I've noticed lately I am ultra sensitive to being asked particular questions about my life.
Intelligent reasoning (aka Dr. A) has it deduced to this: "Probably because you've been in a situation recently where others knew more about your personal life than you knew about it so you are more private than you used to be. A little more guarded. That's totally natural and not necessarily a bad thing."
Makes sense.
Add the fact that I'm crazy busy...not unlike most...f/t job, kiddos and their schedules (and remembering to sync them with MY schedule), miscellanous "better-get-done-or-else" responsibilities, stress and all the other just regular things that go in with life...I'm not the best at remembering who I've told what to or remembering almost anything these days, for that matter. (Perfect example: I couldn't think of the phrase commonly used to vent or air your opinion so I could title this dang post and had to text and ask Ang...which just thoroughly confused her because the question was so out of the blue!).
"So what does it really matter if you are informing others or not if it doesn't involve them?" asks Dr. A.
"I don't know...I guess people think if I don't tell them, I'm either leaving them out on purpose or I have something to hide. I don't want them to think either of those things."
"Okay. But you're busy trying to make sure you have your life, which includes your kids, wrapped up and taken care of. That is all that matters." Dr. A responds.
"I know. But I just..."
"No buts. Your responsibility is to you and your kids. Period." Dr. A insists. "Your life is just that. Your life. And if you...no I take that back...when you make a mistake or choose a path in your personal life that others don't agree with, then you are just like everyone else...not perfect. And they don't know everything that went into the decision you made because they aren't walking in your shoes and therefore not privy to all the information. I don't know why you would get questioned about things that don't involve the people asking, but they need to deal with their own life."
"I just want to do everything right and get annoyed I guess when people start asking all kinds of questions," I answer.
"Guess what? You're not going to do everything perfect. And guess what else? They aren't either." she said. "You being annoyed is a knee-jerk reaction to past events right now and you are working at moving past it. Be patient. Hopefully your being annoyed will take the place of not caring what others think since you are taking care of your business the way you should be."
Patient? Me?!
So how does everyone else make it look so easy? Maybe I'm not asking them enough questions! :-) I just always figured if I had to ask, it's probably not my business or the person didn't feel comfortable telling me just yet. And goodness knows I've got enough going on under my own roof to be asking about the goings-on under other's roofs!
Either way, I've got to shake it off and realize I know where my focus is. I get I'm on the defensive sometimes. But since only I have walked in my personal shoes along this journey, others have no idea what their choices, options, etc...would be. They can guess and speculate, but to say "I'd have done 'this' " is just judgemental. And yes, I will mess up many times along the way in my life and the closests ones in my life get that. And love me. And don't turn their backs or get angry. Because they (thankfully) mess up too. And if (WHEN!) I make a different choice than they would make, they will say, "I'm behind you as long as your happy and aren't hurting anyone else." Just as I do for them. And if they find themselves being "uninformed", hopefully they will realize it's nothing personal and probably not intentional. And if it is intentional, then deal with it. Maybe it's just me keeping my business just that. Mine.
I do not want Ben and Shelby to ever think they need to live their lives to please or answer to others. YES...they definitely need to keep others in mind when making decisions and make sure their actions and choices don't hurt anyone else. But as long as they are doing what they should be for themselves and their families, that's all they can do.
Always remember and never forget: You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time. And everyone else needs to focus on being a little more gracious and a little less invested in others lives.
Yes...I may have added that last line. See? Defensive. :-) Sorry...I'm working on moving past this knee-jerk reaction.
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