That's Quite a Tangled Web Ya' Got There

I guess it's human nature. Lying. It's relative easy to do and every single person on the earth does it at some point, whether they intend to or not. Yes you have. We all have.

Of course, when our kids have been angels their entire lives, it's a bitter pill to swallow when they do it. Now, Shelby is a little turkey and will look me straight in the eye and lie. Not huge things, More like, "I only had once piece of candy," things when I've already seen her devour four. And I know when she's lying. She's as transparent as freshly cleaned glass. Of course she has consequences, but every once in awhile, here it comes...smack dab in my eye. A friend of mine says she's getting all her orneriness out of the way now and she'll be a great teen having learned her lessons early. Yeah...right. I'm not holding my breath on that one.

But when my Ben...my sweet, angelic, despises-people-who-lie Ben...lied - you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Here's the deal: He was supposed to be in bed. Snuck his iTouch in his room. Took careful steps to harbor it under his bed...along with the charger cord (yep, he was thinking ahead) and then tried to pass it off as, "What? I'm not doing anything." Finally caved. Apologized with much remorse. But got it taken away as a consequence.

Lesson learned, right? WRONG.

I was shocked. He snuck it up again a couple nights later and lost it for the entire week.

I know. This isn't huge. But...it's lying.

He always shows remorse. Is very apologetic. But I just can't stand he's dong it and really don't want him to ever think it's okay. There is absolutely no need in it (though, as I said, everyone ends up doing it...even this author). The truth always comes out.

And lies can be done with words or with silence. Another lesson for a literal thinker.

As we get older, we begin to understand it really is a waste of time to lie. Then we make excuses with things we call 'white lies'. Say we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or are trying to spare further insult to injury. But in maturity (which doesn't always fall in sync with age), we learn how to tell the truth even when it's difficult. Even when it may hurt the other person. At least most of us do. There are still those who will stick their heads in the sand and hope the issue just blows over. Maybe not talk to the other person for awhile or avoid their phone calls or attempted visits. More often than not, the one lied to just lets it slide out of sheer pity for the other person and a desire to move on.

Yes, as I've tried telling the kids - the truth will always bare its ugly head. The evidence is left lying around in so many places. Especially if someone else is in on what you are trying to hide. See...they may not know you are lying and the truth slips out. "Please don't say anything! I didn't know you weren't suppose to know!" Or, they accidentally reveal the truth and you don't say anything so as not to put them in an awkward situation. Boom...truth revealed. Trust faltered. Feelings hurt. All so unnecessary.

Just because the truth may be hard to tell doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. In fact, if it's that difficult, it's probably a whopper and you should be the one to come clean versus it being revealed in some other way. Those doozies always surface. Own up!

There's a poster in the kid's school that says, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said." Perfection.

Sometimes when we discover the truth, we let things go so as not to rock the boat. After all, we now know the truth and we wonder, "How far will it seriously go? " As we get older, we learn to keep our mouths shut and just watch and listen in amazement. This has been an especially difficult maneuver for me as I always want to front the person out. "I know you are lying! Why can't you just tell the truth?"

I hope I learn to issue consequences that teach my kids not only to tell the truth, but to WANT to tell the truth and to be a person of honor whom their friends and loved ones can trust. I try to show a little more compassion when they come to me when they've done something they shouldn't have versus me catching them. I want them to know they can always come to me and expect forgiveness and love.

I know. I know. They're young. Testing limits. I'm not freaking out over this latest scenario. I just want them to learn early. And if you think your child never has or won't lie, you're delusional. And guess what? It doesn't mean they are horrible kids. It means they are human and searching for boundaries. As I always say, I missed that sign that said, "The line starts here for perfect kids." I know of only one person who walked on water.

I just hope my kids learn the hard lessons of lying while they are young. It's sometimes tough to tell the truth, but it's always worse to get caught in a lie and lose trust. And dignity. And honor. And respect. Especially if you are your own worst critic, like Ben is.

So, if you owe someone the truth, no matter how hard it is to bring up the subject...go tell them now. They may already know the truth and are just waiting for you to do the right thing.

Always remember and never forget: When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback.

Walk, Listen and Learn

Last week, I added walking to my daily workout regime. Okay, truth be told...walking became my daily workout regime since I haven't had one in awhile. There's a nature trail that runs through our neighborhood and it's beautiful right now.

