MAKING MY OWN TRACKS

I've said it before...I love a fresh blanket of snow and everything it symbolizes.

Last night (and into today) we got a whole lotta snow! And it is simply gorgeous.

As I was taking Scout out earlier, I found myself doing what I've always done. Ever since I was a kid. I walked in the steps someone else had already made. When I was young, I never wanted to mess up any more of the smooth snow as needed to be. I guess it just always stuck with me.

Then tonight, I heard steps behind me and when I turned to look, a stranger coming from one of the apartments and heading to his car said, "What are you doing?! This is your chance! Don't walk in someone elses steps...make your own tracks!" and he laughed, got in his car and left.

Of course he was just talking about having fun in the snow. But I took away much more than that...of course.
Imagine that.

As easy as it seems to make your own tracks, it can be tough. I knew this stage of my life would have it's challenging moments, but I never could have imagined the roller coaster it's been. I've never felt so under the microscope. So judged. And while it's probably my imagination, for the most part, I know some of it's not.

The little comments and questions don't go unnoticed, though I've gotten good at laughing them off.

A friend told me last night, "You know T...most people in the position to judge, don't." True. Very true.

So as I make my own tracks, I know they may not be the tracks others would take, but I do them with the best of intentions. There is no guidebook. And while others may watch and think how they'd do it differently, and albeit maybe even better than I, every decision I make concerns my kids and my well-being. And that I can say with the utmost honesty.

Because I want to make sure I keep my focus intact, I'm not at all embarrassed to say I still get to talk with a third party about everything going on in my life (though not as often as I'd like!). She's a wonderful Christian counselor and it is liberating to be able to tell someone absolutely everything, not be judged, then get solid opinions and some guideposts of what is 'normal' and not for someone in my position. While I may not be as vocal about my visits with her, she's still part of my life. Thankfully.

My newest challenge is telling people "it's none of your business". You don't even have to use those words to let people know they've crossed the line into something you aren't comfortable talking about. If I am comfortable talking about something personal, then *I* will bring it up. Trust me. For some reason, people feel they can ask and say things that are...well...over the line sometimes. And then have the nerve to get angry and offended when I don't feel like it's a question or comment I should be expected to acknowledge.

It's made me more aware of others lives and why the good Lord gave me two ears and only one mouth. I've had the privilege of being able to be a shoulder for many friends who are going through some difficulties of their own and who know I won't share it with their other friends. Most importantly, they know I would never judge. Everyone has their own things going on in their lives and while I may not understand some of the choices they make, I have come to realize through my own circumstances, that the choices other people make aren't mine to understand anyway. God gave me my own life to deal with. I don't know what all played a part in certain decisions and would never assume to.

But I do assume they either made the decision with the best of intentions concerning their family or maybe they were human and given the chance, would make another choice next time. Either way, it's not my business. It is my business to be their friend and always encourage them to make their own tracks, just as I'm trying to do though.

I've been very blessed with a group of friends God gave me who are encouraging and not judgemental. Thankfully. And as I make my own, fresh line of tracks, they continue to tell me, "Great job!". When I get a little off course, they are still there saying, "No big deal...bound to happen. Keep going!" And through this, my kids are learning how to make their own tracks. And it's been an honor to watch them do it so well.

As I look back on the tracks I've made so far, I definitely see room for improvement. But I'm also able to hold my head high and say, "I'm doing my best" and tomorrow is another day to keep trying. Just like everyone else.

Always remember and never forget: The one who walks in anothers steps, leaves no footprints.