If you know me, you know my need for order. For planning. For knowing what comes next. It's all about expectations and preparation. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Coping mechanism due to chaos? Maybe. Regardless, it's who I've always been and exactly who I wish no longer to be.
I'm not saying I want to be careless or reckless. In fact, I think I need to learn to control one main area of my life and everything else will fall into place.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Unfortunately.
Whatever I'm feeling, you know it. Angry? Easy to tell. Happy? Again...no problem. It's a good thing I have no desire to be a professional poker player.
I recently said, "It's so difficult to know which bridges to burn and which to cross". Some definitely need to be destroyed. And I'm talking line those things with dynamite and let it rip. Others need to be adventured upon, even when you can't see where the end of the bridge lands. What I need to remember is life is a series of bridges. I won't get only one to have the opportunity to venture upon. After that one, another is just around the bend. And I may very well decide once on that particular bridge that it needs to be burned to the ground too (after I get off!). But I'll never know until I cross it.
My heart comes into play on this regarding my emotions. And getting in control of them. Yes...I can actually be in control of these suckers, or so I'm told. Though I haven't mastered it yet. Sometimes I share too much. Other times I keep it bottled up. There's a happy medium in there somewhere and I'm going to find it.
I'm at a very experimental stage in my life and a friend told me the other day, "Terri...you have all the time in the world to figure out what you are going to do. Don't jump into anything. You don't have to right now. Be smart and don't be vulnerable. Lots of people take advantage." And she's right. So right. She's been where I am now. Almost verbatim.
So my biggest challenge is...well...me. I know I can do it. It's the figuring it out part that I'll have to count as part of the adventure. I'm sure (very sure) I'll get lost along the way. But I'm also sure my journey will be full of rich experiences and my destination will be well-worth the journey.
And while I can receive the best advice in the world from others, they don't fully know my choices since they aren't standing in my shoes. This is all up to me. And I fully accept it and am excited to see what I can do with it. Maybe my kids will learn something about choices, being more spontaneous and just plain life along the way by watching me. I know. Scary. :-)
Wish me luck.
Always remember and never forget: "Map out your future, but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip." Bon Jovi (that's right!).
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