What makes you happy?
It's funny as we travel through life how certain things we used to put in that category are vastly different than what makes us happy today.
I remember when things like solving my Rubik's Cube, learning the lyrics to Rapper's Delight, getting my drivers license, going out on my first date...all made me burst with excitement. And my friends were right there beside me, laughing along. Encouraging. Accepting.
Today, I tend to feel questioned about the things that make me happy. Mind you, most of those questions come from within.
Does this affect my kids?
Does this adversely affect me?
Does this affect my job?
The list is endless. We are our own worse critic, aren't we? Most of the time, I'm just trying to figure it out myself.
I have a friend going through a divorce right now and she's getting questioned up-and-down, left-and-right by her friends. Yes. I told her. Yes, it happened (still does) to me and generally your best friends are just doing it out of a place of protection. The other people are just nosey.
The best advice I thought of to give her is some I wasn't even taking myself for the longest time.
Be happy and try to stop looking over your shoulder. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Put your kids welfare first-and-foremost, but do NOT forget about you. Every single one of your friends who are there for you 24/7 now will eventually not be there as much. And that's okay! They aren't supposed to be. They have their own lives. But do not let them apply their logic, their priorities and what they 'would be doing in your shoes' to how you live your life. You are now walking a very different road and having to discover a new you. Simply put, there is absolutely no way they can put themselves in your shoes.
It took me awhile to get here. I used to be so worried about...well...everything. What will people think? What would they do in this situation? I'm bound to make mistakes, are they going to judge and define me because of the mistakes?
The answers?
Who cares.
There's no way they can honestly say.
Absolutely.
Some people are just going to feel like they have all the answers (they don't). They have an opinion on everything. Where I should live. Who I should go out with. Where money should be spent and where it shouldn't. Ugh.
I'd like to think that even in the 'best' of houses/families, we all have our issues. If you aren't minding what's going on in your business...who is?
She laughed and said, "See? I knew you'd get it!"
And I do. But...now I just choose to not let it all define who I am. While I am divorced, I'm not alone. I'm a single-mom, but I also have a career and friends. I no longer feel the need to defend my decisions. And I don't question others about theirs.
I've got my own house to tend to, thank you very much.
And my house, issues and all, is a happy one. So...I must be doing something right.
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