HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES

My iPhone might as well of sounded like a tornado siren this morning. I was not prepared for it. After only and hour and a half of sleep, it was not a welcome tone.

Ben was up coughing all night. All night. Around 3:00 a.m. I felt his forehead for fever and it felt normal, so I still hoped a trip to school the next day was on the schedule.

Not so much.

Fever reared it's head around 7:00 a.m. at which time I delivered the bad news. To everyone.

For Ben:

"I'm sorry buddy. I know you've been looking forward to the district-wide choir performance (scheduleD, of course, for tonight), but you aren't going to be able to go."

For Me:

"I'm sorry Terri...that productive day you had planned in spite of insomnia and a sick child is going to be chopped into segments. Good luck."

And the worst for last...for Belle:

"I'm sorry Belle, but your brother is sick and won't be going to school."

Silence. Stomping to her bedroom ensues. Mumbling under her breath is heard. Then she reappears.

"How come Ben always gets to stay home sick?"

"Because he's been sick."

"That's not fair."

"Why not?"

"Because he gets to stay home sick."

:::note the words 'get' and 'sick'::: Enough said. It's 8-year-old logic, people.

My sweet Ben says, "I'm sorry you have to go to school alone Shelby. I wish I was going, too. But I hope you have a good day and I'll see you when you get home."

Really? Did he once again just bow to her totally selfish behavior? Wasn't it enough when he got HER stickers last week when HE went to the doctor? When he bought her...with his own money...some Valentine's candy CVS had marked down when HE went to Minute Clinic to get a strep test?

Neon light! Red flag! Whatever you want to call it...his kind heart is actually telling her if you treat me like crap, I'll buy you stuff. NO MORE.

And her response to his sweet farewell as she left for school, you ask?

"ehhhhhhhhhhh....whatever."

"What? Isn't there something else you'd like to tell your brother?"

"Ummmmmmmmmm....I love you???" said ever-so disingenuously.

We get in the car and as luck (or what we like to call Instant Discipline from God) would have it, she opens the car door and slams her fingers between the door and a pillar next to the car.

"Owwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!"

"What happened?"

Crying. "I smashed my fingers!"

"Ehhhhhhhhh....whatever. Get in."

She stares at me knowing good-and-well where that last remark came from.

(Oh she was fine...quit judging!)

So I start in on Be Nice To Your Brother Lesson #32,405.

"You better watch how you treat him, Shelby. You're going to need him the rest of your life. Plus, he is really sick. Where's your heart?" Then trying to emphasize the point, I embelish. "You never know...you could come home and he could be in the hospital because he has pneumonia or something. You'd feel horrible."

She slowly turns her head toward me.

"Mom. Really?! He is NOT going to the hospital."

"You don't know that. You don't know everything."

"Well, I may not know everything, but it's highly unlikely."


Damnit. All I can hope for now is she is given guilt throughout the day at school. What? She needs to be nice to him!

Thankfully, her heart grew two sizes today and tonight...she made me proud.

And really, in the car she made me proud.

Yep...She totally called me on that. She basically said, "Woman...I am NOT falling for the drama. Take it elsewhere."

But tonight, as Ben's coughing started up again, she appeared in his doorway. Offering water. Offering a wet wash rag. Offering help. Offering love.

"Hey Ben. I DO love you, you know. Sorry about this morning."

"I know..." cough...cough...cough. "I love you, too." cough cough cough

She smiles and starts to walk out. Then, in true Shelby fashion, takes control. "Well...I bet I love you more!"

"I bet you do too." cough cough cough

SCORE ONE FOR THE BOY!

I love you with all I am, sweet Belle. But you had that one coming, my love. :)

I guess you're teaching him girls can be crazy, hot messes and he's starting to show you, love tolerates some things, but not everything.

Be nice. It really is easy.

ACCOUNTABILITY

I'm having one of those nights (well, now mornings) when I just can't sleep.

Goodness knows I'm tired enough. But my brain isn't cooperating with my body. My body gave in hours ago. My brain is still churning.

It's jumping between various subjects.

The sick boy I have in the other room, who despite being on an antibiotic the past seven days for a sinus infection, has now developed a hacking cough and slight fever.

The fact I need to start making more money, as the bills keep coming in like tsunami waves hitting a small island with no mountains offering an option for retreat.

How I rarely get to see those I love due to a type of crazy-tight schedule only a few people understand.

That I need to start exercising more (again). Seems I'm in a cycle of not being in shape and being too tired to workout. I know the exercise will help the fatigue. It's just getting up the energy to exercise. Same song, 143,502nd verse.

But mainly my brain is thinking about people. Why we do what we do. How more listening and less talking never hurt anyone. How judgemental, untrusting, unfaithful and dishonest people still get to me.

I just don't, and never will, get some people. Especially those who claim to be on "your side". Or at least say they are. Then their actions show the exact opposite. I can't tell you how many times over the past couple years I've become accutely attuned to people claiming one thing and doing another.

