Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:29-31)
"You still think you're driving, don't you?" He inquires.
"No," I admit. "I'm not. Sometimes I just forget."
There's nothing like peace coming into your life in the middle of a storm. I'm coming to realize I've actually been creating many of the storms in my life simply by trying to control situations I have no business trying to control. Or rather, can not control and all the effort I put into it ends up futile and very disappointing when results don't turn out as I'd hoped. I'm learning I have no say-so in certain situations, even though I may have thought I did. He reminds me, "Nope...not yours. Next!"
Every once in awhile, He gives me choices in paths and even then, I hear His all-knowing voice advising me between right and wrong. Intelligent choices and, well...not so intelligent. His hands are firmly on the wheel of my life and I'm constantly being reminded I'm riding shotgun.
I'm beginning to be more and more surprised at just how much I have loved giving this control over to Him. I'm enjoying not "owning" various circumstances in my life. Not that I don't have accountability. I do. But I've learned I can only be responsible for so much and no more. As long as my kids, my well-being and those I love hold the prime spots in my life and I try to do my best as far as treating every single person I come across fairly...that's all I can do.
Hic-ups happen. We simply cannot avoid them and for a long time when they would happen, I'd consider myself as having done something wrong. If an unintentional hic-up disappointed someone in my life, I'd feel horrible. And still do, to a degree as I never want to disappoint. But I now know, even under the best of intentions, this will happen in life. And showing my kids how to respond when it does is the good I'm going to make out of it. I can apologize and try and make it right, but ultimately, after that, I've got to let it go.
I've had several hic-ups the past few days...who doesn't?! I'm just now getting what many of you already get. Try and make it right, then move on. He has put many paths in my life and all of them need attention. And if you know me at all, you know I do my best at giving those things I choose to commit to my all. I learned to say, "I'm sorry, but I can't" a few years ago when volunteering at school got to be too much. ANY mom who has volunteered knows you can overextend yourself if you don't watch it. I did and I've now learned saying "No" doesn't mean I don't want to; it means if I can't give you 110%, I don't consider it fair. So, I'd rather under-promise and over-deliver.
Being in the position I'm in now with two active kiddos, I've learned to manage my schedule fairly successfully. Like I said, every once in awhile a surprise pops up, but panic doesn't set in. Do your best and the rest will fall into place.
So much peace has come with this way of thinking. You never know when you will have the opportunity to reach into anothers life and show them a little peace. It could be a smile to a stranger in the next car at the stop light, a text or call just to say "Hope you are having a great day!", or a simple note.
While I've yet to perfect this mantra, it's been an experiment of sorts making it happen. With the help of dear friends, it's made it so much easier.
I never thought I'd be made to be more vulnerable in order to be stronger. So scary and yet so amazing. I have absolutely no idea what is coming next...but that's okay. For once, I'm okay with just seeing what happens. (Of course you know I'm going to have to analyze a 'little' of it! I mean...that's just ME!).
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