WHAT'S IN A WORD?

I can't believe 2010 is only two weeks away from coming to a close. Nothing I thought would happen did. Major eye-opener for the planner in me. The "if-I-work-hard-enough-I'll-succeed" in me. The "love conquers all" in me. The "how did this happen" in me.

Today, I'm sitting out on the veranda of a three bedroom apartment, lined with red, green and white little Christmas lights, over-stuffed patio furniture and one dog ... and if you told me this time last year that this is where I would be today, it may very well have taken the best part of me.

Instead, I find myself okay.

I remember last Christmas and New Year's Eve like it was yesterday. I was walking around with a pit in my stomach 24/7. I distinctly remember thinking "this is the last time it will be this way". Looking around the room at midnight on December 31st, I recall seeing everything in slow motion and thinking, "...last time...". Ang even remembers watching me stand still and take it all in. She came over and asked if I was okay. I said yes. And she knew instantly what her friend was doing.

The kids stayed at a friends house yesterday after school so I could attend a campus board meeting (at school!) and as soon as I picked them up, Shelby exclaimed, "See mommy?! Presents are under their tree! Presents! When are you going to put our presents under our tree?". Little does Shelby know, but I have purchased one gift so far this year. Or at least, that was this morning's total. After lunch, I've now purchased a few more. I'm just unable to provide the amount of presents we have in the past. And I know everyone has been affected by the economy. Times are tight. But life under our roof is especially tight this year. And they will be fine. And life will continue. And most importantly, they know they are loved.

I noticed something the other day in the way we talk. The words we use. The kids and I have almost unknowingly changed definitions to fit our new circumstances.

Small > Cozy
Patio > Veranda
No yard > Efficient
Apartment > Small Mansion ('cuz, well, we have maintenance men at our beckon call!)
Friends > Family
and now for the holidays...
Alone > Intimate

Yes, it's been a year of change. But I'm not broken. And I won't break. And I won't feel bad about that anymore. As I've done for a very long time, I step back and put my kids in my position. What would I want them to do? How would I want them to act? And the answers always seem to pop-up crystal clear.

Don't hurt anyone else. Don't take what's not yours. Try and be full of grace, forgiveness and love. Work hard. Then...make your heart smile. And enjoy it.