A new year. New hope. New expectations. New attitude.
As I've mentioned, I'm ready to say, "C'est la vie!" to 2009 and "Bienvenue!" to 2010.
I have NO idea what lies ahead (who does?!), but I do know I have the ingredients for a great year. They're the perfect ingredients, matter of fact.
Which makes me think...life is kind of like a recipe, isn't it? For example, I make a GREAT jambalaya. I mean **tops**. However, if I gave you all the ingredients - laid 'em out right in front of you - you might not either know how to make it or care how to. Therefore, it's not going to turn out as well as someone who does know or is interested in learning how.
We all have ingredients in our life. What we choose to make out of them is our choice. They're lying right in front of us just waiting to be put together.
2010 is really nothing more than another year. It doesn't mean "time to change", yet we all make resolutions to do so. What would I change about the last year of my life? What would I do different? Really, we can ask those questions any day of the year. But the new year brings about the push to do it now.
For me, 2009 was definitely a time of change and it did NOT happen on January 1st. And, I'm still changing. It hasn't stopped just because the year did. I'm ready to let go most of the events in 2009.
Then just a few weeks ago, with the help of a very wise and wonderful friend, I had a couple "ah-ha!" moments and found a way to do just that. She told me, "C'mon now...you're smarter than this. If you really...and I mean really...want to let go of the past, then you've got to make the choice to do it. It doesn't mean it will be easy. It may mean you make that choice daily. At least for awhile. Then before you know it...it won't require as much effort. Then none. Quit revisiting it. Quit trying to make sense of it. That all keeps bringing it back into your head. LET. IT. GO. No cop-outs either. Be the kind of person you want your kids to be. And by the way, you're normal. No one skates through life. If they say they do, they're lying." And because she's a great friend, she went on to tell me some of the 'crazy' things she's done...you know...just to make me feel better. And it did. Thanks, LSK. Sometimes we need someone to put it plain and simple for us. Logic can do that.
And I'm committed to doing it. For me and for my family. I may not be in control of lots of things in my life, but I am in control of how I react to them. And how I don't react, for that matter. I've come to realize I don't need to know everything about my life in order for it to be great. In fact, some things actually are better if I DON'T know them...come to find out. Taking a leap of faith makes life worthwhile. I'm completely read for this leap, but realize we all make the choice to be ready at different speeds, and due to different circumstances. Just because you're ready, doesn't mean the person next to you is. Pulling them along would lead to regrets.
So for 2010...These people in my life whom I love are the world to me and are my focus. These two little ones who I brought into this world are a very serious commitment of mine. They remind me of what is really important in life. I know refer to them a lot when talking about life and it's because when I look at them, I see two very bright futures. I see my role in those futures as teaching them how to handle life. The good and the bad. The fun and the not so fun. They will inevitably have difficulties along the way and I believe some of the challenges I've experienced in ole 2009 have given me some knowledge to one day say, "I've been there. I know it seems bad now. And guess what...rebounding from it may not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Fight with your heart. Remember that sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can really reach the top. And...I love you, am here for you no matter what and always will be." Unconditional love is a true blessing. A blessing my kids will never be without.
They deserve the best life possible. They are worth the effort. And I believe I'm worth it as well. I can finally say that. I want them to always believe they are worth it. The best things in life always are.
I'm feeling good about 2010. Out of some horrible situations this past year came a lot of enlightenment and self-awareness (hence hitting bottom and reach for the top...I'm still swimming and kicking and reaching my arms toward the surface). I know I'll never be without said self-awareness again. I'm not saying I'll be perfect. I'm saying I'm grounded now and get my actions affect others. I absolutely hate the way it came about, but I can say I'm a better version of ME now. And I'm still growing. Hopefully I always will. I know (**know**) I will mess up. I also know I will make it right when I do.
I'm eager to move forward in 2010. I'm eager to have fun. To work hard and dig my way out of some things...I've always liked a challenge and have no problem being the underdog. To not get so bogged down with the 'work', but instead be thankful I've been given a shovel to dig with. To love and be loved. To have faith and trust...completely. No matter what. To enjoy life and show my kids what happens when you never quit, work hard and always love, love, love. It's a choice. And I'm making one. A positive one. It feels good. I'm letting go of 2009. C-ya! See? Blogging can be like therapy... And I know...as 'challenging' as my 2009 was, I know others would trade with me in a second. I thoroughly get that.
This time next year I hope to look back on 2010 and think I did things right. I didn't sweat the small stuff. I put loved ones first on my list. I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty. I treated people right, including myself. I was vulnerable enough to grow. I never lost faith. I was smart enough to use the ingredients right in front of me. After all...I've been given the best ingredients life has to offer and I'd be a fool to think I could do any better.
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