It's the only word I can come up with to explain this year's holiday season.
I've kind of been nonchalantly skating through the past couple months of my life with everything going on. The loss of sweet Duke, my dad getting hit by a car, uprooting (again) my kids and moving to a much smaller place to live...an apartment, other pending items... . It's funny what stress does to you.
Here's another word: Denial.
Then the weather got cold, gray and wet. I got some freak stomach bug and on top of it...for several reasons, felt very alone for the first time in a long time. No matter what I did to try and shake it, all the other factors kept it alive.
Until today.
The sun is out and most importantly...I got back on my normal day-to-day schedule. I can't emphasize that enough in my life. People...I require a schedule (which is where Ben gets it!). I require some sort of organization. I got to (that's right...GOT to) go back to the office today. I work for a great organization and equally amazing people.
There are a couple guys in the office who thinks it's particularly funny to walk up behind me at my desk (since my back is to the entrance of my cubicle) and scare me. Grab the back of my chair or even quickly pull it backward to make me feel like I'm falling. Or just slam into the side of my cubicle and make a loud noise. I scare very easily. Always have. My feet go tingly and everything.
So today when I got back from lunch, I walked up on them surprising me by turning my desk (which requires totally disassembling it from the cubicle wall) so I no longer back to the entrance. LOVE THEM!!!!!! I think I said "Thank you" 27 times. Hey, big thing for them to do since they are the ones who get such a kick out of scaring me. Of course, I know this won't deter them from continuing to do it. At least it presents more of a challenge for them (probably not...they probably just got tired of it being so easy and wanted to add to the degree of difficulty).
So I'm sitting here on the terrace, enjoying this weather (after having just watched a big honkin' bobcat scale the 6' fence surrounding the apartment complex!), being ever so thankful to be coming out of the first holiday funk I've ever had in my entire life and hoping I never, ever see that side of me again. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I've never had these emotions and frankly, hope I never do again (as do my friends, I'm sure!). Did I mention I was sorry?! :-)
I'm reminded of what Ang said a few days ago about how I'm going to have good days and bad days and not to be so hard on myself. Allow it to happen. And I'd imagine anyone who has gone through the various things I've been going through would say the same thing. Perfection can't be expected. There is no rule book. You do the best you can and hope people understand. Especially those who have been through similar experiences. When I figure out how it's done, I'm sure I'll be in the position to make millions! (i.e....that will never happen!). Trial and error.
Whew...for now, I'm just thankful it's over, I've come through the rabbit hole and out the other side. Taking it slow and easy now...
No comments:
Post a Comment