do that. That is who I want to be. And I know, only I can make it happen.

I'm not perfect. Far from it. But I'm hoping my footsteps speak for the type of person I am and am striving to be. I'm not there yet, but I'm trying to stay on the right path with my steps. All I want is to do right by me and my kids.

And as I'm walking, I've started asking myself, "Is this something I'd want Ben/Shelby to do?" or "How will this affect Ben/Shelby?". I know (I KNOW) I don't do everything right. But I'm really trying to get it all as right as possible. Even when it's tough. Scratch that...**especially** when it's tough. They will know how to handle the easy stuff.

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed

he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed two sets of

footprints in the sand: one belonging

to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,

he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of

his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very

lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he

questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow

you, you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most

troublesome times in my life,

there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when

I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,

I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering,

when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you."

7 and Counting My Belle!

Yesterday my sweet little girl turned 7 years old. In my true fashion...I must over-write on the occassion! Yes not only do I talk a lot, I write a lot.

So what can I say? I want you to be able to have things to read about your young years when you are a mom. These years have just flown by for me. I vividly remember the day you were born. I equally remember the day we found out we were having a girl. Pure shock. I remember starting to think, "Oh wow. I've got to step up my game. There's going to be a little girl looking to ME on how to act as a woman." I haven't always done a good job at that, but I do now. I take that part of being your mom so, extremely serious.

It's probably one of a mom's worst fears that their daughter would ever become one of "those" girls/women. NOT my girl. You are way too sweet, have the most gracious heart and an incredibly bright future. I will not let that part of you go astray. I would be a horrible mom to ever slack on that or think you were immune to it happening. I want you to have the most wonderful life possible and know these young years are all part of forming the woman you will become. I oftentimes doubt myself and that I am strong enough to make sure your life has the very best, solid, loving foundation. It's those times I hit my knees and ask for help. Don't EVER think it's weak to do that. In fact, it takes great strength to say "I need help" and not give up. Anyone can give up. The strong push through. Some things are just too important. And God will always, always be there for you...just like I will. He trusted me with you and I won't ever take that trust for granted. I know what He expected when He blessed us with you. You and Ben are the most precious gifts. Totally irreplaceable.

As the years have gone by, you have turned into a strong little girl and I know that part of you is what will get you through the tough times yet to come in your life. You also love life and that makes you someone who will make your life happy. I hope you know how much your mommy loves you and that I would do absolutely anything for your well being.

I try so hard to make choices you would be proud of and choices I would want you to make. I try to keep you away from things and people I think would harm you or the wonderful woman I am responsible for you becoming. I take the responsibility God gave me as your and Ben's mommy with great pride, honor and importance. There is nothing and no one more important than you two.

I will always, always be here for you and am so extremely proud of who you are becoming. You don't take anything from anyone and I hope that trait stays with you. And you call 'em like you see 'em. You are a great judge of character, even at a young 7 years old! Always remember you are amazing and loved beyond belief.

I have no idea what I did to deserve you, but I thank God every single day you came into my life and I make sure He knows I will honor the commitment I made to Him regarding you and Ben. You are my babies forever. I don't care how old you are! I will always be your Momma Bear. I'll protect and love you with a great passion for all eternity. You are the BEST. I can't imagine life without you two. I will always do right by you my sweet angel and hope I do emulate how a woman should act in life. As well as how she should not act. I'm not perfect, but my values are in place where God wants them to be and my actions in life reflect where I place those values. I realize the day you and Ben were born, God expected me to give up being the most important person in my own life. I unselfishly and happily give that title to you two. You guys make me happy and fill my heart tremendously with love. I hope I do that for you.

Happy 7th Shelby Belle. There will never be another like you. Ever. Thank you for the honor of being your mommy. xoxoxoxo

My Turntable

I feel like poop-on-a-stick this morning. Scratchy throat. Coughing all night. Not a lot of sleep. ::blahblahblah::

So what do I do? Revamp my blog page. Why not...I needed a brighter color. Plus I'm forcing myself to feel better. Kids will be home in T-Minus 5 hours and momma HAS to be on for them. They count on me and how incredibly lucky am I to be able to say that?! How is it I can have a yucky day, see them and BOOM...instant sunshine?! Love it.

