FROM WHAT I HEARD TO "WHAT I SEE"

Several weeks ago, a sweet friend of mine suffered a tragic loss. Her husband passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly while on their 10th anniversary in Hawaii.

While the story of what happened is not mine to tell, what she asked me to do for her and her family is something I will always remember and know my kids will, also.

It was without a doubt the most honorable thing anyone has called on me to do and something I would have never imagined I'd have the ability to do.

In the days following his death, all of her friends wanted to help in any way possible. Knowing that so many people wanted to help and that it was also a time she and her kids needed to be as much on "their terms" as possible, we all went through a couple of her closest friends to help. Whatever she needed, they would inform everyone else of and it was immediately taken care of.

During this time, she and her kids were obviously in my thoughts (and all of her other friends) almost constantly. And as I tend to do when stressed, I wrote.

It came about in a different way than I'm used to. I kept thinking I knew he was in an amazing place, as he was a Christian. But I also kept thinking of his family and even though they knew that fact as well, it didn't make the pain any less real. Any less devastating. Any less debilitating.

I thought of what they must be feeling. Then...I thought of how he must feel.

Allen was a humorous guy, to say the least.

I could almost hear him saying, "Hello?! I'm in heaven!"

And all I could think of was, "I *know* that...and while it is comforting for your family to know they will see you again, they want to see you now."

Then the phrase hit me, "If you could see what I see..." and I started writing.

I sent it to Alex and she responded with a touching note letting me know how she had read it to the kids during a night they were crying and especially upset and how it had soothed them.

Then she asked me if I would considering reading it at his funeral.

My immediate response to her was, "Of course. Anything for you."

And after I replied, I thought..."Terri...how in the world are you - Ms. Emotional - cry at every other commercial on television - gonna do that without totally breaking down?!"

Obviously it took prayer, prayer and lots more prayer.

Both Ben and Shelby wanted to go to the funeral. It wouldn't be their first, but I still tried to convince them it wasn't necessary. Shelby wanted to be there for her friend and Ben said, "It's what you do. You go and honor their life. Plus, Caroline is always nice to me and never bothers me whenever she comes over." Okay then...done.

I was able to not only read the poem (yes, I teared-up, but not bad) but I was also able to read it with the inflection I wrote it with and look at them while doing so.

When I went back to sit down, Ben hugged me and said, "Mom...I am so proud of you. This is why I actually came. So after you read that, you wouldn't have to come back and sit alone" and the sweet boy held my hand.

At the family and friends lunch after the burial, sweet Caroline came and hugged me and motioned her finger for me to bend down because she had to whisper something to me. "I just wanted to tell you thank you for the poem. It was the best gift ever. It sounded just like my dad!"

I told her she was very welcome and I was so glad she liked it. I also said since it sounded like her dad, I was willing to bet he had a hand in writing it since I'd never written a poem before, so we'd just consider it a gift from him."

Her response? "Cooooool!"

And then I walked away and I cried.

Following is the poem in honor of Allen Wayne Gulledge. Your family will always have you in their hearts and feel your presence with them. I know...I know...you already know this. :-)

WHAT I SEE

If you could see what I see, you’d see streets lined pure of gold.
   Joyous angels and peaceful scenes of a future yet to unfold.
My view from here is Perfect and I see all I need to see.
   Forever you will have a watchful eye ensuring love surrounds the lives you lead.

If you could see what I see, you’d see the tops of rainbows, stars and the moon.
   You’d know all the raindrops, wind and sunshine are ways I keep close to you.
While it’s hard to understand now, all the answers Here are clear.
   One day you will comprehend them and it will wash away your fears.

If you could see what I see, you’d notice my smile shines through two little girls.
   You’ll see me in their laughter, jokes and expressions as you walk them through this world.
Remember I reside in your heart and you will always feel my love.
   We’ve simply said “until we meet again”, and our reunion will be above.

If you could see what I see, you’d see a beautiful family and loving friends.
   They will always be beside you for help and comfort as this new journey begins.
Though you may be scared, you are not alone, so trust in the Faith we know to be true,
   Alex, Jonathan, Caroline and Maddie…Our love is strong and I’ll be watching over you.



Allen Wayne Gulledge



Always remember and never forget: Even in times that seem unbearable and more than you can handle, you are stronger than you think you are with God as your reserve.