And I'm not talking the occasional slip up. We all do that. Goodness knows I have. But I also apologize when I slip. When that apology is forgiven...I'm grateful and know I've chosen to have someone in my life who also gets THEY aren't perfect. Recognizes we all have our days or misunderstandings. But when the apology is not forgiven, or even ignored (and this has only happened to me only once), I know I've done all I can and it's time to move on. As Ang says, "That ball is no longer in your court, T. You've done all you can do...all God expects you to do...move on." Sometimes honesty will only get you as far as what the other person chooses to, or is capable of, believing.

But for those who exhibit a constant pattern of behavior that is so contrary to who they claim to be or what they say they want out of life, it's only natural for those of us observing to keep our distance. It's what we do to protect ourselves, as well as the ones we love. Caution kicks in and Momma Bear instinctively goes into protective mode.

I've learned to watch. I've learned I don't have to say, "I know you aren't being honest with me" and just let the person continue, because not only does it free me from the drama...it shows their true colors.

I have to admit, there's a sadness to listening to someone tell you something that you absolutely know isn't the truth. These days, I find myself listening and thinking, "Surely you don't think I'm this naive. Or maybe you just think your lie is brilliant? Regardless, I'm curious to see just how far you will take this...".

It's something I've never done in the past. In the past, I would've fronted them out. Now...I watch. I listen. And my Momma Bear alarm sounds because it's not just me I'm looking out for.

I have two kids counting on me to make the best decisions possible for our lives. And the fact I know in my gut I won't always make the best decision is a hard pill to swallow. Saying otherwise would be calling myself perfect and I'm not.

But showing them with not just words, but also actions, is what I try to do every day. Honesty is a good start. Mean what you say and say what you mean. That's where character is built and respect is earned. I now get that sometimes it's more difficult for others to hear the truth. They'd rather reason an excuse in their heads.

The truth always...and I mean always...comes out. It's a very, very small world. Just because I'm not calling you on it doesn't mean I'm stupid or ignorant. On the contrary.

However, if the 'truth' you are looking for is regarding someone else's personal life...move on. Because if they haven't told you, either they aren't ready to discuss it or it's none of your business. Or both. They aren't necessarily hiding anything. They just may choose to talk about happier things than get bogged down on any negatives or drama. Having to deal with it is pain enough. Then to be questioned about it is just insensitive.

None of your business, by the way, isn't an insult. It's a fact.

Not everyone has a blog for you to read and get insight on them. Obviously, I write one, but it's not for you. It's for me. And one day, for my kids. I'd never write anything (at least not on this blog...I save that for my anonymously-authored blog!) so intensely personal about my life that it would come back and slap me. I'm not completely in the dark on that. Seriously?!

If you don't like what I write, it's very simple. Stop reading it. But if you do continue to read it, don't read 'into' it.

I see the visits/hits I'm getting. I see where you are. If you have a question, ask me. No problem. There's a place for comments. Feel free to leave one.

Just always remember and never forget: Only you are in charge of making yourself happy. In essence, you are the author of your circumstances in life and the only one with that pen. Don't blame others if your plot isn't going the way you think it should be.

YOUR SKIN, YOUR BONES & THE HOLLOW OF YOUR HEART

Serendipity:
ser·en·dip·i·ty (srn-dp-t)

 

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.

3. An instance of making such a discovery.

 

 

Have you seen the movie? If not...get it. Rent it. Whatever...watch it.

One of my favorite quotes in the world came from this movie and I didn't even see the movie for the first time until a couple years ago.

 

In fact, thanks to the magic of my blogging, I can tell you exactly the first time I saw it...because I wrote about it. It was Monday, August 9, 2009. And I remember the exact circumstances in my life.

The quote is by the Greek philosopher Epictetus.

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”

In other words, don't live your life in fear. Dare to dream. Dare to see what others don't. In circumstances. And yes, even in people.

It's amazing to me that I wrote about almost the exact same thing so long ago and I as I read back over the post, I recognized the person who wrote it.

I remember her. She's even stronger now. And she is daring to dream. She's daring to be thought foolish and yes, even stupid.

Way more foolish and stupid than she ever thought she would be.

And I mean that in the most positive way possible.

I'm good. Life is tough sometimes. But it's good.

Don't go back. Don't pretend. And definitely, don't deny it.

Whatever "it" may mean to you.

 

 

RANDOM VALENTINE'S DAY TALK

I've always been a night-owl. Thankfully, I have a few friends who are also. So after our kids are out for the night, we get an opportunity to catch up. The conversations may get deep. May revolve around life-changing issues. May involve stressful situations we need help compartmentalizing into "You could've handled that better..." or "You are right. Don't budge". The occassional relationship advice or parenting tips.

And sometimes...well sometimes...they're more to the point.

And so, ladies and gents, this is but just ONE example of why Kim's a keeper in my life.

LOVE HER!