Anyway...I decided to add a new tab to the left keeping track of the music I've been listening to lately. Of course, this will change a lot. It's just a way for me to have a quick link to this music. Most of it I've "Shazam'd" on my trusty iPhone and decided I'd look at the videos to see if I liked them also. I did. Except for the one of Basia. My favorite song she sings is "Time and Tide", but since I have that one in an earlier (like a year ago?) post, I picked another one by her which I also love. The song is beautiful. The video...well, it's not even a video. But I get to hear it whilst working. So there ya go.

Seal's "This Could Be Heaven" I heard in the car and when I got home searched on YouTube only to find out it was in one of my fave movies (The Family Man) and I didn't even realize it. Freaky.

Lady Gaga totally freaks me out, but her song "Telephone" makes me unconsciously dance. Plus it has Beyonce in it who I personally think is awesome! (Fellow Texas girl!).

"I Wish" by Point of Grace is a song I would write IF I could write songs. :-) Alas, I can't.

The others are frequently in my head also and I've Shazam'd them enough to tell me, "Might wanna download that one already, T." I should. I might. Probably not.

At least not today. Because...that's right...poop-on-a-stick.

At least I have my sweet, awesome, funny, dramatic, beautiful, would-do-anything-in-the-world-for-her daughter's 7th birthday tomorrow to look forward to. Her request? "Friday Night Family Night" (seriously...she calls it that). Which means Mexican food, listening to live music on the green (at a local shopping/dining/everything venue), dancing, playing...whatever she wants because she's going to be 7 and should be as happy as she can possibly be at this age. It's part of my job description. Keep 'em safe. Make 'em happy. Check and check.

Always remember and never forget: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Unconditionally

Call me crazy, but I believe animals go to heaven. I'm sure I first received this idea from my mom who always told me when she got to heaven, you could best believe she'd be working in the animal section. This always made me smile. And, by the way, I believe that's exactly what she's doing.

Another reason I believe it? Because of this guy:

~Duke~

Where else would this angel of a dog go after his time here on earth is through? I've watched him every single day for months now deteriorate knowing there is not much I could do for him. I ordered Chinese herbs from California to try and delay the inevitable results his vertebrae fusing together would cause and while I'm not sure if it's helped all that much, I know I've tried every single thing possible. I know that when it comes his time to go I will have no regrets about how much love I gave him and that I went to the ends of the earth to give him every chance possible.

Surgery was never an option for him due to his age (12 is VERY old for a Boxer) and he has a heart condition. He likely wouldn't have even made it through the surgery and if he had, the recovery would have been cruel.

So I go through my day working from the house, watching him look at me with his sweet brown eyes and wag his tail. All the while, staying on his comfy new bed all day long. I come at him now in the morning with a syringe of green goo (his new, even more potent herbs), squirt it down his throat and give him a puppy treat to chase it down. He doesn't mind. Thankfully it tastes good to him (or so I'm told by the makers). Then he puts his head back down and just rests peacefully. No pain. Fully alert. Just given up on trying to move around as much as he'd like to.

Once he does get outside, he actually tries to run. Even got frisky this morning. Barking at me. Wagging his tail and just as he gets all excited and forgets his limitations, he turns and starts to fall. His little ears droop and his head drops when he remembers he can't do all he wants to do. So I love on him and remind him I love him no matter what. His legs don't define the amazing dog he is.

But he's not in any pain and I haven't given up hope. I pray he just falls asleep and God takes care of it when it's his time. For now I watch him and am reminded of unconditional love, even though it's from a dog. To this day, that dog - my friend - still tries to get to me when he hears me crying. Even in his condition. This dog has more unconditional love and heart than many humans in this world and I'm proud and blessed he came to my life. And while it is shear hell watching him hour-after-hour, day-after-day ~ he's worth it and knows I'm right here. Whenever I feel these walls closing in on me, I look at him and know he likes looking up and seeing me, and that makes me smile.

Always remember and never forget: “The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well."

Editor's Note: After his 3rd dose of supplements...he's in the backyard walking around. Limping. But off the bed! FAITH. Don't ever lose it.

Terrible Tuesday...Revisited

If you know me at all, you *know* I'm a weather hound. I love everything about the weather. Seriously, had I been better at math you would see me in place of Pete Delkus as the meteorologist on Channel 8. Heck...I'll go one further...in place of Jim Cantore on The Weather Channel.

As much as I do love the weather and how often it changes here in North Texas, I get its destructive nature. Take yesterday's outbreak of tornadoes in Oklahoma as an example. As fascinating as I find them (and I do) and as beautiful as they are (when they are on open land), their propensity to do damage like only the finger of God can do is not lost on me.

