SMALL TOWN USA

Windridge Farm.

It could very well be my happy place. My real happy place. Not the one I have to imagine in my dreams or look at pictures of on the internet (insert the amazing, tranquil, aqua waters with the bungalow suites actually on the ocean waters in Bora Bora here).

No, this is real. Being that Shelby's horseback lessons have had to be very early in the morning during the summer (we're talking a starting time of 6:30-7:30 a.m., depending on her trainer's schedule). It's in the country. It's quiet. The only noises you hear are the horses being taken to the pastures and they whinny with excitement to break free of their stalls. There's dew on the grass. The leaves on the trees are still dancing from the morning breeze. No smog. No car horns. No traffic. It's heavenly.

Last night was even better.

Have you ever seen the movie Doc Hollywood? I had the pleasure of being immersed right, smack-dab in the middle of that type of atmosphere last night.

It was team penning night at Windridge Farm. We got there early so Shelby and her BFF could ride, then we all offered help to get things set-up. Got horses out of their trailers, tied them in the pen and under the shade. Brought trash cans out. Turned hot dogs on the charcoal grill.

People brought their folding chairs and sat them under the huge, oak trees. Popped tops to original Coors beer. Kids had water bottles on ice and literally ran around for hours. Climbed trees. Teased the cows. Took turns on the rope swing hanging from the tree. Chased grasshoppers, then later...the little ones searched for lightening bugs. And laughed. Loudly.

As many times as the cows tried to take a nap in between penning (no kidding!), they were constantly reminded they were there to run.

The boys finally took cover from the girls in the "Man Cave" and decided they would play poker. It wasn't long before the clear and semi-cool weather beckoned them back outside. No video games. No texting. This alone makes a mom smile from the inside-out.

I can't wait for the day (being very optimistic here) I can offer my kids the outdoors again. I remember at their age, I was outside all the time. From being at the community pool to playing nighttime tag until the huge, triangular bell was rung calling "time to come it!".

That's what they want, too. It's what I want for them. Believe me...you tend to take it for granted when you are in a house. I'll admit, I never really thought about it. That was until we moved into an apartment.

I'm working on it kids. We'll get there!

WHAM, BAM...THANK YOU MA'AM!

Looking back on posts, it's clear I've been frustrated. To say the least.

In my defense (you knew that was coming), I've had some disappointments, by way of both circumstances and people in my life lately.

Anyone who knows me personally and knows about this blog knows this is how I vent. This is how I get things off my chest.

I've always said it's a choice to be happy and I do believe that.

I just neglected to take the steps necessary to be happy and unknowingly (and very naively) thought I could just jump from being disappointed to immediate happiness. Similar to a light switch.

That's not a realistic expectation.

And while I am happy with my life, I find I am still allowing people and circumstances to take that happiness away from me from time-to-time. It's like a pattern I fall back into. Part of me thinks I'd be mean to let the person(s) know what they are doing is not okay. In essence, I've confused being mean with taking up for myself. There's a huge difference.

I don't want to look back on my life with huge regrets. I know I'll have some, who wouldn't? But I want to be the best ME God wants me to be. And I know I would regret letting people step all over me because they think I won't do anything about it. That's not what I'd want my children to do.

It all comes down to self-confidence. Mine has always been low. It took a big hit a couple years ago and spread throughout many areas of my life like a wildfire in 80 mph wind. So now...now I'm building it back from the ground up.

First up...GET BACK IN SHAPE. How many times do I have to say I want to do this before I do it?!?! Get ready Ang...we're getting ready to start hitting each other again. Ahhhhhhhh...this is gonna be great.

Yes, I need a job first to pay for it. Title Boxing Club of Allen...open:open:open.

But then...BAM! It's gonna feel good to picture my 'problems' then knock the crap out of them!

Always remember and never forget: When you should grab something, grab it! Likewise, when you should let it go...let it go.

FROM HOT WEATHER TO FAIR WEATHER

What does a divorced, single-mom of two, foster mom to a Boxer named Rosie who is enduring heart worm treatment, living in a small apartment and constantly telling your kids, "Shhhhh! Don't stomp! People live below us!", solely dealing with the IRS for a debt that isn't yours, counseling your 9 year old daughter on particular people/relationships she's having a tough time understanding, trying to have real friends in your life who are there for you and not just asking for your help with they need something, living in 110+ degree Texas heat (::::::deep breath:::::::) AND on top of everything else, you lose your job?