The leaves are changing colors and falling everywhere around while we walk. I'm convinced if I catch a leaf as it's falling that's GOT to mean good luck. No, I haven't caught one yet, but I know I'm at least providing some comedy relief as I run around under the trees dropping the most leaves holding my hands cupped out in front of me. Oh well...it will happen some day. Hopefully.

Yesterday, we took the kids with us. I'll admit we were a little concerned they would get tired, complain, or something else that would make the usually enjoyable walk less enjoyable. We were thankfully proven wrong and had a great time.

So often these days, families are running around, rushing to get the normal 'day-to-day maintenance' of everyday life done (work, laundry, dishes, homework, lunches made, bills paid, play dates, practices) that we don't get a chance to just BE together. You know...no plans, no agendas, just be ourselves, hang out and see what happens next.

Well, we got that opportunity yesterday and learned quite a bit.

What, you ask?

These are the things you learn when you spend time together as a family with only the distraction of falling leaves and the occasional squirrel scurrying up a tree:

The red maple leaves are actually called 'unicorn leaves' due to the way the stem sticks straight up (all according to a 9 year old).

My daughter has a boyfriend (she thinks).

He called her 'hot' (yes...she's only 6).

He told her he loves her (yes...he too is only 6).

Upon him telling her he loved her, she started wrestling him. That's my girl.

If you want D to smile from ear-to-ear, put him on a playground swing. I have pictures of this to prove the point.

He secretly aspires to do the ever-risky 360 (you know...you swing so high you actually go over the bar).

The fact that school playgrounds no longer have swings on them (because of risk of injury? But they do have rock climbing walls...go figure) my son isn't real sure of the mechanics of how to start swinging...and keep going higher. Poor kid! We're working on changing this. :-)

I can get lots of good pictures of my family having a day of fun. Just be-ing together.

Sometimes plans are overrated and just going with the flow is the best thing you can do for your family.

The air smells sweet when you are surrounded by fall leaves and a stream.

There's a precious dog along the walk who will give everyone kisses. Then cry when we leave.

My kids are aching to climb a tree and Shelby calls trees with such potential "lookie-out trees".

Shelby still wants a frog as a pet. And is willing to catch one to make it happen. :::gulp:::


I'm once again reminded of how the 'little things' add up to make the big things in life. Just having time together is vital. No tv's, no computers, no phone conversations, total dedication to spending time together. If we all did more of this, we'd know more about each other. Smile more. Laugh more. Ask more questions. Get more answers. Remember why we are all together in the first place.

Am I getting too Edie Brickell with all this?

Philosophy, is the talk on a cereal box. Religion, is a smile on a dog. I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean. Chuck me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

Maybe. But I choose to look at it as being observant and seeing things clearly. And I believe both me and my family will be better because of it. Now and in the long run. And these amazing kids are so worth it. We're making history here. Even just a little walk here and there adds to it. It's what composes their memories of childhood and life.

Always remember and never forget: Don't make excuses. Make things happen. Make changes. Then make history.

Connecting the Dots

Today is my birthday! Am I one of the few 'older' women who actually still enjoy having birthdays? I like getting the phone calls, emails, text messages, cards, hugs and all the other well wishes that come with a day dedicated especially to me. I'm an otherwise non-limelight kinda girl, but I do believe birthdays are a big deal. At least I believe they should be treated that way.

As Ben put it this morning, "If you didn't have a birthday, me and Shelby wouldn't be here." True...so true.

As we get...uh-hum...'older'...I think it's only natural to look back over our lives and do some evaluating. Some inventory control. Some investigating. "Am I making the most of my life?"
Or better yet, "Am I doing what God wants me to be doing with my life?"

Well, let's see. Is that a can of worms I really want to open?

I guess I have to judge both questions based on the day-to-day (to day-to-day-to-day). So many times, we look back at our lives in terms of big moments or events. I know that's how I've done it. At least in the past.

::::I graduated high school. I graduated college. I got a job. I got married. I got a better job. Went through lots of infertility issues. I had a kid. I quit that better job. I had another kid. I started my own business. And so on.::::

However, if this past year has taught me anything, it's emphasized the importance of stopping to smell the roses because we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. When my number has flipped for the final time, I want to know I'm looking back on not just the big things, but more importantly remembering the little ones. Because they are what lead up to all the 'big' ones.