My heart goes out to all those affected by yesterday's weather. I'm sure they woke up yesterday like any other morning thinking it was going to be just another Tuesday. Of course, in Tornado Alley in springtime, you never know what the day may bring. But you always have faith you and your family will lay head to pillow that night. Statistically speaking, for you to actually have one of these forces strike in your life, you would most likely have to wait 1,400 years. And that is being in the heart of Tornado Alley. Even then, the likelihood of you being in its direct path is more rare.

But it happens. It happened to me and my family when I lived in Wichita Falls (Pictured at top. It was April 10th , now known as "Terrible Tuesday".) and again a couple years ago in the town I live in now (remarkably...again on April 10th. Also my son's birthday!).

You never know when your home is going to be turned upside down and tossed around with no concern for the life you have built, the memories you want to protect, and most importantly - the people inside you can't replace. The best we can do is prepare. Be informed and do what you have to do to make sure you and your loved ones are safe.

Many people found out yesterday the scenario "if tomorrow never comes" and I ache for them. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. No one should have their lives tossed around with such disregard.

As my daughter was falling asleep last night, she asked me where we go if the sirens went off. Believe me...she KNOWS this. We've done it and gone over it many, many times. But it was her way of trying to fall asleep in peace while watching the lightening out the window in the distance. So, I told her again. Then she asked, "You'll make sure I'm okay. Right mommy?". Without any hesitation, I answered, "No doubt about it. That's why I'm here."

Call someone you love today and make sure they know they can count on you. Everyone needs a little reminder every once and awhile.

Buon Compleanno!

Yes it's my second post today, but I had to take a quick moment to tell my blog Happy 1st Birthday.

You may have started during and because of a very dark time in my life, but you've provided me with an avenue to vent, remember and finally...document memorable times in our life for my kids. Plus, you've provided me and a few others with some laughs and things to think about after the red square with the "X" is clicked.

I've learned while this computer cannot be my total escape from reality, it can be a temporary one. I've learned to shut it off when there are other things I need to be doing (it can be addicting). It's a way for me to make sure and put something in writing so my kids will have plenty of stories from their childhood they can always turn back to. Hopefully I will put a smile on their sweet faces. I wish I had something like that from my childhood. Just little 'ordinary miracle' stories. Now they do. It's a way for me to remind myself what is important and what/who I'm accountable for and to. It's provided me with some much needed clarity.

So, Buon Compleanno Out of the Clouds! Why Italian? Because it's the language of love and I need as much of it as possible in my life right now. It's all cyclical, love is. The more you give, the more you get...and so on. And I'm here to give a lot of it.

XOXOXOXO
~TLP

Mother's Day is Every Day

I don't know what I did to deserve to be given the extreme blessing of motherhood, but I'll be eternally grateful without a doubt. From the moment that line appeared on the stick, I knew I'd been given an amazing gift. Of course, you don't realize just how intense and unique that gift is until you get to know it and live with it. So, I looked back on my years as a mom and did a little self-evaluation. I haven't always been the mom I was supposed to be or needed to be. But I'm happy to say, I am now.

For a long time I took these precious gifts for granted. Again...knowing they were special, but more watching them as an outsider, I guess. Not so much fully participating and interacting like I really should have been. Those who know me would argue, "No...you've always been a great mom!" and I would answer I have been a great mom in some respects, but only recently have I felt like a great mom. Only recently have I truly understood my responsibilities with them and really gotten into their lives as I should be. As embarrassing as that is to admit, it's true. I was walking through life with them, instead of taking the lead. They *need* the lead. They are desperately begging to be lead through life by someone who knows them best and loves them more than anything.

The difference is I started remembering what it was like to be a kid. What I wanted and needed from my mom. What every single kid on this planet wants and needs from a mom. I decided I was going to be the best mom I could be. Not the best mom in the world. The best mom I was able to be. I wasn't doing that before. Not to the degree I should have been. Not to the degree they needed or deserved. I'm sure everyone thinks their kids are the best (of course, I KNOW mine are) so I'm ashamed I wasn't putting them first. They are that important to me, but I don't treat them like it? Don't let them know by showing (not just telling) them every single day? I do now. They get it all.

Love. Unconditional love as defined by them by everything below.

Time. Endless amounts of time. Even when I feel I'm running short on it, I dig down deep for more. They deserve and are so incredibly desperate just for time.

