JUST TRY...

I just can't even...

And, so...I'm gonna try. 

STILL

Still one of the best songs I've ever heard.

Still makes me cry.

Still makes me feel a little kicked in the gut.





Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin’ sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

NEVER SAY NEVER. LIKE...EVER.

I've noticed something about myself over the course of the past six months or so. I haven't decided if it is a good thing or not, but I'm going with it regardless.

I am becoming a bit of a neophiliac.

It's a word. Look it up. And no...it's not a horrible disease.

We all know life is all about change. Our experiences tend to mold us into who we are, leading to the development of our values and beliefs. And while my character remains intact, my desire to push boundaries (my own, of course) has started to increase.

I have become more self-aware and not so afraid. That's right.

I have done things I never thought I would do. And...get this...have given myself permission to enjoy them.

While unable to pinpoint exactly why this newfound attitude has come about, I am able to identify a couple of locations. Mainly people. From trying new things to becoming a little more relaxed with who I am...it's been a huge jump out of my little box of a world.

The walls around me have come down a little more. I find I am not really caring about what people think as much as I used to. Figure if they have a problem with me or something I am doing, it is just that...their problem. Afterall, my life choices don't affect them. It is far more likely I don't cross near as many people's minds as I once thought I did. And that is a good thing.

Part of the reason for this change is due to a handful of people who have made a very welcome return to my life. I've known them each for 25-plus years, but have only stayed in touch with each very briefly. The "How are you doing?" message on Facebook, etc... was really the extent of our repertoire. I have become reaquainted with each at different times over the past couple years and each has made an awesome impact on me. I have enjoyed laughing, crying, reminiscing, and loving these people more than I ever thought possible.

A huge thank you to them for reminding me about true love and friendship. The ties that bind will never be broken between us and I am so thankful.

Always remember and never forget: If you never try, you'll never know. 

TODAY = GOOD

Started the day by working out with my bestie (yes, women my age are still allowed to use the term "bestie"). Mainly because we are awesome enough to have a mini snowball fight in the parking lot upon leaving the gym. (Again...apologies to the family who wouldn't let their son have a snowball fight and we had one in front of him. By accident. #oops).

Then I had a productive day at work. #determined

Got both kids picked up from school just a little early to avoid all the crazy people who can't drive in the snow and ice. #iamoneofthem

Once home, let Stella play (and eat) in the snow. #happyrescue

Made a big pot of chili for two happy kids and got to snuggle with one (the girl...she will watch my shows) until she fell asleep on my lap. #love

All-in-all...I'm definitely counting today as GOOD. #blessed


Always remember and never forget: Concentrate on your blessings and they will surface. #quitpouting

FACEBOOK ≠ YOUR PERSONAL DIARY

Simple words of advice: If you don't want people in your business, asking about your business, curious about your business, talking about your business or even knowing that you have any business...DON'T POST ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK.

Because if you do, you have zero reason to complain about people in your business.

You're welcome.

ALRIGHT BY ME

time moves a little slower here
and that's alright by me
ain't no rush as far as i can see
everythin' that really matters
is worth takin' time to savor

the warmth of the afternoon sun
a good game of checkers with a chum
the laughter of children havin' fun
don't make no sense to hurry it none

no sir

i'm takin' my time here on earth
lettin' the days drift slowly by
the rest of the world is in a big rush
keepin' up with the joneses and such

hurryin' to get further in debt
but not me no sir my plate's plenty full
gotta nap to take then some
checker's to play and
i don't wanna be late

~ poem "Don't Wanna Be Late" by Michael Traveler, author of Postcards from the Backroads

JUST A LITTLE UP AHEAD...LIFTING L I F T I N G

To say it's been awhile since I've been on here is an understatement.

Time hasn't just been flying...it's taken off like a SR-71 Blackbird (don't ask how I know what that is and that it's a really, really fast plane). But if you don't know how fast that is, well then I guess that reference is lost on you. Just know it's crazy fast.

