Shake, Rattle...Now Roll

Have you ever had that proverbial switch in your head immediately go off (or on, as the case may be) when you hear, see, smell or maybe even feel something? It happens and something triggers your brain into an instant reaction of, "Whoa! That was surreal and my whole way of thinking about this topic just changed." I call it being hit over the head with a hammer (because it usually takes repetition to get through to me). And when it happens to me, it usually sticks. And it happened to me last week.

It wasn't from the smell of anything. Or even from the touch. It was from a handful of words said to me and it's been in my head on-and-off ever since. If only one of those words had changed, it wouldn't have had near the impact it did. It wouldn't have rattled me. It wouldn't have shaken my way of thinking.

Instead, the words came out very purposeful and straightforward, and I took them as such. But they reminded me I can be a strong person and not let someone else define me. Only I can define me by way of my own words and actions. Thankfully, I had the Voice of Truth in my head. It would have been just as easy to let the words defeat me.

I have always been someone who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I definitely don't think of it as one of my best attributes, but it's there. I've tried desperately to change this about me and have a little. The only good thing I can say about it is you always (always) know where you stand with me and how I feel about things.

And I've always been rather sensitive (if you know me, you're nodding in agreement right now). Again...not because it's a desire of mine to be this way, I just am. Again, I've tried to do better with age/experience, but it's also still there. Therefore, if I care about you at all and respect your opinion, your words and actions are taken to heart.

So the words said to me last week cut deep and yes, changed my way of thinking about some things in my life. I don't know if they were actually designed to be delivered as hurtful and insensitive, but they were. They didn't make me cry, but rather put me in shock a little. And they made me think, "That wasn't necessary and I hope I never make anyone feel the way this person just made me feel."
So what's the purpose of this post? It's not about the actual circumstance at all. And it's not about the person who said it. None of that matters. It IS so I can come back every once and awhile and read this to remind myself words can be weapons. That I should be thoughtful when speaking and acting because what I do and say can affect someone I care about. Or maybe someone I hardly know. Sure, I'm going to make mistakes, but I have no problem apologizing and when I do, it's sincere. Not one of those, "I'm sorry you were hurt by that." No. I'm sorry for MY role in hurting you. My true loved ones will always forgive me for being human and making a mistake, just as I forgive them. It's a choice I make to move on instead of hanging on to negative feelings.

My kid's kindergarten teacher put it best: "Give put-ups, not put-downs". There's just no reason at all to be any other way. None. Another reason to come back to this. My kids. I don't want them to grow up thinking it's okay to blurt out whatever is on your mind. Think first. It's not weak to be sensitive regarding what you say. In fact, it takes a whole lot more strength to pause first and go over your words in your head before you let them rip. Unless, of course, they are kind words. Always let those rip!

Plus, my heart smiles when I make someone else smile. I remember I used to be kind of uncomfortable or shy when giving 'put-ups' to people. That is, until I saw how it made them feel. And I like that feeling. That's the kind of person I want to be. Kind. Forgiving. Patient. I'm definitely a work in progress. But, I'm working!