FILLING UP MY SPRAY BOTTLE

I've often told people my blog is a form of therapy for me. And it is.

Today it really is. If I don't actually type this out, I'm going to blurt it out. Very inappropriately. Hurt people's feelers. Everything I don't want to do, but since I'm beyond fed up with this particular area of life...it's gotta come out.

Boundaries Part 1: Language

This boundary thing in general has been a major struggle in my past. And, truth be told, I'm still working on it. I'm sure we are all, given the fact we aren't perfect.

But people stepping over boundaries I'm working hard at putting in place are driving me bananas.

There's been a new batch of moms and their kids who have moved in our apartment complex (God, please make it where I can get out of here sooner rather than later) and let's just say, we don't have a lot in common.

What used to be a fun time at the pool with the kids, has turned into a booze-fest and 'let's see who can use the most foul language very loudly' time. Ladies (and I use that term loosely in this regard) your trashy language makes you look trashy. There's no two-ways about it. There's no gray area. And I'm not alone in this.

Several people, both men and women...young and older...even kids, just looked at these women like, Do you actually think it makes you sound funny? Or younger? Or classy? No...definitely not classy. It sure doesn't make you sound smart. Or cute. And definitely NOT funny.

Yes, kids were around, but even if they weren't. Grow up. There's just no excuse. Saying, "It's just the way I talk" or "It's just who I am" doesn't make it any better.

And don't get me wrong...I use my share of x-rated language. But NOT in public and NOT around kids. On the phone with a friend? Yes. At home when I stub my toe? Absolutely.

As Dr. Nancy says, "Women (and men) at that age who use that language, especially in public, or use words/phrases that are simply inappropriate are lacking in intelligence and maturity. No matter how many degrees they may possess or what they may have received on their SAT, it's a sign of what's to come and a red-flag-warning as to their extreme lack of boundaries." Dr. Nancy's advice: That behavior isn't changing anytime soon...move on. It's a sign of a bigger issue as an adult.

Unfortunately, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my kids away from these types of people. I know part of it is just something they will have to deal with. I mean, you can't completely control their environment (nor do I even want to) and being exposed to negatives offers lessons.

And no this isn't because I'm getting older. This boundary extends beyond ages. It has more to do with character. (And some people's lack thereof.)

So can we pass a law to just carry a spray bottle with us and squirt them square in the face when they start this? Kind of like when a dog barks. ::::squirt squirt squirt:::: SHUT IT!

I guess I feel a little better.

Boundaries Part 2: Relationships, is coming up next.

You know...because I'm an all-out EXPERT on this topic. HA!

So much for therapy. I guess today was more of a soapbox.

OH NO HE DI'INT

I've always prided myself on being a low-maintenance woman.

My wardrobe generally comes from Target, not Macy's or some boutique. Manicures lose out every time to field trip funds. My tan comes by virtue of finding time by the apartment pool or my Neutrogena spray tan in a bottle.

So today when a man called me 'high maintenance', I almost spit my drink all over him.

Excuse me? What did you say?

   You are, Terri. You're high maintenance.

Are you kidding me? I mean, you've got to be joking right now. You are joking, right?

   No, I'm not. From everything you've just said - High Maintenance. And he just laughed as if he had just told me the sun rises every day in the east and sets every day in the west and how could I not know this obvious information.


Let's backtrack, shall we?

We were having lunch, talking about what I expect from a man. From a partner. Actually the word I used was a "gentleman".

I stated that I have raised the bar in certain areas of my life. The way the person I'm in a relationship with treats me and the way I treat them was one of them. Why start off low THEN raise the bar and expect the person to do or say things they never did in the past when you first started out. I mean, where's this coming from? You were okay with it for the first six months!

Case in point: Opening the door for a woman. I think (now) that it is simply the right thing to do. It's being a gentleman.

I got met with, "Yeah sure, if it's a special date night, but if not...why can't you just open the door by yourself?"

That's not the point. The point is I appreciate being treated that way. Like, 'Here...you go first.'

    And that's where you become high maintenance.

How? How is that high maintenance?! I'm NOT high maintenance. You're just wrong. I don't expect everything to be done for me.

    Again that's it...high maintenance. You just said earlier you can get your own oil changed in your car, etc (yes, yes I had named several things earlier in the conversation I can do all-by-myself)  ...so how does that equal out? I mean how is a man supposed to know where one line ends and another begins as far as your independence? Should I do this? Will it offend her or does she in fact expect me to do it?  (And here's where the big, giant, stadium-sized light in my head illuminated with the intensity of a thousand suns). Terri...it's not the big things, or the obvious things that make you high maintenance. You're not that kind of high maintenance. It's the little things. The shades of gray.