It's no secret I'm not good at taking time for myself. And even though writing in a blog may not count as that to some people, it does to me. We all have our ways of relaxing, working through things in our lives...this is one way I do that.

I keep telling myself I need to get on here and document things. I do it for me and maybe one day, the kids. The sad truth is I am always on my work email and the login is different for the blog one so yes, it all comes down to being too lazy/busy to take time to switch over.

There's that ugly word again. Time.

Slowing down should be important.

Anyway, I found something worth logging on for. Not to mention I'm tired to the point I may be sleep-typing, so that may have also prompted this long, overdue log-on.

I found a site that is amazing. So as I share this, I'm stating right now that I didn't write it. I not only graciously give credit where credit is due, but also encourage you to read his works. I love so, so many of the things he writes. They pull me in. Take me away from wherever I am...usually a desk. They're inviting, inspiring and sometimes, heartbreaking. Here's just one sample of why Michael Traveler has me as his fan.


my dreams are not far now
they're just a little up ahead
i can feel them just around the bend
over the hill and past the stone bridge
there's a field of sunflowers there
we played in as kids

remember reaching for the sky
just like the sunflowers did
reaching way up high
where the eagles fly

remember running and laughing
playing catch-me-if-you-can
dodging in and out of the
thick rows of green
never to be seen

our laughter trailing
like kites on the wind
lifting l i f t i n g
dipping here then
there seemed
like every
where

those dreams are still with me
tucked away inside my heart
forever a part of all i am
and will always be

ever growing closer
in my dreams
the biggest
part of me

~ poem "The Biggest Part of Me" by Michael Traveler, author of Postcards from the Backroads 


See? You're welcome...

AND YOU LEARN, AND YOU LEARN

AFTER AWHILE

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to leave you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure;
You really are strong, you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn.
With every goodbye you learn.

~ Veronica Shoftshall, 1971

MAY YOUR FORCES BE WITH YOU

“Promise Yourself"

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 

― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

THE POTENTIAL THAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE

"Between The Bars"
Elliott Smith

Drink up baby, stay up all night

With the things you could do

You won't but you might

The potential you'll be that you'll never see

The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now

And forget all about the pressure of days

Do what I say and I'll make you okay

And drive them away

The images stuck in your head

The people you you've been before

That you don't want around around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars

I'll kiss you again between the bars

Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air

Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine

Keep you apart, deep in my heart

Separate from the rest, where I like you the best

And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before

That you don't want around anymore

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still

WHY I MAKE LEMONADE

While I haven't been writing a lot on my blog, I have in my head.

Often at night. When I can't sleep. Could be this is one of the many reasons I can't sleep. Topics bouncing around in my already overwhelmed brain. Making lists. Grabbing iPhone off bedside table to make notes for the next day so I don't forget.

The other night, I sent my Chosen an email to let her know I couldn't sleep and was about to hop in a hot bath to soothe my ever-fidgety legs. (Yes...this is something we have done for a long time. Email each other when we can't sleep. Granted, I do it more than her!).

After I sent the email, I thought about this poor soul who somehow tore off the ticket in life that she would be my friend. Or my "chosen", as we call each other. She's my chosen family. My sister. Ever since I've known her (15 years +), if we are talking about a situation or person who is frustrating us, she will say, "We need to pray for them" when my thought-process was already concocting a full-proof plan to run then over with a car.

When she does this, I tell her, "There you go again...making some lemonade".

She is the supreme preparer of the lemonade pitcher. I don't care how many lemons I toss her way, she slices them up and makes *#!^% lemonade out of them.

So when I lost my blog address awhile back (on purpose because I didn't want to pay for a private one), I have been lost in a conundrum of coming up with a new title for my blog.

Thanks to fidgety legs and a cumbersome brain at 4:00 a.m., I came up with it.

Thank you, Angela. You have ONCE AGAIN made something wonderful out of my lemons. Just to warn you, I add tequila and salt from time-to-time so hang on!

