What's your priority? Do you have one? Now...is it really your priority or do you just know it *should* be your priority? The way you live your life tells the truth about it. You can say what you want and try and market your life the way you want it to be. But the things you do, the things you say, the people you surround yourself with, how you treat others...it's all a neon light focused squarely on the truth.
I heard this song (see bottom) for the first time today. Yes, it's probably been out awhile considering the soundtrack. No, I'm not always at the top of the list as far as knowledge on what's new and what's not. But I mean c'mon...I work about 10 hours a day, as well as transporting two kids here-and-there, do consulting work also, homework, shopping, housework...etc! Blah blah blah...single mom stuff! It's what it is and it's actually quite grand, albeit busy.
What I can tell you is this song reminded me of the fact I may not have known where I was going in the past, but I'm pretty sure I've ended up where I'm supposed to be.
A couple years ago, I made what probably seems to most a strange declaration. "I've changed". True prayer and faith can do that (come to find out). I wanted to be happy. I wanted my kids to be happy and have all they deserved. I felt it happen. I physically felt it. Excited with my new-found outlook on what life could be, I shared this amazing feeling and...I dealt with doubters. Because I mean c'mon..who really changes who they want to be in life that quickly?
Answer: Only those who desperately and honestly want it.
I want to be self-sufficient. Entirely. I know the financial part of that goal won't happen over night, but I AM proud of the ground-work I'm laying. Brick-by-brick. I am proud of the intruders I've been able to keep out of mine and the kids' lives who do not have the same intentions of love and faith. I'm thankful to the people who have helped me along that path. I'm not looking to have an endless supply of dollars in the bank. What I am looking to have is an endless supply of people around me and my kids who love us unconditionally. Purely. Completely. Unquestionably. Honestly. Always honestly. There are no versions of honesty. And I have absolutely no respect for those who don't live by that rule. It's cowardice.
I've been on this road for a long time. I just didn't know it until a couple years ago. It all comes down to the core of what you believe and the courage (I'm talking the kind it takes to make the tough calls and put others...especially your children...before yourself) to do-what's-right. Period. No excuses. Not many people at all do that these days. They make arguments for what they have coming to them versus lowering their shoulders and doing what it takes. Everyone is different. I just know I've got two little beings watching every move I make.
PRIORITIES. FAITH.
I'm headed toward 100% because that's where I (and two kids) need to me to be. It's where I want to be and I made that choice. Yes...CHOICE.
It is so true what they say about when your kids are born. How you can't imagine loving something so completely at first glance. Ben and Shelby...I can't believe it's possible, but I love you more every, single day and will do absolutely anything and everything to give you a happy life. I probably won't be able to promise you an easy life, but I'll do my best to give you the tools to deal with the valleys. If anyone ever tells you life should be easy, laugh in their face. It will not be easy.
It will be worth it. Every. Bit. Of. It.
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