Still Awaiting My Award

As I sit here on the couch taking a break from moving furniture around and cleaning under it, around it and on it, I find myself absolutely sure I will never receive my Mother-of-the-Year award.

My poor daughter has been bored silly, loopy and topsy-turvy all day. See...I had to work even though the kids have the entire week off from school. All she sees is mom sitting on the couch 'playing' on her computer. What's actually going on in front of me are run-down and foreclosed-on properties that I'm writing marketing statements about and uploading the pictures and info to my client's website. You know...great balls of fire fun stuff, right?

She (understandably) doesn't totally get that being on my computer is my job.

So, I keep taking time here and there to do things for her. Get out Christmas decorations that she can put upstairs and decide where they should go. Where they look best in her keen eyes. But that's not enough.

So I clear out the front room to make room for the Christmas tree that will (hopefully/maybe) go up this week to satisfy her over-anxious holiday spirit (yes...I take full credit for this). It must be hereditary. All this does is make her want the tree and all the other decorations out NOW.

So what does this Mother-of-the-Year contender say? "Shelby...you have got to give me a break."

Thankfully, she responds, "Okay!" with an 'I've-got-something-better-to-do-anyway' tone.

However, as I walked away, I felt horrible. My goal tomorrow? To get up bright and early (even though I am not the morning person I fiercely wish I were) and get my work done while she's still a little snoozy and isn't as anxious to have time with me.

I know I'm not the only mom out there who says things to their kids they regret. And not that what I said was horrific. I actually said it rather calmly and matter-of-factly. No yelling. But still. I felt like a bad mom and that I could've done better. And I could have.

As moms, we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. A friend and I were discussing this a long time ago after one of us were criticized by an 'outsider' as to the way we handled a particular incident with our child. "Doesn't she know I go over and over in my head the mistakes I make as a mom every single day? Her critiquing what I'm doing isn't helping at all. It's just plain hurtful. Does she really think she was a perfect mom and has the right to give me unsolicited advice and opinions as to my being a mom?" There is no such thing as a perfect mom. Even those who we look at from the outside have their own 'things' they wish they did better.

It's so easy to lay judgement when you are standing on the outside looking in. Especially when you don't know what is in that person's heart and has been circling around their head all day. I like to think most of us take this job extremely seriously. Unfortunately, there are those who don't. They may talk-the-talk about what it is to be a good parent and how much they love their kids. But when it comes to actions, they can't back it up.

We all have our days. The key is recognizing them and trying (desperately) to learn from them so we can raise our kids with encouragement, benevolence, confidence and love. We are examples to them of how to act. How we are to treat others. What is acceptable behavior and what is not. They are little sponges.

Always remember and never forget: Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.