You go swimming.

Shelby has been asking all week to go swimming. Simple request. Right?

But when you are juggling all the said things above, it's tough to reason it's okay to do that because I know all I need to do right now is find a job.

But that face. Her recent empty feeling of importance with others. The amazingly mature conversations we've been having, always with the preface of, "This is between me and you...right momma?"

You and I. Yes baby. I promise.

Today I closed my laptop. Left my phone behind. Pulled our hair up in ponytails. Made big cups of ice water. And we set out.

Hot doesn't even begin to describe the temperature outside today. We set a record-high in DFW today. Officially I think they said it was 108, but it was well over 110 here. (Did you know they take the official temp in the shade? Just FYI.)

After doing 342 flips. Jumping off my shoulders (my knees, my hands, my stomach...ouch) 231 times and over my knees and arms 154 times (this required me holding my legs and arms horizontal so I went ahead and counted it as a workout)...we headed back. Once home, I got a huge dose of reality and a reminder of the simple act a child needs. Individual attention.

I know. I know. We are all busy. Trying to do everything and then some. And even though I spend a great deal of one-on-one time with both of my kids, it's nice to know they notice when all is purposely set aside just for them. Looking back: very little time actually sacrificed to make a big impression.

Momma...thank you so much for making time for me.

    Honey. Of course. Do I not make enough time for you?

Yes. You do. But thank you for doing it today when I asked. I asked because I needed you.

    You don't always need me? Is that what you're saying? What's this?! (we laugh...'what's this' is one of our favorite lines from a Looney Toons show).

Of course I do! You know what I mean. I always know you love me. And that's a good feeling.


Again, I know it's not always the easiest task to just stop what you're doing when you're plate is full of work, responsibilities, etc... . Especially when there's one of you and two kiddos. But we do our best. Juggle with the skill of a one-armed person with two fingers. We get creative.

You smile when they ask to go out to eat and you can't afford it. Then employ their help in the kitchen, make it entertainment (as well as dinner) and dub them as your sous chefs.

I've (we've) been handed a ton of challenges these past few years. I know I have done everything to make lemonade out of lemons. Still, it's comical almost at the poop-on-a-stick things that keep rolling our way. I honestly believe some friends (as right now I use that word loosely) are probably thinking one person can't possible have these many crisis balls in the air without somehow inviting them to come one over. I promise you, that is not the case. This is simply my very, long, uphill climb on this rollercoaster of life. I know the downhill portion is around the bend. Somewhere!

I'm there for my friends when they need me. This I know. Whether it's updating their resume, doing graphics work (always for free), lending money if I have any, just listening when they feel like crying, or meeting them to have a drink when they need to vent. I'm there.

Like Shelby, I notice when the effort is reciprocated.

And also like her, I notice when it's not.


Always remember and never forget: Sacrifice is one of the purest and most selfless ways to show someone you care about them. Practice it daily.

APPLICATIONS, EMAILS AND A MOUSE

I've officially applied for more jobs in one day than any one person has the right to. Between Indeed.com, CareerBuilder.com and numerous blind messages from people just trying to build their contacts and sales teams...I can't see straight.

Then I receive this. An actual "valid" message...

Hi Terri. I'm a recruiter in the home building industry. I'm looking for a Strategic Marketing Manager in Dallas. Could you please let me know a good number where I can reach you?

Hmmmmmmm... . Home building industry...ugh. Back to that again? I swore I'd never do it after the bottom fell out of this industry years ago. Never say never, right?

Then, talk about looking over your shoulder, I also applied for an open position with an NBA minor league team in town. Immediately, I had to let AC know. She's the only woman I know who is more knowledgeable more about basketball than most men. Her and her hubs have been Mavs season ticket holders for as long as I can remember (BEFORE they were 'cool' and champions...that's saying something).

Her reply?

Cool!! Would we get to travel????

Hit the "back" button on the application.

Under "additional notes" I write: Just so you know, I will show up to work with a mouse in my pocket. Not to worry, said mouse can hold her own. Thank you.