You'd think by now, I'd be at least a little okay with change.
Truth be told...It still scares the hell outta me.
I live every single day as if I have it all together. I plan what I should plan. I take care of the business I'm supposed to be taking care of, at least to the best of my ability. I know there isn't enough time in the day some days, but I do what I can.
And although I should only be answering to three people here on this earth (me and my kids), it still seems as though I need the approval of others and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. I know I'm a smart person. I know that only I am privy to all the information in my life that goes into making decisions.
And I do have some decisions to make.
A "pros and cons" list is simply not going to work in making these decisions. Why? Because there is no column for risk. And being in the position I'm in these days, this type of risk holds larger consequences in my world. At least to me. While I know I'm not totally alone in all my responsibilities, I also know for the most part...it's just me. And two little ones who watch every move and choice I make.
I feel like I've let them down in some respects. However, I also know I've done more for them than they realize...and I'm thankful they don't feel that burden of knowing.
But right now, I'm lost in how to make these decisions. I'm confident of one thing: HE will help me choose to the best of my ability. And He is the only one who matters.
"When some basic need is lacking - time, energy, money - consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unshamed dependence. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My Power is made perfect in weakness." (April 30th, Jesus Calling).
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