It's All Going to be Okay

I had to run up to the kid's school today for about an hour. When I got home, Scout met me at the door and was going crazy. Not just her regular crazy, but crying and what-not. My sweet Duke *always* meets me at the door, but this time he was nowhere in sight and I knew something was wrong.

I walked in the dining room and there he was. He was literally sprawled out with all four legs stretched out - him lying on his belly, an "accident" nearby and crying. I picked him up, told him it was okay (he was shaking...partly because I'm sure he was terrified and partly because he'd had an accident and thought he would be in trouble).

I cleaned him up. Kept hugging him, telling him I loved him and everything was going to be okay. He stopped shaking and started wagging his tail and has commenced his usual ritual of following me in every room.

His vertebrae have fused together at the end of his spine and cut-off circulation to one of his back legs. Eventually it will go to the other leg and for a 70+ pound dog, his options are few. Some dogs wheel around in a little scooter type thing that holds their back legs up. Since he weighs so much and is so large, this isn't really an option. Though I can't bear the thought of putting him down since his faculties are still in place.

He still looks at me with pure love and a little confusion. Every once and awhile he will take a look back at his leg as if to say, "Why aren't you doing what I want you to do?". Everytime he wants a puppy treat now, he pretty much gets one. Who am I to deny him that at this point? He's not putting any extra weight on, so it's not hurting him. In fact, he's losing any muscle he has left.

This friend has never left my side. Always let me cry on him. Kept all my secrets. Never judged me. Stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep. And has never told me to stop talking. Not once! He always tries to cheer me up when I'm blue and is the first one to celebrate with me when I'm happy. If he had a phone, I feel sure he would answer it when I called every single time and would be glad to hear from me.

I absolutely hate this for him. And selfishly, for me. I'm sitting here alone in the house, crying on yet another rainy day with more to get done than there is time in the day and all I want to do is hold him and tell him it's going to be okay. Even though it's not. But we all need someone to tell us it's going to be okay. And for him, I'm that someone.