Conversation. Not always easy for a 7 and 10 year old, but they have to know where they can come when they need help. Even if we are just discussing their day, they know I'm interested in them. And getting them to tell details isn't always easy! But I want to know, so I ask. And ask. And ask! :-) It's beyond the "How was your day?" Anyone can do that question.

Presence. Plain and simple, I'm here for them. Physically and mentally. Some days are more difficult than others to do this and I used to feel really bad about that. Then I talked to other moms (and dads!) and found out I'm not alone. It's difficult to do it *all* being a parent. Work. Clean. Run errands. Run a house. Pay bills. Schedule play dates. Homework. Handle crises when they pop up. Schedule time out of the house (this is important too!).

Sometimes my brain just wants to shut down and there are times I have to allow it to do so. We all do. In fact, it's imperative. We need that mental break. But these days I pre-plan my down time. After I drop them off for school I have a little "me" time. Coffee. Good Morning America. Writing. So when they are here, I am here. Looking over and seeing me doesn't cut it for them. They want all of me and now...I want to make sure they get it. I feel so stupid for not getting that earlier. Seriously. I've been rewarded with a connection I now have with them and more patience (sometimes!) just from digging down into their little lives and being a kid with them. I've also been rewarded with a love I didn't know existed. It's the love I was called to give and receive when He gave me the responsibility of being their mom.

So my Mother's Day was good. I felt appreciated and loved. They made things for me at school that let me know they loved me. Picked out flowers and cards with their dad for me. Their words are forever pressed into my heart. I'm blessed to call myself a Mom in every sense of the word. Thank you God for trusting me with this experience and responsibility. And thanks for waking me up before it was too late and they got too old. I would have missed so much. It is THE most important thing in the world. And these kids are everything to me. They are the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day...every day.

"Feed me!" it screamed

I've mentioned before that our yard is an ongoing project. Even took some before-and-after pictures a couple weeks ago so I'd be able to see the progression. I love being outside, watching all the varieties of wildlife (and in this town meaning colorful birds, squirrels, rabbits) who drop in to visit our little piece of earth. Plus, soaking up a little vitamin D always makes me feel better. Add to that my kids have always been outdoor kids, they need to have a yard. But this yard has been riddled with weeds (the mean, nasty, thorny kind) and ants (fire and other) since the day we moved in, making it impossible to enjoy. So making the yard look better was a reasonable enough project I've wanted to happen.

This past weekend, the yard got treated for ants, received a healthy dose of fertilizer, got watered and a clean, close shave. As I walked to the mailbox today to put some of Belle's birthday invites out, I turned back around and took a step back to notice a different scene than was there just last week. I didn't see the progression per se, but saw some all-over results when I took a second to look. In that short amount of time - it was starting to respond.

This yard is becoming a green yard with fewer weeds and bugs. All because time was taken to put a little extra care and effort into it. Amazing how that works, huh? It looks appreciative. It feels healthy. It isn't perfect, but I never expected it would be (pulled a weed on my walk back to the front door!). All I really wanted was for us to be able to walk and play in it without fear of getting injured! And I wanted my kids to be able to be themselves and enjoy being outdoors, where they *need* to be vs. looking at a television.

It is developing into a yard worth the effort and begging for little feet to jump around in and on it, so we shall oblige. Thank you yard for coming into your own. Sorry it took us so long. We've definitely been neglectful and I see now you just needed some attention. And sorry to my kiddos, while I'm at it. Had this been done long ago, you would have been enjoying the fruits of our labor this whole time. It's not too late though, so let's play! Cookout, frisbee, bubbles, baseball tossing anyone?! :-)

Always remember and never forget: The grass is greenest where it is fertilized and watered.

Why A+B Doesn't Always = C

I love my brother!

And he loves me so much, he will put up with anything...

Oh look! He's going to turn around and tell me I'm awesome.

What just happened?

Here's looking forward to more 'love'! :-)

Wet Cement

I had 'one of those' days yesterday. The kind of day every mom hates having. The kind where I'm not as attentive or patient as I should be.

With my Belle being home from school sick for two days and very much needing her mom's attention and love, I just wasn't able to get as much done as I should have. Add to that having to watch my sweet Duke-dog lose even more control in his back legs brought reality to a head reminding me I am not in control of a ridiculous amount of things in my life. And while I have mentioned many, many times how extremely grateful I am to have a job that I can do from home, that saves on having to pay childcare and be able to be home when my little ones come home from school or are sick, the drawback on this is eventually the walls start closing in. Finally with my 'to-do' list seemingly growing every day, yesterday I started feeling overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed.

