WHEN THE TWO ROADS DIVERGE

I'd like to just take a minute to recognize patient people. And by the way...I'm not one.

As previously mentioned, I've felt the need to distance myself from certain situations and people in order to maintain some type of balance and get back on the track I've managed to slip off of. I've taken full responsibility for my inability to balance said things and people, nevertheless...this is my path.

I've been blessed beyond measure to have people in my life who instead of getting defensive or taking it personally, have simply said, "I'm on your side so whatever you need is what you should do. I want you to be happy and support what you need to do. Just let me know how I can help."

::::gigantic sigh of relief::::

I told CPJ last night as we were having one of our 'deep discussions' about facing circumstances we never planned on having to ever deal with in our lifetimes, our children and just people in general who are in our lives: "You know it's so easy to take the low road. I mean it's just right there. Staring us in the face. It's oftentimes the most frequently traveled so it's easy to spot. It takes effort to climb up to the high road. And during this climb, onlookers wonder why you put so much effort into getting to that road when there's another road so easily accessible. I know for a fact I've been thought of as an idiot for going the long route. But it's a route I will never regret. I can guaranty you I will always regret taking the easy road."

It takes some of us a lot of time, sweat and tears to make decisions that others seem to be able to make immediately. I've just always been the better-safe-than-sorry kinda person. No doubt it's caused me heartache. No doubt it's made me look like a fool.

But no doubt I don't regret making that climb to the road less traveled and taking my time to be sure.

BECAUSE THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her, and a man who compliments her.

A man who spends money on her, and a man who invests in her.

A man who views her as property, and a man who views her properly.

A man who lusts after her, and a man who loves her.

A man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.

And then teach our sons to be that kind of a man.

SIMMAH DOWN NOW

I'll start of by saying, it's my own fault. I accept it now. I can't point any fingers.

I let people get to me. I let things, circumstances, you name it...if it's out of my control, it can get to me. And not just 'get-to-me', but physically affect me. I know I've mentioned this before, but hang on...I had an epiphany.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6.

It's long been my favorite verse. I know it may be a popular one. One printed on tiles, frames and bumper stickers...but it's still my favorite.

So why don't I listen to it?

Stubborn? Yes. (I'm allowed to say that about myself. You are not.)

I've gone from chest pains, back pains, pulse racing, throat tightening up, can't get a deep breath, eye twitching to now...get ready...tongue twitching. What in the world? All due to anxiety. Stupid stress. About things I absolutely have ZERO control over. Very silly.

And I GET you handle it better than I do. I GET you have thicker skin and let things roll off your back when I can't. So please get this.

I need space. I am 45 and have no idea how to decompress and this IS going to cause health issues and how horrible would it be to say I could have avoided it?

How do you do it? How do you decompress?

Yesterday, I was able to by simply sitting in the grass playing I Spy with the kids.

I don't particularly enjoy being alone, but right now it seems I need to be. Everyone has their opinion of exactly what I should be doing. Who I should be spending time with. All I care about is what I want and how it affects my kids. I need time to figure it out, so I'm starting on a journey of sorts.

What I've been doing isn't working so a change is necessary.

I can't help anyone else if I'm not 100%. And after God and me...it's my kids. Then everyone else. In that order.

I don't want to pretend to be anyone I'm not. I have no interest in recreating myself. Especially not for anyone else! Are you kidding me? Like Julia Roberts character from Runaway Bride...she changes the favorite way her eggs are cooked to match the favorite of whoever she's involved with at the time. Just not gonna happen.

What I'm interested in changing is the me who is in control of me. It's all I can do right now. My cup is officially full and it's spilling off the table, down my lap and into my shoes. It's not pretty. Everyone and everything else I've been trying to 'fix', I'm releasing. Funny thing is, they have no idea how much I've been trying to be a repairman. They are much smarter than I've been.

We all have different priorities. We aren't made a like. It's something I tell my kids all the time and sell it to them as the great thing it is. We shouldn't all be alike. However, I can't let other people and things affect me the way they have been. Again...I take 110% responsibility.

I'm so incredibly appreciate of the support I get from friends who are on my "Team" no matter what. Totally blessed in that regard. Hopefully you will be an even bigger supporter of who I'm working on. I hope to be new and improved.

I know one daily change I desperately need to delve back into. It will definitely help ~ I have no doubt about it. Here's a hint:

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:12.

FAITH FOUND

So tonight I collected the Gold Medal in Time-Well-Spent Awards.

After dinner, the kids and I went outside to play. Too beautiful of an evening to let it pass by. It started with Shelby's new favorite game "Reel Me In" where she plays a fish and I'm...you guessed it...the fisherman. Or fisherwoman, as the case is.

We moved on to wrestling (again...Shelby's idea), then Monkey in the Middle and then Tag.

Finally, we ended by sitting in the grass facing the walking/bike trail that surrounds our apartment and looked into the trees to play I Spy.

She says, "I spy with my little eye something that starts with BM."

"What? What do you mean BM?" I ask.

"First word is B. Second is M." she says.

So I look around and literally can come up with nothing. I start making stuff up then eventually, have to give up. (Which, by the way, under Shelby Rules must be done by putting both arms and legs in the air as if you are a dead animal. I know...nice.)

"It's Beautiful Mom. B...beautiful. M...mom. It's you!"

Can I get a collective, "Awwwwwwwwwwwwe"?!

This didn't just make my day...it made so much more. I can't even describe it.

Thank you, Belle.

I got my faith back today. I had lost it somewhere in the last couple weeks.