Is it Friday yet? 'Cuz Monday kicked my...well, you know.
I had a great birthday-week (yes...I get the whole week). Awesome friends, family...it was fun and I couldn't have asked for more. Lots of love!
Today...Monday...not so great, but I'm looking past it now. I have a friend who keeps telling me to "Breathe. Okay now do it again."
Of course, this is also the person who told me this weekend I was "a beating". Ummmmm...really? And my response, you ask?
"Pffffffff...like I haven't heard that before!"
And Ang's smartly added comment while laughing was, "And did you add, 'Is THAT all ya' got?!' "
And yes...I can be a beating. :::I proudly affirm::: All I can say is be patient with me. My shield is set on maximum strength.
But, I digress...again.
So as I try to "breathe" as I look around now at all the stuff I still need to do to get ready to move, I'm overwhelmed (yes, again) and feel as if I'm the one whose been beaten. As incredibly ready as I am to move and start new, I'm equally unmotivated to do this. Again. After having just done it less than two years ago. I HATE moving.
The lemonade (another Ang term) of it all is it allows me to clean out the clutter. The things that somehow make it in the house then you find later and look at like, "Where in the world did you come from?" It also allows me to sit on the floor of my closet and sort through pictures, letters, cards, little hand-written notes and hold onto memories.
While doing this, I came across an envelope of paperwork my dad gave me a long time ago. In it was both my mom's birth and death certificate. I tried to skip past it and use it as a reminder that I really need to purchase a small fire-proof safe for things I want to protect. But I kept coming back to it. I know what she'd be saying if she were here.
In the 15 short years I had with her, she taught me so much about how to be a strong woman, loving mother and just a good person (all of which I'm still working on, by the way!). She was amazingly strong. A fantastic mom. A lady. She taught me to treat others the way you want to be treated. She was always, always considerate of others. Gracious. Generous. Totally and completely dedicated to her family. And I know part of her right now would be absolutely broken hearted about where I am in my life. A part would be angry.
But the biggest part of her would be, "Okay, so where do we go from here?" because she never gave up. She didn't know how to surrender. Yes...she definitely passed that on to me. And let me tell ya...it's both a gift and a curse. But as stubborn as she was, she also taught me how to forgive. Her illness alone showed me our time here is questionable and you've got to take care of what's important while you can and let go of the rest. I'm sure, had she lived long enough, she would have taught me the finer art of only carrying with you what you can handle at the time. And boy could I use to know that right about now!
While I have been able to toss out a lot of things I either don't need or no longer want, I also know some things are simply going to come with me whether they've surpassed the expiration rule of "if you haven't used it in the last year" or not. That rule is what's a beating! Sometimes it's just not an accurate measurement of time.
And then there are those things you just can't put in a box. Some things stay in our hearts, like it or not. Safely tucked away where no one can touch them. And while my heart has proven fire-proof, it will stay carefully packed away for awhile. It's definitely coming with me, but it's totally surrounded by a ridiculous amount of protective wrap and marked "FRAGILE! DON'T BREAK!" for now. All of my wonderful memories will stay there. And they definitely don't have an expiration date.
Always remember and never forget: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. ~ Dr. Seuss.
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