XOXOXO

CHOICES ON THE MONKEY BARS

I often get to carpool early enough to park and catch sight of some classes still enjoying their time on the playground at recess. It never fails as I watch them to think, "I remember running at full speed for no reason at all. Wish I had the energy to do that now!"

They're playing freeze tag. Kickball. Doing cartwheels in the grass. Some are just sitting off to the side talking. I can only imagine those conversations.

Yesterday, a young girl hanging on the monkey bars caught my attention. She stopped right in the middle and kept shaking her head. Her friends below continued to urge her on. "You can do it! You're almost there!" Apparently, as afraid as she was to continue to go forward, she was equally (if not more) terrified to let go.

How many times do we find ourselves in this predicament in life? "I don't want to risk going in the direction I've been going, but letting go is unthinkable."

Ultimately, we have to make the choice. Either we are forced to pick a path or we release ourselves with the power to chose it for ourselves. Either way can be scary. But it can also be invigorating and exciting to do something new.

I have found myself at a pretty big crossroad and it's been swirling around in my brain for a couple months. The choice has become increasingly clear, especially during prayer the other night. I keep praying and asking for His help with one thing: A positive change. I don't get specific about it, frankly because He knows more than I do what will propel the change I need. I know without a doubt I need (NEED) more income. I know I need to stop people in my life from affecting my sense of self (my fault, not theirs).

So the other night as I was pleading with Him and asking why He isn't helping me, I got my answer.

He told me He has been trying to help me for a long time...even longer than I've been asking, but I've got to let go of what is holding me back. I have got to let go of things and people who I am allowing to stop me from turning onto the path I need to be walking on right now.

Again, I take sole responsibility for how these external influences affect me. I'm just now willing to take accountability of how they will in the future.

I don't know how it will turn out, but I know I'm in desperate need of my feet being firmly on the ground.

So I'm choosing to let go. Just like the little girl did on the playground.

Always remember and never forget: Sometimes when you release your grip, you're able to grab something more meaningful.

FOREVER A FAVORITE

For many reasons, this hymn will always be not only a favorite of mine, but somewhat of a touchstone during this ever-changing ride of life. It is a reminder of exactly Who is a constant. If you're looking for Him to give you a sign to show you everything is going just as it should, you've missed the point. And believe hard-headed-me, I miss the point all, too often.

It is by faith we 'see' His message and know He has outlined and prepared our path. Of this I'm certain.

Because a couple years ago I couldn't imagine how I would go on and today...I can't imagine how I will fail. Bumps, detours and downright standstills in this road I travel don't have near the effect they used to have on me.

So thankful for my precious friends, both new and old, He continues to put on my path who often act like bumper guards in a blindfolded bowling match I'm trying to win!

 

 

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL
by Horatio G. Spafford, 1873

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

 

JUST A LITTLE CHANGE

So in the spirit of becoming more minimalist, I decided I no longer wanted to pay for a custom domain since I can still have a blog...for free.

I'm in the middle (okay beginning) of changing the name, creating a new design and most importantly...registering the new :::free::: domain name.

I've been greatly inspired by some writings lately. One in particular that come from one of my favorite quotes and one of my favorite authors.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
it goes on.
~Robert Frost

 

 

 

We (me) tend to get caught up on all the things that haven't gone right. Translation: that haven't gone as we predicted, prepared or expected. When truth be told...He has us (again...me) right where He wants us. This isn't the end of our story.

 

Past disappointments or even pains creep into our own definition of ourselves much like grass grows in our backyards. It happens right before our eyes. We water it. Fertilize it. Sometimes we even pick out the weeds that impede its turf. But we never actually see the growth happen. One day, you look out your kitchen window and realize...damn, it's a little unruly out there. I better mow.

When I look at my kids...when I look at how some adults live their lives...at overall choices we all make...it makes me more aware. More aware of what we are fertilizing our lives with...our kids lives...our friends and family.
 

We all know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their own hurt. Their own pains. Their own story. Sometimes we just get a little too caught up in our own stuff to realize our lives are pretty damn good.

