Of course, when our kids have been angels their entire lives, it's a bitter pill to swallow when they do it. Now, Shelby is a little turkey and will look me straight in the eye and lie. Not huge things, More like, "I only had once piece of candy," things when I've already seen her devour four. And I know when she's lying. She's as transparent as freshly cleaned glass. Of course she has consequences, but every once in awhile, here it comes...smack dab in my eye. A friend of mine says she's getting all her orneriness out of the way now and she'll be a great teen having learned her lessons early. Yeah...right. I'm not holding my breath on that one.
But when my Ben...my sweet, angelic, despises-people-who-lie Ben...lied - you could have knocked me over with a feather.
Here's the deal: He was supposed to be in bed. Snuck his iTouch in his room. Took careful steps to harbor it under his bed...along with the charger cord (yep, he was thinking ahead) and then tried to pass it off as, "What? I'm not doing anything." Finally caved. Apologized with much remorse. But got it taken away as a consequence.
Lesson learned, right? WRONG.
I was shocked. He snuck it up again a couple nights later and lost it for the entire week.
I know. This isn't huge. But...it's lying.
He always shows remorse. Is very apologetic. But I just can't stand he's dong it and really don't want him to ever think it's okay. There is absolutely no need in it (though, as I said, everyone ends up doing it...even this author). The truth always comes out.
And lies can be done with words or with silence. Another lesson for a literal thinker.
As we get older, we begin to understand it really is a waste of time to lie. Then we make excuses with things we call 'white lies'. Say we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or are trying to spare further insult to injury. But in maturity (which doesn't always fall in sync with age), we learn how to tell the truth even when it's difficult. Even when it may hurt the other person. At least most of us do. There are still those who will stick their heads in the sand and hope the issue just blows over. Maybe not talk to the other person for awhile or avoid their phone calls or attempted visits. More often than not, the one lied to just lets it slide out of sheer pity for the other person and a desire to move on.
Yes, as I've tried telling the kids - the truth will always bare its ugly head. The evidence is left lying around in so many places. Especially if someone else is in on what you are trying to hide. See...they may not know you are lying and the truth slips out. "Please don't say anything! I didn't know you weren't suppose to know!" Or, they accidentally reveal the truth and you don't say anything so as not to put them in an awkward situation. Boom...truth revealed. Trust faltered. Feelings hurt. All so unnecessary.
Just because the truth may be hard to tell doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. In fact, if it's that difficult, it's probably a whopper and you should be the one to come clean versus it being revealed in some other way. Those doozies always surface. Own up!
There's a poster in the kid's school that says, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said." Perfection.
Sometimes when we discover the truth, we let things go so as not to rock the boat. After all, we now know the truth and we wonder, "How far will it seriously go? " As we get older, we learn to keep our mouths shut and just watch and listen in amazement. This has been an especially difficult maneuver for me as I always want to front the person out. "I know you are lying! Why can't you just tell the truth?"
I hope I learn to issue consequences that teach my kids not only to tell the truth, but to WANT to tell the truth and to be a person of honor whom their friends and loved ones can trust. I try to show a little more compassion when they come to me when they've done something they shouldn't have versus me catching them. I want them to know they can always come to me and expect forgiveness and love.
I know. I know. They're young. Testing limits. I'm not freaking out over this latest scenario. I just want them to learn early. And if you think your child never has or won't lie, you're delusional. And guess what? It doesn't mean they are horrible kids. It means they are human and searching for boundaries. As I always say, I missed that sign that said, "The line starts here for perfect kids." I know of only one person who walked on water.
I just hope my kids learn the hard lessons of lying while they are young. It's sometimes tough to tell the truth, but it's always worse to get caught in a lie and lose trust. And dignity. And honor. And respect. Especially if you are your own worst critic, like Ben is.
So, if you owe someone the truth, no matter how hard it is to bring up the subject...go tell them now. They may already know the truth and are just waiting for you to do the right thing.
Always remember and never forget: When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback.
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