For a long time I took these precious gifts for granted. Again...knowing they were special, but more watching them as an outsider, I guess. Not so much fully participating and interacting like I really should have been. Those who know me would argue, "No...you've always been a great mom!" and I would answer I have been a great mom in some respects, but only recently have I felt like a great mom. Only recently have I truly understood my responsibilities with them and really gotten into their lives as I should be. As embarrassing as that is to admit, it's true. I was walking through life with them, instead of taking the lead. They *need* the lead. They are desperately begging to be lead through life by someone who knows them best and loves them more than anything.
The difference is I started remembering what it was like to be a kid. What I wanted and needed from my mom. What every single kid on this planet wants and needs from a mom. I decided I was going to be the best mom I could be. Not the best mom in the world. The best mom I was able to be. I wasn't doing that before. Not to the degree I should have been. Not to the degree they needed or deserved. I'm sure everyone thinks their kids are the best (of course, I KNOW mine are) so I'm ashamed I wasn't putting them first. They are that important to me, but I don't treat them like it? Don't let them know by showing (not just telling) them every single day? I do now. They get it all.
Love. Unconditional love as defined by them by everything below.
Time. Endless amounts of time. Even when I feel I'm running short on it, I dig down deep for more. They deserve and are so incredibly desperate just for time.
Conversation. Not always easy for a 7 and 10 year old, but they have to know where they can come when they need help. Even if we are just discussing their day, they know I'm interested in them. And getting them to tell details isn't always easy! But I want to know, so I ask. And ask. And ask! :-) It's beyond the "How was your day?" Anyone can do that question.
Presence. Plain and simple, I'm here for them. Physically and mentally. Some days are more difficult than others to do this and I used to feel really bad about that. Then I talked to other moms (and dads!) and found out I'm not alone. It's difficult to do it *all* being a parent. Work. Clean. Run errands. Run a house. Pay bills. Schedule play dates. Homework. Handle crises when they pop up. Schedule time out of the house (this is important too!).
Sometimes my brain just wants to shut down and there are times I have to allow it to do so. We all do. In fact, it's imperative. We need that mental break. But these days I pre-plan my down time. After I drop them off for school I have a little "me" time. Coffee. Good Morning America. Writing. So when they are here, I am here. Looking over and seeing me doesn't cut it for them. They want all of me and now...I want to make sure they get it. I feel so stupid for not getting that earlier. Seriously. I've been rewarded with a connection I now have with them and more patience (sometimes!) just from digging down into their little lives and being a kid with them. I've also been rewarded with a love I didn't know existed. It's the love I was called to give and receive when He gave me the responsibility of being their mom.
So my Mother's Day was good. I felt appreciated and loved. They made things for me at school that let me know they loved me. Picked out flowers and cards with their dad for me. Their words are forever pressed into my heart. I'm blessed to call myself a Mom in every sense of the word. Thank you God for trusting me with this experience and responsibility. And thanks for waking me up before it was too late and they got too old. I would have missed so much. It is THE most important thing in the world. And these kids are everything to me. They are the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day...every day.
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