It's All Going to be Okay

I had to run up to the kid's school today for about an hour. When I got home, Scout met me at the door and was going crazy. Not just her regular crazy, but crying and what-not. My sweet Duke *always* meets me at the door, but this time he was nowhere in sight and I knew something was wrong.

I walked in the dining room and there he was. He was literally sprawled out with all four legs stretched out - him lying on his belly, an "accident" nearby and crying. I picked him up, told him it was okay (he was shaking...partly because I'm sure he was terrified and partly because he'd had an accident and thought he would be in trouble).

I cleaned him up. Kept hugging him, telling him I loved him and everything was going to be okay. He stopped shaking and started wagging his tail and has commenced his usual ritual of following me in every room.

His vertebrae have fused together at the end of his spine and cut-off circulation to one of his back legs. Eventually it will go to the other leg and for a 70+ pound dog, his options are few. Some dogs wheel around in a little scooter type thing that holds their back legs up. Since he weighs so much and is so large, this isn't really an option. Though I can't bear the thought of putting him down since his faculties are still in place.

He still looks at me with pure love and a little confusion. Every once and awhile he will take a look back at his leg as if to say, "Why aren't you doing what I want you to do?". Everytime he wants a puppy treat now, he pretty much gets one. Who am I to deny him that at this point? He's not putting any extra weight on, so it's not hurting him. In fact, he's losing any muscle he has left.

This friend has never left my side. Always let me cry on him. Kept all my secrets. Never judged me. Stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep. And has never told me to stop talking. Not once! He always tries to cheer me up when I'm blue and is the first one to celebrate with me when I'm happy. If he had a phone, I feel sure he would answer it when I called every single time and would be glad to hear from me.

I absolutely hate this for him. And selfishly, for me. I'm sitting here alone in the house, crying on yet another rainy day with more to get done than there is time in the day and all I want to do is hold him and tell him it's going to be okay. Even though it's not. But we all need someone to tell us it's going to be okay. And for him, I'm that someone.

Get the hell outta here

To say I'm utterly sick of this cold, wet, dreary weather would be an understatement in mass proportions. These clouds make it very hard to see the proverbial pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. Given I can't see the darn rainbow.

I swear the gray skies suck the seratonin right out of everyone. Me included. I've mentioned many times our attitude is a choice. I tell my kids almost every day how they are in control of their mood, be it good or bad. But even I have had a hard time with it lately, much to the chagrin of those around me, I'm sure.

I'm ready for the sun to come back. I'm about ready for summer, except for the realization my body is NOT ready for summer. Hence the poem I posted earlier this week about "What's it gonna take?". That was all directed at me, by the way and ON the subject of how disappointed I am with my lack of a workout routine.

Upon getting out of the shower the other day, I was 'graced' with the visual (thanks to our wall of mirrors in the bathroom) with just *how* out of shape I've gotten. I literally said to myself outloud, "Geez...what's it gonna take for you to workout?". What's it gonna take, indeed. And boom, I wrote about it. Yes, I wrote it. I didn't 'find' it as I said. I wasn't ready to hear, "Where'd you find that? It's stupid!" Especially since it was about me.

So I'm going to once again DECIDE to attack this mood. Sun or no sun. Snow or no snow. Out of shape body or...well, you see where this is going. My family, friends, strangers and me don't need it. I'm forcing it outta here.

I don't enjoy being grumpy, sad, disappointed, etc...so I'm done with it. Again. I'm no Pollyanna so I'm sure the mood will return again. And once again, I'll 'choose it away'. I know we aren't supposed to be up and happy all the time (robotic stepford wives, right?), but these things have a way of snowballing into other things that have absolutely nothing to do with what caused the mood in the first place. And unfortunately, I feel the need to talk about it (sorry). Yep, I'm a talker. I'm not, never have been, the quiet type. I'm working on that. :-)

Yes, I'm ready for the sun, warm weather, playing outside and...working out. Bender Ball...it's me and you.

I Don't Know Where She Gets It Either, Ben...But I Love It!

Conversation between Belle and Ben tonight...

Let me set the scene. Belle comes downstairs with a smirk on her face and an envelope in her hand. Ben is sitting at the kitchen counter, just having finished his homework.

Belle: Well look here. I have a letter for Ben Phillips.

Ben: Huh?

Belle: Yep. It's for you alright.

:::he reads it:::

Ben: Where does she get this stuff?

Me: Well, she loves you. Why? What does it say?

Ben: :::sigh::: Nothin'.

I continue cleaning the kitchen, wrapping up work, doing laundry, etc... .

About an hour or so later, I go into the kitchen and notice the folded letter on top of the envelope on the kitchen counter. With all my other "mom duties" going on, I forgot about the scene that played-out earlier.

I pick up the letter. Read it. Smile. Show it to D. Take a picture of it, as I do all their memorable things. And here I am. Putting it in the vault.

God, I love these kids. By the way, they've been upstairs playing ever since. I will say, he's watching his iTouch while entertaining her 'cooking' various things for him. They really are quite incredibly awesome.

Pick Me! Pick Me!

So I wake up this morning and it's relatively no different than any other weekday morning. Alarm goes off, wake kids up, get coffee, doing all the "goings on" that get kids ready for school and drop them off. Come back and start working because I'm extremely *lucky* enough to be able to work from home.

Of course, my morning work usually starts with a quick scan of the internet. Morning news homepage, pop over to "entertainment" to see which Hollywood stick figures have embarrassed themselves this past week then, of course, to read two of my favorite blogs: NicoleIsBetter and TheBlogess. One of the reasons I like them is they have such real-life scenarios they write about and make fun of themselves (and others...love that) constantly. I also like that they say it like it is. The way I'd say it if I weren't so damn nervous about offending everyone with the language I'd really like to use sometimes (if you click over to their sites, you've been forewarned so don't get all uppity).

But, I digress...

I quickly notice Nicole (as we...D and I...refer to her, as if we actually *know* her) has changed her blog design. "Holy crap!" I say. "Nicole changed her blog design!" To which D says, "What? I didn't give her permission to do that."

I'm instantly engulfed with a wave of jealousy as I've recently written about how my ADD and lack of html graphic design skills inhibits me from designing my own blog and propel me to change the background of it constantly. I have to go to various websites that supply "free background blogs" and if you know me at all...you know I DESPISE cookie-cutter design things. I prefer custom. I can't do custom blog designs. Logos...I can do. Ads, billboards, notecards, magazine layouts...all done. But I can't design a webpage or, in my case, my blog design.

THEN...I see that her and her roommate (apparently a guru at design-related matters...I kneel at your feet, Jamie) are giving away a custom blog design. Whaaaaaaaat? A few steps are layed-out to have a chance at winning said blog design and I find myself navigating over to my blog to write a post basically saying, in my best Arnold Horshack (hello Welcome Back Kotter) voice, "OOOOH! OOOOH! PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Surely, if they visit my blog, they will see I desperately need this design! If more followers are what I need, just let me know ladies! I'll do what it takes. I know I'm new in the blogworld and my inadequate blog design is killing me! (For you left-brained people...you don't get this desire and never will so just move on).

February 15th is the big day they will announce the winner (:::uh-hum:::...me) and along with my plans of winning the newly introduced Power Ball Lottery to the great state of Texas...this looks like the makings of stand-out month for me.