DO-OVER? NO NEED...

The beginning of this weekend has my "mom" brain in quite the conundrum.

We are, for the first time, all going to be in different cities. In different parts of this Great State, I should say and I'm feeling a tad bit (I'm going to admit it) OUT OF CONTROL.

In an effort to motivate me, I get the following quote told to me right after I drop off Shelby and am a little sad...you know...needing some consoling. "Oh...c'mon now Mother Goose. Let the small wings grow so they can support the bigger ones when it's time for them to do their job."

What?

"You know what I mean! Don't ask me to repeat something like that. It will never come out the same the second time!"

Regardless, I got the meaning behind it. I wasn't sure about letting each kid go on these little adventures (it's not like they're *huge* adventures, just a mom thing of wanting to be able to get to them quickly if need be), but knowing I'm not going to be able to afford a vacation for them this summer and that they are going with people I trust...the conclusion to let go a little was finally reached. (And please don't tell me this is no big deal...I'm a 'planner' and both opportunities came up almost simultaneously and suddenly...that's all!) :-)

It's that fine line of being overly-protective and moderately trusting. Or something like that anyway. I don't want to hold them back from having fun just because I'm nervous. We cross new lines every day.

Last night, CPJ told me he found a book of his grandmothers that he'd literally walked by about a thousand times. He'd just never picked it up. It was one of those that has questions typed in it and the person completes the answers to create a "memory" book. He said, "I know I read that thing for about 45 minutes upon picking it up and found out so many things about her I never knew. It just amazed me."

One of the questions was, "If you had to do it all over again, what would you do different?". I thought about this so much last night.

Given the opportunity, what would I do different?

Then I finally came to the conclusion it was too late for that. I can't change the past. I wish I could, but I can't. So now I need to decide...what can I do better?

I decided awhile ago I wanted to be a better person. A happier person. And I made an all-out effort to achieve that and can enthusiastically say...I have done that. My heart changed and I can almost remember the day I felt it happen. I've tried explaining it and I can't. To those it hasn't happened to or don't "believe" it can, it's just too difficult to put into words. But I **know** it happened and am so grateful.

I know I don't want to waste time anymore. We get one life and I don't want to miss out on living it. Or wasting it with things (or people) that (or who) don't put a smile on mine or my kids faces the majority of the time.

I know I want to get in shape. I want to eat better. I want to live as long as I can so I can play with my grandkids and my great grandkids.

I don't want to live a life full of regrets. I know I will have some, we all do. But I want to put every effort into treating people the way I want to be treated.

I don't want to be scared of opening my heart, but know that will take time.

I want to be a good role model (woman, mother, wife, etc...) to my kids.

As I thought of all these things (and more!) I also thought of what it will take to accomplish them. And you know what? I'll never accomplish them.

As in...all of these items aren't destination tickets. They are journeys. It's how we choose to live our lives...in steps. Stages.

So I'm taking a deep breath (as instructed!) and exhaling with gratitude.

Always remember and never forget: There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. ~Denis Waitley