This afternoon, as I fell asleep on my couch watching "The Ugly Truth" (crude movie, I know...but hilarious...I need the character Gerard Butler plays to be in my life, I've decided by the way...)...anyway...when I woke up, "Beaches" was on. Should I have changed the channel? Yes. Did I? You already know the answer to that...
Watched it. Thought of my mom. My kids. Being it was my first Christmas alone EVER in my life. You guessed it...tears. But the friendship these two women in this movie have astounds me. I know it was just a movie. And while I believe movies show romantic relationships to be oh-so easy and effortless (HA!), the way this friendship is depicted is, I believe, what friendship is meant to be.
I love it when the little girls first meet and Hilary says, "Keep in touch, okay C.C.?" and C.C. replies without hesitation, "Of course! We're friends, aren't we?" as if to say, "DUH! That's a given!".
Unconditional. Non-judgemental. 24/7, 365 days a year. In short...a priority.
I was completely blessed today with the texts and phone calls from my friends just checking on me. They knew what I was in store for and were kind enough to think of me. Not press. Just say, "Merry Christmas! I love you!" True friends are hard to come by. I hope in my lifetime, I show Ben and Shelby how important friendships are. What you do for them. What you should expect out of them. And what you shouldn't, to be fair.
I'd probably start with:
- Say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Under-promise and over-deliver. You can't go wrong there.
- Treat your friends the way you want to be treated. You won't be perfect at this, so hopefully you will have forgiving friends.
- Speaking of...be forgiving. You aren't perfect. They aren't either. Rely on your heart to lead you through this part. Your stubborn head may want to talk you out of it for very stupid reasons.
- Which leads to...Know when to say, "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry" and mean it.
- Treat your best friends like family. You'll find they'll do the same. These are your "chosen" family. Your lifetime friends. The one's you plan on living next door to in the retirement home. :-)
- Let the ones go who don't appreciate the friendship. Not with haste, but with understanding for what it is. And what it isn't. No hard feelings. No regrets.
- Be understanding.
- Listen. Not everything requires advice. Sometimes they (and you) just need to vent.
- Don't judge. They will go through things in their life (and you in yours) that you haven't been through. You may think you would handle the situation differently, but try to be empathetic. Until you've walked in their exact shoes (which you never will) you have no idea how you'd really handle it. Just be a shoulder for them to lean on.
- Understand not all friendships were meant to last forever. Just try to never let it end one on a sour note. You won't want to be remembered that way. Nor will you want to look back on it with bad feelings or regret.
- Be there for them in their times of need. No matter what. Sometimes you will find you have to put your issues aside for theirs. But they'll do the same for you when you need them. Admittedly, I've not been great at this. I'm embarrassed to say I've assumed my issues were priority at times when they weren't. As mentioned previously...there's no perfection here. Forgiveness is key.
- You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
- And finally, remember people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It's obviously difficult to tell at the time which it is. And we come into their lives for the same reasons. Your definition of the friendship may be different than theirs, so remember to call on your patience in determining this. Give and take space, when needed. And when you've done all you can do, there comes a time to let it be...
Christmas 2010: Thank you God for two amazing children, for numerous friends of whom I'm beyond blessed to have in my life and for my health. Alone or not...these things don't change.
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