Wet Cement

I had 'one of those' days yesterday. The kind of day every mom hates having. The kind where I'm not as attentive or patient as I should be.

With my Belle being home from school sick for two days and very much needing her mom's attention and love, I just wasn't able to get as much done as I should have. Add to that having to watch my sweet Duke-dog lose even more control in his back legs brought reality to a head reminding me I am not in control of a ridiculous amount of things in my life. And while I have mentioned many, many times how extremely grateful I am to have a job that I can do from home, that saves on having to pay childcare and be able to be home when my little ones come home from school or are sick, the drawback on this is eventually the walls start closing in. Finally with my 'to-do' list seemingly growing every day, yesterday I started feeling overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed.

My observant and sensitive son comes to me as I'm sitting outside grilling burgers for us, puts his arm around me and says, "You aren't having a good day are you, mom? You're worried about Duke, aren't you?" I answered that I was sorry that I was in fact not having a good day and felt bad he noticed. He replied, "Why? Everybody has bad days and you should get to have them too." Note the word 'get' in that sentence. "Mom, did you know you are my best friend and I will always be your best friend? Even when you are having a bad day you make time for me. I'm sorry I keep calling you upstairs to look at my bunkers. You're the best mom in the world." (He has been building a WW2 set out of his Legos and the kid is a badass at building Legos! Seriously!). Sweet, sweet boy. Very obviously not the best mom in the world, but he thinks so and that makes my heart skip a beat.

I told him to never apologize for asking me to come look at something he's working on. Those always turn into bright spots of even my worst days. But the fact he even came to me, put his arm around me and talk to me so grown-up made me proud and sad at the same time. While he's already 10, he's also just 10. A 10 year old shouldn't be worried about his mom and I got a little wake-up call. I want to be able to let him see me sad, it's a natural emotion. But I don't want him to feel responsible for making me better or apologizing for being just being a kid. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for these kids and I'm reminded daily, even on my 'worst' days, that two little beings are looking to me. Scary, but true!

Always remember and never forget: Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.

And I need to repeat that to myself 100 times every day.