It's at the end of days like this I dread. It's been a rough day being a single mom of two kids today and tonight I have the unfortunate presence of mind to wish I could have a do-over on so many things that went on in our world today.
As parents, we aren't supposed to come unglued, right? To 'lose it'. To feel like we've been treading water for so long, every single muscle in our bodies ache knowing that this is it and just wanting to snap.
It's times like that you tag-team and call in your back-up. But when you don't have a back-up...then what?
Don't get me wrong...the good, amazing, wonderful days outweigh these kinds of days by a ton, but 'these' days...the ones you look back on and think 'I wish I would've said this' or 'Why did I raise my voice when I should have taken a deep breath?'...these days leave me sobbing silently in my room at the end of the day after putting the two most important things in the world to bed. Like tonight.
For the majority of the time, it's just us three. That means I get all the little moments that I was terrified of missing out on. I cherish these times so much it makes my heart stand at attention and beat a little harder. I get the moments when they drift off to sleep, when I get to sing them a wake-up song, pick them up from school and hear the first-report on their days events. Of course this also means I get the attitudes, the talking-back and the frustration that comes along with...let's face it...growing up in the same home with others. :) It's both beautiful and trying, even for the 'best' families.
At home we have rules. We have expectations. We now have a few more chores because you know what? Frankly, if you can help make the mess at your age, you can help clean it up. It's no Disneyland over here. Love? Yes. La-la land? Ummmm...no.
I think I'm now facing the part of single parenting I feared most...being the bad guy. I always said, "So what if they think I'm the bad guy. I'm not going to tolerate certain things and they will thank me later." And as parents, that is exactly our role...to correct them when appropriate, as well as praise them when warranted (which I admit, I'm a big 'praiser'! I just don't think you can have too much of "great job!").
But as they are getting older, the issues are getting tougher. The attitudes can be a bit stronger. And I see the play of me against their dad. Even if they aren't intentionally doing it. And while I don't want to be looked at as the one in their life who isn't the 'fun one', as I've said before, some things can't be tolerated, I also know what God expects me to do. And what *I* know is the right thing as their parent.
So when what you've done in the past no longer works...change it. The extended edition of Tough Love is moving in. And I do emphasize the 'love' part. Even though they will probably only see the 'tough' part.
So kids...while you may not like me too much in the near future for the new consequences I'm hard at work trying and come up with in order to get your attention and let you know, "because I said so" is a very appropriate answer...please remember I love you with all my heart. I will never give up on you. I will always, always be here for you. And even though it's just us three under this roof...we are a family and will be supportive, respectful and loving towards one another, as well as others. (And 'others' includes items such as iTouches, televisions, computers...things you are incredibly blessed to have and should treat them as such).
I can't promise to always be a perfect mom, but I can promise to love you more than anything, forever and ever. Amen. And I mean that. There's no amendment to that statement. We are stuck with each other and I couldn't be more happy or blessed.
I love you, Mom
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