 

I've been blessed incredibly. Likewise, I've been disappointed and I know I've created disappointments. Who hasn't? You can only dwell on them for so long before it starts eating you up. So we let go of what doesn't work and move on. You can't trip over things you've left behind.

 

It's time to refocus.

 

Someone said to me recently that one of his favorite things was "the 2.3 seconds of static when you put the needle down on a record before the music starts...you know, the sound of anticipation". I don't know exactly why, but something about that statement made my jaw drop.

 

Yes. Yes, I know that feeling. What a great thing to pay attention to. Something so little, but it made me think of the little things and what else I'm missing because I'm so 'busy' with all the things on my daily "To Do" list.

 

It won't be easy, but He never promised easy. He did say it would be worth it though.

 

So I'm letting go of "new kind of normal". After all, nothing is normal! I know I'm not...thankfully.

 

Listen...I hear the static...

BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE 10...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

When life throws you curveballs...when people try to distract you from the course you're trying to stay on...when you beat yourself up for not working out even ONCE last week after you've been doing so good...

Your 10 year old, full of life and hope daughter comes into the room and says this:

When I grow up, I want to be a painter in Paris. Or maybe a surfer. Ooooh or a dolphin trainer or a unicorn breeder. Maybe a leprechaun feeder. Alongside that I'll open a spa for eagles and do their talons. Then invent an animal. A bear/puppy...a buppy. Or be a DJ or an 90s singer. That would be fun. I'd also be a great comedienne. Also a clown dentist because clowns need dentists too...

At this point I simply had to tell her to stop. As you can imagine, I couldn't hear anymore because my laughing was drowning out all the rest. 

God I love these kids!!!

JUST LOOKING FOR SOME PEACE...

Fighting to have your way does not increase your peace.

Not asking for what you want does not increase your peace.

Failing to take responsibility for yourself does not increase your peace.

 

Trusting that you are always doing the very best you can will and does increase your peace.

Engage in self-loving, self-nurturing, self-supporting behaviors and activities.

 

You will know peace when you are willing to be peaceful.

 

 

~ Iyanla Vanzant

I'M SORRY, BUT...UMMMM, NO, NO, NO

As I've grown older, wiser and ultimately more upfront about things than I used to be...I've also become a whole lot more understanding of the words, "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you". Not always presented with those specific words, but you know all the adaptations out there.

My bad.
Oops.
I really screwed the pooch on that.

And likewise...

Don't give it a second thought.
No worries.
Fugeddaboutit.


Things happen in this life and none of us, I repeat, NONE OF US are perfect. And you may even be one who thinks, "No, I'm not perfect, but I try harder than most." you're wrong. You have no idea how hard (or not) others try. Get over that little theory pronto.

When I mess up, and unfortunately I seem to do this a lot more than I'd like, I admit it. It isn't easy. It can be downright humiliating. But I own up to it. If I said I would do something for you and I forget, you're gonna get a big, fat, I-can't-believe-I-did-that apology and I guaranty you will forget about it long before I do.

Same with commitments. My schedule is crazy and I'm not glorifying that. I'm saying I'm not always perfect (there's that word again) at keeping it as on track as I'd like it to be, but I actually do realize my schedule may affect someone else's and when there's a conflict, I try to let it be immediately known. Likewise, when someone else has a hic-up in their schedule and it affects my life, I blow it off with a, "Please...things come up. Don't worry about it!"

So today, when someone I'm working with on a deal wanted to blame their mistake on me and have our clients think that to be the case? Ummmm...no. Not gonna happen. While I definitely am not the type of person to throw you under the bus with your clients if you make a mistake - don't even THINK it's okay for me to take the blame for something you forgot to do.

Sorry. No. Uh-uhhhh.

Always remember and never forget: If you mess up, toss out a sincere "Dang! I'm sorry!". If you aren't forgiven, that's the other person's baggage to carry.

I LOVE TO...

Like the author of the article I'm posting the link to below, I tend to be too wordy at times. (Who? Me?). It's always been my nature. Oftentimes this little trait will cause me trouble.

