LISTS, GOALS AND PRECIOUS LITTLE PEOPLE

I was determined to have a productive day today. I had a list of items to complete, including having to work (which will also be completed tonight after kiddos are in bed) and a short amount of time to fit it all into.

We all have days like that.

You know what they say: The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

No kidding.

Good news is I got it all done. It just took more effort than I planned. And it started with a series of events I wasn't counting on coming my way. No problem. Deal and move on, right?

Then it hit. I met with someone who asked me to set a series of goals for myself. Goals of the woman I want to be. The mother I want to be. The friend I want to be. The role model I want to be. The partner I want to be. Everything.

As we sat there talking, it must have been obvious from the look on my face I hadn't come as far as I'd thought I had. "Don't doubt yourself!" she almost yelled, leaning toward me. I thought she was going to come off her chair. "That attitude and talk ends today."

"What?"

"The doubt and talk of you not giving yourself enough credit. Where you are giving power over to others who don't know the whole story. They couldn't possibly. People who make assumptions, most very off base, about a life that isn't any of their business and you're right in that you don't have to explain. I have seen a huge change in you over the past two years. HUGE! Now we are going to make you see it too and to heck with everyone else!" I have to admit. That part made me laugh.

I have absolutely no idea why I care what other people think I am doing in my life. Why they feel the need to make asumptions. Ask personal questions. I know what I'm doing and I'm perfectly at peace with it. "It is well with my soul..." as the song goes.

I DO know why I doubt myself. Why my confidence stinks. Why trust is huge bag I've been lugging around and placing in between me and situations/people. I'm ready to take people and things at face value, but I keep getting reminded of the "sneaky" and game-playing.

I know setting the goals will help. Actually writing them down on paper. It just feels like taking 10 steps back to take one step forward. You gotta start somewhere, right? And at least I am take a proactive step versus sitting around just waiting for something to happen. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I kept asking one question: "How?"

And the answer was the same: "You just keep trying. You're closer than you think."

For the most part, I am proud of "me". I'm anxious to have that mind-over-matter attitude many others I know seem to possess. I'll get there. In THAT I actually am confident about. Just *impatient* me wants it to happen yesterday. As Kim would say, "Shocker!".

I'm thankful these two precious little people keep me as focused as they do. Oh my word am I thankful for them. Even when the little stinker in them comes out, I'm reminded they're just kids. Going through an adjustment like I am. And...one day, this will all be a blur. Somewhat anyway. I read a quote yesterday that said, "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place."

I remember exactly why so I'll keep on keeping on. Very worth it indeed.

Always remember and never forget: I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. ~Jimmy Dean