Yes I know. It seems all I do is talk about my kids. But, it really is for them why I do this blog. I wish I had something, especially writings, by my mom since she's not around for me to ask questions to. Don't get me wrong...I don't plan on going anywhere, anytime soon. But I love that I'm able to write little, ordinary adventures for them to one day read about. Things I might night remember crystal-clear otherwise.
But today's post isn't just about my kids. It's about all kids. And it starts with one in particular who was a friend of Shelby's, and truth-be-told, a friend of many, many, many. If you had the privledge of meeting Carson, you instantly fell in love with him. He and Shelby were in kindergarten together and 1st grade this year, also. I had the honor of being with him twice a week when I worked in PE and got to know that sweet thing a little better while playing with him.
This past Saturday, he passed away after a three and one-half year battle with cancer.
I KNOW he is in a better place. I KNOW he is no longer in pain. I KNOW he is happy beyond words and our earthly-reasoning. I KNOW his parents must be grateful he is no longer suffering. I also know, without a doubt, they must feel like they've been hit by a truck and that he was taken from them way too soon. He was their son. Their baby. The knowledge surrounding all the good he has now doesn't take away their loss and the huge hole that now sits in their hearts.
Something else I know is they did everything right by that kid. They will never have to look back and wonder if there's more they could have done. If there's a stone they neglected to turn. They gave him an extremely happy life.
Which brings me to the "all kids" part. Our children are complete and utter blessings. They are gifts. And as such, it sickens me when parents don't treat them as such. I'm not talking about the every once-and-a-while things we look back on and think, "I could've handled that better" or "I wish I hadn't raised my voice". As parents, we are learning too and make mistakes. Recognizing we aren't perfect is part of parenting and wanting to do a good job.
I'm talking about the ones who consistently put themselves before their kids. The ones who justify their behavior by thinking it doesn't or won't affect their children. So many parents think their way is the only way or live their unfulfilled childhood through their kid's, pushing them to 'be the best'. What ever happened to being a kid?! Or the parents who are only in this life for themselves, completely oblivious to the fact they DO have kids and those kids ARE watching them, taking little mental notes of the kind of adult/parent they will become in the future.
I know I'm not perfect either, by the way. I make mistakes with mine every single day, I'm sure. But, I'm aware I'm responsible for making sure my kids are safe, feel loved and secure, and know they are part of something bigger. There are certain sacrifices we make for our kids. Or at least we should. And if you don't get that, you need to re-evaluate priorities and make sure your's aren't only about you.
Carson's mom, just by watching her and reading her journal about Carson, really taught me so much about the kind of parent we should all aspire to be. Whether our child might be unfortunately ill or if we have been blessed with a healthy child, they all deserve our unconditional love and effort. It's all they really want. And before we know it, they will be all grown up, out of the house and their love for and attention to us will be directly related to how we loved them and how much attention we gave them. I never want that song "Cats in the Cradle" to apply to me. (I know the lyrics are about father/son, but it can just as easily be applied to moms!). Plus, oh-my-word they are so fun! I get to be a kid myself when I'm around them. We get to laugh so hard together, just at little things in our day-to-day world, that our stomachs hurt. Just last night, Belle was laughing so hard she said, "Daddy stop! You're gonna make me throw up!". I love it! :-)
I have always felt a sense of love and responsibility to my kids, but over the last year and a half, the world around me has sunken in this thick skull and I am solid in my way of thinking regarding what's important in life. A wise, wise man told me awhile back, "You know, T...when you get where I am in life, your perspective regarding what's *really* important in life is clear. There's nothing more important than family. Nothing. You can't replace 'em. Love those kids with everything you've got, and then some. You'll never regret that. They deserve nothing less than the best you can give them." And I took it to heart. He wasn't talking about material things I could give them. He meant the love, affection and attention I could give them. Any so-called sacrifices I make today for them will not be thought of as sacrifices in the future.
So while Carson was only here on this earth a short time, his and his family's experience helped to open my eyes WIDE to the kind of parent I want to be and just how amazing it is that God gave me two kids to be trusted with. Thank you, Carson. We love you and will see you again.
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