I may use 127 words when actually 3 would do and confusion sets in with the party I'm attempting to communicate with. Shocking.

But the mom below (www.handsfreemama.com) said it best.

When we are trying to let our kids (or someone else) know how we feel, it doesn't always take a dissertation to relay the sentiment. We aren't always called to teach a lesson or guide a path. Sometimes we just need to say a few, albeit, monumental words.

Ben and Shelby...
I love to be with you.
I love hearing you laugh.
I love hearing you argue with each other.
I love knowing you will be there when I walk in at the end of a long day.
I love knowing you count on me.
I love more about you than you will ever know or I could ever put in a list.
I love you.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/16/six-words-you-should-say-today/


Thank you to my friend Anna for bringing this wonderful blog to my attention. :) Sometimes it's the little things you do, like posting a blog link on your Facebook page, that turns someones day around. Sometimes we never know the impact we have on others. Well Anna...consider me 'impacted'!

TECHNOLOGICAL GUT PUNCH

My son joined Facebook this weekend. He's 13...aka of Facebook age...and I honestly think it's more of a technological interest of his that hopefully passes. I say hopefully because it's something I'm beginning to think I need less and less of in my life.

I work in an office with no windows and 95% of the time, alone. It's what I've always referred to as my link to the outside world. My watercooler, if you will.

But on a night like tonight...and I'll admit I've had quiet a few of these nights in the past couple years...technology has put a sour taste in my mouth. My blog has become my main means to vent. And that's just when I make the time to log-in and do it.

Most of my time is spent hanging with the kiddos, but these first two days of summer break has been an eye-opener. They are stuck in this apartment so they have nothing better to do but...you guessed it...technology. Video games. Television. Crap. My youngest actually passed up the opportunity to go get a snocone tonight in order to stay home playing some stupid video game. Who does that? I was so baffled and thought she'd actually change her mind when we headed for the door, but she didn't. Next time, no choice. She's going.

I don't want them to turn into "those people".

You know the type. Heck...you may be the type. The kind of people who aren't there. Who, when family or friends call or come by, they are so preoccupied with the one-dimensional world, they don't pay attention. Or they just no longer make time for a phone call. When in a room with people, they're more interested in rudely carrying on a text conversation than a face-to-face one with people in the room.

If someone calls me, I answer. If I'm not with my kids or in the presence of someone else and you text me, I answer. If I'm with someone, I'll answer soon, but you definitely won't be ignored. And I do this NOT because I'm less busy than you. I do this because it's just what you do. Or at least, it's what you SHOULD do. I'm a busy as the next person (and believe me, I'm in no way glorifying being busy...we all are!), but I flat-out make time for those in my life (unless you yell and cuss at me, then not so much!).

I don't want my kids to forget what seems to be a HUGE thing missing in this world...communication. Not technological communication. Actually talking to someone. Making the time for them.

People don't pick up there phones anymore with a friend calls. It's disgusting. And I've been bad about it in the past, but have made concerted efforts in the last few years. Maybe because I'VE needed people to pick up, so it became evident to me just how important a phone call can be.

Regardless, for someone who has earned a paycheck due to technology...it's really punched me in the gut tonight.

THE ONLY REAL TRAP IS GETTING ATTACHED TO ANY OF IT...

Dear David,

We haven’t had any communication in a while, and it’s given me time I needed to think.

Remember when you said we should live with each other and be unhappy so we could be happy? Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer, trying to make it work.

But my friend took me to the most amazing place the other day, it’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came, they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great Emperor, how could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would one day be in ruins?

It’s one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up, around it over centuries, feels like a precious womb, like a heartache you won’t let go of…as it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same, David. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.

Then I looked around this place, at the chaos it’s endured, the way it’s been adapted, burnt, pillaged then found a way to build itself back up again and I was reassured. Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.

Both of us deserve better than staying together because we’re afraid we’ll be destroyed if we don’t.

 —  Elizabeth Gilbert (Julia Roberts), Eat, Pray, Love