Holy crap and crap. Could he actually be right? I can see where that would be confusing. And so I had to state the obvious.

Oooohhhh. I see where you're coming from. I never thought of it that way. But I can still drive my own damn car up to Jiffy Lube. And I still want the door opened for me.

    I'd make you open it yourself.

Then someone like you wouldn't make the cut.

    You got that right.

And I'm still not the kind of 'high maintenance' most people are talking about with that term.

    Oh my gosh.......stop.

So, yeah. I can maybe, kinda see where he MAY have been coming from on all this.



Always remember and never forget: Women are not moody. We simply have days when we are less inclined to put up with you.

LUCKY, LAST MONDAY

I woke up the kids this morning not with my usual song...but with the declaration of "this is the last official Monday of school...get up people!"

Woooohoooooooooo!!!

Next Monday is Memorial Day and they don't have school, therefore...last Monday. Talk about some happy kiddos. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Yeah...you're about to start the whole 'I'm bored!' thing, in which case I'm about to implement the whole 'If you say you're bored during the summer you have to clean something'." This has been a standing rule in our house for a couple years now.

So while summer 'vacation' is getting ready to start for them....summer 'juggling act' is about to start for me. That's fine. I've gotten creative with them before in order to keep them entertained while I work full-time. But right now, as we head out the door on their 'last Monday', all I can think of is the potential sales out there just waiting for me and how the one thing, outside of the kids, that really gets me excited is my job. You may just see it as money...I see it as rent, insurance, food, kids future, upcoming braces...you name it. Money isn't a luxury for me and hasn't been for awhile. It's my oxygen and water.

As we walk downstairs and head toward the car, I spot her. Brightly shining in the early morning sun. Just lying there. Beckoning me. Waiting for ME to pick her up.

Little Miss Heads-Up on a Monday Morning Lucky Penny.

Without counting too many chickens before they hatch, I will go ahead and say I love this little penny. And NOW momma is as happy as her two kiddos.

So far, a good 'last' Monday for all.

BEING CHICKEN SHIT SHOULD BE A SIN

In everything I do, I try to be upfront.

There's been occasions when I had to make tough choices about exactly how to go about it when it's involved my kiddos and other people's children. I've had to make those decisions based on what is best in regard to my children while definitely keeping the others kids in mind also. In that scenario, it's a tough thing to do and when it comes down to it, as parents, we are all here to look out for the well-being of our children. You simply can't make everyone happy in this case. someone will always say, You should have..." or "I would have...". Truth be told, they don't have all the facts no matter how much they think they do so it is impossible to say that.

But...when it's not concerning kids, it's a clear choice. Or at least it should be.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a position where being 'upfront' involves the possibility of hurting someone else's feelings. (Or as I like to call them 'feelers', but that would probably be insensitive in this case, so we'll go with the aforementioned word of feelings).

I watched one of my fave shows last night, Modern Family, and Phil was trying to fire his brother-in-law. Ironically, the BIL wanted to quit anyway, but the stress it brought to Phil having to do and say something that would hurt someone else made me think, "Yeah...I know that feeling."

I never EVER want to hurt someone. I actually go to lengths to avoid it. However, I've been on the receiving end of someone not being totally upfront with me before and believe me...in the long run...it hurts way worse when you try and spare the others feelings than when you just come out and say, "This is what's going on and you're worth it to me to tell you. No matter how uncomfortable it may be."

And I'll even go you one further...it's chicken shit. It is. It is the one having to deliver said 'bad news' who just doesn't want to deal with the emotions, possible negative feelings, questions...you name it. But guess what? That's part of life. Put on your big girl panties, polish your danglers, whatever...do it. And if they decide to cut you out of their life for you being honest, they weren't worth it in the first place. That being said, there's a wrong way and a right way to complete this task.

Remember, on occasion, honesty can hurt. Not to imply it's necessary to be hateful or mean, because it's not. At all. But it doesn't help matters to beat around the bush. Say what you need to say in a mature, calm, well-thought-out manner. Be prepared for questions that may arise. Emotions that may come to the surface. Accusations of why this is happening. We prepare for important business meetings, why don't we prepare to deliver news that could potentially be bad or at least surprising to someone? Shouldn't that just be a common courtesy?

It's not always the easy thing to do. But it's the right thing to do.

Sometimes I really hate being right.

Always remember and never forget: "Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it's faced." ~JBaldwin