WHERE AM I GONNA PUT ALL THIS STUFF...

What should I be doing right now? Working. BUT...I've been doing that for the bigger part of the day and will continue to as the day and night goes on, so I feel sure my boss would say, "Sure T...take a few minutes..." :-).

Working from home definitely has its advantages. I get to sit on my comfy bed to enter property reports, do a little laundry, meet the UPS guy who just delivered something (honestly...I've gotta say...I was waiting for the camera to round the corner because he was simply way too good-looking to be a UPS delivery guy. I actually think I said, "Oh!" when I opened the door. Niiiiiiiiice T.)...I'm sorry...what was I talking about?

Oh yes...working from home. And it's even better now because it's starting to look a lot like Christmas around here. Just as soon as I got MOST of the boxes unpacked from the move (I'm not counting the ones in the kids rooms. I need shelves up on the walls to place things before that unpacking happens!) out comes all the Christmas stuff.

And come out it did...with the help of my 7 year-old elf. She literally unpacked and placed (yes...I will be going behind her and REplacing some items!) about five boxes of Christmas decorations last night. Can you say 'excited'?

This weekend...the tree. I have absolutely NO idea whatsoever where I'm gonna put it...stay tuned.

Back to work...

MY FRIEND

Do you have something to say?

SAY IT.

Do you want something out of life?

GO FOR IT.

Are you scared?

JOIN THE CLUB.

Memberships now being accepted.

"That's what I thought...".

SURRENDER

Has anyone ever called you a particular term and you think, "Yeah right. I must have just done/said something...just this once...to make them think that." Only to discover (finally) the term is so extremely, outrageously, embarrassingly true.

People...nice to meet you...I'm a control freak.

And I actually looked this term up (of course I did...hello? Control freak!) because I guess I always thought it meant you both liked being in control and wanted to be in control of every aspect. Not the case.

Therefore, it really fits me.

I actually do NOT want to be this way. There are many, many things I do NOT want to be in control of. Someone told me a couple weeks ago, "You can be in charge of everything I don't care about or screw up on" and I immediately started laughing like "What an incredibly pompous thing to say". Then, after thinking about it, my opinion shifted to "Actually, sounds kinda good to me...".

And I would love to be more spontaneous. I'm so scared I'm holding my kids back from adventures they should be taking but aren't due to my being afraid of what may happen. Of course, there's a line. But I want them to explore. To have fun.

"Why do you over think things so much?". Ummmmmmmm...I just want to make sure I'm exploring all angles so I know I've eliminated all aspects of negativity/danger. ::::blank stare:::: Then it was like I stepped out of my body, heard what I said and went, "Whaaaaaaaaaaat??? Are you serious?!!".

So when do you decide it's okay to let go? When is it appropriate to just go, "Whatever...here I go."?

I think it can be held in direct proportion to the probability of someone getting hurt. If it's only you, and you're okay with the possibility of getting hurt, then it's only your fear holding you back.

And that's where I get lost. Fear of WHAT exactly? There are very few things I'm interested in doing that actually have the potential of causing death! So really...what's my hold-up? ME. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone. And why? I do not want to look back on my life and wish I'd taken a chance at something.

Part of the 'fear' comes from feeling like I live my life in a fish bowl. Too many people watching. Questioning. Judging. At some point I'm going to press my face up against the glass and yell, "Move onto the next bowl and leave me alone already!"

I have the perfect opportunity to experiment with letting go at this point in my life. Obviously, my kids are my primary concern, but they have absolutely nothing to do with most of my fears of spontaneity. I would never do anything that would endanger them...obviously.

Maybe I'll gain a crazy amount of self-confidence soon and be the kind of person I really want to be. No regrets. Not caring what anyone is saying or thinking.

Maybe.....

BEING THANKFUL

Once again, enjoying the terrace this afternoon (as tomorrow I will NOT be able to since the weather is going to get yucky!). I ran so many errands today in such a short amount of time. Sometimes I even amaze myself. :-)

As I was driving around town, watching all the Christmas tree tents pop up left-and-right...I got excited. We get a real Christmas tree this year! I was told there's a new fangled contraption that helps you fill the water and check it...so I've got that to look forward to also. Not to mention lugging this thing up a set of stairs. FURTHER not to mention where in the flinging-flanging I'm going to put it. It will work out. Seems it always does.

I would have looked at you like you had two heads if you told me where I'd be this year in my life and that I would be fine. I would have said, "No...I'll be devastated and lost.". And obviously, in some ways I am. But I'm learning that's okay. God never leaves us. In fact, I was just reminded that it's in the toughest times of our lives when He's closer to us than ever.

He puts events, things, people and challenges in our lives that help us draw a new road map for our lives and help us along with the journey. I keep saying I've been surprised and amazed, and I really can't emphasize that enough. I never would have chosen this path. But honestly...I knew better than to ever think I wouldn't be okay. I'm a survivor. More than that...I'm learning to be an adventurer in my own life. And you think that would be scary (okay so it is...it's terrifying!). But slowly starting to trust in yourself and others starts creeping back in, whether you try for it to or not. It's just part of life. And I'm so eternally thankful for that.

The memory of past events slowly lose their sting. New memories help as a salve, to a degree.

So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I'm thankful for being open to "new". For not becoming bitter. For wanting to be better. For forgiveness and the power of a heart full of love versus hate. For being able to pay it forward. And for a great friend who is constantly reminding me to "let go and quit trying to be in charge of everything".

Easier said than done, but I really am trying now. And for the first time in a long time, I can see some headway.


Be Thankful
By Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.