I really don't recall a time in my life I've been this busy. It's a good kind of busy.
I told a friend the other day that even though it's crazy, I'm happy. To which he replied, "You know Terri, that's probably because this is the very, first time in your adult life you are only answering to you. If you make it or don't, it's all you. There's some pride to that." And he was right.
There's probably 20 times throughout the day I'd like to sit down and write about life. Things I think, "Oh...I need to document that for the kids" and it always ends up the same. One of my three (you heard me) phones rings. My computer alerts me an email is waiting for me to answer it in order for progress to keep moving forward. A kid comes in with a staph infection (really) that requires a trip to Acute Kids. Another one needs help with homework (still something I love doing...because one day all too soon that math is gonna be way over Momma's head). A hamster needs his cage cleaned or a fish needs a little attention (again...seriously). I live in a zoo.
I have to say...I do love where I am right now, even though I'm not really sure exactly where that is.
Almost one year ago, I sat in the office of an apartment complex committing to give a year of mine and my kids residence to this small space we now call 'home'. This week, I find myself in the same boat. Still a little lost. Still a little excited. Still very scared.
I have spent time talking with friends in similar boats as mine and it seems we all have something in common. "Single parenting" leaves you feeling as if you armor has somehow been penetrated beyond repair. Sleepless nights are spent going over things that can not be solved past the hour of 5:00 p.m. College funds. Medical bills. Growing spurts that require new clothes and shoes. Upcoming Christmas presents. Rent. Electricity. Bills. Bills. Bills. So why do I do it?
We're just trying to avoid another surprise attack, says AG.
That makes sense.
So if I prepare for the unexpected, I won't be so nearly taken off-guard when it happens this time. But what IS the unexpected this time? No way to tell. So why worry. Right? Yeah, but you're logical and I've got insomnia.
God has provided for us every step of the way...I know that. I just don't want Him to ever feel as if I'm not doing my fair share!
Another singledom pastime has become self-diagnosis. Even though I've been an expert at this for years. Especially while I was pregnant. Good grief...especially then. I need to remove www.webMD.com from my server (and the app from my iPhone).
Kim and I have diagnosed ourselves with everything from diverticulitis to some rare form of cancer. This form of diagnosis usually happens around midnight to one in the morning...you know...when we are really thinking clearly. All because I'm scared I will miss that little, nagging pain I've had in my right side as a muscle cramp when it was really something serious and had I gotten it looked at and caught early, I'd live 100 more years. Is it because I'm two years past my much-needed colonoscopy? (Yes, Ben and Shelby...you have to get these done!). Can you say, hypochondriac?! My guess it's because I'm way too out of shape for my own good.
So see why I haven't written much lately? I'm a certified busy, crazy-scheduled, never-goes-out, living-in-cramped-quarters (which I actually don't mind), putting-out-fires-everywhere and dodging-friendly-fire woman these days.
Welcome to my world. :-) C'mon in...it's not bad, just in fast-forward!
Now you will have to excuse me. I've got a little girl coughing in the next room like she's got seal stuck in her throat. It never stops people. It just transfers like a bunch of UFC tag-teamers. :-) And I'll take it... .
Always remember and never forget: Take a second to be nice or devise a plot to hate. Study or fail. Try something new or stay in a rut. Smile or pout. Dance or stand in the corner. Be honest or lie. Move past it or dwell on it. Live like it's a new day or stew about past events. Life is what you make of it. Make it what your heart wants. What you want your children to be. So when you do turn around and look, you can say..."I'm glad that was me".
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