My observant and sensitive son comes to me as I'm sitting outside grilling burgers for us, puts his arm around me and says, "You aren't having a good day are you, mom? You're worried about Duke, aren't you?" I answered that I was sorry that I was in fact not having a good day and felt bad he noticed. He replied, "Why? Everybody has bad days and you should get to have them too." Note the word 'get' in that sentence. "Mom, did you know you are my best friend and I will always be your best friend? Even when you are having a bad day you make time for me. I'm sorry I keep calling you upstairs to look at my bunkers. You're the best mom in the world." (He has been building a WW2 set out of his Legos and the kid is a badass at building Legos! Seriously!). Sweet, sweet boy. Very obviously not the best mom in the world, but he thinks so and that makes my heart skip a beat.

I told him to never apologize for asking me to come look at something he's working on. Those always turn into bright spots of even my worst days. But the fact he even came to me, put his arm around me and talk to me so grown-up made me proud and sad at the same time. While he's already 10, he's also just 10. A 10 year old shouldn't be worried about his mom and I got a little wake-up call. I want to be able to let him see me sad, it's a natural emotion. But I don't want him to feel responsible for making me better or apologizing for being just being a kid. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for these kids and I'm reminded daily, even on my 'worst' days, that two little beings are looking to me. Scary, but true!

Always remember and never forget: Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.

And I need to repeat that to myself 100 times every day.

Wired for Both Tough Immune Systems and Love

I guess it goes back to the way my mom took care of me whenever I'd get sick. The way I take care of my kids, that is.

After complaining of a sore neck yesterday then sleeping for 3 hours after returning from her friend's birthday party, Belle spiked one of her infamously high fevers. It became apparent her sore 'neck' was actually a sore 'throat'. Probably strep again. She *just* got over it. Ben went through the same thing at almost exactly her age. Strep. Antibiotics. Week or so of being okay. Fever. Strep. Stronger antibiotics. And so on. Except his fever got so high a couple times (105+) we ended up at the ER. We learned if you wait 3 days after your last dose, you go back in to do a re-check and see if the strep is resistant to antibiotics. Hence, tonsils and adenoids coming out. She does *not* want to follow in his footsteps regarding this. I don't want her to either. But we will if we have to. Strep is a nasty little thing that spreads like wildfire in a little ones body.

Regardless, here we are again waiting to go to our doctor's appointment. And I find myself doing what my mom did whenever I got sick. I stick very close by.

This morning, as Belle slept in, I gave her medicine to her to try and subdue her almost 103 degree fever. Both kiddos get these high fevers so I set my alarm in the middle of the night, just like my mom did, to check on them when it's time for their next dose. I'm afraid if I don't, it could get even higher and I don't want to take the chance. So back to this morning... I re-wet her washcloth, got her fresh ice water with a straw, made sure the sheet was covering her toasty, little body to prevent chills and I crawled into bed with her. I know they are high-fever kids, but it still makes me so nervous. I want to make sure their heads stay cool. When they turn over and the washcloth comes off I can put it back on. And sometimes when they get a high fever, they get disoriented and I want to make sure I'm there to keep them calm. I just want to make sure the medicine brings that fever down before I feel comfortable enough to leave them. If they have to go to the bathroom, they are usually too dizzy to make it there safely. They know now to call me vs. try and walk by themselves when they "feel funny".

They also get achy and I want to be there to rub their little muscles. Really, all-in-all, I just want to make sure I'm there and that they know I am. I'm their mommy and it's my job to take care of them. There's something about a mom's care taking when you're hurt or sick and I think that goes for everyone. Nothing against the dads, they are great too, but we moms are just wired to be caretakers and frankly, it's a role I cherish.

I guess to some it may sound silly to lay right there next to them when they have high fevers, but for me it's just being the kind of mom mine was to me and I remember feeling very loved and safe. And that's exactly the way I want my kids to always feel. Once I know the medicine has brought it down, I feel comfortable enough to just let them rest. But until that happens, I'm right there. When they are at their sickest, they can always turn over and see a face who loves them smiling at them and saying, "I'm right here. Everything is going to be okay." Because it is. That's what moms do...make sure it's all okay.