WHERE THE TRUTH LIES

Shelby got in the car Friday afternoon and the first words out of her mouth were, "A boy asked me to go out with him today."

"What do you mean go out? Like on a date?"

"Well, you know...like be boyfriend/girlfriend," she answered.

Ugh. Fourth grade. Really?

So I'm forced with the reality of, if I act like it's the craziest thing I've ever heard she will shut down and this is probably something we should discuss. Right? Right.

So I inquire further into the situation:

"So what did you say?"

"I said...'Ummmmmm...no. Sorry.' I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't like him that way. "

"Well, I'm glad you said 'No' because you're too young to have a boyfriend," ::::insert 9 year-old-going-on-18 eye roll here:::: "But next time I'd like for you to decline in a different way."

She goes on to tell me how she was caught off-guard. Apparently some girlfriends were kind of setting this whole thing up. They had pulled the unsuspecting boy aside before recess and told him Shelby liked him (which she did not). Got him all excited and encouraged him to ask her.

Obviously we went over how friends shouldn't do that, etc... . But that's a different story.

We discussed how it probably took that young boy a lot of courage to ask her and went over the way to gently deliver a decline in such matters. Her dad also made note that while she may not have liked this boy, other boys (and girls) were watching to see how she reacted. Had she been outright mean due to embarrassment (thankfully she wasn't), people may remember how she made someone in such a vulnerable position feel and she could very well carry that with her for years to come.

We've all been in a position in which we have to bare the uncomfortable responsibility of delivering news a recipient doesn't want to hear. News that may even possibly hurt someone. It sucks. There's just no two ways about it. But I've learned the hard way, while it is extremely agonizing to have to tell someone something that will make them sad or upset, it's worse to not say anything at all. I've been (we've all been at some point) led on to believe a situation may turn out the way we want it, all while the other person has no intention of seeing it through. It's just not who I am. I could never do that to someone and I don't want my kids to ever think that option is okay. In fact, I don't want them to ever even think of it as an option.

Conflict happens in life. And while most people don't enjoy it...it's a reality. Oftentimes, situations can start to take on a life of their own which is when we are obligated to step in and say, "No...we need to straighten this out." Not everything in life is easy, but those interested in doing what's right will make their way through the uncomfortableness of it all and find the courage, strength and sometimes well-practiced words in order to what is honorable. And then you go home and cry that you may have just hurt someone you care about by way of being honest. It really is true...sometimes the truth hurts. And I don't mean that sarcastically. But the lies cut much deeper and the scars last much longer.

Sometimes, you can get away with a gentle delivery and other times you have to be more black-and-white about it. "This is how it is."

More and more I'm reminded that all I can control is me. I'm not perfect at it, but I try. I've learned lessons about airing my dirty laundry. And hopefully others have learned lessons about dirtying the laundry. :) But when it comes down to it, we are each responsible for our own actions. Karma is a bitch, but outright hatefulness with no reason is wrong.

It's like I told Shelby...All you can do is be honest and be kind. You get what you give in this life.

So if you're surprised at the actions coming your way...you may want to consider what you're throwing out there in the universe.



Always remember and never forget: Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you're saying.