The things that happen in the middle of those big events are the really important ones. Without them, those events defined as 'monumental' would be non-existent (to steal Ben's philosophy). And he is right.

Take the events of my birthday today, as a way of proving my point. When asked earlier by a friend if I'm having a good birthday, I could already say, "Yes!" even though it was only 11:30 a.m. Why? Because last night I went out with a dear friend who was sweet enough to think of me ahead of time and bought tickets for us to an event she knew I'd like. Then I came home and kissed my already-in-bed (but not asleep) kids goodnight who went on to compete to see who could compliment me the most ("You smell good." "You are so pretty." "I like that shirt on you." You get the drift...).

This morning I woke up to happy birthday wishes on my computer, my phone, from my kids, from my husband. Cards were ready for me to open and sweet messages were inside. It has already been explained to me that a cake will be purchased FOR me...I will NOT, under any circumstances, be purchasing it myself. And finally, D has already arranged for us to have a night out tonight. That's right! HE arranged the sitter.

Did anything truly monumental happen? Probably not in most people's eyes or by most people's definition of 'monumental'. I guess my definition is just different. Imagine that...me...thinking differently than everyone else.

See...It's the little things that happen along the way that matter to me. That make me feel loved and appreciated. It's the small dots that connect to the big dots that end up making a complete picture when you stand back and look at it. A complete life. Some of the day-to-day events in my life are probably mundane to some. Maybe even monotonous. But I see consistency. I see a pattern of connecting my dots every day and showing my kids this is what you do. Big events come and go. Every day things happen...well...every day! It's not just about connecting those dots that are easy to find. Anyone can do that. It's about being patient and searching, working, then connecting those that are difficult to get to, also. ("When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."~ Unknown). I love quotes. The words I want to say, but have a hard time getting on paper...

So it's the dots/moments when my 6-going-on-16 year old daughter screams, "You just don't understand me! No one gets me!" and we laugh hysterically (and one day, she will too). It's the times when my son takes yet another school picture that looks as if he's trying to turn the camera to stone (He smiles a million times a day! Why can't he smile for a posed shot?!). It's the times when people love me enough to do the 'little things' that make my birthday feel like a big deal.

And when all those dots connect....it's beautiful. And I feel extremely loved. And grateful. And when I look at them from a distance, they are looking more and more like a complete picture. The dot by itself isn't so impressive. But together...with all the other dots connected ~ it's huge and to me: even miraculous. So often, people don't think of the end result. Every moment/dot counts. It all adds up. Even our kids get it.

Sometimes dots get neglected or we get frustrated about finding them and just feel like moving on to the next. Eventually we realize we have to come back and connect them. Every single one is part of the picture. Part of learning. Part of living. Part of putting the picture together and making it complete. It's when we care enough to go back and make the connection is when our picture starts really coming together. No one said it had to be perfect; that's not expected actually. How boring would that be? I feel much more accomplishment knowing I found the difficult ones.

The little dots in the complete picture of our lives are vital. Not every one of them is exciting. If they were ALL exciting they would lose their fizzle quickly and our definition of 'exciting' would soon change to 'monotonous'.) But without those little dots, we can't move on to the next and complete the picture. And the next dot could be one of those big events just waiting to happen!

So here's to connecting all the dots of our lives and making sure we pass on the joy and responsibility in doing so to our kids. More than anything I pray my kids feel as though I've contributed to giving them and showing them by example how to have a complete life and that in the future, their hearts overflow by connecting their own dots with their little ones.

I'll end with a quote from Albert Einstein about life because I love what he has to say here:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

And it's all miraculous.

Flip That Number!!

I've never been one who is stuck on age. I figure, as long as I feel the way I feel...I don't care what number attempts to define my years here on this earth. AND I sincerely feel if more people felt this way and paid a whole lot less attention to their 'number' as they did their already-in-progress lives going on around them, we'd have a lot more happy people in this world.

