SOMETIMES IT'S JUST...

A laid-back Saturday with your kids. Thankful one has a 3-hour playdate so you can have a little one-on-one with the other.

Baking cookies for your new neighbor, even though it's 'just' an apartment, it's still a home. And you welcome them to the fold.

Petting the soft, warm head of a certain dog that lays on your lap snoring like a chainsaw and wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for you taking her in and then be willing to let her go to a new family. But for now, she's here.

Cleaning your home, opening the windows, letting the cool and crisp air flow through to clean everything out. Everything.

Going with your friend to the emergency room because your daughter's best friend tripped on her way up your stairs to have a mommy/daughter girls night. Slight concussion...ugh. :(

A son who tells you, "You know it's only 10 days until your birthday?" Wow. Stunned. Might mention my birthday this year is the same as the release date for a video game he's been wanting. Doesn't matter...I'll take it.

Getting a Keurig coffee maker for only $50 thanks to mail-in rebates and a 20% off in-store coupon. Watching the kids make 5 cups of hot chocolate...just because they can.

Getting hateful texts for being honest.

Sitting down on a quiet night (other than the snoring from above-mentioned dog) and actually trying to figure out what I'm doing. Then having an epiphany...we all do the best we can.


And sometimes...sometimes it's just being. Being thankful. Not questioning every thing.

THE ONE YOU FEED

Have just always liked this...

BE HAPPY OR BE GONE

What makes you happy?

It's funny as we travel through life how certain things we used to put in that category are vastly different than what makes us happy today.

I remember when things like solving my Rubik's Cube, learning the lyrics to Rapper's Delight, getting my drivers license, going out on my first date...all made me burst with excitement. And my friends were right there beside me, laughing along. Encouraging. Accepting.

Today, I tend to feel questioned about the things that make me happy. Mind you, most of those questions come from within.

Does this affect my kids?

Does this adversely affect me?

Does this affect my job?

The list is endless. We are our own worse critic, aren't we? Most of the time, I'm just trying to figure it out myself.

I have a friend going through a divorce right now and she's getting questioned up-and-down, left-and-right by her friends. Yes. I told her. Yes, it happened (still does) to me and generally your best friends are just doing it out of a place of protection. The other people are just nosey.

The best advice I thought of to give her is some I wasn't even taking myself for the longest time.

Be happy and try to stop looking over your shoulder. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Put your kids welfare first-and-foremost, but do NOT forget about you. Every single one of your friends who are there for you 24/7 now will eventually not be there as much. And that's okay! They aren't supposed to be. They have their own lives. But do not let them apply their logic, their priorities and what they 'would be doing in your shoes' to how you live your life. You are now walking a very different road and having to discover a new you. Simply put, there is absolutely no way they can put themselves in your shoes.

It took me awhile to get here. I used to be so worried about...well...everything. What will people think? What would they do in this situation? I'm bound to make mistakes, are they going to judge and define me because of the mistakes?
The answers?

Who cares.
There's no way they can honestly say.
Absolutely.

Some people are just going to feel like they have all the answers (they don't). They have an opinion on everything. Where I should live. Who I should go out with. Where money should be spent and where it shouldn't. Ugh.

I'd like to think that even in the 'best' of houses/families, we all have our issues. If you aren't minding what's going on in your business...who is?

She laughed and said, "See? I knew you'd get it!"

And I do. But...now I just choose to not let it all define who I am. While I am divorced, I'm not alone. I'm a single-mom, but I also have a career and friends. I no longer feel the need to defend my decisions. And I don't question others about theirs.

I've got my own house to tend to, thank you very much.

And my house, issues and all, is a happy one. So...I must be doing something right.

KARMA NEVER LOSES AN ADDRESS

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the type of person who apologizes. It doesn’t bother me to say, “I was wrong and I am really sorry”. Especially as I’ve gotten older (and wiser!) and discovered just how important of a role an apology plays in relationships. Whatever kind of relationship it is. Friendship. Family. Love.

We all do things in life we regret. So as we are taught in kindergarten, when you do something that hurts someone (intentional or not)…you apologize. It’s simply the right thing to do.

At least for some people.

These 'some people' either just don’t think they are wrong or are too hard-headed to apologize. Pride gets in the way.  Immaturity. Whatever. And to be honest, the apology would be disingenuous anyway, so who needs that? Don’t waste my time.

I’ll be blunt here. I got really mad the other day about having never received an apology from someone who frankly…owes me more than an apology. But hey…it would be a start. This person very quickly apologized to someone else and I was left a little dumb-founded. Granted, when comparing the actions being apologized for…the action toward me would be an iceberg hit by the Titantic and the action toward the other person would be a Sonic ice cube. So you can see why I was mad.

“Hang on…You’re apologizing for that and you never apologized to me for THAT?!”

And then I started thinking, “Wait. Why am I mad?”

Does the word sorry really mean anything at this point? Can that one word erase all the many purposeful and downright hateful actions?

Of course it can’t. And especially at this point, it never will.

So it would seem here the problem is mine and mine alone to get over. Just because I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I’d done something to hurt someone and did nothing to make it right, doesn’t mean everyone else is that way. Aren’t I the one always telling my kids how “we are all made different and be glad we are! Otherwise we’d be a population of robots.”? Yes, that’s what I tell them.

So apology is no longer necessary. I suppose it never really was. I’ll never ‘get-over’ the actions anyway. Those actions have become very tightly woven into the fabric of what makes me who I am today.

Something to think about…what you put into the world comes back to you. How you live your life ultimately determines what kind of life you will have.