You see my number flips to 43 this week. Twenty years or so ago...that sounded as old as dirt. Today...I look at it is fabulous. I'm thrilled I keep getting to have birthdays (note...the alternative isn't nearly as attractive!). I know there are things I haven't done yet in my life. Some I planned on having done by now and some are things that have no time-limit. I believe God gave us this life to use right up until the end. Not just our first 40 years or so. No way. I believe He sees us as works-in-progress until our last day. I'm not overwhelmed by things I haven't accomplished. I look forward to doing them still. Come to find out...my plan isn't always the plan that was written for my life and I've learned to adjust. Detours happen.

I know for a fact, when it comes to my last hour on this earth, there is no way I'll be thinking of what type of house I lived in, what kind of car I drove, the brand of clothes I wore or how many toys I had. I know my thoughts will be about my loved ones. Did I tell them I loved them enough? Did I let them know how important they are? Did I take every chance to send them compliments and praises so it planted a seed in their hearts that they are amazing people to me? Did I take time to play with them? Did I put them first not just when it was easy, but when I had to fight to do it? Do they know they were my priority? Did I make them feel loved?

So this weekend, as I was thinking about my upcoming birthday and how the weather is supposed to be beautiful all week long, I thought YES! A perfect birthday week! See, in the month of October, we only had about 8,800 minutes of sun. Sounds like a lot? Not when we're supposed to have over 21,000 minutes of sun in October! It was the cloudiest October on record. And those pesky clouds have a way of clouding our heads.

But this week...sun. Which led me to reviewing my weekend and how the blessings and fun had actually started there, leading up to my birthday week (yes...it's my birthday WEEK).

I had a weekend full of 'happies' that proves my point of being blessed.

> My weekend started with a Friday night date night with D and I had so much fun having some alone-time with him. Very important!

> Then waking up to a lazy Saturday Halloween morning with no where to rush off to.

> On to the Belle's football game in the afternoon to watch her cheer. So cute! They did a special halftime dance to 'Thriller' since it was Halloween. Adorable.

> Back home to get them dressed for Halloween! Belle has been so excited about her costume (a cheetah). Ben went to a birthday party and had a great time (he was the Grim Reaper). First time not going with him trick-or-treating. :-( It's tough letting go.

> Spent Halloween night on our old street with great friends. Walked with Belle and her friends (and moms!) as they trick-or-treated then went back to the street for a party. Kids ran around everywhere. Adults talked, laughed, drank, ate. Very laid-back. Very needed.

> Woke up Sunday too late to make it to church (oops...the time changed and our clan was snoozy!). So we had a Phillips Pile instead in our bed. You can't get those times back. Cherished.

See? BLESSED. We have so many people around us who love us and we love. Awesome kids. A roof over our heads. Cars to drive (that are paid for!). Food in the pantry.

Yes...it's definitely been a tough year, but there are so many people who would trade their 'problems' for ours in a heartbeat. I was talking with the kids last night about the things I do around the house that they take for granted (it wasn't a lecture...it was all in jest because Ben was kind enough to tell me, "Oh and by the way mom...you burnt the pizza." Gee...thanks.). It went something like they are always quick to tell me when I don't do something OR when I do something 'wrong', but aren't' as likely to tell me "Thank you" for just the everyday stuff (clean clothes, clean house, food to eat, etc...). I went on to say I was moving to the Bahamas and they would soon realize what all I did! hahaha. I told them, "You don't know what ya' got 'til it's gone." It's like in the movie The Family Man where he thinks he has everything he wants and needs until he's given the gift of a family and all the work and love that comes with it. Something he had no idea was missing from his life until he gets it, then it's taken away. It shows you get what you give in life. By the way...if you haven't seen this movie...do NOT watch the clip below. Instead, go rent the movie now! It's a must see.



So, yes...I choose us, as the movie says. I choose this life. Chaos and all. I know this time will be a blip on the highlight reel of my life someday soon and I'll be so proud of making it to the other side of the mountain. For fighting for the positives vs. giving in to the negative situations. That's what life is all about. It's a rollercoaster, afterall.

Those oh-so irritating negatives are there to bring out our character. Our inner warrior. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Twenty years ago, I wouldn't be able to do what I can today. That all comes with my number flipping, thank you! Lessons learned. Knowledge gained. Priorities placed.

I have no idea what is in store this birthday week, but I know it will be funtastic and I'm looking forward to increasing my number! BRING IT!